


Splitting The Difference

by Lanfear



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Alien characters will be human...ish, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alternate Universe, F/F, F/M, Gen, M/M, No Reapers, Omegaverse, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-27
Updated: 2014-05-09
Packaged: 2017-12-30 15:51:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 20
Words: 142,406
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1020536
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lanfear/pseuds/Lanfear
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In 2021, Earth was ravaged by an unknown genetic anomaly that targeted humanity. While it wasn't terminal, it did have one devastating consequence; it left humanity as a whole, sterile. With millions of people dying every year and their numbers dwindling, humanity became desperate for a cure of any kind. After years of research and experimental, genetic alterations, humanity regained the ability to reproduce, though at the cost of their previous definitions of gender. So was created, the Omegaverse.</p><p>Now, almost a hundred and sixty years past that point, the world is still trying to parse out their new designations and roles. So much of what was done in desperation is still being discovered and controlled, quantified and labelled. With almost two-thirds of Earth's population gone since then, and with an entirely new form of gender type, how will the Alphas, Betas and Omegas carve their places in society? And what will this mean for two men in particular who are still struggling with their pre-determined fates, Kaidan and Shepard?</p><p> </p><p>  <b>Now with art! By... ME!</b></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Alrighty!
> 
> Firstly, I'd like to thank you all for you patience. I know I said I was only going to take a week or so off before I started writing again. There have been some... major changes in my life since that announcement. Both good and bad. And absolutely, soul-wrenchingly terrible. I had absolutely no drive or motivation to write at all, and I did not want my devastated mood to influence the work that I would write for all of you, sweet readers. So I held back. And lost some great ideas in the process.
> 
> This is my first look into the Omegaverse (originally introduced to myself by the AO3 author Scutter). It was such a fresh and exciting concept that it haunted me for months and left such an impression that I really wanted to try my hand at exploring this world.
> 
> Bear in mind, that the emphasis on this will not be solely on sex. Oh, there will be LOTS of it, have no fear (at least as much as I can squeeze in) but in all honesty, what fascinates me the most is just the... everything that would work in this type of universe. The mechanics and relationships, ideas of prejudice and interactions, dominance and contextual concepts. I'll get a little... introspective at times. Perhaps even look at, and make mirrored comparisons, to our real life societal conventions in the form of Omegaverse fiction. I hope that it won't be too dry for all of you. But honestly, if you want to read Omegaverse sex stories, there are HUNDREDS here in the archives and they are better, hotter and sexier than anything that I could possibly come up with. I wanted to try my hand at something... a little different.
> 
> And so, here I am. :).
> 
> Like I mentioned before, I did have everything planned out, organized and plotted. But I lost a great deal of it after the last 2 weeks. So honestly, I will be making some things up as I go along. I hope that you all won't mind. I still have the basic idea, I just... am not too sure how to put it all together at the moment. Chapters will initially be a little slow. I have my final semester exams up in around 2-3 weeks. So not much time to write. But when I find the time (I WILL find the time for all of you), then I will. So thank you again for your support and patience. I hope you'll enjoy reading this!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DISCLAIMER: I do not, in any way, own any of the characters, settings and references to the Mass Effect Universe. These are the property of Bioware's Mass Effect Series. The plot points and development as well as original characters and additional development are my own. I am in no way associated with EA Games or Bioware and do not have any rights to their property, no copyright infringement is intended.  
> The characters and events in this story are fictitious, any similarity to real persons, either living or dead, are coincidental at best and not intended by me.

His fist slammed roughly into the thin metal door before him, denting the already injured metal further and adding another scar to the scroll of stories that were etched along its sides throughout the years. Feeling slightly ashamed, yet satisfied, at taking out his anger and pique on an inanimate, defenceless object, Kaidan balled his throbbing fist at his side so that he could tuck the sensation of pain away while denying himself the need to lash out at the locker's door again.

Taking a deep breath, Kaidan pulled against the locking mechanism with his other hand, almost casually switching it to open and then yanking the door almost off its hinges and revealing its contents to the small, peaceful room around him that had paid him just as little mind as they did the painted, peeling walls. They were more focused on the television before them.

Kaidan snorted to himself as he pulled out the pieces that he had collected over the few years that he'd been here. A medal. A tattered old piece of a uniform that he couldn't quite recall. All he knew was that it gave him solace and comfort every time he held on to it and it had the faintest echo of a scent that seemed to almost recall that memory. He threw it into this bag just as roughly as the paraphernalia that he had stowed away in this particular locker, a frayed pack of playing cards. A small, cheap trophy that he'd won during a drinking game that he had played with his first batch of recruits and privates. Small keepsake pictures and notes, little handwritten memories and foci that he had always wanted to throw away and had never found the time or will power to do. He would resolve to do that soon enough.

The noise from the program filtered through unwelcome, as Kaidan reached in deeper and began to empty his personal locker of its more aged contents.

"So Professor," a feminine voice rolled out gracefully, "I think, that a little bit of context would be necessary for us to understand where you're coming from with your arguments."

"Of course m'dear," a gruff, elderly voice boomed out. "I suppose the concept stems naturally from our more... dramatic past."

"Oh?" The woman asked quizzically and the insincerity of it all set Kaidan's teeth on edge as he continued to dump articles into his tattered, scruffy bag at his feet.

"Yes," the Professor heaved with a dramatic sigh, "Ever since humanity pushed the limits too far, ever since their genome was re-written due to massive biological alterations in utero, did we reach one of the greatest cataclysms that humanity has ever faced."

"Isn't that a little... dramatic, Professor?" the female reporter asked.

"Not at all, Miss Allers," the Professor quipped back. "Why, the infertility rates were pointing towards the entire extinction of the human race within two generations. Simply put, we would not be here today, having this interview, had mother nature herself not intervened and seen fit to correct the mistakes of her errant children."

A brief pause and whispered voices had Kaidan looking out of the corner of his eye, back still turned to the assembled soldiers who were munching on their rations and lazing around the recreational mess, just barely taking in the glowing square that had everyone so fixated.

"And now we have..." Allers put a little uncertainly, though her eyes gleamed with rehearsed emotion.

"And now," the Professor elaborated, "We have a biological diversity that hasn't been seen in any other species that currently exists on our planet. Or any that have come before, I dare say. Truth be told, this next step of humanity's evolution has more than secured our continued progression toward the numbers that we need to stabilize our societies and return a level of infrastructure that we haven't seen since... that dreadful time."

"Is it a worry," Allers said after an appropriate pause, "That our... improvements might lead us to reach a level of over population that might surpass what we saw before the last two centuries?"

"The possibilities exist of course," the Professor admitted a little uncertainly, "But with technological advancements as they are now, combined with our deeper focus on societal bonds, we should not see such numbers arise again, despite the... improved efficiency of our biology."

"So about these... Alphas and Omegas..." Allers put in with hesitation but the Professor cut her off interrupting the reporter before she had a chance to finish.

"Come now, Miss Allers," the Professor admonished kindly, "There's no reason for such uncomfortable consideration of such terminology. Unlike we Betas, the Alphas and Omegas are the backbone of humanity now. Without their prolific actions, we would not have recovered so quickly from our--"

"Many could argue that perhaps such inherent 'prolific natures' as you put it, could eventually lead to something even worse," Allers said quietly.

The Professor seemed a little impatient with his reply, almost as if he wanted to get this part over and done with so that they could go back to exploring the breadth of his knowledge.

"Yes, there have been arguments," the Professor conceded, "Both for and against! Still, we've had no absolute, concrete study that can show the vices outweighing the benefits! Even after a hundred and fifty years of constant exposure, of overlapping societies and distinct interactions, we know almost nothing about the details between each sub-gender. Why are the Alphas so dominant? Why are Omegas seen as breeding stock rather than equal partners?"

"I don't think..." Allers began but the Professor wouldn't be swayed.

"These concepts are almost primordial in nature," he seemed to rant and Kaidan could only wonder how desperate the studio must have been to get a crackpot lunatic like that to come on and talk about things that he had absolutely no idea on how to handle. "It would be an unflattering comparison, but animalistic structures do exist in parallels alongside what we see today between the Alpha and Omega relationships. In fact, one could argue that such actions have further cemented our position as a dominant, sexual species that-"

"Turn that shit off," a sand-papery growl crawled through the air and it took Kaidan a moment before he realized that the sound came from him.

The menacing whisper did what the metallic banging did not, drawing everyone's attention away from the interview and having some of the younger recruits jumping at the distinctive sound of their commanding lieutenant's voice.

Ex-commanding lieutenant, Kaidan corrected himself.

"Sir?" A young marine ventured cautiously, obviously not too aware of how volatile he could get under the right circumstances.

"I said turn that shit off," Kaidan said again with quiet force, turning slightly to face the younger man and bearing down on him with the full imposing weight of his authority. The soldier reacted as Kaidan expected, swallowing a nervous swallow as he unconsciously stepped back away from Kaidan's overbearing form, despite the younger man having at least a couple of inches and pounds of muscle on him.

"With all due respect, sir," the young man said again, false bravado strengthening his spine, "It's just a news show. I mean, there's no harm in-"

Before common sense could dictate his actions, Kaidan sprung forward on bunched muscles, moving across the space of several feet in a dull blur that seemed to trace the air. He grabbed the young man by the collar and felt the muscles along his arms tighten as he bunched them up, feeling them strain against his sleeves as he lifted the marine with what looked like little effort.

"Perhaps you don't hear so well," Kaidan said with frightening nonchalance. The rest of the assembled group had gone deathly quiet, and the only other sound that seemed to carry on unheeding was the reporter Allers talking about the complex differences between Alpha and Omega biology that almost rendered them as separate species, in terms of behaviour. Kaidan didn't even bother filing away the information. He knew all too well the differences. "When your lieutenant tells you something, don't you think it's a good idea to do it?"

A choked gurgle sounded in the brittle silence and Kaidan squeezed his hands together, bunching the tightening collar further over the marine's throat and squeezing out even more of young man's air.

"I don't think I heard you," Kaidan purred, drawing nearer to the young Beta and almost pressing himself up against the man's neck. This close he could almost smell the lack of pheromones on the young man and a hard knot began to build in his chest, demanding release. Kaidan squeezed again, earning another choked out cough. "I said, I don't think I-"

"That's enough Alenko," a strong voice interrupted and Kaidan felt instinct claw its way through him at the recognition. All thoughts of further reprimanding the young man in his grip were forgotten and he absently let the marine drop unceremoniously to the ground, gasping for breath as he turned to the speaker who was directly behind him.

"Sergeant Harper," Kaidan said in a bored tone. The silence around them shattered as the other soldiers began to draw away, moving further out of reach and pulling the disorientated marine on the floor to safety and away from the two strong Alphas that they saw about to butt heads. Kaidan forgot everything around him as he casually placed his bunched fists into his pockets, staring daggers at the brash sergeant in front of him.

Sergeant Harper didn't seem affected in the least by Kaidan's sharp look and in fact, a small smile seemed to play itself across the man's face. Kaidan cursed the fact that of all the people in the mess to confront him, it had to be this man.

"Alenko," Harper breathed, inhaling a deep breath as he continued to maintain eye contact. "Commander Bailey gave you permission to clear out your shit. Not screw around with the rest of the camp. I don't think he'd mind providing an escort now, if I were to make the call." A gleam of triumph shone in the man's eyes and tone at the barb and Kaidan forced himself to bite back a growl, stilling his legs from pushing him onward and lashing out at the man.

"Yeah," Kaidan said, still maintaining his tone, "That's just what I was doing Harper. If you have time to-"

"That's Sergeant Harper to you, Alenko," Harper bit out in a stern voice, and once more Kaidan had to fight the instincts that swelled within him at the sound, at the tone. "You're done here. Get your shit together and pack your fucking crap up. Ride'll be here in ten."

Kaidan continued to stare down at the man, wanting more than anything to use his fist to wipe that little smirk off the man's face, but of everyone in the room, they were the only two that knew that something like that wasn't going to happen.

With a snort, Kaidan brushed the man aside, adding a little insult to the display by heading over to his personal locker and turning his back on the man, no longer considering him a threat that was worth keeping an eye on. And Harper knew it just as well as he did.

A slight narrowing of the Sergeant's eyes, a brief twitch across the man's lips and a slight grimace were all Kaidan could pull out of the man for the slight. Kaidan didn't bother to pay him any more attention as he stowed the last of his personal affects clumsily into his duffel. With the way his hands were shaking, it was a miracle that he hadn't spilled anything out of the confining material at his feet.

"Good boy," Harper whispered from behind him as he drew away and stalked out of the room's door. Kaidan felt a sharp pain on his lip, tasted the salty copper of his blood as it traced out of the wound that his teeth inflicted on his flesh. He drew back reflexively at the familiar sensation of pain and prodded along his bit lip tenderly with his tongue. That was going to be an annoyance, he thought with grim humour as he forced his jaw to further unclench itself. It soothed him, the physical pain a counterpoint to the massive conflict raging within him and it gave him something else to focus on.

The other marines and soldiers began to drift back to the program, all thoughts on the discussion now gone after that little stunt and Kaidan could just barely pick up the muttered conversations that swirled through the aftermath of what had almost become a melee. At least that was what they had probably thought.

"Fuckin' Alphas man," another marine whispered conspiratorially to one of his friends. "Don't need that kinda shit here in the camp. We Betas got no fuckin' chance if two Alphas are gonna throw down like that."

"Shut the fuck up, Mike," the female soldier replied, "He can still fuckin' hear you."

"Man, I don't give a shit anymore," Mike groused. "I can't wait to get me around some Betas. Nobody but Betas. Can't handle this Alpha dominance shit all the time. And the Omegas man... I swear, that last bill they passed? Fuckin' godsend man."

Kaidan clicked the lock shut as the last of the items were dumped into his bag. A small smile played across his split lip as the words washed over him and seemed to soothe some of the fiery temper within him. With practised motions, he bent over to carefully zip the thing shut, slowly raising himself up as he hoisted the over-sized item over his shoulders and proceeded to noisily stomp out. Silence reigned until he reached the doors that led to the rest of the compound, to the hallway that would lead him past the familiar, disassociated rooms that he'd been around for years.

Alpha dominance. Omega subservience.

Words that had been a part of his life since his birth, since he'd been fated to be a part of humanity that was a necessary blight that the rest didn't seem to want to associate with. Alphas were too aggressive and territorial, always lashing out and using brawn before brains. They commanded and led, fought and lived in excess physicality that had the Betas shunning them.

And then there were the Omegas. Quiet and passive, everything that the Alphas were not. Born to serve, born to be of service. Some Omegas were so intrinsically hardwired to be docile that they would even bend over and lick the boots of any Betas that had enough authority. It was a pleasure to surrender, the Omegas vowed, and Omegas were always taught to surrender.

At least, that was what everyone was taught about Alphas and Omegas who weren't them anyway.

Kaidan blinked several times as the harsh afternoon light filtered through the windows, the sun peeking down through the cloud cover to stab him in the eyes. The hallways seemed more constricting than usual as his thoughts wandered. So much memories and feelings were wrapped up in each step that he took, and he could almost feel the slight sucking pull on his boots as they clicked on the tiles, memories shucking themselves free of him. His time here was done now, another footnote in his otherwise unimpressive, traumatic life. It was a real shame, he was almost getting used to it.

Stepping up to the console that braced the exit, Kaidan pulled out his military identity card and absently swiped it along the detector, verifying his right to leave this hellhole. The machine pinged once, accepting his final goodbyes without any more fanfare than what he'd gone through in the recreation mess. He was a little grateful for that reprieve, but in all honesty, this was going to be the last time he'd look at this damn thing in his hands, a piece of plastic that seemed to think that it could encapsulate his complicated life within a thin piece of artificial material. He'd burn the damn thing first chance he got.

As the door hissed open, Kaidan adjusted his duffel across his shoulders once more and waited impatiently for the opening to present itself to him. He flipped the card in his hand, watching as the holo of himself stared back with baleful, unconcerned eyes.

Lieutenant Kaidan Alenko.

Date of birth, November 1, 2151 CE.

Blood type, O positive.

Gender designation, Male Omega.

A sharp crinkle sounded as he slipped out and he stuffed the ruined piece of plastic in his hand into his pocket as he stepped past the already closing door, uncaring of the warm trickle that teased its way across his slit palm.


	2. A Home of Wood

The cab's wheels crunched on the soil and gravel mixture that laced the front of the farmhouse. Kaidan would have preferred for the Quick Shuttle to just drop him off directly along the main road, followed with a patient and thought-filled walk up the drive way, but under the circumstances, getting dropped off at the nearest Commuter Port was the next best thing. With the loss of his military standing, he'd also lost the privileges that were associated with his position and rank and while he wasn't some pampered child who needed convenience handed to him, it would have left him with less time with his thoughts.

"You gettin' out here?" the solemn driver asked unnecessarily during his moment of quiet.

Kaidan chose to ignore the statement as he flicked his gaze over to the cab's meter and fished out a random assortment of notes and coins. Almost nobody used the things now, everything seemed to be revolving around the use of credit chits and credits in general, but he liked the feel of the faded, crisp paper in his hand and the steady weight of the cool coins.

While he measured out the payment for his ride, his eyes couldn't help but track the familiar curves and lines of the old farmhouse, one that had weathered years of damage, had been shored up, patched up and added upon. It looked nothing like what he recalled of his youngest years, but then again, the same was true for everything around him, himself included.

The walk up to the house was mundane, the sides littered with what looked like patchwork clumps of wildflowers, cultivated gems and an assortment of random grass stalks. They were his mother's pride and joy and so long as the sun rose and set, Emily Alenko would always come out as dusk would fall, wrapped up in her old and weathered gardening clothes, to tend the growing buds that brought her such serenity and comfort. That time was still a ways yet and he walked the paths of memory, tracing up the walk and over to the broad, white-washed steps that led up to the patio and the wooden door that would lead him to succour and warmth. The house was a two-storey affair and he had spent more than enough time on that balcony overlooking the main approach as well as the smaller one behind the house that watched over the vast fruit orchards that were the Alenko's pride and joy, money and life. While his mother found her solace in her gardening, so too did his father Martin Alenko, with the orchard.

"Keep the change," Kaidan quipped out simply, unable to find the exact amount that he was willing to part with. He was starting to tire of the driver's scrutiny and he wanted to get out of the confining metal vehicle as quickly as possible.

The man stared at the crumpled paper and circular metal discs like they were an anomaly from outer space and the slight quirking of the man's lips showed Kaidan of his disapproval with the ancient currency. Not that Kaidan cared of course. Rather than let the man attempt to barter him down to use his credit chit, Kaidan casually dropped the money on the slotted tray that was present along the partition between himself and the driver, not waiting for the click of it shutting before he pulled himself out and heaved his duffel and a heavier, more robust bag out with him.

Kaidan gazed at the building and the adjoining barn and work shed just a ways off even as the cab drove off in a huff, spraying moist soil across his scratched boots. He didn't care. He had been used to far worse treatment before and this was nothing even worth considering, let alone dwelling on. He hoisted his burdens up, feeling the straps of his luggage bite into his shoulders even as he begun the walk up.

To the left of the house stood the Old Tree as it was affectionately known in his youth, a large, wide-crowned monstrosity that was sturdy and wide, thick and strong. He'd climbed along those worn branches and swung from those comforting fingers of wood. Tree houses and bone-breaking falls, everything that would be associated with a carefree, unadulterated child-hood for anyone else. Anyone else but him, he thought grimly as the thought intruded.

He sighed his frustration and cursed the ease with which his mind tended to move away from the direction that he set it on and he stubbornly wrestled it back toward the present and away from the past.

Kaidan gripped his duffel even harder, feeling the straps bite into the bandage around his palm, which pressed down on the wound there. The pain wasn't comfortable and it wasn't welcome, but it was a familiar sensation and it fixed him in the present. But it wouldn't be enough. So his eyes wandered even as his feet lifted themselves up mechanically, trudging with weighted steps toward the ever nearing door. The tractor was out, which meant that his father was planning on making a trip through the orchard to inspect the budding new growth. The air was relatively warm, though the barest nip of cold reminded him how long he'd been away from Vancouver and its freezing weather. Still, just as summer was beginning to wane, it was the perfect condition for the plants to begin sending out their rich harvest. Kaidan's mouth watered at the thought of fresh fruits, of the air laden with sweet smells and the ever pregnant aroma of life and good earth. It was a comforting mantra that he'd embraced during his life, the smells of growing fruit and prosperous growth always, _always_ brought him back to a safe place.

The heavy _thunk_ of his boots striking wood reverberated through his body, a solid sound. He tested his weight on the first step, as he'd always done since the day the piece of wood had given way when he'd left, and while he knew that his meticulous parents would have seen it fixed almost immediately, he was nothing if not careful. He was always careful, almost stubbornly so.

Feeling it bend ever so slightly under his weight, but not splinter, he breathed a small, relaxed sigh at the familiar feeling and brought his other foot up, plodding up the stairs and hearing the hollow, wooden sound beat a steady tattoo. He reached past the incline, moving the short few feet up to the doors and let his shoulders slump down, sending the large, heavy bag over his shoulders crashing onto the wooden planks. The muffled _boom_ made him crack a small smile and he lifted his duffel up to his shoulders and sent it crashing to the floor next to him, eliciting a smaller bang from the ailing wood. Crossing his arms across his chest, he waited, head tilted slightly to the side and a small smile plastered on his face even as the growing sound of footsteps drew nearer to him.

The hurried steps stopped abruptly just behind the thin veneer of wood before him and with an abrupt click, the door swung open to reveal a very annoyed, older woman.

"Now who the hell decides to--" His mom's eyes widened even as she blinked owlishly, adjusting to the streaming light pouring around his body. Of course, it took her less than a second to remember that stance, the set of his shoulders and the frame of his body. "Oh! Goodness! Kaidan?"

"Hey mom," Kaidan said simply and that was all he managed to get out as the screen door pulled away from the door's frame and his mum crushed his chest in a hug that almost sent him stumbling.

Kaidan murmured a soft laugh and hugged his mother just as fiercely. He nuzzled against her sinewy neck and felt the grey strands of her otherwise blonde hair tickle its way across his skin as he breathed deep and inhaled the warm smells of love and home. And the complete lack of any other pheromones. His mother was a Beta, part of the sterile majority of humans that were a by-product of their older, bygone days and were now a common-place genetic deviation that stemmed from a mixing between the dominant and recessive genes that made up humanity's genetic pool. A Beta, just like his father.

"How's dad?" Kaidan asked as he pulled away from the strangling grip, setting his mother clearly in front of him.

His mother unconsciously smoothed the front of her clothes even as she began to tuck at the stray strands of gleaming silver that poked out of her head in wispy threads.

"He's out back, taking a look at the orchard," she said by way of explanation. "Harvest is coming soon, and it's going to be quite a large haul this season. We've already had to hire some extra hands in preparation for what's to come. Getting older as the days get longer, but he could still run you into the ground if he wanted."

Kaidan chuckled slightly at the familiar phrase that his father had so often muttered in his lifetime. "Any chance of helping a few to bloom early?" Kaidan asked innocently and his mother laughed at the question that always popped out of his mouth whenever it was a month or so before the actual fruit harvest. It was routine, and it was one of the very few things from his younger days that he treasured and maintained. It was, Kaidan Alenko.

"It depends on whether you're up to picking them up yourself," she shot right back. "Now come in. Come in. Didn't realize you'd be coming to visit so soon."

Kaidan winced even as his mother turned around and made her way back into the hallway that lead to the majority of rooms in the house. Grabbing his bags where he had dropped them, Kaidan hurried into the house and used his foot to nudge the door shut behind him.

"Yeah," Kaidan said absently even as his eyes tracked across the old walls of his home. "Didn't really... have much of a plan. Kind of an unexpected... holiday."

If his mom caught the subtle implication in his statement, she didn't seem to react, merely bobbed her head in acknowledgement as she busied herself with whatever it was she had been doing before he'd practically made a nuisance of himself at the front door. From the slight smells that were wafting throughout the whole house, and the timing of his arrival, she was probably preparing dinner for two and now had to scramble to add an extra portion to everything. Still, Kaidan's stomach rumbled fiercely at the barest thought of home cooked food with fresh produce.

Without another word, Kaidan made his way up the stairs which were just to the side of the front door, along one of the walls of the hallway. Moving up the steps, he heard the familiar creak of old wood as it took the weight of his tread and his bags and it was almost muscle memory that led him up the right-angled chunks of wood.

"Will you be staying long this time, Kaidan?" his mom called out from the kitchen.

The innocuous-sounding question left him momentarily still on the turn, pausing ever so briefly to let the question register itself in his brain.

"I... I'm not sure yet," Kaidan shot back, calling over the railing.

He stood there for what seemed an age, waiting for some kind of response, of the same responses that he always got every time he got back and looked resigned and tired to his bones. He waited. The straps were finally beginning to become a greater annoyance than previously before and he decided that his mother wouldn't be commenting on his statement. Heaving a gusty sigh, he tramped the rest of the way up and over to his room, almost adjacent to the twin, glass doors that opened off to the fore of the house.

With a wrenching motion, he pulled the door to his room open and took a moment to take in the sight. It was almost bare, the usual fixtures, posters and collection of wall materials he'd collected over the years, gone. Things had been much more chaotic in his youth, burgeoning bookshelves, a study table that was littered with work materials and junk alike. His walls had been adorned by a collection of motely celebrities, some obscure and others expected. He was an avid reader in his youth, and still was when he found the time, but now, all that was left were the barest hints of faded wallpaper and the slightly lighter spots of varying degrees that marked the years and interests of a young man.

Seeing nothing out of the ordinary, he chucked his bags over into the corner of his room, watching as they bumped up against the dusty work table in the room, shooting up a brief puff of dust. The air was slightly stale and dry, and small wonder since this room hardly saw use unless he was around. Moving over to the pair of swinging windows, he pushed them open and let the fresh air, redolent with the scents of fruit and life, flood into the space and he breathed a deep, grateful breath. Small wonder that conditions in his room weren't like he remembered. Ever since he'd left the house at the age of twenty four, he been moving around the country, sometimes even moving past the supposed safety of familiar borders in search of meaning and as a way to escape from the thoughts that constantly hounded him. It was only every few years, when he found the time or when nostalgia struck him particularly hard that he would mosey on back home, to the place where memories lay dormant and waiting.

Feeling slightly annoyed with himself for always bringing up the same thoughts that he wished he could incinerate into nothingness, Kaidan left the window open and flopped over onto his bed, feeling the familiar bounce of the old mattress and he held his breath as the cloud of dust and particles puffed up in a halo around him. Surprisingly, it wasn't as much as he expected, considering that the last time he'd been home was almost two years now. Still, he should have known that his mother would have done her best to keep the room spotless, since his wandering ways did tend to bring him back unexpectedly.

"Wandering ways," Kaidan said out loud to himself, snorting in disgust and a little at the dust. With an almighty puff out of his nostrils, he cleared the quickly descending intruders of his nasal passages out into the air and flipped himself over the edge, feeling his arms hovering at the brink of the edge.

He reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone, having already gotten a temporary user card in preparation for the unknowable length he'd be staying here. This time felt different, different than all the others, and he'd intentionally kept himself out of the loops of information that had been circulating since his dismissal from the service. Still, now was a good a time as any to see what had happened, to confirm his suspicions and perhaps, start to plan a new future for himself. It was the only way that he could keep ahead of all the shit that was constantly being rained down on his head, born as he was as a god-forsaken Omega.

Seeing the large screen power up, Kaidan flipped to the Extranet App, using the inbuilt search engines to investigate his predicament, scanning through news articles and feeds that seemed to be updated around the clock, from all over the world. It wasn't too difficult to find.

BILL PASSES TO EXTRACT ALPHAS AND OMEGAS FROM SERVICES AND INDUSTRIES.

BRUTAL RAPE OF HIGH PRIORITY OMEGAS DICTATE CHANGES IN POLICY TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF CITIZENS.

PHARMACUTICAL COMPANIES STRIVE TO TEST NEW SUPPRESSANTS IN LIGHT OF UNCONTROLLABLE MATING FRENZY.

POLITICAL MAJORITY MEETING TO VOTE ON EXCLUSION OF OMEGAS AND ALPHAS FOR THEIR SAFETY.

BETAS HOSPITALIZED AFTER FAILED INTERVENTION IN ALPHA DOMINANCE STRUGGLE.

The list ran on and on, the tales and trails of human suffering, depravity and the complete and shameless explosion that the media was generating in the light of such acts.

"Kaidan?" his mother's voice intruded even as she knocked and carefully pushed the door open, peeking her head around the frame.

"Oh, hey," Kaidan said even as he stowed his phone beneath him and turned to look up at her eyes. Worried, distraught eyes that were covered by layers of neutral considerations, veiling the questions and keeping the worry at bay. The silence stretched as she chewed her lip, her eyes constantly darting to his bandaged hand and the miniscule red gash on his lip.

"Dinner'll be ready in a bit," she said finally, clearly not wanting to intrude on his privacy and whatever had brought him home again. "I'll come and get you when it's time."

Kaidan grinned a small smile that stretched at the cut on his lip. "I... Thanks mom."

"You should probably take a nap," she finally said, all thoughts of questioning him forgotten for now. "You look exhausted sweetheart."

Kaidan wanted to deny his need for rest, but the very mention of the word sent a tremor shooting through his jaw and he could feel the joint creak even as he tried to stifle a yawn.

"Sounds good," Kaidan said succinctly when he could.

She smiled a small smile, beaming with a mother's love, and quietly retreated, shutting the door behind her exit.

Kaidan watched until the door melded against its frame and the click of the latch sounded. Rolling back onto a more comfortable position, Kaidan briefly considered scrolling through the rest of the articles, but what did it matter? The damage had been done. There was nothing else that could help his current predicament and he'd get nothing too accurate from all the sensationalism anyway. Brushing past his eyes, he rested his arm along his closed lids, the muscle there effectively blocking out the light and he tried to calm the rampaging thoughts in his head. He would focus on his future, on what he could do now that his options had effectively been limited to a handful of possibilities. Still, he was resourceful and stubborn. He'd survive, he'd find something to occupy himself and build a life from the rubble around him. Optimism came rarely to him, but his mother and father had ingrained the ability to always look beyond his troubles. He knew that he had somewhere comfortable to fall back on if the situation demanded it. He knew he could make a life for himself. He just had to try, to do. Teasing himself with the bright and cheery hope that flickered through his mind he continued to absently day-dream about his plans, creating and discarding. It took a long time before the relentless chasing sent him spiralling into a slumber that was, thankfully, neutral.

*

His phone rang a soft ditty, an intrusive tone that repeated itself and startled him awake. Jerking up and reflexively scanning the room, it took him a moment to realize that the pitch darkness around him only indicated that night had completely fallen. He was home, in his room, on a mattress that gave way to his weight in a familiar way. Safe. He was safe.

Pawing around the mattress, he finally found his phone and blinked at the announcement on the device. It was his alarm. And he was at least a day late. Shit. He should have recalled to do it the moment he came home. Should have, but didn't. How the hell had he forgotten?

Stumbling up, he struggled to find the bags that he'd launched against the side of his table, the harsh light from the phone temporarily defeating his ability to discern shape in the darkness. It would have been better, more logical, to have just gone for the light switch, but he was tired and he wanted to retreat back to bed at the earliest possible time. Yanking the zip and buckles harshly open, Kaidan riffled through his belongings, at last feeling the side of a thick, cylindrical piece of plastic. Yanking the bottle out, he flipped the safety cap off and tumbled its contents out onto his palm.

He cursed again as a single, large, white pill fell out. He stared at the dim shape in the darkness for a moment, shaking the bottle with his other hand and hearing the hollow sound of emptiness. Cursing, he flung the bottle against the wall and clamped down on his urge to grab at the edges of his hair.

Breathe. In. Out. It isn't the end of the world, Alenko. It's going to be fine.

When he at last opened his eyes, he stared down at the humongous, over-sized pill in his hand, one that he had secretly procured from trusted sources. One that would keep his heat at bay for as long as biologically possible. While it was impossible for the heat to be deferred perpetually, through medication and supplementation, it was possible to delay it for almost up to a month, giving an Omega time to get himself to safety before the heat absolutely overwhelmed him and drew any nearby Alphas to him or her like a beacon in the night. And he was on his last pill, not to mention the fact that he'd already missed a day. He had no idea how it might affect the onset of his heat, but he was safe here, surrounded by Betas and no one else. He would be safe. But the nightmares, the absolute horror of going through a heat in _this_ place of all places...

No. He couldn't. Not again. Not like that. He had to find more suppressants and extend the time he'd have before his heat struck him. He would find a place in the town a few miles away, the hub that connected civilization to all the sporadic houses and neighbourhoods that littered this part of Vancouver. He could live there, start his life there anew despite what had happened, and be in an unfamiliar place before his heat struck him. He could do that. Not to mention having quicker access to a hopefully steady supply of suppressants. With the precarious situation that humanity was currently in versus the need for human rights and how they applied to Alphas, Betas and Omegas, suppressants were almost illegal. The ruling hierarchy wanted every available breeding couple to produce as much warm bodies as possible, regardless of the cost.

Kaidan palmed the pill in his hand and quickly turned toward the door, his stomach rumbling its empty displeasure simultaneously, sneaking out in the darkness and making his quiet way down the stairs toward the kitchen, wincing at every sound and creak that he made. He'd steal some food up into his room as well as a glass of water to swallow that damn giant in his hand.

Light spilled out from the living area, trapping him in an amber glow before he scooted out of the way, heart thudding in his chest. He peaked around the edge of the frame, pausing to register his mother and his father, both sitting in their favourite chairs and looking for all the world like a mundane, older couple. Except that their faces were grim and serious. Straining his hearing while trying to keep out of sight, Kaidan finally picked up on the tail end of the conversation that his parents were having.

"... not going to know what to do," his mom said adamantly and she had been fiddling with the hem of her shirt while she spoke.

"He stays here, like I said," his father's gruff voice sounded and Kaidan flinched at _that_ tone. It was the voice his father had used to make him stand up straight, to completely admit to any wrong doing that he'd been caught doing, and more often than not, he was compelled to obey, intrinsic Omega instincts be damned.

"You can't just force him to stay," came his mother's strong refute. "He's a grown man! He knows what he's doing, and you of all people should know, why he might not want to stay."

"Dammit," his father replied fiercely, a soft thump emphasizing the curse. "He's my son. _Our_ son. There's no way I'm letting some piss poor government make piss poor decisions when it comes to--"

"Don't you use that tone with me, Martin Alenko," his mother snapped and Kaidan flinched even as his sympathies went out to his father. While his dad could make you confess the wrong doings of today, his mother's anger could get you to confess everything that you'd done that year and what you might have been planning to do for the coming one to boot.

Kaidan risked another peek, feeling for all the world like a child again, and etched the image into his brain before he scooted back against the safety of the wall. His father looked more weathered than he remembered, tan skin shining in the light of the room. The bald spot on the back was beginning to look more prominent and what remaining hair looked bleach by the sun. It looked almost like spun silver, and it had already been a pale blonde to begin with, while his mother's darker gold seemed to reflect the quiet light around them. His mother's face was pinched and stern, staring harshly at his father while the large man mumbled and muttered to himself at the reprimand.

A heaved sigh. A quiet grumble and a wordless apology.

"You know what they've been saying on the news Em," his dad finally said, breaking the silence and changing tact. "About what's been happening the last month."

"I watch the same news as you do," his mother replied a touch frostily, "I read the same papers."

"Don't be like that Em," his dad said almost too softly to hear.

His mother sighed finally, accepting the wordless truce that they shared so effortlessly, so often. "We can't... We can't keep doing this Martin. _I_ can't keep watching him do this. To himself."

"It's not your fault," his father comforted. Then he said in a firmer tone. "It's not his fault either."

"Oh, I know it isn't," his mother conceded, "But I just feel so... Oh Martin. What do we do? I don't know what to do. We can't keep him tied to this house. He should be free, out there, making his way in life. But he always comes back, comes back to this shell of a..."

His mother trailed off, a delicate sob breaking through the words and a quiet sniffle. Kaidan felt his throat clench at the pure outpouring of his mother's agony, felt the hurt trail up his face and touch itself gently at the edges of his eyes.

"No Emily," his dad finally said, "We don't do that to ourselves. It doesn't change anything. We're here if he ever needs to come back, for whatever safety and shelter we can give him. We stand with Kaidan, as a family. Things will change for the better. You'll see."

"I just hope that it happens during his lifetime, and not after," his mother said with another muffled sniffle.

"Don't you worry," his father said with increasing gusto, "Look, once he gets settled we'll..."

Kaidan didn't bother hearing the rest. His thoughts were already a tangled snarled within his head and he'd heard his parents speak like this before, along similar lines, but never with such desperation or agony. It seemed to get worse each time. He didn't need to hear any more.

Quietly backtracking the way he came, he clambered up the stairs, emotionally and physically exhausted even as his mind brimmed with thoughts and churned within his head. He opened the door to his room as quietly as he could, only feeling the bite of the unfamiliar object in his hand as the door jamb turned and clicked against the frame. The pill. Shit, he'd almost forgotten.

With a regretful sigh, he tilted his head back and popped the thing into his mouth almost gagging at the bitter, powdery residue on his tongue and feeling the intrusive thing stretch past his throat muscles. His throat convulsed as he worked up enough saliva to get the thing down, ignoring the protest his stomach sent him as he gave it the meagre offering that was all that he had on him. It would have to do for now. He wasn't going to head back down there, not with the mood that swirled in the living area and how it would bring him closer to the edge that he was staying away from. He could suffer a night of hunger to avoid that.

Kaidan pulled off his shirt, feeling it stretch across his muscles. Throwing the article to the side, he reached down and undid his belt, pulling his pants down around his ankles and flicking them to the side, the same with his boxers. Comfort. Comfort was key. Clad in only his skin, Kaidan crept dejectedly into his bed, wrapping the crumpled sheet around his naked form and feeling the slight distension of his throat as it convulsed around the foreign thing partially stuck there without sufficient lubrication to ease it down. He worked his mouth some more, trying to coax the pill down with a mere trickle of saliva. He sighed to himself as the feeling stuck.

A sudden spike of heat shot through his torso, centring on his sternum and snaking down towards his stomach, finally pooling along the lower edges of his lower torso. He reached down absently and rubbed the point where the sensation seemed to disappear into his muscles, feeling the rough scrape of calloused hands on his skin and the cold, unsettling feeling of the pill's passage in his throat. He shifted slightly, feeling his legs rub together, feeling the slightest hint of moisture build up in his opening as the stimulation grew. His hands trailed over his stomach tiredly, even as his mind worked and shifted tirelessly.

He hated himself the most during times like this. More than anything.

Kaidan squeezed his eyes shut even as he felt the first beads of moisture building up along the edges of his opening, but he resolved not to go any lower with his fingers. The tiniest pinpricks of tears stung his eyes even as he squeezed them shut even tighter, and his body trembled as the first, quiet sob rocked out of his throat. The tears trickled out even as his hands tried to soothe his need without actually touching himself, and his throat rasped out another quiet sob.

Sleep would come eventually, he promised himself. Fitfully and harshly but it would come to relieve him of his burdens. It wasn't going to be a pleasant descent into dreams. Those were rare enough that he could count them on both hands. Even as the tears dried along his cheeks, even as the memories claimed him and made him feel soiled, the moisture and heat continued to gather in between his legs and groin, he could still feel the rough scrape that the pill had left behind in his throat and the disdain that he held for his body, gripping him tightly. He hated the way he felt so vulnerable, hated feeling the cool line of salt water against his hot skin as a quieter sob squeezed out another trailing tear. God, he hated it. It was only when he was alone like this, within himself, that he allowed himself the luxury of self-pity. No one else had to know. Swallowing convulsively and burying another wave of tears and a fresh sob, Kaidan forced himself to stillness and dragged his hand away from his stomach, forcing it to the his side and keeping it there through force of will. Still, that didn't seem to stop one last tear from escaping, tracking its way relentlessly down his salt-stained skin before it dove suicidally off his cheek, to splatter against the sheet, spreading out in a circle of soft moisture that would be gone long before he would finally fall asleep.


	3. Cinnamon and Nutmeg

The sound of aged rubber squelched along the crisp base of the communal lot, small pebbles and stray bits of gravel voicing their protest as Kaidan pulled the family's old car up into the designated lot in the twilight hours of early morning. He absently pulled at the brake, locking the rumbling vehicle into place and unclipped his seatbelt with a methodical snap, pushing open the driver's side door and tossing it back shut behind him as he surveyed the area and took a deep and grateful breath.

The air was laced with the smells of morning, the chill air puffing out of his heated nostrils and staining the emptiness around him with great, white wisps. He closed his eyes and tilted his head back, taking in another deeper breath, teasing out the differing strands of scent. He could hear the gently settling hum of the engine behind him, of the aged leather from the car that was warm and soft. The dew added layers of freshness to everything, and robbed of the illusion of light, the entire area was cast in a dim, pre-dawn glow that hid more than it revealed, the sounds of night insects preparing for slumber and the grass that just managed to eke out an existence in this barren, man-dominated space.

It was quiet and peaceful, and it was his.

A yawn cracked his jaw before he knew it, and a great billowing cloud of mist poured out of his half-open mouth as he struggled to instinctively clamp his jaw shut, feeling slightly abashed at the lack of control, despite there being no one to see his _faux pas_. He grinned to himself in the darkness and pulled his layered sweater and jacket tighter over his frame.

Sleep had been fitful, the events of the last few days dredging up old and almost-forgotten memories. What had been a troubled descent into dreams had turned, nearly violently, into a harsh night of wrestling with personal demons and the heritage of his birth. He had jerked awake again and again, sometimes sobbing himself back into unconsciousness, sometimes with the ephemeral feel of fingers around his throat, his arms, his legs. Those times, he would choke back a scream for fear of waking the household, and even alone as he was in his own room, he couldn't give in to weakness and give himself a reprieve from the façade of pretending. He needed an escape and he knew he wouldn't find it in sleep, so he cleaned himself up and tiptoed out of the house during the hours that were neither night nor morning and stole into his father's car, cranking up the heat as he pelted down the driveway and into town, running as it were, as fast as he could.

Slowly, mercifully, the dreams and memories faded, and his higher mind, his logical thoughts imposed themselves once again and began to weave the mask he would wear among the others of his kind. There were things that he would need to do, the list constantly buzzing and shifting in the back of his head, and there wasn't a better time to start it in his opinion.

A protesting gurgle erupted from his stomach and voiced a noisy complaint and Kaidan winced as the rough sound seemed to tear through the air. He'd always had a metabolism that made him eat enough for two men, and while it had mellowed after his growth had stopped, but even then, he always felt like a gaping pit was gnawing at the inside of his stomach. A rumbling agreement at the mere thought of food made him blush slightly as he clicked the auto-lock shut on the car and walked toward the entrance. First things first; a hearty breakfast and then he'd start his searching along new history.

Kaidan afforded himself the rare luxury of walking along the nearly deserted streets, the street lamps and electrical signs still winning the fight against the encroaching day. He loved the way the mist from his breathing whirled up past his face and seemed to caress him ever so gently. The quiet, the silence, was a gift and he intended to treasure it as much as he could. His feet tapped their steady rhythm against the sidewalk as he wandered aimlessly, keeping a constant vigil for food as his eyes swept the area but it was his nose that answered his need as the first hints of aroma tickled along the sensitive membranes and pulled him softly toward sustenance.

Kaidan stopped outside the source of the intoxicating aromas, almost pressing himself up against the warm light and welcoming shop that he stood on the verge of. The smells were simple and robust, like a hearty stew, and their spicy warmth earned another grumble of approval from his empty stomach and he could feel rivulets of saliva running along the inside of his mouth. Without another thought, Kaidan pulled himself out of the cool morning and into the haven of the bakery before him. He pushed the glass and wood door open, hearing the mundane chime of an entrance bell ring as he stepped past the threshold.

He stood there for a moment as his hungry eyes swept the area, searching for the smells that drew him here. There, in the corner, stood a wicker basket full of fresh loaves, and on the counter, a tray of still-steaming pies and delicacies. Without another second's hesitation, Kaidan willed himself forward and began to stalk the bread basket before him.

"We're not open yet," a soft, sing-song voice reprimanded him, ripping through his fixation on his doughy prey.

Kaidan stuttered to a halt, almost unbalancing, as a tall and slim built man seemed to materialize behind the counter, wearing a faded white apron and rubbing his floury hands on a moist table rag. Kaidan continued to stare at the man, who seemed unaffected by the intensity of his gaze.

"I'm sorry, but we're not open just yet. You'll have to wait till six." The man folded his arms across his surprisingly wide chest and cocked his head at Kaidan in an odd bird-like fashion.

"The door was open," Kaidan tried to reason, but hunger was making him grumpy and his patience was being quickly shredded. He checked the watch that was perched on his left wrist, a standard army-issue clunky device, and spied the numerals there. 05:48. "Look," Kaidan continued, looking back up, "It's already five-fifty. It's another ten minutes. I could just, you know, get some stuff in a bag? To go?"

The man cocked his head in the same odd way, this time in the opposite direction, as he leaned back as if to appraise Kaidan more carefully. The tension seemed to spike as Kaidan's fists balled at his sides, within the sleeves of his jacket and instinctively, he took another deep breath. Spice and bread, warmth and succour. Meat and fillings. No pheromones, no tell-tale sourness that he expected. So, not an Alpha trying to give him a hard time. Probably a Beta or an Omega.

The man raised an eloquent eyebrow in his direction. "I'm sorry sir," the baker said not at all apologetically, "If it's only ten more minutes left, then you could wait outside while I get the last of my goods out of the oven and-"

"Garrus," came a deep, quiet voice behind him. "What's gotten into your pants this morning?"

Kaidan felt the hair on the back of his neck rise in alarm as he whirled on the balls of his feet and took a step back at the same time, moving towards the far wall where the empty slots for more baked goods stood. Couldn't put himself into a corner, couldn't get trapped. His eyes darted between the stranger and the door and wondered at his negligence, couldn't recall hearing the  man enter the shop.

"It's not like that," the man called Garrus snapped back at the newcomer. "This is a new recipe. _The_ new recipe. If I don't get it out of the oven at the exact time it could-"

"It could probably do with another few minutes," the stranger concluded with mirth, "Besides, you're still here talking to me, aren't you?"

"And you're supposed to keep anyone else from walking in here unannounced," Garrus grumbled lightly, casting a quick look behind his shoulders at the kitchen area behind him.

Kaidan continued to watch the exchange without interest, finally spying the small table in the corner of the bakery that had a small plate with a half-eaten croissant and a large, hearty mug of dark liquid that looked like coffee. He kept one eye on the bickering pair as he inched slowly away from them, trying to calm his thundering heart as he picked out small details around himself, like the small knapsack hidden under the table and the thick hoodie slung over the chair facing away from him on the stranger's table. Anything to stop his foolish and ridiculous reaction and step away from the edge of surprise.

"- gonna need to take your pick before you go?" a quiet voice intruded in on his rambling thoughts. Kaidan's eyes swivelled around to the counter when he realized that the stranger was addressing him and he squinted his eyes shut and took several deep, calming breaths before turning to speak.

"You okay there, friend?" the man asked in the momentary silence and as he stepped forward Kaidan immediately took a step back and bumped up against the shelves behind him. Damn but he felt like an idiot, reacting that way. Too lost in the past, too hungry to care and damn if he wasn't just a little pissed with himself for losing control like that. His eyes took in the shorter man before him, watched as the tight fabric of the man's shirt clung to the larger muscles and tight definition. A short, almost non-existent buzz cut hair, a small crescent-shaped scar along the edge of his left fringe and the most startling pair of blue eyes he'd ever seen in his life.

"I... Look, I'm fine. Really," Kaidan added quickly, trying to forestall the man from coming closer or repeating the same ridiculous question. He didn't need anymore reminders of his being caught unawares. "I could just-"

"Here," the stranger said, thrusting a small, brown bag in Kaidan's direction. It seemed filled with several different assortments of bread but Kaidan shook his head vehemently as he tried to step away from the man's outstretched hands.

"Don't worry about it," the man said cheerfully, "Garrus owes you that much for being a jerk. 'Perfect timing' my ass."

Suspicion rose like a wave through Kaidan, starting at his stomach and surging up into his chest and head, and all thoughts of flight were forgotten as he straightened his spine and raised his eyes to meet the stranger's, almost challenging him. All his previous anger and confusion narrowed into a single, sharp blade and Kaidan continued to hone it with lethal intent as he stared down at the stranger. Did the man think he could be so easily bribed with sweets and smiles? That an Alpha cock could just bring him gifts in exchange for what was inside his pants? Kaidan's mouth shifted into a hard line and he could feel the muscles in his arms tense and coil, readying for the worst.

The man slowly lowered the outstretched bag, bringing it down to his sides. Kaidan stared him in the face till his eyes shifted and Kaidan felt a perverse satisfaction as the other man looked away first, giving in to his dominance. Kaidan felt himself relax slightly as the other man took a step back away and to the side, taking up an inferior position and Kaidan forced himself to take a step forward, asserting his challenge. The man continued to look away and took another step back, up to the counter.

Hormones and emotions swamped through Kaidan as he fought the urge to continue driving the man into the corner where his table and belongings sat. Kaidan snapped his legs straight to keep them from chasing after the man as he wrestled with logic and reason.

His heat. It was beginning to affect him and his thoughts.

Instinctively, Kaidan took a deep breath and pulled in the scents of the bakery. He smelled the sweet spices, cinnamon and nutmeg, clove and anise. He could smell the cheeses and melting sugar caramelizing along the fluffy bread smells. He pulled in a bigger breath, teasing out the strands of food and meat, nourishment and delicacies and probed deeper only to find...

Nothing.

No Alpha scent, no spiky, dominating sour odour of sex and violence. Kaidan's eyes snapped open as he watched the stranger quietly retreat over to his table, making sure to keep his gaze away from Kaidan. And that more than anything, made him feel like a complete jackass.

"Hey," Kaidan called over to the man but the stranger flinched at the sound of his voice and Kaidan felt a tumbling ruin trigger as shame painted his features red. Damn, but he'd lashed out at some poor Beta or Omega who was just trying to be friendly with him. His nightmares were riding him hard, and the swell of hormones was beginning to addle his mind.

Kaidan turned quickly and picked up the bag on the counter, fumbling out a few crumpled notes that would more than make up for the goods he would take with him. He didn't bother to wait for Garrus to come out and give him back his change, he had to get away from people until he calmed down, before he did something stupid and lash out at innocents.

Kaidan hurried over to the doorway and each step felt heavier as the bag in his hands no longer seemed to call to him.

"I'm sorry," Kaidan said with soft bitterness to the stranger in the corner and without waiting for a response, he yanked the bakery's door open and stepped out into the dawning day.

*

Kaidan trudged up the gentle slope that lead to a row of shop houses along the side of the street, his second cup of dark coffee clenched in his hand. The day was beginning to bustle with life and activity and the circles under his eyes and grim set of his face seemed sufficient deterrent to anyone who wanted to approach him. It was his mask, played to perfection, and nobody wanted to be near a supposed Alpha as ferocious as he was right now.

If only they knew, Kaidan thought bitterly to himself, swigging the last of the coffee's dregs into his mouth and tossing it into the nearest street can along his path.

He played the incident in the bakery over and over in his mind since he'd left. His body had responded instinctively to the situation, first being caught by surprise and then the after effects of the night's terrors still fresh enough to pull out his more hostile self. Coupled with the hunger and impatience, he had behaved like a man unhinged. With the ups and downs of his neither-here-nor-there heat beginning to override his higher reasoning, he knew that his next stop was to search for a clinic or pharmacy and get his hands on a quick stash of suppressants as quickly as possible.

At least, that was his hope.

Kaidan walked past a small billboard, emblazoned with the titles of the world's latest propagandas and lies. 'Do your Duty!' plastered with fake sincerity, surrounding a halo of Alpha and Omega couples that beamed with radiance and joy as they cuddled the little bundle of flesh in their arms. It sickened him beyond thought and Kaidan squeezed it out of his memory as he continued up toward the next pharmacy on his list.

He stepped into what looked like a tidy, cosy establishment, signature white-wash walls and neat, orderly seats and counters. There were shelves of merchandise and medications, supplements and remedies making the majority of goods. The walls were thankfully bare of the usual posters that tried to convince everyone of an Omega's duty and the necessities of starting a family young. He'd just left a clinic that had even promoted the idea of Omegas signing up for egg-extraction services, artificial breeding crèches and the like. Each letter, each word that he read, made him sink even lower and he had walked out as soon as he could see a clear way through to the doors.

This one looked... more accepting. At least to his eyes, and it was thankfully less crowded than what he expected. He made a beeline over to the counter that marketed its prescription medication and drugs, hovering slightly over the bored looking woman who looked out of place and totally disinterested in his presence.

He waited. And waited some more.

"Excuse me?" Kaidan finally introduced.

The woman barely flicked a glance his way and continued to twirl a pen around her lithe and elegant fingers, coated with a bizarre, purple-blue nail polish. Kaidan blinked at the woman's demeanour and raised his voice slightly, delivering a more commanding inquiry.

"Excuse me," Kaidan repeated, "I'd like to get some-"

"Take a number and wait your turn," the insufferable woman said in a dull monotone.

Kaidan stood baffled as he stared around the empty counter. He looked up above toward the signage and saw the glowing red numerals etched largely indicating the current queue. It displayed a bright, big '9'. He searched for the queue dispenser and stared in disbelief at the number imprinted there, the same one that was replicated in the number above him.

"Umm," Kaidan began, "I don't think there's any reason to-"

"Take a number and wait your turn," the woman said again like an automaton.

Heat flashed through Kaidan. Damn but it was getting more and more difficult to control himself.

"Now, I was going to be nice," Kaidan said mildly, "But you seem to have something shoved right up your-"

A clanging rattle from the back of the dispensary interrupted his rebuke and he could hear an almost imperceptible mutter raging out of the back area.

"No, no, no, no!" the querulous voice seemed to thunder. "Acetone cleaner next to benzocaine?! Unacceptable, most unacceptable! Aria!"

The woman in question, Kaidan supposed her name was the one called with such dire threat, seemed to light up at the prospect of an impending conflict and gracefully slid out of her seat without even deigning to address Kaidan, and soon, he could hear two voices raised in the back over... whatever it was that triggered the event in the first place. Kaidan stood dumbfounded as he continued to stare along the rest of the pharmacy, looking for someone else to assist him, but it seemed that the rest of the establishment was empty save for one or two stragglers and Kaidan barely had time to react as a heavy hand landed on his shoulder from behind and seemed to crush him into the ground.

"Kaidan!" his attacker screeched and Kaidan choked on a stunning mixture of saliva travelling through the wrong pipe.

He hacked and coughed as the person who initiated the assault rubbed him soothingly along his back and made strange cooing noises, interspersed between ham-handedly slamming him on his back and tracing gentle circles around his bruised skin. When he finally had enough wind to reply, he coughed out a raspy word in the hopes that it would stave of the next round of comfort-giving.

"Ash..." Kaidan blurted out.

His oldest friend stopped her ministrations and seemed to pause for a moment before she nodded to herself and whacked him none too gently across his hunched shoulders.

"Don't you Ash me, LT," Ash growled out. "You don't call, you don't write shit. And then here you are, back home, and you don't even have the decency to tell me?!" Her voice was rising in pitch and Kaidan would have playfully told her that it sounded like the screech of a stooping hawk, if he didn't know for sure that he'd get another whack, on his head this time and probably another in the arm.

"I was..." Kaidan paused for a moment as the last of his coughing subsided. "I was busy, Ash. It was kind of... unexpected."

He raised himself up, almost to a height with the fiery woman before him and gave her his meekest grin and most chagrined expression as she continued to stare daggers at him over the constant sound of the background squabbling. She was his oldest friend, one of the only few that he'd known and kept in touch with, since before his young adulthood went downhill, past all his difficulties and trauma. She'd always been a rock for him to lean on, her strength and energy a beacon to his suffering and, over time, they could almost read each other like well-worn books. The strangest fact of all though, was that Ash was an Alpha, one of the elite and dreaded genders, especially to someone like him. That made the strength of their friendship even more remarkable.

"What happened, Kai?" Ash whispered quietly, her expression not changing a whit. In fact, it seemed to become even more severe if such a thing were possible.

"I-" Kaidan began but another clanging sound cut through his words, followed by even more heated words.

"-you seem to think that you're some kind of-"

"-unacceptable. Running pharmacy, reputable job. Invoice unclear. it-"

Kaidan tossed a veiled look over to Ash, picking up on a small smirk that graced her lips beautifully.

"I think, um, we should probably continue this..." Kaidan continued from where he left off, cringing slightly at the delicate tinkling of broken glass crashing to the floor. "Somewhere else."

Ash nodded once in agreement and tossed her raven hair back up over her shoulders in a smooth motion, hollering loudly back into the dispensary.

"Doctor Solus!" Ash called out. No response came except for a torrent of words and expletives. With a bemused shake of her head, Ash crooked an arm around Kaidan's shoulders and lead him out of the pharmacy. "Don't worry, I'll find time to speak to Doctor Solus another time."

"That woman?" Kaidan blurted out uncomprehendingly.

Ash snorted, a rough, ripping sound. "Is a menace," she finished. "I'm actually referring to the old geezer in the back. Tougher than he looks. Mad as anything."

"Right," Kaidan said, not truly following.

Ash pushed the door open ahead of him and let him lead the way out into the street. Being around Ash... it was a boon, to say the least. Familiar. His head began to clear and as he turned to properly apologize to Ash for not contacting her sooner, he felt his throat turn dry as a wicked and manipulative gleam shone bright in her eyes.

"So tell me, Kai," Ash positively crowed with mischief, "What exactly were you planning on doing for yourself today?"

Kaidan paled at the looked that Ash was giving him and as he gabbled to her, trying desperately to fend of her inquiries and suggestions, the thought of suppressants seemed to dwindle and vanish under the weight of Ash's familiar presence.

*

Kaidan's feet were trembling as he trudged along the street over to the communal lot where he had parked. The sun was already beginning to set in the distance, and the air that had been clement and warm, was already beginning to turn tepid and cool. A riot of colours shot through the sky, playing through the clouds and painting in broad strokes the purples, oranges and golden reds of twilight. Try as he might, he couldn't crane his head up to look at the subtle vista and continued to stare down at the pavement as his feet made dull, hollow noises, barely interrupted by the rustling sound of plastics and paper.

A light and lilting laughter floated out of the dim area ahead of him, and Kaidan felt his teeth clench as his hands did around the bags of his purchases.

"You know LT," Ash said breezily from up ahead, "If that's the best the army has done for you..."

"Shut..." Kaidan said blearily before he could gather more breath in for a stronger reply. "Shut it Ash." Well, he could think of something much more devastating to say, later on when he had more energy.

"You should work for me," Ash said in a matter-of-fact tone. "I'm sure my law firm could whip you into better shape than this. All my girls, they could've gotten double. At least."

Kaidan didn't deign to reply. His feet were plodding, weighted things and he struggled to move each step closer. At least one thing great would come from all this; he'd definitely get a good night's rest after the day he'd just been through with Ash, doing... whatever it was they had been doing the whole day. Retail therapy, or something like that.

The word itself sent a shiver down his spine, and if he'd never step foot into that damn Heartland Mall, he would donate half his belongings to the next charity that he stumbled across.

An upraised piece of pavement had him almost falling flat onto his face, and he could feel the jelly in his legs that were a poor excuse for hardened, tested muscle, seizing up. Without warning, a soft, pitiful whimper escaped his mouth before he could clamp it shut and he prayed and prayed that Ash hadn't heard.

A throaty chuckle came up from Ash followed by soft, mimicked sounds that couldn't have come from a grown man like him. He supposed this wasn't a day for prayers to be answered.

"What the hell is that matter with-" Kaidan squeezed out with as much indignation as he could muster but that all stopped when he abruptly collided with Ash's back. This time, his legs decided to call it quits and surrendered readily to his exhaustion, placing him firmly and embarrassingly onto the stone ground as the bags bounced along with his fall. "Ash, have you lost your-"

Words died in his throat as a spiky... something seemed to enter his nose.

Leaving his purchases where they were, he pulled himself up and looked to his friend just in time to see Ash taking a step toward the parking lot's entrance, shoulders back and arms deceptively falling against her sides. Her scent was wild and protective, fury and rage quarrelling within her that belied the supposedly calm exterior that she had. Wondering at the sudden surge from her, he sidestepped and glanced past her, feeling a thick dread worm its way down his throat as a shadowy silhouette leaned casually against the edges of the entrance. Waiting.

"Ash," Kaidan said softly, tugging at her shirt but she shrugged away from him, taking another step forward.

"Who's there?" Ash called out into the darkness. A sound of a deep breath being taken rang through Kaidan's ears.

"Ash, please," Kaidan all but begged. "Don't start something we both can't finish."

"Who the fuck are you?" Ash called out louder, ignoring his plea.

It had been like this during their younger years as well, especially after everything that had happened. Ash had developed an overly protective streak about her when it came to him and nothing that he did seemed to budge her an inch. It had reached a point, just before he'd started taking his suppressants on a regular basis, that she would actively seek out Alphas that were around him and try to beat them into the ground. While Kaidan was grateful, he was also a little annoyed with her, but instinct was instinct and Ash saw it as her duty to defend her Omega, or as close as they would ever be in the sense without having actual sexual relations.

Kaidan sniffed carefully, not smelling anything out of the ordinary as the dark figure spoke with joviality and calm as he stepped out into the dwindling light.

"A little aggressive, aren't we?" came that familiar, familiar voice. The stranger from the bakery, with those awfully wrenching blue eyes stepped under the spotlight of the flickering street lights that were just beginning to turn themselves on.

Kaidan breathed a sigh of relief, shoving Ash off to the side none too lightly. "God, Ash. You're just... come on, it's alright, I know him. Well, I mean, I met him earlier today. He's alright. Help me get my things so I can make my way back and..." Kaidan trailed off as Ash growled softly in her throat, pushing herself back into place before him. If anything, seeing the man stepping into the street made her puff up even more aggressively.

"You know him?" Ash asked him without turning to look at Kaidan.

Kaidan sighed. Damn Alphas and their stubborn natures.

"I, um, well, I don't really _know_ him," Kaidan corrected, emphasizing the word. "But, yeah, sure. We met at the bakery. Garrus I think, was the guy's name."

"This isn't Garrus," Ash corrected as if she were speaking to a child.

"Yeah, Ash. It's not," Kaidan shot back, barely keeping the sarcasm away from his voice.

The spiky smell wasn't going away and Ash looked ready to leap forward and tear the man's throat out. Kaidan didn't know what the hell was going on, but he sure wasn't going to be the cause of some poor Beta being sent to the hospital on his account so Kaidan waited for all of ten seconds for Ash to calm down and then intervened directly, stepping forward past Ash's protective body and moving closer to the man.

"Look Ash," Kaidan said firmly. "It's fine. Nothing's going to happen. I need to get my stuff and head home. You're making... I dunno, you're making this look... crazy."

Like curtains drawing close on a stage, Ash's expression changed completely as she contemplated the sudden shift. For good measure, Kaidan took a step back, closer to the stranger to show Ash that he was okay with the man's presence. She huffed a breath, seemed to be pulling the tangled mess of thoughts in her head and promptly moved forward to stand just before him.

Satisfied that she'd been dealt with for now, Kaidan turned to address the blue-eyed man behind him.

"Hey," Kaidan began, not sure how to continue after such a dramatic introduction.

"Hey," the man replied with subtle humour, casting a nervous glance at his feet.

"What-"

"Here," the man interrupted. "Garrus asked me to pass this along to you." He held out his hand, which held a loose collection of crumpled notes and coins that should have been at least several decades old. Kaidan stared in disbelief at the absurdity of it all.

"You, um," Kaidan said, "You waited out here? For me to come back, so that you could pass me my... breakfast change?"

The man barked a short, nervous laugh. "Nothing like that," the man corrected. "Garrus saw you coming back while he was out. Said it was bad for business if he kept hold of your... breakfast change like that. I _was_ going to head down to the old Alenko place after... work, everybody knows the car you drove up in, and well, I was going to pass it to you there."

A snort of disbelief tore out of the space behind him where Ash was standing like a sentinel, but the spiky scent was disappearing and she seemed to be calming down. A hundred questions swirled in his mind as he reached out to take the money but a shift in the wind tore up past the man's shoulders, distracting him. Warm and spicy. Cinnamon and nutmeg. The fluffy warmth of a bakery, recalling to him the previous hunger of the morning. It was heavenly.

"Thanks," Kaidan said appreciatively as he jerked back to the present, their hands wrapped around each others for a brief second as the currency was passed along.

A quick nod, another downcast gaze, and the man stepped off to the side, cutting a wide berth away from Ash.

"Good night, Ash," the man said in a meek tone. "And you too... Kaidan."

The barest hint of a question in that last bit and Kaidan would have slapped himself for the lack of introduction he'd given, though he hadn't been expecting to ever meet the man again. He guessed that since the man knew about his family, they would know about him, the only child. And he hoped that that was all that he knew. He nodded in confirmation as the man said his name and he was glad that the deepening evening hid his blush. "Kaidan," he said, feeling like an idiot. "I'll um, see you around then. Thanks... Again."

"Shepard," Ash replied tightly as the man continued past, with veiled caution and curiosity. She kept her eyes fixed on the man, Shepard, while he walked off along the path from where they had come from, hoodie pulled tightly up around his shoulders and walking forward with his hands in his pockets.

Kaidan watched as Shepard moved off into the distance and before he could ask Ash why the hell she'd reacted that way around a simple Beta, he knew that Ash would never act that way around another Omega, his friend spun him around and placed firm hands along his shoulders.

"Kaidan," Ash said in a tone so serious, he felt himself still in her grip. "Be very careful."

Kaidan stood stunned at the absolute lack of expression on Ash's face before he recovered himself and shrugged away from her. "What the hell Ash. You don't just go picking out random Betas and Omegas around me. It's bad enough that you're doing that around-"

"Kaidan," Ash repeated again, this time curiosity much more evident in her features. "What the hell are you talking about?"

"What the hell are _you_ talking about?" Kaidan shot back with a shove. "Look I know... I know what happened in... Anyway, you can't go around just calling people out like that, Ash. I mean, you seem to know him right? So what-"

"Kaidan, just shut up for a second." Ash eyed him until he ran out of words and took a deeper breath. "Kai. You _do_ know that Shepard is an Alpha, don't you?"

Now it was Kaidan's turn to stare at Ash. "What the hell are you talking about?"

"Shepard?" Ash said in that same curious tone, hitching her thumb behind her where the man had walked off into the night. "Is. An Alpha."

"You're insane," Kaidan retorted. "Don't you think I'd know an Alpha when I smell one? Did you see the way he was staring at the ground? Wouldn't even look me in the eye and you know what _I_ am. No way an Alpha would be able to take that kind of thing from an Omega. Ever."

"I take your shit don't I?" Ash said, but there wasn't any sting in her words.

"He..." Kaidan started again as he pulled at the memory of the man's scent. "He can't be. He doesn't smell... doesn't smell like they do..." Kaidan finished quietly.

"He is, Kai," Ash insisted.

Almost as an afterthought, Kaidan brought the notes that had been crumpled in Shepard's fist up to his nose. Behind the pervasive smell of old paper and grungy currency there was... a lingering sense of the man. That sweet spiciness, unlike anything that he'd ever smelt before.

"You're crazy," Kaidan said softly to no one in particular and pulled another whiff of the man's pheromones from the notes. Buttered bread.

"I think _you're_ the one that's crazy," Ash said. "Sniffing notes in public like a Red Sand druggie. Now come on. You got some stuff that need to get back to the fridge. Your mom'll kill me if I let something like that spoil."

Kaidan stuffed the notes quickly into his pocket as Ash mentioned what he was doing and he covered it up by stepping off toward the small stash of abandoned goods.

"Listen Kai," Ash called from behind as he moved over to pick up his parcels, "I meant what I said. I don't know what got into me or... Anyway, just... Just be careful around him alright? A lot of things changed... since you left."

"You were always overly protective over me," Kaidan said absently scooping up the last of his stuff into his hands.

"I guess I should get you updated with what's been going on here," Ash said almost apologetically. "Tomorrow. Or whenever you're free."

"Sure," Kaidan said, but he wasn't thinking about his next meet up with Ash. Somehow, the strange mixture of soft loam and earthy dough seemed to take up residence in his nose and he wasn't too concerned with what was going on around him. He mechanically kept pace beside Ash as she walked him back toward his car, placed everything that he could into the back seat and the trunk as he could. He didn't even pause to check to see if he remembered to get everything that he had set out to get for himself today. He would find the time tomorrow, he reasoned with himself, as Ash continued to speak under the sound of his own thoughts.

He nodded at random intervals as he barely registered Ash speaking to him about... something, but he couldn't focus, couldn't think about anything else, because right then, the smell of cinnamon and nutmeg seemed to waft up from the town and wrapped sensuous fingers around his spine.


	4. A Crowd of Four

The calm was silent.

It ran through him and beneath him and he could only see and smell and taste the calm. His fingers twined through the thin, white air and gathered the tendrils up along the ridges of his digits, only pausing to let them drift away.

Heat.

Something... warm. Pressing up against his back.

Kaidan moved as he'd trained himself to do, as he'd always instinctively reacted to whenever such agonizingly familiar heat pressed up against his skin. He ducked even as his arms flashed out behind him, cutting through the feeling in an attempt to chase it away, push it farther away from him.

His hands met nothing. The same fleeting heat rubbed gently over the back of his skin, along his back and legs and Kaidan lashed out again behind him. As he flailed wildly, struggling to push it back, he turned once to come face to face with a figure before him.

Him. It was him.

Kaidan yelled, a hoarse, god-awful scream as he balled his fists and attempted to beat the life out of the monster before him. And monster he was. The man smiled pleasantly as the blows landed harmlessly across his form and he seemed to tilt his head back and consider before grabbing both of Kaidan's hands in his, crushing through muscle.

Kaidan whimpered as he fell to his knees, fresh tears of shame and fear rolling along the edges of his cheeks. No, not again. Never again.

Kaidan struggled against the overwhelming strength pinning him down but despite all his years of growth and training, all the muscle he'd put on and fights he'd been in, it wasn't enough. It was never enough, here, in the prison of his own mind.

"Kaidan," the figure whispered gently, sending a throbbing pulse through his whole body and Kaidan stopped his struggles momentarily as the feeling swamped him.

The pressure on his wrists vanished abruptly, but the warmth of skin was still there, pressing in with a lover's caress. Kaidan coughed out another softer sob, not wanting to look up, but feeling himself pulled toward the sound of his name on those lips.

"Kaidan," it whispered again and Kaidan felt ethereal hands slide smoothly across his forearms and up to his shoulders in a smooth, continuous motion that was so tender it left him wrenched. The motion repulsed him, but he yearned for it, had a deep part of himself hunger for more. And it seemed to oblige as the heat travelled through his back, over his scapula and down over his spine, resting barely at the top curve of his ass.

His heart thundered in his chest, like the random tapping of raindrops and Kaidan's sobs died down as he stifled them, encompassed as he was. It was... extraordinary.

"Good night... Kaidan," the figure breathed into his ear and there was... something. Something under those words. Hot and wet and something more. Much, much more and Kaidan was seized with a sudden desire to have it, to claw at it and take it for his own. With the edge of his name balanced on the tip of the figure's lips, Kaidan crushed the presence into himself and felt it vanish from his grasp, the soft warmth disappearing even as he reached out to grab as much of it for himself as he could.

*

Kaidan jerked awake as the sound of thunder rumbled through the still, damp air of the room. With a hoarse, soft yell, Kaidan pulled himself up, swinging his arms wildly and almost overbalancing himself off his bed. He clamped his lips shut just in time to stop another short burst of sound from escaping and he cast his eyes wildly over the small space of his room. It was dark and another crack illuminated the shadows briefly and made him jump slightly as the pattering of rain sounded harshly against the window behind him and kept an unheeding pace even as he tried to calm himself.

Kaidan breathed deeply, trying to control his racing heart. To even out the desperate breaths that were coming out in short gasps. Breathe. In and out. Calm.

"Fuck," Kaidan swore eloquently. Another thundering boom seemed to underscore the expletive and Kaidan tried not to swear again as the chill began to creep along his limbs.

Moving in a confused tangle, he stretched out his bare arm over to the night stand, fumbling for the phone that he'd left charging there before he had surrendered to exhaustion and the day's events. Switching it on, he stared uncomprehendingly at the sudden, stark brightness that left him momentarily blinded and blinking, seeing the blurred numbers swim into his view almost lazily.

4:16 am.

 _Damn_ , he thought to himself as he slapped the device back onto the wooden surface. The thunderous peal of the storm seemed to mirror his sentiments and chose, at that moment, to rumble it's approval at his casual treatment of his makeshift timepiece.

Kaidan rolled over onto his side, letting the steady patter of the rain ease his thoughts and calm his mind. His hand rose of its own accord and began to scrub relentlessly against the side of his temple, almost as if he was attempting to rewind the thoughts that woke him from... what was it? What had he been dreaming of this time?

Deep, calming breaths eased out of his nose as he tried to pick apart the tangled skein of thoughts. The rain seemed to cheer him on with its regular beat and he could almost imagine, at the edges of memory, a faint scent. Something... that he wanted but couldn't get a hold of. Something that frightened him and made him mad with desire all at once. Kaidan dashed the nonsensical train of his thoughts with a rough jerk of his hand, causing the pillows beside him to jump in shock.

What the hell was he thinking? He hadn't been so introspective in years and-

No. No more. He wouldn't do that to himself again. All that time spent running when everything around him cried out and screamed to him, Omega, he had to stop. Had to stop running.

But how could he run, when everywhere he went, there it lay, like an open sore?

So turned his thoughts even as his body wrestled with fatigue. Even as the rain began to lighten, and their comforting sounds became more soothing, sleep hadn't come.

*

His jaw creaked with the effort of holding in his yawn, but he kept his mouth shut tight even as he signed his name along the line at the bottom of the paper in front of him, not even bothering to read through the fine print. For god's sake, it was just a gym's term membership and he sincerely doubted that they would have anything insidious there to trip up innocent Omegas looking for a workout.

Taking the key mechanically and nodding his thanks, Kaidan trundled off toward the lockers even as he stopped another yawn from emerging. This day was starting tits up, and he just hoped it wouldn't get any worse.

After several abortive attempts at returning to sleep, he had tried calming exercises, had made an attempt at meditation and even read through a book that he kept with himself about the mechanics of military hierarchy that had always put him to sleep, no matter the time of day. This time, however, he managed to complete the chapter detailing the different address ranks that anyone below a sergeant would have to remember for whatever reasons, as the first blotch of dawn began to creep through the damp air.

Back during his time in the military, his rank gave him free reign to move about the camp as he pleased. Often, after nights such as these, he would head down toward the obstacle course, the gymnasium or the pool and work himself ragged in an attempt to silence the overcrowded thoughts in his head. It was something that he was comfortable with, using physical pain to chase metaphysical pain away, and it had become almost second nature to him. Running didn't really cut it. He had passable stamina, but the open road and silence of his own company would mean the thoughts he was trying to outrun would clamour through him and crush him with their frenzy. Rather than thump through a harsh workout in the house, no doubt waking everyone up with his clattering and thumping, he opted for a drive into town, looking for that gym that he'd spotted just beside the mall when Ash had dragged him over to it for some therapy and catching up.

While the merest thoughts of going through that with one Ashley Williams made him shudder slightly in remembrance, the gym did stick out in his memory, which was just as well since he was going to rebuild his life back in the place that took it away from him in the first place, not to mention it was one of the things in his mental to-do lists in his head.

Not wanting to come face-to-face with Ash after what had happened the day before, Kaidan had decided to pound through his over-active mind and then drag himself home and pray that this time, sleep would be frustrated enough with him to leave him dreamless in his rest.

The clock in the men's locker clicked quietly to 8:05 am. Despite the differences between the sexes, most institutions had decided that separating toilets and the like into six separate categories was probably the least efficient and most costly idea anyone ever proposed. Not only would it mean changing new installations, but modifying those that had stood since humanity had had only two genders. Coupled with the fact that external physiology between Alphas, Betas and Omegas didn't differ too much from each other, it made more sense to stick to the classics. Kaidan often thought that the real problem that people faced was probably what little signs to post up outside of each restroom.

Of course, there were issues to consider, especially the presence of Alphas and Omegas being bare within the same confines. And what the poor Betas would think, watching the Alphas with their larger-than-normal endowments and the Omegas almost wrapping themselves up in towels up to their necks, meekly stepping around every Alpha that was trying to sniff up and down his or her body. There were signs, posters and cue cards, placed neatly over the walls threatening dire consequences and legal action should any Alphas and Omegas be caught proceeding beyond mere looking. Still, it hadn't stopped some overzealous Alphas and Omegas from making a pass on one another and more often than not, it was some offended or prudish Beta that would report them to the front. It was one of the reasons Kaidan came to the gym dressed for his workout and then went home for a shower.

Dragging open his assigned locker, he began to stuff his bag and clothes, picking out his trainers and earphones. He liked to workout with loud, deep music throbbing in his ears, and he almost believed that it was enough to push everything else out of his head. Closing the locker with a hollow snap, Kaidan slung his towel over his shoulder and walked out to the main floor, deep bass already ringing in his head.

The first thing he noticed, and approved of in Vega's Gym, was the nearly cavernous emptiness of the place. Well, it was still a little early in the day and no doubt others had to do such mundane things as sleep, wake up and have breakfast, but he wouldn't complain if that left him alone to do as he pleased.

At a glance, Kaidan saw that the gym was split into two parts: the main and largest area housed the machines, warm-up and cool-down mats as well as the treadmills and various cardio equipment. A smaller section ran up behind that and the tell-tale glint of dull metal and rounded weights indicated that it was purely for hard-core lifters, the padded flooring lending extra protection against the drops and lifts. Kaidan made his way over to the warm-up mats and began to feel the first points of sweat dot his body as his heart beat quickened and heat flooded his muscles.

A pair of bulky men exited the weight room and were casually strolling around the main area while they chatted and Kaidan kept a wary eye on them both as he continued his routine. A young woman, slightly plump, was sitting by herself along one of the bench machines and was puffing through her workout. Kaidan's eyes shifted back and forth as he worked his tired and stiff muscles, keeping an ever vigilant watch over the small, empty space around him.

As the heat continued to build up in his form, he could already feel the perspiration forming along his skin and soaking into his shirt and nodded to himself in satisfaction as he ended the last round and headed over to the weight room.

One of the two large men stepped away from his friend and shifted closer toward Kaidan even as he attempted to step away and avoid the hulking wall of muscle. The man paused for a moment, shifting slightly and moving closer to Kaidan, staring at him intently. Kaidan felt his muscles clench even as the man's nostrils flared in the cool, motionless air.

"You smell nice," the man growled out huskily even as he took another, deeper breath and Kaidan jerked back as if he'd been slapped. To have such a statement, such a blatant disregard for his personal gender called to attention like that was a grave social insult and spoke volumes about this man's lack of etiquette.

"Fuck off," Kaidan barked back, stepping up to the larger man even as the man's friend joined in, looking amused with the conversation. Kaidan caught a pungent whiff of two distinct, tangled threads of scent and it almost made him gag at the thought. Alphas. Two of them.

The second, slightly smaller man coughed out a harsh laugh even as the first grinned over Kaidan's head. "Man, don't know what this world is turning into. Omega whores acting like Alphas and thinking they got what it takes."

The slur stained Kaidan's cheeks a light shade of red as both men began to circle him, briefly pausing here and there to sniff at him. Kaidan swore to himself for his carelessness. He had assumed that his heat would have been suppressed by the constant dosage he'd been taking for the last few years and had hoped that the drugs would stay in his system long enough that his body wouldn't be going through its usual cycle for the next few days at least. His pheromone laced sweat must have been like a tantalizing neon sign for the both of them and Kaidan cursed himself and his stupid selfishness.

"You got a nice ass on you there, Omega," Alpha One said in an attempt at a seductive drawl, "Betcha it's nice and loose, waiting for some thick piece of Alpha meat huh?"

"Don't need a reason to hide what you are," Alpha Two said in poorly conceived tones of comfort, like a butcher comforting a chicken before its head was lopped off. "Can't fool these," he said tapping his nose, "And you? Man, you smell great."

Kaidan's knuckles cracked as he stood there, forcing himself to endure the disgrace and harassment. It was nothing he hadn't been through before, Kaidan told himself, nothing that he hadn't experienced. Both Alphas stopped their posturing and prowling, pausing to stand in front of him and Kaidan noticed with disgust how their shorts were beginning to tent in front.

"Why don't you come on back with us?" Alpha Two said with supposed innocence. "We'll treat you right and give you a big ol' ride. One that you won't quite forget."

"Makin' us hard like this, you better be ready for what we got for you, Omega." Alpha One said with less subtly.

Kaidan's gaze was as sharp as blades, but he'd been waiting for this chance. There was no way he'd be able to take on more than one Alpha, especially when they had this much size and weight on him. Though shame burned in him and he hated himself for it, Kaidan abruptly snorted in disgust and turned on his heel, making for the clear space behind him that they had left. He didn't get two steps before a thick, meaty hand clamped down roughly on his shoulder.

"Fucking Omega," Alpha One growled low, "Don't you fucking turn your back on me unless I tell you to. The only time I'm gonna see that back and that ass like that, is when I'm shoving my cock up your dripping Omega hole and make you moan for more."

"Don't touch me," Kaidan said in a voice that was as bland as lukewarm water.

"Joey," Alpha Two said slowly, "Don't think you should--"

A snarl cut the air, followed by a meaty thud.

"Don't you fuckin' tell me what to do," Joey said in dangerous tones. Kaidan felt his world spin as the hands turned him around to face the towering wall of muscle behind him. "You're mine, Omega. Gonna take you, breed you and make you want more of my seed. Gonna shoot it into you so deep." Joey's eyes were glazed and Kaidan felt a small tingle of fear shoot up his spine.

"Don't touch me," Kaidan repeated, and his voice grazed harshly against his throat.

"I'll touch you all I want, Omega," Joey snarled out. Removing one hand from Kaidan's shoulder, the Alpha trailed a rough path down towards the front of his shorts. "And once I'm done with you I--"

Kaidan didn't wait. Now that his other arm was free, he pulled it up to the side and grabbed a hold of Joey's wrist. Using the man's momentum as he leaned against him, Kaidan shifted to the side a fluid motion and twisted the wrist at the same time, pulling it inward and twisting it back out so that the joints in the man's wrist, elbow and shoulder ground against one another. Kaidan didn't wait for the reaction and the satisfaction of seeing the larger man humbled. He jerked his hand up, pulling the arm up at an unnatural angle and leaving it in his grip, on the verge of breaking.

Joey grunted in pained surprise, instinctively falling to one knee, causing him to shout again in pain as the angle on his arm tightened. It was a salve to Kaidan's nerves.

"When I tell you not to touch me," Kaidan said with mellow softness, "I mean, don't. Touch. Me."

For emphasis, Kaidan twisted the man's wrist just a little more, wringing out another grunt of pain.

"What the fuck," Alpha Two said with uncertainty, "What the fuck you doing, you Omega slut? Let him go or-"

"Or what?" Kaidan butted in smoothly, "Or... I'll break his arm into two parts? I would ask for an apology, or call the police, but I don't think two idiot Alphas like you even know what a fucking apology is. And I don't have time to baby sit the both of you till the police come. So why don't you both just step away, leave me the fuck alone and-"

Kaidan's breath left his lungs in a rush as Joey pushed up against him, using his superior weight to shove him back. He was overbalanced and wasn't paying attention to the kneeling Alpha in front of him and he couldn't catch himself in time from falling back, with Joey landing roughly on top of him. Kaidan's hand jerked back from the man's arm and he felt a perverse satisfaction at the wrenching motion that he felt before they broke skin contact, indicating that the man had dislocated his shoulder in order to push Kaidan back. Despite the damage, the man didn't seem the least bit affected, straddling Kaidan triumphantly through a sheen of perspiration and pain.

"Gonna make you pay for that, knot slut," Joey growled deeply and Kaidan... couldn't move. His arms were pinned under the man's knees and Kaidan felt his gorge rise as the mixing scents of Alpha arousal and the hard Alpha cock pressed up against the inadequate fabric around his legs. "Take you back home with me and teach you some manners. Teach you not to walk around in heat. Should be in a bed, waiting to have Alphas fuck you in a row. That's what a good Omega bitch should do."

"I'm going to fucking tear you a new asshole you-" Kaidan began to shout but a grubby hand pressed up roughly against his mouth, fingers clamping his lips shut and preventing him from even attempting to bite the meaty digits. The weight on his arm hadn't changed and Kaidan realized that the man had pushed his considerable weight onto his own arm by pressing down with the elbow he hadn't broken.

"Naw man," Joey whispered nastily, "It's your asshole I'm going to tear."

Kaidan's heart began to hammer away in his chest. Fear and anger, shame and terror, coursed through him. Memories of different words with the same intent, growled down on him. Kaidan tried to shift his knee up, tried to send it crashing against the Alpha's groin but he didn't have any leverage. He screamed silently within himself, not willing to give the man the satisfaction of hearing his distress. And with dawning horror, Kaidan realized that his own body was beginning to respond to the thick piece of Alpha meat rubbing up against him, of the stronger man's dominant arousal. He could feel his own shorts beginning to tent with his comparatively meagre erection and his passage was beginning to moisten itself in preparation for... No. Oh god, he begged, please no.

"Wha-" Alpha Two began but Kaidan couldn't see past the thick, bulging muscles in front of him before the weight was blessedly shoved off of him and breath and feeling returned to him in a rush.

He scrambled backward in awkward, burning movements as a large, muscular leg shoved Joey right in the man's bent arm, causing him to shout in pain and move with the direction, away from Kaidan. He didn't care. As long as they kept away from him. Fear had taken on its own edge now and whatever fight response he had was swept away in the overwhelming sense of his own vulnerability and the closeness that he had come to to reliving such a familiar horror.

A large man, almost as big as Joey, was shoving the man back against one of the side walls against the warm-up area, Kaidan noticed detachedly. The man was rough cut and tan, looking easily capable of going toe to toe with both Alphas and Kaidan felt his gut harden with dread. This was it, he thought morosely, his heat had hit. Now the Alphas had picked up his scent and they were going to fight for the right to fuck him, to own him. Just like all those reports he'd skimmed through since his discharge. He was going to be violated, to be forced into carnal acts once again, and he'd fight against his biology and lose. He'd lose and he'd open himself up willing, just to feel, to taste that heat within him, stretching him. And he'd cursed himself for it and break just a little more.

Alpha Two was cowering away from the newcomer, not moving an inch to help his fallen friend. Joey was staring up murderously at his conqueror but after a few, brief seconds, his gaze shifted away and he winced as he tried to push himself up on his uninjured arm. The large, tanned man bent over and reached out with a muscled arm that rippled with tattoos, shoving the man back down. He moved in and leant down to whisper in the man's ear and whatever he said was lost on Kaidan, who had unconsciously shoved himself back all the way across the way and against the wall at the edge of the room. Joey's features blanched as the man continued to speak to him, gesturing slightly. Kaidan couldn't care. Didn't care. He had to move, had to get up and away from this new Alpha. It was the way of their new, twisted world. The strongest Alpha would succeed and breed the Omega. Nothing would be able to stop him and Kaidan couldn't help the continual traces of shivering running over his body. He shouted to himself, willed his muscles to comply, but for naught as he continued to sit there, braced against the wall and stared at the three men across from his position.

A soft hand on his shoulder made him jerk back as if burned.

"Hey... Hey!" came a feminine sounding voice from his side. "It's alright! It's alright. My name's Caitlyn. We gotta get you out of here while James takes care of those two. Are you alright?"

The flood of information had Kaidan momentarily gaping up at the plump young woman who had been exercising in the room and he'd almost forgotten about her presence when all the ridiculous posturing and drama had started. The hand moved slowly over to him and he flinched back from it, eyes quickly moving from it to the woman's face. Almost on instinct now, he took an experimental sniff, but couldn't smell anything beside the Alpha scent and his fear.

As if reading his mind, the woman pulled her hand back slightly and gave him a small, comforting smile. "It's alright. I'm a Beta. Come on, we need to get you up and out of here. We need to keep you away from the area until your heat scent clears enough that James can kick those two out without anything getting worse. Can you move?"

Kaidan tried to process the information in bits but his mind was grinding against himself. All he heard was the words "Beta" and "move". That was good enough for him and he released a shaky nod as he struggled onto his wobbling feet. The woman, Caitlyn, pulled him to his feet and kept her smaller, shorter form in front of him, directly facing the two Alpha and this James. Kaidan felt himself centre a little more at the Samaritan gesture. It was almost suicidal for anyone to do that between an Omega in heat and a raging Alpha, and more often than not, using your body as an obstruction tended to be the root cause of injuries and fatalities during Alpha/Omega heat encounters. That this slight, little bird was willing to put herself at risk for his sake spoke either of her compassion and understanding about his situation, or more accurately, her stupidity and ignorance

Kaidan watched as James shoved Joey back down, making a point to press down against the man's injured shoulder, as the Alpha noticed his movement. Joey snarled and tried to push himself up, but James wasn't having any of it and seemed to be playing with the larger man, constantly keeping him off balance and pushing him back down to the ground.

Caitlyn steered clear of Alpha Two, watching him warily as Kaidan was tugged along, but the man didn't seem the least bit interested in his movements. He was too busy watching the scene before him.

"In here," Caitlyn said urgently, "Come on." Kaidan continued to watch the two Alphas, perhaps three, and felt small hands pulling then pushing back away, further and further.

The click of a lock and his vision filled with an unending field of varnished, brown wood. A door. He was behind a door, away from the Alphas and his cursed heritage. Letting out a shaky breath, Kaidan stumbled back away from the portal, constantly keeping an eye on the brown panel, not wanting to look away for an irrational fear of one of the Alphas behind that door, bursting through and claiming him. He was safe and secure, behind this flimsy piece of wood and best of all he was away from all the Alpha arousal that had been building up in the main area. This had been a stupid idea, how could he have been so stupid? Still, all wasn't lost. He was beginning to feel his heartbeat steady itself and his trembling was beginning to wither away. Thank god there had been someone else around, he had no idea what would have happened next. Though in all probability, there was only one outcome that would have resulted if things had taken its course. Kaidan took a deep breath and willed himself to calm down and relax his tense muscles. He had to get out of here. His legs wobbled as he continued to push blindly back, and it was no wonder then, that he finally stopped as he crashed into what felt like a meaty wall behind him. The wall shot out a surprised grunt and the motion sent both himself and it, to the floor.


	5. Layered Layers

Kaidan felt his world tilt upwards and sideways as he felt a hard-yet-soft... _something_ collide with his back. With his legs already struggling to hold up his quivering body, it was no wonder then that such a slight impact would be enough to send him tumbling toward the floor. The walls and then the ceiling seemed to move sluggishly past his field of view but he could only stare in dumb response as the world shifted crazily, barely having the presence of mind to shift his weight, leaning down and to the side in order to catch his falling mass against the carpeted flooring. Like a sudden rush, the impact sent feeling cascading through him, radiating out from his elbow and, all at once, the world collapsed in around him and feeling and time returned in a heady rush.

A shocked grunt sounded from above his head but his vision was tilted to the side, staring along the vertical view of the floor and his head gave a soft throb as it rubbed up against the warm, yielding floor.

Wait. _What?_

"Well," came a guttural voice, "That was some entrance young pup."

Kaidan twisted his head up toward the sound of that voice and fought against an embarrassed gurgle when he realized that his head had been cradled against a thick mass of muscle, attached to solid trunk of a leg. Kaidan could only stare, could only follow his gaze unconsciously as they moved up the rough, well-worn denim that his cheek had been rubbing against moments before and up along a taut stomach, a shadowy chin and a pair of startling blue eyes that stared at him inquisitively, with more than a hint of mirth.

Those eyes, captivating and deep, held him for more than just a moment and it made his thoughts crash into a brick wall; he could only watch with helpless frustration as the contents of his mind spilled haphazardly across the tracks.

It was Shep-

"Um," Shepard spoke up, for it was indeed his thigh that Kaidan was so comfortably nestled up against, "This is a little... awkward."

To emphasize the statement, Shepard wiggled his legs just a little and Kaidan felt the compacted muscle there bunch up and bounce his cheek up to land comfortably up against the muscle again. Kaidan continued to stare, poleaxed and wide-eyed.

The man lay against the floor, pressing up his torso against the edges of his arms. Kaidan could only watch with admiration as the posture pulled against the grey shirt the man wore, bunching it up wonderfully against the lean and sculpted ridges of muscle along his stomach, accentuating them. From this angle, Shepard's eyes looked shielded, almost bare slits, like a hint of open sky peeking out from behind a mass of clouds and Kaidan found his eyes darting across the expanse of skin along the man's features, that crescent shaped scar that begged to be questioned, that masculine stubble that seemed to shift, becoming barely there and almost fully fledged. It was almost more than Kaidan could bear and something... something pressed him deeper, searching those eyes, wanting to scour away the surface and peer beneath the-

A strong, large and very firm hand grabbed at his bicep, almost encircling the circumference of his arm. With all the effort he'd made into building up muscle, it should have been a miracle that anyone could grab at him like they were lifting up sticks.

"Taking all damn day about it too," the same guttural voice from before rumbled and he felt himself being lifted up like a helpless puppy, made to stand up on his unstable legs as best he could. The voice seemed to produce another massive hand that clamped itself on his other side, and with his gaze still tacked to Shepard like a fly on a pool of honey, the gruff voice swivelled him to face what appeared to be a pair of overly-muscled mountains.

Kaidan blinked as the enormous heaps of tight, veiny flesh seemed to swell and then deflate, prompting him to take an instinctive step back. What he saw made him _almost_ shame himself with an undignified squeal.

The man standing before him was _massive_. In height and in mass. It spoke volumes that, despite his own slightly better than average height, the stranger's collarbone was almost at a point along his eye level and Kaidan couldn't stop himself from following the straining fabric of an overly abused singlet as it tried, and failed, to cover up even more muscle than Kaidan had ever seen in one place, let alone one person. Thick ropey veins crisscrossed a pattern of scars and muscled ridges, shoulders like bowling balls led up to a neck that would have done any millennial tree proud. And like any weathered plant, the top was crowned with a squat mass of features that squinted harshly at him, surround by a simple crop of hair that had equal parts grey and black in them. Kaidan felt the muscles in his neck strain even as he made eye contact with the massive giant, fearing to continue looking, but unable to look away either. The man was bigger than massive.

"So you're what all the fuss is about, eh?" the giant said in a grumble, squinting down at him and making Kaidan feel more like a bug on display than anything.

Kaidan opened his mouth to apologize, to say anything at all, but those meaty digits were still clamped firmly onto his arms and they were vice-like in their grip. Kaidan could hear, but couldn't see, Shepard slowly pulling himself up from where he'd fallen. Kaidan doubted that he'd heard a slight chuckle coming in from that direction either.

"Wrex is a little... intimidating," Shepard called out from behind him, and Kaidan would have loved to have turned around. He was sure that Shepard was grinning at this situation from ear to ear and he would have loved nothing more than to wipe that expression off of the other man's face.

The giant, Wrex, grunted in response and turned his attention back on Kaidan.

The juggernaut before him continued to stare him in the face, seconds crawling slowly into minutes, and Kaidan had just worked up the nerve to break away when Wrex pinned him with his gaze, and took a deep, fortifying breath.

"You're in heat," Wrex said simply, watching Kaidan out of the corner of his eye.

All the humour and light-heartedness seemed to vanish from the room like it had been sucked out by a vacuum. Kaidan felt chilled fingers drip down his spine and mentality kicked himself for his own stupidity and inattentiveness. His heat scent was still swirling around him like a cloud and Wrex, a man of this size, was surely an Alpha. Caution born from fear made him sniff tentatively and he almost rocked back as the feeling returned tenfold. He was helpless, clenched in an Alpha's grip. Maybe he could...

Alpha. Ash's words ricocheted in his mind like drunken fireworks. An Alpha before him... and an Alpha behind. He had almost completely forgotten. Shepard was an Alpha, or so Ash had claimed. Kaidan could only struggle through his despair and fear. He'd been picked up, shoved out of public view between two Alphas and put into an even worse situation, hidden behind closed doors where no one would see, could care, could help. A scream lodged itself in his throat as Wrex's fingers wrenched open his mouth and this was it, he was gone. Taken. He would be inspected and argued over, abused and turned into a breeding body. Just like before.

The hard edge of a pill clicked against his teeth and Wrex clamped his rough hands over Kaidan's mouth, enveloping his nose and panic swelled within him as he fought against the grip, refused to swallow. Memories and nightmares swarmed him up and down and the fear that he'd been trapped, doped and left screaming within the cage of his own trapped mind, made his struggles seem frenetic.

"Hold still," Wrex ground out, "It's for your own good, youngling."

Kaidan couldn't breath, couldn't control his body's desperate instinctive reaction for air and he felt his throat convulse dryly as he swallowed. He closed his eyes, he knew what would come now, and he could already feel the carefully placed pieces of his sanity begin to fracture and break.

It was a surprise then, that he felt himself falling, his rump hitting the edge of a chair even as his eyes fluttered open. Wrex looked nonplussed, taking a step back and dusting his hands roughly against one another as if he'd been dirtied and Kaidan felt his skin crawl and almost leapt out of the chair when he felt calm, strong hands gently massaging the edges of his traps.

"Don't know what all the fuss is about," Wrex grumbled as he snorted out a breath. Kaidan continued to stare, wide-eyed and frightened, as Wrex snorted and trundled back over to the side of the room, moving further and further away from him. Kaidan's heart beat wildly in his chest even as the large man moved away and the warmth of the hands on him sent a gentle comfort floating into his core. Even then, he tried to flinch away, to shift from that warm pressure, but it pressed him down implacably, with commanding strength.

"You've got to relax," Shepard's voice said from behind him, far enough away that it seemed he was still back where he had been. "Don't worry... Kaidan. Wrex just gave you a suppressant."

Kaidan's thoughts train-wrecked again as the word worked its way into his ears and his fragmented brain. Suppressant? He must have voiced the question out loud, as a strange sound seemed to come from the two other men in the room with him, an almost shared tension that Kaidan could reach out and touch.

"Suppressant," Shepard confirmed but that smooth welcoming voice had turned deadpan and neutral. "It'll tide you over, keep your... heat... in check. Till you get more at least." Something else in that tone, like a whip crack that made Kaidan pay attention.

"Won't do as much good to be honest," Wrex ground out from across the small room. "He's been skipping and well... there's only so much that modern medicine can do anyway."

"It's better than nothing," Shepard snapped back at Wrex.

Wrex snorted in response.

When Shepard wasn't venturing a reply to Wrex's, Kaidan tried to shift again from under the hypnotic circles being woven into his shoulders but Shepard seemed to anticipate the reaction, applying just enough pressure to keep Kaidan seated. Kaidan huffed out an undignified sigh.

He tried to will his heart to still, tried to calm the desperate thumping in his chest that felt like something was trying to burst its way out. A suppressant. An Alpha had given him a suppressant even though the heat scent should have overwhelmed any thought other than that of mating. Kaidan scrambled to gather up his logical thinking, tried to put back the pieces, but the friendly banter between the two men was distracting him and he felt more and more dislocated from himself. The minutes ticked by and Kaidan was just confident enough to move away when the sound of heavy footfalls intruded in on his thoughts.

The door to the room banged open and the large young man from the gym, James was his name wasn't it, Kaidan thought with agonising slowness, marched in and made a beeline for Kaidan. He flinched at the large, meaty freight train that was headed his way and tried to move away from the hands that hadn't stopped their soothing motions but being surrounded, trapped in room like this, made instinct rear its ugly head and Kaidan had to get out, had to get away from all these... Alphas. Strange as they may be.

"Yo pops," James called to the far corner of the room, not taking his eyes off of Kaidan. "How you holding up?"

"Just fine. Peachy, actually," came the familiar grumbled response, and Kaidan swore a muscle in his neck twanged as he whipped his head around to stare. Wrex was slouched down, almost pressing himself up against the corner of the room, that was beginning to take shape and look more like a small administrative office. The hulking Alpha was hunched over, almost as if he were trying to squeeze his way out of the wall, and from the way that Wrex's chest was jerking up and down in quick bursts, Kaidan had the strangest impression that Wrex was trying to gulp down shallow, quick breaths.

"Man, he's got it bad, you know?" James quipped up as Kaidan continued to study Wrex's strange posture. The voice tore him out of his introspection, and Kaidan felt his eyes dart between Wrex and James even as his head returned back to its usual posture. Now that he thought about it, the size alone should have pointed out that there had to be some connection between the two males.

"That's enough, James," Shepard said quietly as the bulky, tanned man opened his mouth with mischief glistening in his eyes. Almost as if the words were meant for himself, Shepard withdrew the gentle hands he'd lain on Kaidan and moved away, returning to his seat. Kaidan felt a strange sense of want and relief at the loss of contact.

"You youngsters and your heats," Wrex grumbled when it seemed everyone had settled down.

Kaidan felt a blush creep up along his cheeks. Whatever else was happening, he was surrounded by strangers who were talking about his waning heat as if they were talking about the weather outside of the complex. No Alpha should have been able to resist the pheromones that were rolling off of him, even at this kind of preliminary stage, and yet here he was, with three Alphas moving on around him without a care in the world. It was unnerving, to say the least.

James grinned as he winked at Kaidan, moving off toward Wrex and the movement sent a warm rush of air in his direction. Kaidan used his must trusted instrument, taking in an inconspicuous puff of air. Sweat and muscle, strength and honour. There was a calmness there, something placid and steadfast. Omega.

Kaidan blinked, turning to watch the two begin what appeared to be an amicable conversation, but every so often, he noticed that they would shoot glances at him. Kaidan paused for a moment and when he thought that they were both looking away, he took in a deeper breath, almost filling his lungs to the brim. An Alpha, an Omega. And something else, something-

"You know it's rude to do that so openly," came an amused tone from behind him.

The fire in his face burned even more deeply as Shepard came to stand before him, aware that he'd been caught performing a social _faux pas_ that was equivalent to grabbing someone's groin in order to inspect the size of their package.

"I... Uh..." Kaidan gabbled stupidly.

"Relax," Shepard said with a pleasant smile, neither overly sincere nor condescending. It was just... right. "I know what you're going through. Or more specifically, what you're probably going through."

Kaidan swallowed the incendiary comment that almost rose up out of his throat. He stopped. Paused for a moment and tilted his head to the side, staring at this man carefully for a moment. Shepard was crouched about two feet away from him, giving him plenty of space to move away. His eyes, gorgeous and light blue eyes, were staring at him in open curiosity, watching his face rather than roving his body with want. His hands, strong and sure, clasped patiently in front of his chin as he crouched there, balancing himself with envious dexterity above the balls of his feet.

"I... Well, um... Thank you?" Kaidan manage to blurt out suddenly. What the hell was wrong with him?

"You're welcome?" Shepard replied in a similar tone, tilting his own head slightly to the side in imitation of Kaidan's own quirk. A crooked smile graced those lips and damn, how was that even possible, even with gene modification and therapy? Kaidan thrashed the errant thought away, trying to dispel the heat beginning to thrum slowly around his stomach and chest. He shook his head minutely, a habit that he'd acquired when he wanted to clear his thoughts. It was the pseudo-heat, affecting his thinking, the way that he saw things. He had to move.

"Ah, you know, it's... I'm really grateful for this," Kaidan began, picking up some of his old self confidence. "I think I should-"

"You'll sit there till we say you can go." Wrex said in a menacing voice that travelled across the floor and vibrated up Kaidan's spine. His mouth clamped shut without a second's hesitation.

Shepard rolled his eyes as he shot Wrex a pointed look, which the large man seemed to promptly ignore. Turning back to Kaidan, Shepard's lips quirk up in a crooked, apologetic smile that had Kaidan's breath catching in his throat.

"We're going to wait just a little," Shepard said with a shrug, "At least, until the heat haze clears off of you a little."

Something itched at the back of Kaidan's mind, something like an alarm, but it wasn't screaming danger. In fact, now more than ever, he was curious.

"I'm... Look, I'm fine. Really. I think that I should, um, get home. Somewhere safe?" Kaidan ventured, trying his best to sound reasonable.

"You wouldn't get very far yet," Shepard countered. "The thing-"

"You wouldn't get past the next block without being jumped on by another Alpha," Wrex shot out from his corner. "You walk out there, and there's nothing we can do. So sit there young pup, until we think the heat's gone for now."

Despite the awkward situation and his apparent reliance on these strangers, Kaidan still felt his neck heat from the blush that was staining his features. He should have known better, especially after what he'd gone through so many times in his life. Of course, a respectable Alpha would never allow him or herself to get caught up in an Omega's influence if they could help it. It was akin to finding someone extremely attractive and pushing violent attention onto that person, no inhibitions. Of course, once the heat had completely overwhelmed either the Omega or the Alpha, there would be no control, no higher thought order. The main driving force would be to mate, to claim, to own. But many young, virile Alphas, desperate to get into some Omega's pants, would be willing to argue that the heat had gotten to them, had made them lose control prematurely. It was something based on psychosis rather than factual biology, and it couldn't really be supported or argued against. It was one of the weaknesses that people took advantage of to get what they wanted.

Shepard was still looking at him strangely, never taking his eyes off of him, and Kaidan had to resist the urge to lash out, to knock the man away as he made a dash for the door. He closed his eyes as he patiently tried to gather his thoughts, and took deep calming breaths.

Cinnamon and nutmeg. Tarragon and rosemary. Kaidan felt his mouth water even as exhaustion began to drain into him, the adrenaline from the previous encounter already unable to numb how tired he was. Had he forgotten the sleepless nights he'd had before? It was nothing new to him but... something pulled him. Drew him into a quiet, peaceful place within himself that he stood in awe of, had never truly experienced in such detail.

Kaidan's eyes fluttered open to see Shepard still standing there, watching him.

"You're an Alpha," Kaidan blurted out, almost accusingly. It wasn't what he intended but it had been in the forefront of his mind since the first time he met Shepard.

"I am," Shepard said warily.

"Then why?" Kaidan finally ground out, voice hoarse from the tumble of questions that littered his throat. "Why are you doing this? Why are you 'helping' an Omega in heat? Why the fuck are you just standing there, so close to me?"

Shepard blinked. He seemed taken aback by the tirade and it took him a moment to respond. Kaidan didn't let him. To hell with control and how he'd speak to an Alpha. The words fell from his lips even as he continued to straighten in his seat, boring down on Shepard.

"You're an Alpha," Kaidan repeated. "Wrex over there is an Alpha. James smells like an Omega. So I can understand why Wrex is standing over there, trying not to breathe at all and why James wouldn't be caught up in the heat stink. But you're just... I dunno, just sitting there! Are you really an Alpha, Shepard? Why are you here, at the bakery the day before. I just... just want to know what you want. What the hell are you, Shepard?"

The last words trickled out as the rant exhausted itself. Kaidan felt his heart beating faster again, wasting all his efforts to calm himself. He clenched his fists, held them up close to his body and felt his muscles tense. No Alpha would allow his superiority to be questioned like that by an Omega, or even another Alpha for that matter, and would lash out at the source. Kaidan knew from experience and he was prepared to fight or run. What he didn't expect was for Shepard to tilt his head back and bark out a short, sharp syllable of laughter.

"Actually, I was here to see James," Shepard began.

A sour feeling coiled in Kaidan's belly, sending radiating spikes of heat scorching through his chest. His muscles clenched even tighter and Kaidan felt his teeth grind against one another even as the feeling spread toward his extremities. It was only after it had almost suffused him, just beginning to ebb that he realized the feeling was unwelcomed and totally unexpected. He was beginning to feel jealous.

"It's nothing like what you think," Shepard continued, obviously not picking up on Kaidan's mood. "I'm an Alpha. I'm doing this because your heat is starting to show, and you probably wouldn't last a few hours out there without someone dragging you into a dark alley and making you do whatever they want you to. I've seen too much of that happen, and it's probably a good idea to limit it from happening."

"I can imagine," Kaidan cut in dryly.

"I'm sure you can," Shepard responded with a small smile. "Anyway, I was at the bakery because... well, I was hungry. And they have really good pies, some of which Garrus promised to let me try, since he was experimenting again as usual. Trust me when I say that I didn't know you were even in there, let alone in town."

"I don't trust you," Kaidan said softly.

"I understand," Shepard replied curtly and there was... something. Something in the reply. It was gone before Kaidan could pick it up. The lopsided smile came back on, but Kaidan was prepared for it. He knew what it was now, a tool, to get him to relax. It wouldn't work this time. "So, that about sum it up for you, Kaidan? It's nothing personal."

Again with the coil of sourness. Kaidan smashed it before it could form fully again. Kaidan instead picked at the replied that Shepard had given him, cataloguing them against the barrage of questions that he'd thrown out. Then it struck him. Shepard had neatly deflected a question, a crucial one that he so badly wanted answered.

"If you're an Alpha," Kaidan began slowly, "how can you just sit-"

A heavy hand clamped onto Kaidan's shoulder, almost making him leap out of the chair.

"Your heat scent's fading," Wrex rumbled. "If you wanna go, you can go."

Kaidan's heart hammered away again. What was with these people and the way that they always had him almost crawling out of his skin? Kaidan turned away from Wrex and looked at Shepard, intent on pushing out this last question.

"Here," James said, appearing on Kaidan's other side. "Some of my suppressants. Don't worry, I can get more you know? Think you're probably gonna need them more than me."

A small plastic pill box clattered into his open lap and he fumbled at it before it fell to the floor. How the hell could the two largest men in the room move like shadows?

"Uh, what?"

"Suppressants," James repeated as if he were lecturing a child. He sighed and rolled his muscular shoulders like they were annoying him in some way. "Just for a few days, until your heat comes and you can find a safe place or you can get more. It's _no hay problema_ , no problem. Pops keeps me well stocked."

"I wouldn't need to if you just found an Alpha that would-" Wrex started up but Shepard cleared his throat and tellingly cocked his head over at Kaidan's direction.

Shepard braced himself on his thighs and pushed himself back up onto his feet, making dramatic noises about the stiffness in his legs. He swivelled to the side, leaving Kaidan a clear path toward the door. A clear sign of dismissal if he ever saw one.

Kaidan sat in the chair for a moment, hearing the collective breathing around him. How odd it was that when he was feeling trapped and hemmed, he wanted nothing more than to get out and be alone in his freedom. But now, with his thoughts peppering him with unreachable answers, he wanted nothing more to stay and to ask, to dig deeper and find out more. But he knew that he had obviously overstayed his welcome, had crossed some line that he wasn't aware of. So there was only one thing to do, at least for now.

Sitting up and pushing himself to his feet, Kaidan moved towards the doorway, turning at the last so that he could see all three of them in his field of view.

"Uh, I... I'm sorry about... your gym," Kaidan said nonsensically. He'd never been really good at sharing his thoughts. "And um, thanks... for you help. And for this." Kaidan hefted the small box in his hand and rattled it about to emphasize the life saving pills inside. At the last, he turned to Shepard, looking at the man, and even that small pause made him recall the scent from before.

"Shepard," Kaidan began but the man tilted his head back slightly and gave him his most infuriating grin yet.

"I'm sure I'll see you around again... Kaidan," Shepard said mischievously.

Kaidan felt his eyes narrow even as he turned the handle and pushed away, exiting the small office, purposely ignoring the way that his heart skipped a beat as his named tripped over Shepard's tongue. The nerve of that... that... Alpha. His shoes tacked their way over to the toilet and his personal affects. He needed a shower. And then, he needed to get the hell away from here and sort out what the hell had just happened.

*

Shepard stood at ease, arms crossed over his chest as the door clicked shut. He continued to hold that ridiculous pose until he saw the shadowed footsteps under the doorframe move away. He continued to count to ten even when they disappeared and when that was up, did he finally let himself relax and blew out a gusty breath.

That had been enlightening... and very, very strange.

Moving back to the seat that he'd been originally when Kaidan had come crashing into the office, Shepard sat down heavily, massaging the back of his neck. James and Wrex joined him at their usual places, at the same table.

"Stupid," Wrex added finally after the silence had begun to stretch uncomfortably. The man had never liked silence in a group of more than one. "Stupid of him, walking out like that with his heat so close. If he's going to skip, he should have stayed somewhere safe. Around Betas."

"It's a good thing Caitlyn commed us," James said as he waved vaguely at the personal line tethered to the front desk. "Gotta give that girl a raise or something. Then again, she always did spend too much time staring at the security vids rather than doing her job."

"I thought she was exercising? On break?" Wrex questioned and James waved it away with a flip of his hand.

Despite the rebuke, James grinned at the thought and Shepard couldn't help the tired smile gracing his lips. He continued to stare blankly at the table top in front of him, not looking at the list that James had provided for him when he'd come here.

"Mom'll be pissed when she learns you got so close to an Omega in heat," James offered to Wrex after a moment.

"Well, she won't hear it from me," Wrex said softly, rubbing at his shoulder in memory. "I swear that woman was an Alpha if I hadn't known for sure she gave birth to you."

"Hey pops," James added with a grin, "Say that in front of her and you won't be allowed back in the house for a week."

"Yeah," Wrex grunted in agreement.

"Eve'll be fine," Shepard added distractedly. James and Wrex turned to stare at him.

"Man, Loco. You alright?" James asked after Shepard refused to say anything further.

"Yeah," Shepard said too quickly, in imitation of Wrex's own.

"What the hell's the matter with you, Shepard?" Wrex said suddenly, staring at him intently.

What was the matter with him? It was odd, he realized, dissecting the encounter that they'd just had with Kaidan. As an Alpha who had been swamped by the heat haze before, he knew the response, knew the problem as soon as it had walked through the door. Wrex's nostrils had flared, his demeanour had shifted and it was only the fact that Wrex and Eve were... well... Anyway, it disturbed him. More than he would care to admit.

There had been _nothing_. He hadn't picked up on the heat scent, hadn't even realized that Kaidan had been fast approaching his heat until Wrex had pulled out James's suppressant pill and forced it down Kaidan's mouth. His quick thinking had helped him pick up on it and he'd been able to recover just fine, but he hadn't known Kaidan had been starting his heat and he hadn't felt his body react in the usual way as it was supposed to when an Alpha got even a whiff of the pheromones that an Omega started giving off.

"Did you notice?" Shepard finally added into the silence, changing tact. "The way he was sniffing at everything?"

Wrex and James exchanged looks, a puzzled kind of understanding.

"Didn't think much of it," Wrex said slowly.

"He could pinpoint exactly who was who, all your genders," Shepard said with careful elaboration. "It's to be expected when an Omega is approaching his or her heat that they can pick out Alphas at close range. But he knew you were an Omega, James. He said he had smelled it on you." Shepard looked up to see the large, young man with a comical look painted over his face.

"He said... He... What?" James grated out, completely flabbergasted. "Did Caitlyn... Nah couldn't be..."

Despite the crowding in his head, Shepard let out a brief chuckle. It was a rare thing to see James so off balance.

"Is that even possible?" James said, turning to ask Wrex.

"How the hell should I know," Wrex replied gruffly.

"It shouldn't," Shepard said simply.

That was something else for him to consider. Kaidan could apparently pick out people at will, distinguishing them by their genders. When he'd made that comment about rudeness, he had initially thought that the man had been sniffing around for Alphas, letting the heat overwhelm him as he sought out a mate. But it hadn't been that at all. Kaidan had been codifying them, searching out for potential differences and trying to determine whether he was safe among others or at risk from a small group of Alphas. He'd been around enough Omegas that he knew how they behaved especially if they had been... affected by a more traumatic past. Like a self preservation strategy.

"Who the hell cares if that boy can sniff out an Alpha's butt crack from a mile away," Wrex said finally, "Shepard, James has the list for you. If that's all, we gotta head out there and put this place in shape. Who knows where else his scent might wash off on, and I don't even need to tell you what that'll do to any Alpha who walks in you. He's got some pretty potent pheromones."

"That he does Loco. Man, I ain't seen nothing so extreme before," James agreed.

Shepard nodded numbly as he collected the document that James had laid out for him, eyes scanning through the short line of names but not really seeing them. Wrex had smelled something, the two Alphas outside had smelled it too, and despite all the training in control, they had completely lost it in a public setting. While that was expected from vagrants and the desperate nymphomaniacs, it shouldn't have affected anyone else so strongly. And what's more, it hadn't even made him blink twice.

"Thanks James," Shepard said, after failing to read the list a third time. He folded the article into a neat square and tucked it into his pocket. "I should-"

"Go?" Wrex and James said in unison. The two large men shared another look, between father and son, and guffawed at Shepard's expense. Normally he would look sheepish and probably try to get a last word in, but he was too preoccupied. He simply nodded and stood, making his way out of the office. He hadn't reacted in anyway to Kaidan's impending heat, hadn't ever seen an Omega with a nose as keen as that. There was something else going on there, something else much deeper beneath the surface. And damn if he wasn't going to start finding out what.


	6. The Booming Bass

"God dammit LT," Ash almost screeched. "You look like _shit!_ "

"Shut up Ash," Kaidan grumbled as he fought back a yawn. "And stop calling me that."

Kaidan shuffled his feet as the deep bass throbbed through the air, sending involuntary shivers through him as the feeling pulsed through the sidewalk and up his legs. Trust Ash to point out the obvious, especially with a crowd present.

Said crowd was a mix of men and women, strangers to Kaidan, who were queued up impatiently outside what seemed to be the only club in St. Normandy, though it hadn't been around when Kaidan had been growing up, especially considering that during the reclamation there had been a greater emphasis on establishing necessities and a watering hole certainly hadn't been high on their list of priorities. The small town hadn't always been known as St. Normandy, and he couldn't even remember the vague history lessons he'd taken during his youth that detailed how their little community had been rediscovered after the tragedy of the world turning sterile. In fact, considering how overpopulated the world had been prior, it was a miracle that many places had been evacuated or abandoned. As with such places around the world now, the newer generations had begun to reintegrate these fallow areas of land back into the modern world, and one of those requirements it seemed had been to rename many of those areas; Kaidan had always wickedly thought that superstition had played a greater part than any temporal forgetfulness.

"Hey," Ash countered with mock offence. "Once a Lieutenant, always a Lieutenant, eh Kai?"

The name, Ash's nickname for him since they had been children, tripped along his brain like an old familiar path, but somewhere, deep within himself, he felt his heart skip a beat.

_I'll see you around again... Kai._

He could feel his brow furrowing in thought as the unwelcomed memory of Shepard's voice, wrapping itself around his name like that, made him feel... well, he didn't really know what to call what he was feeling right now.

After the near disaster that had happened at the gym earlier that day, Kaidan couldn't think straight. He had been like a meek lamb, led to the slaughter, and he had only put up a token resistance to what would have been statutory rape, the pheromones and instincts be damned. When had he gotten so weak, so pathetic? It had to have been the heat, or the vaguest inkling of it beginning, that had begun to send his body into emotional overdrive and had stopped him from resisting what his body considered to be its natural progression. It had been going on like that for the rest of the day, his thoughts churning and milling through the same questions, only to receive the same answers from himself.

As soon as the doors had closed in on him, he walked in a numbed daze towards where he had parked. At the car, when the reality of what had occurred had finally caught up to him, he had almost sicked up over the parking lot. It was a good thing that his stomach had been empty as the revulsion and hatred swelled up within him and burst out when it did. He hardly managed to get the key into the ignition slot, his hands had been shaking so badly. Once the engine finally revved up, he just sat there, staring out into the ever lightening sky, looking completely and utterly lost.

A sharp snap sounded, drawing him out of his dark thoughts.

"Kaidan Alenko," Ash said with finality, drawing her fingers away from his face. "What the hell, Kaidan?"

"Mmm?" Kaidan hummed nonchalantly.

Ash's gaze narrowed at the vague response; she had always hated being ignored so blatantly.

"I said," Ash began again, obviously trying to will his brain to leak out of his head, "This is Liara. My... mate."

Kaidan blinked as he caught the inflection and the brief pause. His eyes followed Ash's hand as it moved off to the side in introduction, drawing his attention to the woman who stood just slightly behind Ash, hands tucked demurely at the small of her back while she looked shyly down at the ground. She was dressed in fitting clothes with a unique silvery-white sheen to it, looking almost metallic in nature. There were several designs twinning at odd angles over the pants and what looked like a jacket, though it appeared softer than that. Her figure was voluptuous, bordering on curvy, and the suit accentuated her body beautifully. Kaidan blinked rapidly as he took in the almost-offensive electric blue hair that ended in neat bangs around an almost doll-like face. Wide eyes finally shifted off of the floor and pinned his gaze for a moment.

"It's a pleasure to finally meet you," Liara said in a soft, slightly deep voice. "I've heard so much about you from Ash, it's as if I almost know you personally."

A soft smile touched Liara's face as she raised her hand for a gentle handshake and it took Kaidan a moment to react, drawing up his own scarred and calloused fingers up to return her greeting. He noted with interest the deep purple-blue nail polish that coated each of Liara's almost delicate hands.

"Nice to meet you too," Kaidan said simply and he decided to ignore the dramatic way that Ash had flung her hands up into the air and rolled her head around like a limp rag. Not everyone took to literature like Ashley Williams did, and Kaidan was well aware of how... poetic the woman could be about situations. Not that he'd dare remind her.

Their hands fell away with the conclusion of their introduction and Kaidan nodded once briefly to Liara before turning to Ash.

"So," Kaidan began. "What's this all about?"

"All about?" Ash repeated. "All about?! Kaidan. This is your welcome back!"

Kaidan groaned as Ash flared her arms out to the side. He hadn't forgotten the strangers standing off to the side and eyeballing the odd trio, arms waving and voices raised. He took a deep breath as Ash peered back at him, eyes gleaming with mischief and mirth, and he couldn't help the vague trickle of humour beginning to move through him. He'd been on edge since after dinner, when Ash had called and had asked him to come out with her, ostensibly to spend some time catching up. After hours of fitful sleeping during the day and wrestling with his own personal nightmares and thoughts, he had been preparing for the worst, had assumed that Ash had somehow found out about the little... incident that had occurred earlier in the day. She wouldn't have taken that lying down, would have mothered him and raised a ruckus over trying to track down the two Alphas that had almost dragged him off. Ash would have covered that first, before anything else, and to make sure that he wasn't too affected by it. He felt an odd moment of rare calm wash over him at the relaxed and feisty tone in Ash's voice, not only because it was a welcome change of pace from his running from himself, but also because it confirmed that Ash knew nothing of the day's events.

"We should probably head inside, Ash," Liara offered.

Ash turned to Liara and nodded, offering up a genuine smile at the young woman and Kaidan couldn't help but feel the slightest twinges of jealousy. He shut it off immediately though; he had no right feeling anything but happy for Ash and whatever it was that she had with Liara. He should be ecstatic for them. At least, that was the lie that he told himself.

"The drinks here aren't too bad," Ash began her rhetoric, grabbing at Kaidan's arm and pulling him up toward the front of the queue. "They serve some decent food too, I know you're always hungry, and the music's great. Deep bass, whatever it is that the kids listen to nowadays. It'll be great to just unwind and talk and maybe work out some of those old dancing kinks that you've-"

"Wait," Kaidan said suddenly, almost digging his heels in. "Talk? You want to go into _that_ to chat and talk?"

"It's great," Ash said absently, not picking up on what he was implying. "They changed the décor just a few months back. You should've seen it then. It looked like a-"

"Ash," Kaidan practically had to shout. The throbbing beats were booming out through the deep, twin doors that they were approaching and he could barely hear himself think let alone hear what Ash was saying to him. "Don't you think, uh, well, I... I don't really think that this would be the best place to-"

"Here we go!" Ash practically shoved into his ear. "Heya Grunt!"

"Ashley," the enormous gargoyle in the front of the entrance said. For a moment, Kaidan had assumed that it was some kind of failed artistic creation. The man was as big as Wrex was, though his face was surprisingly babyish in appearance. It was unnerving, hearing such a voice emerging from a mouth on a face like that and Kaidan could only stare as Ash dragged him past the door guard and into the dimly lit entrance hall. Whatever he had heard outside was a pin drop compared to the rumbling crescendo of the club.

Kaidan barely had time to nod to the bouncer, he assumed someone that large and intimidating had to work in a place like this as hired muscle, and he could have sworn that he heard the most lecherous chuckle from Grunt's direction, even despite the noise. On instinct, he breathed a deep breath, trying to pluck the flow of air from around the huge giant. An Alpha, but the pheromones weren't spiking, weren't making his head swim and his groin tighten in want, so he was sure that he was safe, at least for now. The suppressants that Wrex had forced onto him, he wasn't under the delusion that it had been given to him freely as charity, certainly had worked and more, he felt himself returning back to his old calm, controlled self.

For now at least, he thought bitterly. He wouldn't kid himself. Whatever it was that biology demanded of him, he knew how much of a bitch mother nature could be. Despite the years of constant medicating, he was too close to his heat to avoid it completely. Coupled with the fluctuating peaks and sloughs that he'd been through in the last few days, and the erratic time between the suppressants, he was sure that his heat would hit. And soon. He didn't want to have to go through that, but it didn't seem like he had a choice. The best he could do would be to mitigate the effects, control when and where it could happen and keep a more watchful eye out for the signs and pray that somehow, it wouldn't be prolonged, that somehow it would be over and he could go back to being fully in control, being fully himself. Control. It was something that he prided himself on and it had taken years to perfect his mask of indifference. If you showed the world nothing, then it couldn't take anything from you. No advantage, no pity, no pain. It had worked well for him so far and he wasn't going to change that.

"I swear," Ash called back to him, her voice miraculously cutting through the deep music, "He laughs that way just to give me the creeps."

Kaidan took a moment to digest the words before he mentally kicked himself. Thinking too much again, he chided. Of course the man, Grunt, hadn't been leering at him, hadn't been aiming that laugh at him. The suppressants were working weren't they? Aside from the heat stink, there would be no way for them to tell that he was an Omega anyway. He was just being paranoid.

"He's a little... ah, strange," Kaidan said, though he was unsure if he was speaking to Ash or to himself.

"What's that?" Ash shot back at him.

Kaidan growled in frustration. Why the hell did Ash bring him here anyway? He hated the loud music and crowds. Sure he wouldn't say no to some lager or whiskey, but somewhere quiet and peaceful, that wouldn't make his head throb like a subwoofer.

"He's a little strange isn't he?" Kaidan shouted at the woman stuck to his arm like a tick, perhaps louder than necessary just to vent some frustration.

"Yeah, no kidding," Ash said with dramatic eye rolls. They were walking along toward what looked like a bag check station, blocked off by some cheap looking fabric before entering the club proper. "I can't even think of the last time I saw _anyone_ that big. I mean seriously, where the hell do they even grow someone like that? I know it might seem a little shocking, but his dad, Wrex? He's even bigger."

Kaidan could only stare at Ash, dumbfounded at the way her voice seemed to cut through the air effortlessly as well as that name, tripping off her lips. Granted, Normandy was a really small town, but still. It couldn't have been a coincidence, could it?

"Um... Did you... Did you just say Wrex?" Kaidan asked as loudly as he could.

"Yeah," Ash said as she raised her hand at the bag checker, a sprightly, young thing who looked out of place in the deep, dark walls surrounding them. "Nothing."

Kaidan followed closely behind, opening up his empty hands to the side for the young woman's perusal and nodded briefly before trailing after Ash, who had pull apart the fabric and slipped through. Kaidan followed suit and was immediately assaulted by a wave of force that almost sent him stumbling.

Even at this time, early as it was, the club was packed.

It was a deceptively rambling affair, looking to be a hodgepodge of different designs tastes and architectural highlights that somehow managed to blend in seamlessly with one another. It had touches of the more recent modern sculpturing and designs, neon lights placed selectively in hollows in the walls that curved and arched, drawing the eye along with them as the made their angled way through the entire structure. A small smattering of small billboards littered the area, seemingly placed at random and were either showcasing promotions, attractions or products that they either sold here or had the rights to market. The crowd was just as eclectic as the club, and they swirled in a dizzying riot of colours, drinking, shouting at one another and dancing their cares away. Kaidan felt a strong, warm hand press against his arm and he almost leapt a foot into the air.

"Here," Ash called up to him. "C'mon Kai."

Feeling his head swivel instinctively about, Kaidan couldn't help but stare at the movement and energy that chaotically moved around him. His senses were assaulted, from the garish colours and the strobe lights, to the deep bass coming from the omni-speakers that pushed up against his skin and made it feel like every part of him was being squeezed in a vice. Here and there, couples littered the areas, groups of friends and the lone wolf strangers. The air was thick and cloying with alcohol, pheromones and all manner of things that definitely weren't going to be registered as legal, especially in an establishment such as this. It reeked of its occupants and he felt his nose sting as he pulled in the whiffs of sexual attraction, Omega vulnerability and Alpha bravado. Altogether, it made everything feel and taste like sex, and somehow, deep within, he felt his primal instinctive side stirring and rising to the surface, to take part in the massive grouping of flesh and to unleash himself, be wanted. Be needed.

Sudden light, not bright, but enough to temporarily cause him to squint his eyes after the chaos of the club, stabbed at him and he had to blink a few times before he got his bearings, head still heavy with the sounds ringing in his ears and smells still lingering in his nose.

"As I was saying," Ash said. "Wrex. Huge ass guy. Works out and co-owns a gym. Run by one of his sons I think, an Omega named James Vega."

"I see," Kaidan muttered softly to himself. And now he did see. The darkness and strobe lighting had been torn away like a veil, revealing a moody and atmospheric scene as it rolled out before him. The music had dimmed a huge amount, almost back to what he heard back when they had been outside the club. Quiet conversation filtered through the booming throbs that were slowly beginning to fade away behind him.

Turning around, he spied a huge pair of swinging doors that he'd obviously just walked through and so, he missed Ash's sharp look that she cast at him.

"Dammit Kaidan," Ash snapped at him. "What's wrong with you?"

Kaidan whipped back to face his friend at the tone that laced her words. "I... what?"

Ash rolled her eyes as she turned and led him further into what he could only assume was another part of the club, as it were.

"Jeez, LT," Ash called over her shoulder. "You've been acting real funny since we got here. Something the matter?"

"No, nothing Ash," Kaidan said a little too quickly. The look he got from her told him that she at least thought that something was definitely the matter. "Um... Where are we-"

"What, are you insane?" Ash shook her head as she resumed her pace, threading through small, comfortable groups and searching from a free table. There were a few, some with plush couches and some that were the more mundane table and chairs. "You think I'd bring you into Purgatory to talk?"

Kaidan stared at the back of his friend's head. "I... I thought that you were going to-"

"Kaidan, I know you. I wouldn't bring you there, it's not your crowd. At least not now anyway," Ash said a little too simply. "Anyway, Dark Star Lounge has better drinks, and the way you look Kai? You're gonna need good drinks."

Liara and Ash moved over into a quiet corner of the space, plonking themselves quite gracelessly onto a small, cosy setting that had four one-seater armchairs facing a small table in the middle. It was a little extravagant for his tastes, but then again, that was Ashley Williams for you. Hard to imagine that she'd grown up the daughter of soldier and had had to fight with her sisters for priority. Or maybe perhaps, that had been exactly the reason.

As they made themselves comfortable, Liara brushed herself off and made to stand again. "So Kaidan, what'll it be?"

"I'd like a Mojito, Liara," Ash spoke up immediately.

"And heavy on the rum no doubt," Liara countered with a small smile on her face.

"That's my girl," Ash said with a grin that Kaidan couldn't help himself from smiling at.

"I know what you want," Liara said simply, waving in Kaidan's general direction. "I thought it polite to ask him first."

Ash snorted in response but didn't do anything more as Kaidan briefly considered, toying with the idea of going simple rather than opting for his usual poison.

"I'd like... I'd like a whiskey shot... And a beer if they have it," Kaidan felt his face flame even as he said it. Damn but he sounded like an alcoholic, or some teen trying to get drunk as quick as possible.

Liara's eyebrow twitched upward for just a moment and she raised a hand to demurely stifle what sounded very suspiciously like a snort. "My, my. Don't you have interesting tastes."

Kaidan loosed a nervous, self-deprecating chuckle before he could help it. "Ancient family secret."

Liara beamed down at him before manoeuvring around the small table between them, pausing briefly to turn to Ash and placing a chaste kiss on Ash's cheek before moving off to get them their drinks at the bar. Kaidan turned to follow her through the small crowd, shifting from that vivid blue to the tasteful décor and warm lighting. He felt small knots of tension begin to unwind as he moved deeper into the seat, luxuriating in the feel of the aged and worn material conforming to his rear and back, cradling him in comfort.

"She's really something, isn't she?" Ash finally quipped up as he sighed, pushing himself deeper into the chair's embrace.

"Yeah," Kaidan couldn't help but agreeing. "She's really... really sweet Ash. You did good." And he genuinely meant it as well. It had surprised him that he'd found something comforting about Liara. Like he'd known her for years. That chuckle and the banter, that had been something that had always been unique to him and Ash, no matter who he was speaking to, whether Alpha, Beta or Omega and it took a hell of a lot more before he began to open up even in the smallest to anyone but family or Ash. It felt good and right though that he felt that he could get along well with Liara.

"She made the first move actually," Ash elaborated with a wistful look on her face. "Kicked my ass down at the hall and tried to ask me out to dinner to make up for it."

Kaidan felt the grin working its way up his mouth as he chuckled at the image that played before his mind's eye. "Yeah, well, you weren't very good at contact sparring anyway, Williams. Always did prefer the weights and treadmill to anything else."

"Hey," Ash shot out, a smile quirking her own mouth as she ran her hands over her torso, "If it pays the bills Alenko, if it pays the bills."

They both shared a laugh over that and Kaidan took a moment to just revel in the sound, in the feeling as it left his body.

"So," Ash began as the laughter died down into companionable silence. "What's really been bothering you Kai?"

"Hmmm?" Kaidan offered noncommittally.

"Don't you 'hum' me, Kaidan," Ash spoke up finally when he didn't plan to offer any more. "What was up with you just now? You're looking like shit, like an APC just ran you right over and decided to reverse in case they didn't get you."

"Charming as ever, Ash," Kaidan said with a bite of his old humour.

"No really," Ash said firmly, refusing to be dissuaded. "You haven't been yourself Kai. I know you, as well as anyone can. Now, what the _fuck_ is up?"

"Ash, please," Kaidan said with a soft huff. "Can't we just... Just talk about this another time?"

"Don't pull that shit on me Alenko," Ash fired back. "Every time with you it's the talk about it another time and don't want to talk about it now. Well, we're here. We're talking."

Kaidan felt coarse grains begin to rub along the side of his throat, like an annoying itch that he couldn't quite scratch. "Y'know, when someone says that they don't want to talk there's probably a good reason for it and-"

"Bullshit Alenko. Come on, you could always talk to me. About anything. I just-"

"Just being nosy is that it? Look I don't want to-"

"Don't you fucking say that one more time or I swear to God-"

"Dammit Ash! Why the hell do you have to be so nosey-"

"You're my best friend you dick, and when there's a problem-"

"It's not your problem-"

"Just tell me what the hell happened to-"

"It almost happened again alright?!" Kaidan roared out.

Stunned silence followed his outburst. Kaidan felt trapped, cornered and the area around where they were sitting had grown awkwardly quiet as the other guests had cut their conversations short to turn and see what the shouting had been about. Kaidan rose his gaze up to meet them all, challenging them with the strength of his denial, staring them back and down till they turned away from him. Good.

"What?" Ash asked as the silence began to break apart and conversation welled up slowly around them again.

"I said, it almost happened again. I couldn't do anything, like before and it... I just was there, alright? It almost happened again," Kaidan bit out harshly. Adrenaline coursed through him even as he tried to calm himself down. Ash was always so good at doing this to him, making his rise up, taking the bait and snapping his patience. But as always when situations like this came about, he felt oddly satisfied and a little ashamed, both for feeling like a boil had just been lanced and the pressure had finally eased somewhat as well as having had to take that anger out on Ash.

"Shit Kai," Ash whispered. "Your heat. I could smell it coming up but... I thought you had that under control!"

"I did Ash," Kaidan began but Ash wouldn't hear it.

"No, Kaidan. No. You fucking didn't. If you did, it wouldn't have happened now would it?" Ash shot him her most ferocious glare and Kaidan couldn't help but cringe a little inside at the Alpha staring him down. Instinct made him want to surrender, to give in and be subservient but training and conditioning made him rankle with dislike. It had been a good thing Ash had said it quietly so as not to let anyone else around them hear it. Coupled with the fact that she was as close as a sister to him and that she already had Liara with her, he wouldn't run the risk of her being overtaken by his pheromones. Still, just voicing it out made his patience and control fray a little more.

"It's not like I have much of a choice do I?" Kaidan shot out bitterly.

"Oh yeah," Ash shot out just as sharply. "Play the self pity card Kaidan. That worked so well for you in the past."

The words stung, mostly because it was true. He raised up eyes squinted in anger and slowly raised an eyebrow up at Ash, almost daring her to continue that line of thought. Despite what Ash had said, it was only ever a card that he used on her or himself. No one else had to know how much he loathed himself and his biology, not even his parents.

"Shit Kai, I didn't mean it that way," Ash said softly and that was as close to an apology that he'd ever get out of the woman.

"It's fine, really." Kaidan heaved out a deep breath, feeling like another tangle of knots in his chest had just been forcefully yanked into submission, the tension trickling away from him bit by bit.

"I..." Ash began but decided to change tact. "Your suppressants? Did you run out? I can try to get you more but with the recent bans and all..."

"Probably not going to see any for a while," Kaidan finished a little gloomily. "It'll probably be months before we see a fresh shipment from... anywhere. Hopefully sooner once all this Alpha Omega bullshit dies down."

And therein lay the paradox of their society. In a world where Alphas were seen as too ferocious and antagonistic, where Omegas were seen as too sentimental and unstable, the Betas, the sterile working class, ruled. And because they couldn't even begin to grasp all the nuances of their other gender counterparts, they couldn't even begin to imagine how their society and hierarchy worked on such an intimate level. Sure it could be explained and tested, but there was a drastic difference to living the life and providing notes for a dance. But the main problem was, besides the misunderstanding and lack of empathy, that the Betas _needed_ the Alphas and Omegas. Without them, society would crumble, return back to the failing numbers and lack of population. It was the main reason why suppressants had been banned in countries across the world.

And then came situations like this one. Careless Omegas or those who just couldn't give a shit anymore, letting themselves be carried away, going into heats in public and tripping up every Alpha within smelling distance. Just like what he'd done, he finally admitted to himself. And the fighting would have been brutal, the need to be the apex Alpha, the prime cast for breeding with a willing Omega. And some Betas who were trying to do the right thing, would invariably get in the way of what amounted to rape and the Alphas, well, the Alphas wouldn't care. Obstacles were obstacles, whether they were Alphas or not. And from there, everything would begin to spiral out of control as mass hysteria and panic forced governments and leaderships to be reactive instead of intelligent. So Alphas and Omegas were pulled out of whatever fields were willing to take the hit, suppressants were going to be given the all clear and then the number of births would dwindle for a few months before the scientists and doctors got paranoid and the bans began again. It was a vicious, hungering cycle and they were all being swept up in it.

"When did it..." Ash began as Kaidan was lost in his own thoughts. "No wait, don't really want to know. Just tell me who the fuck it was and I'll see that they-"

"They what Ash? Rot in prison?" Kaidan snorted out in disbelief. "You know as well as I do that wouldn't work. And I'm not putting myself through a trial again just for the sake of being told I'm an Omega bitch who couldn't keep-"

"Don’t say that about yourself-"

"It’s true though, isn’t it?" Kaidan said with grim resentment. "Omega bitch. Letting it all go for the chance to get in some Alpha’s pants. And you know, even more than me, how easily Alphas can deflect the blame for this."

Ash didn’t reply, merely nodded at the statement. She’d been present after all, when it had all started with him, and he’d been told several times during their more honest and serious conversations that _it_ was the reason that Ash had taken up law. For the sake of protecting those that she had deemed most precious to her.

"At least tell me what they look like," Ash offered. "I’ll make sure they never have the courage to-"

"Here you go," Liara said, almost stumbling forward with the tray of drinks.

"Wha-" Kaidan started. He’d been so lost in speaking to Ash that he’d almost forgotten where they were and what they’d been doing.

"Mojito for Miss Williams," Liara said, deftly plunking down a _huge_ glass of green in front of Ash. "And... the strange combination of whiskey and beer for you Kaidan."

"Thanks Liara," Kaidan said, stowing away the things that he’d been discussing with Ash. It wasn’t worth mentioning anymore anyway, since Ash had succeeded in accomplishing what she’d set out to do, which was to make sure that whatever had been bothering him didn’t fester within for too long.

"I can’t even begin to imagine how you’d drink something like that," Liara teased as she set her own glass of wine on the coaster in front of her chair.

"Don’t ask sweetie," Ash quipped up, wrapping her lips tightly around the sweating glass in her hands. "Ah, that sure hits the spot. Would’ve liked more rum though."

Liara’s eyes widened comically at the statement and even Kaidan, who knew Ash so well, was a little taken aback. He could smell the rum all the way from where he was sitting.

"If I had asked for anymore," Liara began slowly, "They’d probably have to put the mint and lime in a separate glass."

"Nothing wrong with that," Ash spoke up as she downed another sip.

Kaidan chuckled softly to himself as he took the beer bottle and took a swig, revelling in the cold, soothing feel of the bubbling liquid sliding down his throat. It was a godsend. Without pausing, he picked up the shot glass and pulled back, downing the contents in one go and feeling the numbing warmth spread through his mouth, hitting the cold beer and sending an intoxicating burning sensation through the back of his throat that almost had him coughing at the intensity. The effervescent bubbles from the beer were still popping along his throat and, mixed with the intense whiskey, created an almost overwhelming sensation that was both rough and smooth and the same time. It was bliss.

Kaidan put down the shot glass and looked up, just in time to see Liara staring at him this time, mouth partly opened as she watched his fascinating ritual.

"Is that... why would you..." Liara stuttered before composing herself. "How does that even _taste_ good?"

"Like I said Liara, don’t ask," Ash said with a small chuckle. "I tried it once and looked like I was trying to cough up my stomach and lungs after."

"It would certainly seem that way," Liara said eyeing the empty shot glass and cooling beer with darting glances.

"It’s... well, it’s just something that... It’s just me," Kaidan said simply. He didn’t quite know where or when he’d picked up the strange taste and habit but it made him feel heady and content whenever he did it. Something about the burn of the whiskey and the coolness of the beer, or maybe it was the rough-smooth burst that hit his throat all at the same time. He wasn’t really sure, but after years of taking it that way, he was used to it. "I wouldn’t recommend it though."

"I’m sure," Liara said absently as her face scrunched up in concentration, no doubt wondering how on Earth such a combination could go well. "In any case, it’s at least a sure fire way to get really high, really fast."

Ash laughed as she tossed back another large sip, already reaching down to half the contents of the humongous glass in her hand. "Watch and learn, sweetie. We haven’t even started yet."

Kaidan couldn’t help but chuckle at that.

*

"No Kai... Kay... Kaidan... No... You..." Ash slurred unintelligibly.

"It’s fine Ash, really," Kaidan said stuffing his hands into his pockets and turning to look at the woman as she slouched against Liara.

"No," Ash said petulantly. "You’re not going... going along. Alone. Not Alone."

"I’m not as far gone as you are Ash," Kaidan said diplomatically. It was true though he’d just as much to drink as Ash had. His metabolism had burned it up quite quickly and while he still felt the heavy buzz of alcohol pleasantly numbing his head, it hadn’t left him slouching against the wall or swaying under the influence.

"Doesn’t matter," Ash tried to push out firmly.

"She’s quite right, Kaidan," Liara put in. "I could drive you back to your place-"

"Yeah, that’s a good... Good idea. Very good idea," Ash said with a hiccupping groan that tugged at the corners of Kaidan’s mouth.

Kaidan knew Ash’s protective mood would be out in full force for as long as she was tipsy and she’d not budge an inch until he agreed with her. So he did the only thing that would keep him from staying any longer. With a smile and a wave to Liara and Ash, Kaidan turned and began to walk away back to where he’d parked his car.

"Dammit Kai," Ash called after him, her voice growing smaller with the distance. "Don’t you... Don’t you... Urgh, oh god... I think... I need some ice... Cold... Need something cold. Dammit."

"Kaidan," Liara called after him, "Are you absolutely sure?"

Kaidan turned his head back, addressing the petite young woman. "No really, it’s fine Liara. It was... It really was fun."

"Loud... Too loud," Ash ground out, trying to pull Liara in his direction.

"Well, alright," Liara said a little unsurely.

"Yeah, I’m gonna be alright. Promise," Ash said.

"No, not you Ash," Liara turned to address him. "Take care of yourself Kaidan. I’m sure I’ll see you around."

"Likewise, Liara," Kaidan offered with a genuine smile.

"Nobody likes wise men," Ash offered a little unhelpfully.

"Come on, Ashley," Liara quipped up. "Let’s get you home."

"Home?" Ash said hopefully.

"Home," Liara agreed.

Kaidan continued to walk away, the trailing conversation between a drunk Ash and a proper Liara making him chuckle. Had it really been so long ago when he’d been in Liara’s shoes, holding Ash up and the both of them meandering along in their approaching stupor as they sang songs and giggled at each other’s inebriated states. It really had been more fun than he’d thought it had been, and he could already feel the drowsy pull of the alcohol as it sent out its siren call, attempting to pull him under. He’d sleep well tonight and hopefully, coupled with his ever growing exhaustion, the pleasant night would keep the dreams at bay so that he could at least get a good night’s sleep and let him screw his head on straight. He knew he was balanced in a precarious position and it would need some careful thinking and planning to make sure he could ride out the next few days without any more additional trauma weighing him down.

The clean, cool air of night wrapped around him and his breathing grew harsher as he climbed up the gently slope, the fresh air clearing his head more and more as the walked cleared his head at a faster pace. Normally he’d leave his car parked securely where it was and hop in a cab back to his place, or maybe even just make the long walk there alone. He was confident in his ability to take care of himself, especially now that his heat wasn’t dictating his actions for him, but he wanted home more, wanted the comfort and safety that was his room and his bed. To hell with the rest, he could do this.

Kaidan was so wrapped up in his thoughts as he stepped away from Purgatory, that he didn’t notice the figure handing around at the side alley that led to the back entrance of the club even as he walked right past it. Wreathed in shadow and dressed casually, the figure leaned back against the walls of the building, feeling the barely perceptible thrum moving through the concrete and travelling up his spine, the booming bass beating in time with his heart. The figure stood and crossed his arms across his chest, leaning further back into the wall and continued to watch Kaidan’s retreating figure as the man took careful steps toward the car lots, briefly fumbling with his keys before finally unlocking his car before getting in. The figure continued to watch as the car pulled out steadily, surprising care being used to manoeuvre it out of the lot and onto the nearly empty street as it made its way back to the Alenko household.

Shepard stepped out of the alley, shaking his head in wonder. He didn't really know if he'd gone for his usual early morning run this way on purpose or on some hunch. Reckless, he thought to himself, Kaidan was extremely reckless with himself. But there was something else behind that lack of care for himself, a story that Shepard ached to discover and was surprised at how strongly he felt that way. It hadn’t been the first time he’d heard an Omega’s sob story and had heard all manner of things during the last few years that made his skin crawl and made him curse his Alpha heritage. And Ash. Ash knew that story just as much as she’d known his. If only he could find some way to get closer, to speak to Ash about this, just between the two of them. But he’d picked up on her over-protectiveness the first time they had been the three of them, alone together. It was a mystery that would take some time and effort to unravel.

Sighing to himself and feeling oddly abashed at the creepy stalker attitude he’d adopted, he checked the time on his watch and sighed yet again. He was ten minutes behind his timing and he’d never make up for it unless he cheated and shaved the time off. Well, it wasn’t his fault that he’d broken off his run to see what was going on with the odd trio at the door to Purgatory, but in a strange way, he was glad that he did. Hiking his hoodie up closer to his body, Shepard wiped the sweat from his brow and started up his trotting run yet again, blindly speeding by the diminished queue that was outside the club. His pace remained uniform however as he raced through the night, not bearing the presence of mind to increase his speed. His mind was too consumed with what he had heard and try as he might, he couldn’t get his mind clear of the deep, sand-papery voice that crawled up his spine and did strange and wonderful things to him that he hadn't felt since... Well... A voice with secrets and a deep mystery. Shepard continued to run through the empty streets and let the darkness and cold swallow him up as he chased after the errant thoughts running wild, deep within his head.


	7. Beneath the Thunder

A wooden knocking hammered through him, booming against the side of his head and Kaidan groaned even as the horrible noise ceased and a loud voice rang across his room and shook his brain like a rag doll.

"Kaidan," his mom called jovially. "Breakfast!"

Kaidan groaned again, barely resisting the urge to clutch at the sides of his head, which would have made the feeling that much worse.

Like boulders tumbling down a mountain side, his mother's gentle fingers rapped at the door again in passing and Kaidan buried his head deeper under the pillow to spare himself the agony that it would inflict.

The sunlight trickled in through the curtains like filtered rays of light, causing dust motes and flecks to dance in their beam. Kaidan could see it through his eyelids, the brightness everywhere, and he knew what he had to do. Through force of will, he pulled his eyelids open, letting the light stab into his overly-sensitive, bloodshot eyes before feeling them snap shut again as he pushed himself deeper into his abode of pillows, groaning dramatically at the discomfort. Tears rapidly welled at the corner of his eyes and his jaw cracked as he smothered a yawn into his bed sheet. Oh god, that had _hurt_.

He was never going to drink with Ash again. At least for the foreseeable future.

Pulling the pillows off over his head and rolling onto his back, Kaidan stretched his arms above his head and felt his muscles twang at the effort, his joints creaking and finally popping with a satisfying succession of pops. Opening his eyes and blinking rapidly to adjust to the brightness of day, Kaidan watched lazily as the ceiling above him quickly resolved and focused as he lay there, trying to ignore the throb in his head and the raspy, sandpapery feel of his throat as he swallowed. A brief sigh escaped him as he continued to laze and he choked back a breath as the fermented conclusion of last night's activities got back to him.

"Kaidan?" came his mother's inquiry as he considered remaining in bed for the rest of the day to nurse his hangover.

"I'm up," he grumbled, sounding even more hoarse than usual. Even that bare effort in speaking made the spikes in his head delve just a little deeper and he bit back a curse.

With a lazy and sloppy roll, Kaidan moved to push himself out of bed, grumbling to himself and trying to shove the dull ache into a dark corner of his mind. Out of habit, he tidied his bed, folding in the edges and smoothing the sheets with crisp, military efficiency. He plumped his pillows as his lethargy began to fade and barely took the time to admire the neatness of his handiwork before pulling on a loose and faded shirt over his bare torso, trudging his way over to the bathroom.

By the time he made it to the kitchen, the lingering smell of fresh baked bread and sizzling bacon had already set his mouth salivating and his empty stomach grumbled with approval at the heaping plate that was set on the kitchen's small island though his mind immediately focused on the freshly brewed mug of coffee set there next to it, still steaming in the cool day. The clock hanging next to the fridge already indicated that it was mid-morning, so there was no reason to stand on formality since his parents were early-wakers, probably having had their meal as the sun was rising. Satisfied with his reasoning, he saw no reason to do anything else but hastily tuck himself into his meal.

"You're up early," his mother teased even as Kaidan blew on his coffee and took a deep, grateful sip.

"Was out with Ash," Kaidan clarified and his mother snorted ambiguously at his comment.

"I guessed as much," she said lightly. "At least this time you didn't knock over the curio or throw up all over the hallway carpet."

"Mom..." Kaidan whined through a mouthful of mash and bacon. The salt was sharp against his tongue and the smoky taste, mixed with the slight bitterness of the coffee that he'd just swallowed, was heavenly.

"Or when you went into the shed thinking it was the house," his mother continued without pause, "and tried to climb over your father's tools."

Kaidan grinned around his mouthful of food despite feeling an echoing sense of embarrassment at the recollection. He continued to shovel food into his mouth, mixing the flavours and savouring the fullness that it brought him, letting himself dwell softly in the sense of familiarity and comfort.

"Here," his mother said after he'd almost polished off what had been a sizeable brunch. "For your head."

Kaidan stared at the glass that was offered to him. The contents looked absolutely noxious. It seemed to glow evilly from within and Kaidan hesitated to even reach out for it as it cooled innocently in it's transparent vessel, beading inviting drops of condensation at its side. Kaidan took a moment to careful chew his mouthful of food, wondering what would be the best way to tactfully refuse it.

"Kaidan Alenko," his mother said in a no-nonsense tone. "I know that look. You're just like your father, and if your drinking head was anything like his, this will help."

Kaidan swallowed, still not reaching out for the glass. "Uh, mom. My head's fine." Kaidan swallowed again, trying to ignore the traitorous way his temple throbbed against the edge of his skull. Well, it was getting better, and he didn't need any home remedy to speed up the process.

His mother knew better. She stared at him in silence. A silence that stretched so thickly that he hesitated to reach for his plate again. Waited. Silence.

"Fine," he conceded. Grabbing the glass, he took a swig and almost gagged at the sour, pungent taste. Another look from his mother however, forced him to continue until only the dregs remained.

"Gack," Kaidan almost spat out, "What the hell is that stuff, mom?"

"Oh a little bit of this and that," she said happily as she whisked off to the sink with the nearly empty glass and whatever dishes had been left to be done. "Mostly pomegranate juice, cranberry juice... Grapefruit juice. And a few other herbs."

Kaidan stared as the vile amalgamation of sour and bitter continued to cling to the roof of his mouth with a vengeance.

"Don't look at me that way," his mother said without turning back to him. "It works every time and Mrs Boyle, you know, Jennifer's mother? Well, she said that it..."

Kaidan flicked his tongue out against the edges of his teeth, trying to carefully rub off any residue from his tongue and anywhere else where it could have been lodged in.

"... honey to cut the taste, but I didn't really think it was necessary. Anyway, your father..."

Kaidan gratefully dashed the remaining coffee into his mouth and despite the lukewarm texture and temperature of the drink, it was much more soothing that the sharp prickly taste of his mother's home-made hangover cure. He swirled the bitter nectar around his mouth, trying to wash out the last of the sour notes when he felt a buzzing cut through his thoughts. He paused as his thigh vibrated again and he reached into his pocket to pull out his phone. The screen lit up with a notice, indicating that he'd just gotten a message from Ash. Propping himself up against the kitchen island, he opened the message as he finished off the remaining sludge.

_What the hell, Kai? What did we drink last night? Oh god, I feel... Don't call. If our past friendship means anything to you, you. Won't. Call. Anyway, I need to speak to you. It's Shepard. He spoke to Liara early today, wanted to know if he could talk to you. I don't know what about. Liara seemed interested. I know what you're thinking, and I think that if he's looking for that kind of shit, he can go fuck himself. But... I really think you should hear him out. I'll explain more later. How about 12? At the mall?_

Kaidan paused just long enough to digest the information, feeling an odd lump develop in his throat. Shepard, again. He read the message again. And re-read it again, trying to pick up on any nuances that Ash might have included in her message. If she was even more hung over than he had been, maybe she might have let something slip, something that she didn't want him to find out. Why did it always seem to come back to Shepard? It was like something was pulling them closer and closer to one another and the lack of direction or control was beginning to wear at him.

But he knew Ash.

He read the line again, turn the idea over in his head. Ash was notoriously protective over him, had been since they had gotten close after Kaidan's childhood had taken a downward slide. When he had been tapering off his puberty, the time when his hormones were most potent, Ash had been by his side, not as an Alpha protecting it's Omega, but as a friend, an older sister that was keeping him out of trouble. If she had picked up even a hint of Shepard trying to get into his pants, Ash would have personally shoved her foot all the way up Shepard's ass, no matter that the two of them were Alphas. That she had been willing to pass on the man's message... It was something worth considering at the least.

Kaidan felt his thumb brush against the edge of his screen as he paused, trying to come up with the words to respond. He wasn't interested in Shepard, had in fact seen more than enough of the man since he'd gotten back home, and the refusal came sharply to the fore.

_Sure Ash. 12. At the mall._

Kaidan mulled over the rest of the message, trying to add some teasing lines. Something to indicate that he didn't see her message as anything more than a friendly gesture. Well, he could be friendly when he wanted to. In fact...

"Hey mom," Kaidan called out, not looking away from his phone. "Could I get a bottle of that juice? To go."

*

Kaidan walked through the mall's entrance, feeling the cool gust of recycled air blasting him in the face as he stepped through the quickly retreating sliding doors. His footsteps tapped idly along the tiled flooring, making his path meander through the open area and the bright, sunlit atrium. The mall was as old as the town itself had been, but after countless redesigns and redevelopment, it had been upgraded. Made for the future and made to pull in even more hapless shoppers.

The ceiling was a welcoming skylight that showcased the pastel blues and whites of the gentle Canadian afternoon. When it rained, the storm-swept look was an attraction all on its own, and Kaidan could sometimes almost imagine himself, drifting in a tranquil and safe bubble beneath the sea. Of course, snow was sometimes a problem, especially when it came heavily, but that had been taken into account as well and the reinforced glass was quickly cleared through the automatic heat cleaners as well as the flushing system that would shift the burden away. It was almost a standard up here, at least.

Kaidan felt the metal container bang gently against the edge of his hip, tucked away into a side pocket of his blue and white stripped hoodie. It had been a gift from his father, back when the man had been stationed out of the country and Kaidan had always been drawn to it. When he began to grow out of it, he had begged his mother to alter it, and over the years, it had turned into something of a patchwork quilt, though of a variety of blues, and its prolonged use had only softened its material and made it even more cosy and welcoming.

He peered absently through the display glass of the shops around him, sometimes finding items of interest or sometimes not. He didn't step into any of them though, his recent trip with Ash was still much too fresh in his memory and his wallet still hadn't forgiven him fully for that, so eventually, he found his way quickly up to the third level where the huge open-concept cafeteria was present.

Kaidan paused to look around, searching the tables for any sign of smooth, flowing jet-black hair when a heavy hand clamped onto his shoulder. He reacted instinctively, stepping off to the side and gripping his fist tightly in the pocket of his hoodie when he recognized that alabaster skin, full lips and oversized, branded pair of sunglasses, reflecting his own distorted image back at him.

"Ash," Kaidan said, his original greeting dying on his tongue. "You look like hell."

Kaidan stopped a grin from spreading out across his mouth as Ash's mouth compressed into a thin and harsh line.

"Shut the hell up Kaidan," Ash mock-whispered. "It's not that bad is it?"

Kaidan shook his head wonderingly. "No, of course not." He made his voice drip with sarcasm.

Ash groaned and paused for a moment, considering, before she carefully raised her hands up to pull off those oversized shades. Kaidan barked a sharp, short snort at the dark shade under the woman's eyes and the almost-gone bloodshot look. He hoped he hadn't looked like this when he'd woken up this morning.

"Fuck off," Ash said without much heat.

"Here," Kaidan said, pulling out the metal tube. "Peace offering. Ancient Alenko secret."

Ash eyed the container suspiciously.

"It's from my mom," Kaidan said, putting in just the tiniest amount of hurt in his voice. "Don't think it'd be a good idea to return with it full, huh?"

"That's not playing fair," Ash muttered but took the deadly concoction away from his hands before stepping off to find a quiet table for themselves.

"Oh my god..." Ash choked out after they had taken their seats and she had tentatively sipped at the brew. "What the... What the hell is in this?"

"Terrible isn't it?" Kaidan winced in sympathy.

"It's... It's... good!" Ash crowed.

Kaidan watched in horror as Ash gulped down the contents in a heartbeat, not even pausing to take a breather as she chugged back what Kaidan would have gladly avoided.

"You're kidding me, right?" Kaidan clarified when Ash thumped the completely empty flask back onto the table.

"I know right?" Ash said with zeal. "Better than good. Great. Oh god, I gotta talk to your mom about making this for me. Or the recipe. I could pass it on to Liara."

Kaidan had to force himself not to shake his head in disbelief. Anyway, now that his plan had backfired, it was time that they got to the reason of them both coming out at the behest of a man, a man that Kaidan hardly knew.

"So Ash," Kaidan began bluntly. "What's this all about."

Ash flicked a glance over to him and immediately her expression changed, fingers flicking and toying with the metal in her hands, twirling the cap around.

"Ash..." Kaidan growled out, not letting the woman drag out the question. She had a quick mind and, addled as it was by the drinks they'd had the night before, he was at an advantage so long as he continued to press her and didn't give her any time to think.

"Y'know-" Ash began but Kaidan knew that opening like the back of his hand.

"Ash," Kaidan said in his most commanding tone. "You dragged me all the way out here, without telling me what's going on, and you just expect me to sit here and wait for some Alpha?"

Ash winced at his tone and his words, still looking intently at the table top. "It's not like that Kai. I just..."

"Just what Ash?" Kaidan said, reaching the end of his fraying patience.

Ash sighed, finally turning to look at him and Kaidan would have revelled in his victory if Ash's face hadn't looked so damn serious.

"Look, it's just that..." Ash began slowly. "Shepard, we have this small group. Mostly Alphas and Omegas but there are a few Betas together with us who just want to help out."

"Damn it Ash, not this again," Kaidan grumbled with frustration.

"They provide each other with support," Ash continued, ignoring him. "Help each other and you know... just have someone to talk to."

"No Ash," Kaidan finally said as a piece of the information clicked.

"You think you're the only one Kai?" Ash said absently. "There have been so many, even here in this out of the way place that we are. Sometimes, they come here from whatever hell they've been in, looking for a fresh start."

"Dammit Ash," Kaidan insisted more forcefully. "I'm not interested."

"Why not?" Ash asked neutrally?

"What do you want me to say?" Kaidan spat out, more forcefully than he'd intended. "I've already seen them. Therapists, support groups. That doesn't help Ash. I can deal with this."

"You know it isn't just about you," Ash said as gently as she could.

"And what the hell is that supposed to mean?" Kaidan ground out.

"We're worried for you Kaidan," Ash said, turning back to fiddling with the flask. "Your mom, your dad. And me."

"Look I don't know what they told you-"

"Dammit Kaidan," Ash said suddenly. "You think I don't know? About the dreams and the nightmares? About how tired you look every single time that I see you?"

"How I handle that is my concern," Kaidan said.

"Is it though?" Ash said in contemplation. "Who else is in your life, Kai, affected by what you do? I know that you still hurt. I know that because of that, you haven't had a decent... you haven't even tried to see anyone. Move on. How you push yourself, running away and only manage to get your ass into bed when you're so god damned drunk or exhausted that your only option is to collapse. Then you start it all over again."

Kaidan felt his hackles rise at the frighteningly accurate description of his life for the past few years. "I can take care of myself Ash."

"I don't doubt," Ash agreed. "But sometimes, there are some things that you just can't handle on your own. You need more friends, Kai. Who else do you talk to besides me? Your family?"

"That's all I need," Kaidan clarified.

"Maybe you don't see-"

"No Ash," Kaidan said with finality. "I don't want to talk about it or get it out in the open. I'm fine. I don't need some hand-holding, magic wand waving group of people singing songs in order to feel better."

"It's not just that..." Ash began but he wouldn't let her finish.

"Then what Ash?" Kaidan all but snapped out. "I've spent my childhood being shipped from doctors to therapists to groups that only bring out everything that you want to hide and forget. All I wanted to do was get the hell on with my life, but all I got was people bringing it back out into the open. It didn't work when it was still fresh, and I don't think it'll work now."

His breath was coming out hard and he felt his pulse throb along his temple so focused was he on his own pain that he almost missed what Ash had whispered softly.

"It worked for Liara."

"What?" Kaidan asked, the shock temporarily derailing him.

"You see Kai," Ash said gently to lessen the sting of her words. "It's not always about you and you're not the only one, like I said. Liara was... She was homeless. Abandoned along the edges of society. The Beta couple that she was with, well, they didn't really know what to do with her. You see it's all really easy when you have an Alpha. Tough, strong and dependable."

Kaidan snorted at that.

"An Omega is cute and all," Ash continued, casting a firm look on him. "But when that first heat hits... And the subsequent ones that get worse..."

It took Kaidan a moment to process what it was that Ash was saying and when he did, all he had was an expletive, disgust rising within him.

It was rare, but not unheard of. Since a majority of couples were Betas and they couldn't have children on their own, they had to adopt. Most of the time, they would have Beta children from the orphanages and children centres that were there for that exact purpose. But sometimes, the desire to have an Alpha or an Omega child was strong; it was tantalizing to have someone continue their lineage especially those who considered their family prestigious or special enough to take the child in, along with the following risks and rewards. Unfortunately, because they didn't truly understand the depth of what they were getting into, many Betas underestimated just how out of control an Omega's heat could drive them or how violently territorial Alphas could be as they reached their puberty. Especially when 'certified' centres were still around, handily passing off children as their own. Thankfully, most of the families would learn, would bear with it and go for counselling, what lessons they could get and all the rest. Most, like his own parents, sacrificed what comforts they knew in order to raise a better child, to bring forward a better world. But a tiny handful...

"She was abandoned," Ash repeated morosely. "Left at one of the orphanages in the town where she'd been born. Her parents couldn't... Her birth parents were close enough to one another that they were able to consider keeping her, despite having her. At least that's what I heard. And you know the risks that could've occurred, especially concerning an Omega child."

And Kaidan did know, or at least had heard wild rumours or stories. It was the bane of every parent Alpha and Omega, one of the reason that so few decided to keep their child. If the bond between an Alpha father and an Omega mother wasn't strong enough, there was a great risk that, when puberty struck for their child, the hormones and pheromones would so completely overwhelm any opposite gender that it would bring forth a mating drive. Even in their own parents. Kaidan felt his gorge rise at even the merest thought of it. Even as his thoughts turned to dark corners, he felt an interesting thought blossom at the corner of his mind. Wrex and James. There had to be... it couldn't even be possible, he'd been told that it was as fictional as fiction could get but...

"I'm sorry Ash... I..." he said instead. He what? What could he say to recover the harsh words that he'd spat out? It wasn't always about him.

"You've nothing to be sorry about Kai," Ash said with genuine comfort. "It's just the harsh truth that we live with. And things are better now, much better. But what Shepard did..."

"What did I do?" a friendly voice edged into their conversation.

Ash rolled her eyes slightly, casting a look over Kaidan's shoulder. He felt himself turn slowly as the voice tugged at his ears and he couldn't help the way his eyes swept the man's body once, approvingly.

"Sorry I'm late," Shepard added sheepishly. "James was trying to keep me back to help out with some of the... Anyway, what was it I did?"

"Your head's big enough as it is already, Shepard," Ash snapped out. "I'm not saying you did anything worth mentioning.... And anyway, you're late. As usual."

Kaidan watched the banter closely. There was something underneath the bluster of it all, of two Alphas speaking to each other. It was more than the usual dominance and struggling that would have occurred. The more that Kaidan peered into the conversation, the more that he could see that, despite Ash's hard-assed words, there was... gratitude toward Shepard, a sense of friendship that he would've associated with Ash and himself.

"So you got this party started without me," Shepard finally said, rubbing at the back of his neck. Kaidan blinked as he found his eyes tracing that line along the man's bicep, watching as the muscle bunched. It wasn't oversized, overly cut. It was... solid.

"It's your fault for making us wait anyway," Ash complained, causing Shepard to chuckle.

"So," Shepard said, turning at last to address him. "I guess you heard the pitch, though I don't know exactly how much Ash told you. Or exactly what she told you."

"I told him it'll be good for him," Ash interjected before he could speak.

"You know," Shepard said, turning once more to Ash. "You make it all sound like bad medicine. Let me guess. You did the whole 'we're-a-support-group-not-a-support-group' thing didn't you?"

"Don't you patronize me," Ash snapped out. "I've known Kaidan since... forever. You're the one who wanted to speak to him about... I actually don't know what you wanted to speak to him about."

"I just wanted to know if he'd be interested in-"

"It doesn't matter if he's interested or not. It'll be good for him to-"

"And if you both asked me," Kaidan practically shouted, voice grating against his throat. "I'd answer you because I'm right fucking here."

Ash and Shepard both swivelled toward him, almost as if they had forgotten that he was even there, and a mixture of embarrassment and amusement crossed both of their faces, which did nothing to assuage his own anger.

"I'm sorry, you're right," Shepard conceded at last. That surprised Kaidan, especially since they were both well enough of one another's genders to know that an Alpha very rarely conceded anything to an Omega in public.

"I..." Kaidan began and then cleared his throat as he fought to hold onto his anger. "Look, Shepard. Ash. I mean, really, is this the best time to be discussing this? I'm sure you've done good for... No, I mean... It- It's just that. I don't know how long I'm going to be back in Normandy for. I... I don't really do well with people you know? I'm happy just being... I'm fine. Really." Well, that went as smoothly as he'd imagined in his head.

"Oh come on Kai," Ash said as his words tapered down. "When was the last time, seriously, that you spoke to anyone at all that wasn't me."

"That's not the point Ash," Kaidan said, a little annoyed at Ash's constant, stubborn determination to improve his life. As she saw it anyway.

"It's not just about that you know," Shepard finally spoke up.

"What do you mean..." Kaidan began warily.

"I mean..." Shepard cast glances left and right, like he was searching for an appropriate way to couch his phrasing. "I mean that... You've obviously been through something bad. Probably as bad as what some of us go through. Everyday, we have more and more people, looking lost and aimless. They need something... safe. Something to come back to and keep them safe. I think you could help with that."

"I... What?" Kaidan babbled stupidly as his mind raced. Shepard's words were like honey, trailing down his throat and pooling, warm and golden in his stomach. The words rang with sincerity and understanding and Kaidan felt himself clinging to the man's words. And there was something else...

"You've obviously coped well, Kaidan," Shepard said with a crooked, soft smile directed at him. "We could use your help, maybe motivate or inspire those other Omegas to... I don't know. Find that same strength. The rest of us can only do so much, but hopefully, maybe... I don't know of any other Omega who's as... wilful as you are."

There it was again and Kaidan finally managed to pick up on it. The word 'us'. Somehow, Kaidan didn't think that Shepard was referring specifically to anyone else that Shepard was associated with. Somehow, Kaidan could have sworn that Shepard had been referring to himself and Kaidan found a sense of curiosity growing within himself, a desire to plumb hidden depths.

"I'm not wilful," he shot out instead, cursing his tongue.

"Maybe not wilful," Shepard said playfully. "But certainly stubborn. I don't know of any other Omega who goes around in public with his heat on edge."

"What?!" Ash shrieked loud enough that the cafeteria had gone deafly silent for all of three seconds.

Shepard's eyebrows turned down at the edges, making his face a comical mask of shock as Ash grabbed the man by his shoulders and swivelled him around to face her.

"What the hell was that, Shepard?" Ash almost screamed again.

"Ash..." Kaidan began but she was having none of it.

"I... I thought you knew. That he told you," Shepard said, trying and failing, to pull himself out of Ash's vice-like grip. "Shit."

"Damn right, shit," Ash began but Kaidan reach over and plucked the woman's hands off of Shepard.

"Shepard," Kaidan began, drawing the conversation back to what they had been discussing before. He didn't really want a furious Ash taking issue with his recklessness and bearing down on him that way.

"Hmm?" Shepard hummed in acknowledgement and Kaidan found his eyes dipping down, following the bobbing Adam's apple that accompanied that hum. He shook himself before continuing.

"I... I just..." Kaidan stumbled, trying to find the right words to express what he wanted to say. Was there any 'right way' to phrase himself though? "I'm not really what you'd call a... people person. And it's just that, I mean, I don't really want to talk about my... I don't think it'll really help."

Shepard sighed a little, turning to face him, looking him straight in his eyes and Kaidan felt his throat close. They were just so blue, so deep.

"I think that you could really make a difference," Shepard said simply. "And even if it helps one other Omega or Alpha, I would think it would be worth it. Don't you?"

Kaidan mulled over the direct question, still finding it immensely difficult to tear himself away from Shepard's gaze. He felt a hot flush creep up his neck, felt his pulse rise even as his heartbeat quickened.

Was that really what he'd want? He'd always been strongest on his own. His trust had too often been misplaced and it had ended up worse for him, more often than not. And even when he'd taken tentative steps away from going on in life alone, limiting his friendship to... well, he supposed it was just Ash, it had always been enough. Or not at all. Did he really care enough to help others like himself, did he honestly think he'd make a difference? So many questions, an no answers came to relieve him of his burden. The only way he could think to discover more about himself, to see what he could truly do, would be to take another leap.

"You don't have to answer right away," Shepard said slowly as the silence continued during his internal struggle. "Even if you don't want to, no one's forcing you to do it." Shepard tossed Ash a quick look that made her narrow her eyes at him. "Anyway, even if it's just... I dunno, getting you back out into Normandy and getting to know the place again. I think we could help."

Kaidan felt his eyes dart toward Shepard's clasped hands in front, leaning on the table and an almost overwhelming impulse made him reach out with his own, wrapping Shepard's strong fingers in his own.

"I'll think about it," Kaidan said with a beaming smile on face.

Ash sat thunderstruck and Shepard's eyes and mouth made neat little _O_ 's in the man's face. Kaidan only felt himself watching them both, curiously shifting back and forth. What was wrong with them? He peered down at his hands atop of Shepard's, feeling the grain and callouses there and marvelling at the tender warmth. It intrigued him and he started to run the edge of his thumb along the edge of Shepard's hand.

"Umm," Shepard said, clearing his throat. "Kaidan I... Uh.. Ash?"

"Kaidan," Ash said softly and calmly. So calmly that Kaidan wondered what was wrong. "Kaidan can you hear me?"

"What?" Kaidan asked, pulling away from... the table? He scratched at his head, feeling oddly muggy and stuffy. Why on earth was it so warm all of a sudden?

"Kaidan," Ash repeated in that deathly calm voice. "Kaidan can you hear me?"

"Of course I can hear you, dammit," Kaidan snapped out. Damn Ash. Damn her. Why did she always have to meddle like that?

Ash's face was a riot of confusion. Kaidan absently stroked at the inside of his neck, feeling the heat there, the warm throb against the tips of his fingers, appreciating the rhythmic thumping as he continued to gaze at both Shepard and Ash with vexation.

"What the hell is the matter with you both?" Kaidan finally snapped out.

"Ash..." Shepard said softly, not taking his eyes off of him.

"I... I don't know Shepard," Ash shot back. "I don't..."

"Me neither," Shepard agreed and Kaidan wondered if they were reading each other's minds. He would have loved to have read Shepard's mind right then.

"Well," Kaidan finally said. "I'm starving. Why don't we get something to bite and talk about this some more?"

He moved to sit up, trying to get out of his seat to head over to the deli that had a steak sandwich that he'd been eyeing, but just as he stood, he felt the muscles in his thighs tremble slightly as he put more and more weight onto them. Puzzled, he forced himself to stand even more upright but ended up back on his rump as the trembling continued.

"Kaidan?" Ash said with quiet urgency.

"I... It's nothing," Kaidan said firmly.

Kaidan stared at his leg in frustration. What the hell was wrong with him? He felt the trembling creep up his legs, pooling over his body and his arms were twitching, pressing themselves against the table top. He twisted his head slightly to glare at the things. Why the hell was it so hot? He needed to get out of his hoodie. That was the problem. But his arms wouldn't let him, and oh god, his shirt. It felt so tight, it was rubbing against his chest. He felt constricted by them and he... He needed to.. What? They were... they were--

Then it hit him with all the force of a brick sledgehammer, stunning him and paralyzing him with fear and.. something else. A tiny seed of anticipation. Panic consumed him, drowning out everything else as the realization bloomed smugly at the back of his brain.

His heat was starting.


	8. Damaged Goods

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise! Yes, m'lovelies. It's an early chapter. I had just finished some practise sketches, working on my digital hobby and since I finished what I had set for myself a little earlier, I decided to work on my Omegaverse. I had originally established a routine where I would publish a chapter a week, to be released on either Thursday or Friday so that a majority of you would be able to read it comfortably over the weekend. However, I had time. So this week, there will be TWO chapters coming out. :D
> 
> So, a little background in case anyone is interested to know. This one was REALLY hard to start off. I have no idea why, it was just a little awkward to form. So if the initial phrases seem off, I apologise for that in advance. I mean, seriously, it took me about an hour to write off the first several paragraphs alone. :S. However, it smoothened out in the end, though I must say that I absolutely SUCK at writing emo, angst and all that kind of inter-character dialogue. Not to mention that I probably broke character like a bazillion times and this doesn't even sound like what I intended and... Yeargh!!! I don't know why. I'm just... just terrible. Don't look at me! Away from meee!

His mind continued to race even as his body moved sluggishly, a moment of clarity granted to him as fear and adrenaline took control, quashing the impending fog. He tried to push himself up and away from the table. The constant questions and doubt, the way his mind was slowly turning inward toward a more emotional point had been the first clue, one that he'd blatantly ignored. The way he'd grabbed for Shepard, when he was never even that intimate with Ash or anyone else that he'd known of. The desire for contact, for the feeling of skin and the way he'd rubbed at his temple. The throbbing. The trembling, that wasn't a quirk in his muscles, but his body's reaction to the chemical overdose that he was receiving, like a biological expression of anticipation. The heat.

Oh god.

Kaidan backed away from the table, muscles barely holding him up and he pushed himself away from Ash and Shepard, sending the chair cascading down to crash on the floor.

Oh dear god. Shepard.

The sound of the tumbling chair echoed loudly, too loudly for his ears to bear, and his eyes were wide as he cast his gaze around him. He had to get away, had to get out of this place. He wasn't safe here.

His body trembled again and he felt himself opening up, losing within himself as the barest vestiges of the heat tickled at the edge of his mind and damn, oh damn, how he wanted to be with someone right now, to be together, to be safe and tucked in with his Alpha before he-

No!

He felt the nails in his fingers dig into his palms, desperately clinging to the sharp pain there as he struggle to focus. He didn't want to be with an Alpha, he... he needed to... he needed to get home. Home.

"Kaidan!" Ash called from somewhere far away, but he wasn't listening as he focused solely on his surroundings, trying to look at anything but the two Alphas who were quickly rising off their seats in front of him.

"Ash," he called out desperately, eyes unfocused.

Kaidan felt his body respond even as Ash pressed up against his arm and god, how he wanted to drown in the feeling of another living body next to him, how he wanted to just take and take and be with that warmth, that delicious warmth.

"Shit," Ash cursed as she tried to clamp onto his arm. "You're starting to burn up."

"Can't stay here," Kaidan mumbled, trying to press himself deeper into Ash's grip. "Can't. Head's funny... I... I think... my heat's starting."

Kaidan almost whined when Ash jerked away from him like she'd been scalded and without her support, he stumbled toward the floor, barely catching himself from falling face first onto the ground.

"Oh god," Ash said softly as she stumbled away. "Oh shit."

"What's wrong?" Shepard asked urgently.

Kaidan tried to pull himself up, tried to back away from the voices, but he could feel... he could feel...

"What the hell," Shepard muttered as he grabbed a hold of Kaidan to steady him up. "What the hell is wrong with him?"

"Shepard," Ash growled low. "Shepard, get away from him."

"What's wrong with him?" Shepard repeated again, this time with more force, and Kaidan hummed quietly to himself as strong hands pulled him gently up. Rough hands, rough but smooth he thought excitedly, and they were perfect against his flushed skin.

"Shepard, move away from him. Now," Ash said in warning tones.

Kaidan paused in his admiration of Shepard's hands on his arm as he gazed up at the man, concern painted heavily across those fine features of his, worry etched deep into the man's brow and Kaidan felt his breathing quicken as he knew, he just knew, that that concern and worry were focused on him.

"You want to tell me what the hell is going on here?" Shepard said in careful tones, shifting his gaze from Kaidan and back over to where Ash was standing, arms tight and shoulders squared.

Ash paused for a moment, cocking her head slightly to the side before shaking it roughly.

"What do you mean 'what's going on here'," Ash ground out. "What the hell Shepard, can't you tell?"

"Tell what?" Shepard said, fighting for patience.

"Kaidan is... He's..." Ash cast around, glancing at the other tables around them and noting the silence and concern focused on them. "He's... going into his heat." Ash ended with a near whisper.

This time Kaidan did mewl, a piteous sound, as Shepard pulled away from him and Kaidan languished alone with the steadily rising heat. What the hell was wrong with them, was he some diseased leper that they had to keep reaching out for him but dropping him every time they-

He shook his head until his temples throbbed at his sides, feeling the world twist and turn as the dull ache spread out over the rest of his head. His heat. He was starting his heat and Shepard... Shepard was an Alpha... An Alpha. That thought alone set him on edge, panic like a wild dog baying in his chest as he stumbled up like a drunk. Something was... odd. This heat. It wasn't...

"He can't be..." Shepard said next to Ash. "I can't smell-"

"Keep your voice down!" Ash practically shrieked, belaying her own advice, before continuing in ragged mutterings. "Just... Just shut up for a minute, let me think."

"We need to get him away from here," Shepard said smoothly and Kaidan couldn't help but envy the man his control.

"Of course we do," Ash agreed quickly.

"Where?" Shepard snapped out. "If we can put him in your-"

"I can't put him up at my place!" Ash protested quickly.

"-car we can probably get him home," Shepard finished, casting a baleful look in Ash's direction.

"Oh. Right, of course," Ash said just as quickly. "No, wait. No. We can't do that."

"What's wrong with-" Shepard began but Ash overrode him.

"Can't let them see him like this," Ash muttered to herself.

"Ash!" Shepard finally snapped out, at the end of his patience. "Focus. We need to find a place to bring him and we need to do it soon."

"We can't just leave him like this Shepard," Ash grated out. "Are you crazy? An Omega... an Omega like that? Do you know how long it'll take before it ends? You want to leave him, out in the middle of nowhere to suffer for days? God only knows... He'll wander. Unless we chain him to his room, he's going to search for it, Shepard. You _know_."

"Well, what do you propose?" Shepard breathed softly.

Kaidan could see them, talking about him, hear them talking about his impending heat. His mind had been twisting and turning, he felt himself piecing together slowly and he knew what he should have done, what he should be doing _right-the-fuck-now_. But his body was blocking whatever messages his brain was sending, and all he could do was stand there, trembling from the anticipation as the surge ebbed and flowed within him. Could only sit, a watcher in his mind, as he screamed to move, screamed to get away or to move forward, but he just stood there, staring with frightening intensity at the two Alphas in front of him. And wasn't that the strangest thing of all. His body was beginning to respond to the heat, closing off his entrance and making him slick with readiness, muscles realigning and clenching within him but his mind was still his own, bright with startling clarity and his thoughts churned as he thought and wrestled with this... strange new feeling.

Ash bit her lip, eyes darting constantly between Shepard and himself and Kaidan could have sworn that he saw her mouth the words 'forgive me' as they approached him slowly.

*

Shepard's hands tightened on the wheel as the light lazily turned amber in the afternoon sun, barely resting before it shifted toward an angry red glow. For what felt the fiftieth time in the last fifteen minutes, Shepard cursed softly to himself as his car ground to a halt in front of the traffic light. He felt his fingers drum at the edges of the wheel, barely taking in the steady tattoo of beats rising up from the speaker at his feet.

The tip of his nose was freezing, but he didn't have a choice as he blasted the air-conditioning on max. A quick glance in the rear-view mirror was met with the same thing that he'd seen the last fifty times he'd looked back.

Kaidan sat, quiet and softly, not shifting and not making a sound as he stared unnervingly in his direction. When their eyes met, Shepard could have sworn, there was something predatory, a sharp, dangerous... something, shining out from the man's eyes and Shepard looked away as he caught himself staring.

Shit. Breathe Shepard, just... just breathe.

When Ash had suggested that he take Kaidan and put him up at his place for the remainder of the heat, Shepard had refused. Point blank, refused. Oh he knew a ton of Alphas who wouldn't have given a second's hesitation if it had come down to it. Would have probably fought amongst themselves just to be able to get their hands on an Omega in heat and it sickened Shepard more than he could describe. His anger had obviously been evident in his answer, that Ash would even suggest such a thing, but...

But he couldn't send Kaidan home in the condition that he was in now. An Omega's heat tended to last for around two to three days and besides the psychological changes that altered character and made them crave intimacy and material comforts, they also were overwhelmingly driven to seek out a partner for... mating. And Kaidan, at home alone with both of his Beta parents, would become restless and angsty, possibly turn violent as he tried to quench that raging desire within him. And that was only one of the more major changes that would have occurred. It seemed that the biological drive was holistic and all-encompassing; the body would begin to ache, to hurt, to _need_ to be filled in some way and it would turn traitorous, compelling an Omega to seek out Alpha comforts through extreme discomfort. And if things ever got to that stage, an Omega would do practically anything to find a mate, to be filled, whether that person was willing or not. It was the darker side of the Omega genome, and normally, that wouldn't have been a problem, as the pheromones that would have been pouring out of an Omega would have had an Alpha on point, both literally and figuratively, and no matter what kind of higher thought patterns, no matter their desires, you couldn't fight instinct.

At least, that should have been the case.

But something was very different here.

Shepard jerked as a horn sounded through his muddled thoughts and his foot instinctively went for the pedal as he raised a hand in apology to the angry driver behind. Moving forward, Shepard once again happened to glance at Kaidan staring at him like the man was trying to bore through the back of his head and he turned his mind toward getting home first. His mind meandered with the road, seeking answers that were eluding him.

His phone buzzed in the pocket of his pants and he ignored it for now, probably assuming it was Ash. She had already agreed to cover up for Kaidan's absence with his parents, though wholly unnecessary for a grown man who was thirty, but still, they would worry and Kaidan... Kaidan wasn't really in a position to do much for himself at the moment right now.

Ash had been adamant about not having Kaidan staying with her, not that she had any problems with the man's heat, or so she had said. The problem had been Liara. With an Omega in heat and another without, who knew what could have happened. Shepard could only imagine the situation rapidly deteriorating, the stand-off between the two Omegas or, god forbid, that Kaidan's heat inadvertently started Liara's own up, and _that_ would really set the ships sailing. He didn't really know what Ash expected him to do to keep Kaidan in check...

"How are you holding up Kaidan?" Shepard said in calm, neutral tones to the statue sitting behind him, both to make sure Kaidan was still holding on and to distract himself from thinking of two Omegas in heat at the same time or of what Ash was expecting him to do for Kaidan.

"Fine," came the monosyllabic reply, though even that word was enough to send a whisper of... something... running up and down his spine.

Shepard grunted, putting in just a little more speed in the narrow road that he was in now.

At first he thought he was being punked, a very poor joke considering that Ash was well aware of his thoughts of Omegas in heat, but the look of panic, the carefully creeping dread in the woman's voice, well, he didn't need further convincing. But even Ash hadn't been able to detect anything. Perhaps it had something to do with the suppressants that Kaidan hadn't been able to take regularly and the upset rhythm had caused some kind of imbalance or maybe it was just something inherent to Kaidan. No, that wouldn't have made sense, Shepard continued to himself, since the incident at Vega's had shown that the man could still give off the heat scent.

The familiar sign of his home's driveway sent a jolt of gratitude shooting through him and he quickly pulled up into familiar, empty space, not even taking the time to coast in with careful slowness. He took a moment as he parked, shutting off the engine when a band of muscle wrapped itself up around his neck, not threatening, but startling all the same.

"You smell so good... Shepard," Kaidan breathed into his ear and god, that sound, that _voice_ was enough to unhinge him.

"Umm," Shepard stammered out trying half-heartedly to pull the man's arm away from himself because damn, it felt so good, just feeling the man's skin there along his pulse. "Kaidan, let's get you inside, okay? Nothing's going to happen to you, you're safe here."

"Am I?" Kaidan purred softly at him and that was it, enough.

Shepard yanked the driver's side door open at the same time that Kaidan's arm uncoiled from around his neck and he practically jumped out of his car trying to get away, trying to calm the fuck down and just breathe dammit.

Shepard watched as Kaidan pulled the door open slowly, eyes moving lazily over the area, taking in the road, the quiet neighbourhood and the small home that Shepard had painstakingly built up for himself. He watched as the Omega closed the door quietly, as Kaidan seemed to nod to himself as he looked up and seemed to study Shepard's small, cosy, two-storey abode before turning that penetrating stare on Shepard.

This was his first time looking at the way that an Omega behaved in heat without being wrapped up in the heat haze himself and, to be honest, it frightened him as much as it excited a deep, base part of him.

Shepard fumbled the keys trying to get the door open and he was acutely aware of the presence behind him, of Kaidan's intensity and the fact that he was about to let an Omega in heat come home with him. An Omega that he had only made assumptions about and knew next to nothing. Sure, Kaidan was quite the looker, with those eyes, that strong jaw. That smile. The man just seemed to exude strength and charm and there was a veil of mystery that almost begged to be shifted away, like he was waiting for someone to look, to _see_ beneath and Shepard would have loved to have gotten the chance to slowly and deliciously understand the other man, would have wanted nothing more than to just find out everything more, but fate it seemed, really did have the sickest sense of humour of all. And as first meetings went, this was spiralling out of control and turning into a situation more awkward than he'd ever imagined.

Shepard led the way in to the small living area. It was small, yes, but comfortable and had everything that he could ever need or want, not to mention the fact that it was easier to maintain. He turned and bolted the door, making sure it was secure enough that Kaidan couldn't pry it open and throw himself out into the street.

"Just... Just make yourself comfortable," Shepard said, waving toward the L-shaped sofa. "I need... I need to get... you a room. I mean get a room ready for you. To use." Smooth, Shepard, he thought to himself, feeling like smacking himself in the head.

Kaidan nodded once, jerkily, before smoothly moving over as Shepard had indicated, and he wasted no time taking the stairs three at a time, heading towards the spare guest room that he'd furnished but had never made use of. Opening the door, he made a quick study, noting merely the absence of bed sheets and pillowcases before heading off to pull them out of storage. Just as he'd yanked open the closet door, his pocket began to vibrate again, this time with continual earnestness. He swore quietly and picked up the call, noting Ash's ridiculous self-portrait on the screen.

"A little busy Ash," Shepard said immediately, hooking the phone in between his ear and his shoulder as he tried to pull out everything that he could with his two hands.

"Oh my god," Ash said vehemently. "Shepard, what the hell are you-"

"What the hell Ash?" Shepard said as he reached the conclusion that she had obviously been imagining. "No. No Ash. I'm... I'm not going to sleep with him."

"I find that hard to believe," Ash said in all seriousness.

"You know," Shepard said simply and he could hear muttered cursing coming over through the line. Shepard did a quick double check to make sure he had everything before hastily shoving the door shut with a bang, already moving back toward the spare room.

"I thought..." Ash began and Shepard felt a seed of rage grow within his chest.

"No, Ash," Shepard said simply. "You didn't."

"Hey, don't you take that high and mighty shit tone with me, Shepard," Ash snapped out. "Are you sure you're not going to-"

"Ash. If there's one thing that I'm sure of, it's that I am not going to sleep with Kaidan Alenko just because he's in heat," Shepard said with a whip crack inflection, slamming the door close behind him.

"Huh," Ash said softly. "So... Does that mean you'll sleep with him if he _wasn't_ having his heat."

"Dammit Ash," Shepard huffed, pulling away a flurry of pillows and comforters. "Are you here to help or just piss me off?"

"Alright, alright!" Ash growled.

"Did you manage to find out anything?" Shepard asked as she tapered off.

"Nothing that we don't already know," Ash began slowly. "I called his parents, told them that he was staying in town, looking for a place to call his own and that he'd be staying with me for the next few days to make things easier."

"I'm sure they bought it," Shepard said dryly, shifting the phone to the other shoulder and fluffing up the pillow in his hands.

"Why wouldn't they?" Ash said as if hurt. "Anyway, I called Mordin. He's going to be dropping off some... stuff for you. And while he's usually sure of what's going around here, he doesn't have a clue why an Omega wouldn't give off any pheromones during their heat. I'll pop by his place as well, grab some of the stuff that he'll need if... since he's going to be staying with you... a while."

"Shit," Shepard summed up nicely, deciding to ignore the last part of Ash's statement. If Mordin didn't have an idea then probably nobody else in Normandy would have a clue as to what was going on here.

"As to why his heat suddenly acted up," Ash continued. "I think it was that stuff his mom made for him this morning."

"His mother?" Shepard said in alarm.

"Delicious stuff," Ash elaborated. "I managed to pull the recipe from her when I called earlier. Some kind of hangover cure. With grapefruit. Though I think she didn't know."

"I'm hoping she didn't," Shepard said almost to himself. One of the problems with the suppressants was that they were extremely sensitive to chemical changes within the body. An Omega's heat could be delayed, maybe up a year or so, but it could never be prevented indefinitely. And the longer that one used it, the more quickly the body adapted to its presence and the periods of non-activity would grow shorter and shorter. Coupled with the fact that Kaidan's mom had given him a veritable anti-oxidant minefield from the list that Ash was reciting over the phone, and any trace of the suppressants would have been washed out.

"So what do we do?" Ash finally said.

"You tell me," Shepard said as he tried to wrestle with the comforter, struggling to shove the damn thing into it's cover. "This was your brilliant idea in the first place."

"Well... It seemed like the best idea at the time alright?" Ash said and Shepard could hear the barest hint of embarrassment through the line. "If we send him to Vega's?"

"Wrex is an Alpha," Shepard said in a deadpan. "So is Grunt."

"Yeah, yeah..." Ash said distractedly. "How about with Steve? He's a Beta isn't he? I'm sure he could handle Kaidan, since James goes through the heat too?"

"And it is precisely because Steve is handling James at the moment that we can't," Shepard shot back.

"Fine," Ash said with a snap. "So, it seems our only option is to either leave Kaidan with you, and hope that his heat plays out smoothly-"

Shepard snorted at Ash's logic.

"-or we could leave him to his own devices," Ash continued. "And let him go mad within a day, trying to find the nearest Alpha that he can for a fucking romp."

"Neither option sounds very appealing," Shepard said with honesty, placing the pillows flush at the bed's headboard and straightening out the covers.

"I trust you Shepard," Ash said suddenly with as much seriousness as he'd ever heard in her tone before. "I trust you. And I know... I know you won't... hurt Kaidan."

"I thought you thought that I was dangerous," Shepard teased.

"How the hell did you..." Ash began in shock, but smoothly recovered. "You _are_ dangerous Shepard. We all are. But I... know that you wouldn't let anything happen to Kaidan."

"I'm a little bit more worried that he'll be the one hurting me," Shepard said with playful dryness, though Ash's faith in him had eased some of the tension in his chest.

"Oh, well. That's alright then," Ash said breezily and Shepard choked back on a reply.

Shepard cast a critical eye over the room, quick bursts that took in creases and odd edges that his fingers danced around and straightened out.

"Alright," Shepard said finally. "I'll call if anything changes, and you do the same if you find out something better... for Kaidan. And Ash? Thank you... for trusting me."

"What could possibly be better than him holding up at your place?" Ash said in a tone of mock innocence.

"You could always donate that collection of Alpha dildos you keep on you," Shepard said with a wicked grin on his face.

Ash sputtered through the phone, cursing him, his home and his dog, though he didn't have one. "How the... I don't... That's none of your damn business Shepard," Ash finally spat out in frosty tones.

"I should go," Shepard said before moving the phone away from his aching shoulder.

"You should go to hell and-"

Shepard chuckled to himself as he ended the call, shoving the phone back into his pocket. His expression sobered as he immediately took in the room and its meagre furnishings. There was something that Ash was hiding from him and he didn't have the cheek to ask flat out what it was that she was covering for Kaidan. Oh, he'd made the usual assumptions, had reached the most logical conclusions, but Ash had been terrified about Kaidan's heat, about getting him to his parents' place. Something about all of this rubbed him the wrong way and he just wasn't focused enough to squeeze the information out of that woman, though that might have taken days. Damn, he was really about to do this. He almost wished that he was lost in the heat smell, to feel his inner Alpha burst free and to claim, to own, to reach out and take. Then this would be over sooner for the both of them. But even if he wished for it, it wouldn't happen. And that part of him had been long since buried, heaped upon with dirt. He's just have to endure, he told himself, just another three or so days and it would be over. Maybe some good might come out of it, he tried to tell himself with false positivity. But whatever happened, he would never let something like _that_ occur again.

*

He sat on the sofa, eyes following Shepard as the man had darted up the stairs. He'd sat there for all of three seconds afterward before he felt his body tugging him softly up, up onto his feet and he trailed quietly up toward the simple staircase.

His eyes trailed over the small setting around him. Simple yet elegant tastes that spoke of warmth and solidity. Kaidan studied the small little curio cabinet briefly before his eyes managed to pick out the details. A medal, another medal, several photos, one of a dark-skinned, older man with his arms over Shepard's shoulders, both men smiling. A tackle, a worn and faded book. Kaidan felt his eyes pause at every instance of Shepard, feeling something warm and soft trickle down into his stomach and he could have sworn that his eyes lingered just a moment longer every time he spied those alluring blue eyes.

A clattering sounded from upstairs, followed by the sound of a wooden door crashing up against another solid surface. Muttered voices. Shepard's voice.

Kaidan moved up carefully towards the stairs, barely feeling any surprise within himself at the brash move. He placed his foot down carefully, testing each step as he inched closer and closer toward the sound of that voice, toward the cultured curls of those words that just tugged and tugged at him and his head brushed at the edge of the bannister, allowing him to dart quick glances up over the edge.

"-not going to sleep with him," Shepard said with brutal honesty.

Kaidan froze and ducked back down as Shepard turned smoothly and raced toward the other end of the house, practically tearing the door off its hinges as he barrelled in.

A riot of emotions clashed in Kaidan's head and chest. Shepard didn't want to sleep with him? The thought alone sent anguish and longing shooting through him, the words causing a hurt so sharp that he couldn't even fathom having ever felt something like that before in his life. Or had he? Anger swiftly replaced hurt and Kaidan felt his scowl deepening. If Shepard didn't want him, then that was fine. Kaidan didn't need to be here. He'd just go somewhere else, find another Alpha to fill him up. Oh god, the sweet feeling of euphoria at the notion sent a gush of moistness shooting through him. But Kaidan stopped himself before he went back down the stairs. Why didn't this Alpha want to sleep with him? He was in heat, he was getting ready. But why? In the end, curiosity won and Kaidan didn't even hesitate to continue his careful and quiet way up the stairs, moving forward toward the only other door at the end of the hall. He stared at the knob, at the wooden impediment, before shrugging and carefully placing his ear against the grain.

"-am not going to sleep with Kaidan Alenko," Shepard said insistently.

Kaidan clamped down on the hurt again, feeling somewhere deep down that it was just a by-product of his heat, and he recognized as well, the little voice that told him to stay, another indication that this heat was unlike any that he had ever been through previously. The voice sounded wonderful.

Kaidan continued to strain and to listen, picking up trailing ends of conversation and trying to piece together what the person, he assumed that it was Ash, was saying to him.

"-more worried that he'll be the one hurting me," Shepard said dryly.

Kaidan felt the grin spread across his features before he could stop it. Yes, a very strange Alpha. Even without his pheromones inducing a state of wanton lust, he would have expected any other Alpha to have gone mad at the prospect of having a willing and pliable Omega, ready and ripe for the taking. But here Shepard was, a paragon incarnate, and he was worried about him, worried about how he might lose control. That thought nudged something playful and... predatory within Kaidan, and he could feel his entrance going moist again his mind began to churn and shift.

"-you... For trusting me," Shepard said finally with a sigh.

Kaidan felt his ears moving away from the door. Whatever it was that he had intended to eavesdrop, it certainly hadn't been this. But it did pose for an interesting development. He turned smoothly, quietly moving on the balls of his feet and inching down carefully back toward where he had been sitting, not really paying attention to his surroundings anymore. He had too much on his mind right now and he was discarding and considering, weighing and measuring. He had to find out, had to understand, exactly what kind of a man Shepard was. And now that he knew that he was safe, that he wouldn't be jumped or taken advantaged of, he felt initial ever present panic within himself slowly diminish and coil back into the deepest corner of his mind. Right now, Kaidan was going to get a little... perspective on things.

*

Shepard trudged back down the stairs, letting the hollow boom of the wood direct and organize his thoughts.

He paused as he reached the foot of the stairs, looking up at the living room and seeing Kaidan, sitting still like he'd left him.

"Did you..." Shepard said, trying to clear his throat. "Did you want something to drink?"

Shepard felt his throat close as Kaidan turned to look at him. The intensity behind those deep, brown eyes had grown even stronger, but there was something... odd, about the man's face. Shepard couldn't put his finger on it. It was like the Kaidan that he'd seen stumbling and panic, and the Kaidan that had sat ramrod straight and armoured to the nines in his car, had completely vanished. And now, sitting before him, was a Kaidan that he couldn't really... recognize. He shook his head at the absurdity of the thought.

"What do you have?" Kaidan said softly and the sound vibrated across the room and up Shepard's spine.

"Um... I have... Umm..." Shepard said blankly for a moment. "I... Here, why don't you have a look?"

Kaidan stood and moved toward him, never taking his eyes off of his own. Shepard felt his breathing hitch as he watched the man's slow walk, that small shift in his mouth. That chest trying to pull its way free from the relatively thin fabric that was a distraction and nothing more. Kaidan strode closer and closer, grin growing slowly wider as he stepped up, stopping less than a foot away from Shepard. And those brown eyes had never wavered once.

"That sounds good, Shepard," Kaidan said smoothly, and god, the way the man's tongue moved around his name. If that was any indication of-

No. Stop it, he told himself. He took a step back, feeling his heel bumping against the base of the stairs.

"May I?" Kaidan purred before he turned back to the narrow hall that moved alongside the bottom of the stairs, leading back to what was obviously his kitchen.

Shepard cursed as he watched Kaidan walk forward, stared at the man's ass with avarice. How was it even possible that someone's ass could be that... that... anti-gravity? His cock twitched appreciatively at the sight even as his cheeks flamed at the inappropriate comparison. He stumbled after Kaidan even as he willed his cock to softness. Dammit. It. Had. To. Go. _Down_.

Kaidan entered the homey kitchen, taking a moment to turn his way this way and that before moving over to stand against the fridge, leaning up against the side of the counter next to the appliance. He pressed himself back against the surface, crossing his hands deftly across his chest and cocking his head back and to the side, gazing back and Shepard through those dusty lashes.

Shepard paused for a moment, taking in the Omega leaning against _his_ fridge, who was probably already in the middle of the beginning stages of his heat, and giving him _that_ kind of look. Shepard swallowed a convulsive breath, moving in a large arc away from Kaidan to circle the side of the fridge, standing back as he used his weight to pull open the silvery, matte door.

"Take your pick," Shepard mumbled softly.

"That would be rude," Kaidan said with just the smallest of smiles on his face.

Shepard rolled his eyes at the man's attempt to point out the obvious. He ground out a heavy sigh, moving over to peruse the selections in his fridge.

"Let's see," Shepard said, focusing on the cool blast hitting him in the face. "We have beer, water, juice and-"

"Mmm," Kaidan's hum sounded just behind his ear. "Beer sounds... so wonderful."

Shepard felt the hair on the back of his neck rising and he... he just wanted to drown in that voice, to never let it go and to feel it surround him.

"-and if you want," Shepard continued hunching forward even further. "I can make some tea or coffee-"

"I'd like a beer. Please," Kaidan said and Shepard nodded in affirmation, reaching out to grab a bottle for the Omega behind him when he saw another hand, just a little more tanned than his own, reaching out from behind his shoulder, moving towards the same bottle that he was reaching for.

He swore softly as Kaidan's hand lighted upon his own and his breath came out in ragged gasps as the heat, the overwhelming heat pouring out from those fingertips, made him stutter.

"Feels good," Kaidan said so softly in his ear, it felt like the man's breath was caressing him. "The cold. When it's so hot."

Shepard could only stand there frozen, feeling the warm breath on his ear, playfully teasing him and the burning cold on his palms were met with the burning heat from Kaidan's own hand. He felt lost in the moment, feeling so off balance as he'd never been before in his life. He couldn't take much more of this and already the bare contact of skin on skin was enough to rouse him, to pool down along his torso and travelling lower and lower until it collected in his groin and he felt a familiar tightening there.

"Thank you Shepard," Kaidan said with huskiness into his ear.

Shepard watched with dumbfounded amazement as Kaidan's fingers moved slowly across the skin on the back of his hands, pads briefly skimming over the hard ridges of knuckles before inching slowly along the webbed arches in between his fingers. He traced those strong fingers up, watching them light upon the quickly condensing bottle and he shuddered slightly as they spread up, moving over the cold glass and feeling the warm heat pressing up against his palm as Kaidan shifted his grip from the bottle, before moving it back, out away from the fridge.

He stood there, like that, for some unknowable amount of time as he tried to will his heart back to normality, to take pleasure from the chill coming from the open door of the fridge. Footsteps receded into the distance and it was a moment more before Shepard could shakily stand up, quickly grabbing at a bottle for himself, before he closed the fridge with trembling hands.

Was this truly what Omegas were like, he thought crazily to himself.

Treading on nerveless feet, Shepard picked up the bottle opener and made his own way back to the living room, barely catching himself as he spied Kaidan, sitting there like nothing had changed, like he'd just stepped in only minutes ago. Kaidan turned to look up at him as he approached and he brandished the bottle opener at Kaidan's frosted bottle, not trusting his voice to maintain his decorum.

Shepard watched warily as he seated himself at the corner of the sofa, trying to stay far enough away from Kaidan that the other man couldn't pounce on him easily. The silence grew thick and opaque as they set about opening their beers and Shepard downed a hefty amount in a single gulp, nearly choking as the smooth, frothy liquid gushed down his throat.

"I'm... sorry about just now," Kaidan said suddenly as Shepard contemplated turning on the TV, or moving away or just... anything to get away from the silence. "About... everything that's happening."

"Don't be," Shepard said automatically, trying to come up with something more but failing miserably.

"You don't have to..." Kaidan began again in halting steps and Shepard wondered at the completely mundane tone that he was using. "Don't have to... look out for me."

Shepard wanted to voice his denial, but something stopped him. Made him reassess.

"What are the alternatives?" Shepard said slowly, trying to parse out his question.

"Nothing good," Kaidan said bitterly, and Shepard watched as the man shifted the beer in his hands, bouncing it back and forth. Small movements, like nervous tics. The heat was in abeyance, at least for now.

"I'm sure you've had... experiences like this before," Shepard said carefully. "Don't you know any way..."

Kaidan looked up then, giving him a rueful smile and Shepard felt his heart skip a beat at just how... adorable that look was on Kaidan's face.

"Normally, the best ways are often the simplest," Kaidan said with ease. "And in this case, it means finding an Alpha."

"Did you ever..." Shepard began but stopped before he finished that sentence. He felt ashamed for immediately prying but Kaidan offered him a deep chuckle.

"I never did," Kaidan spoke softly. "Not after..."

"Look I'm sorry," Shepard quickly interrupted. "I didn't mean to pry and-"

"It's alright," Kaidan seemed to say to himself. Shepard watched as Kaidan took a deep breath, watched as confusion and disgust warred over the man's features and for a moment, his mind spun wildly as he wondered if the heat was coming back.

"I went through an unassisted heat before," Kaidan said like he was pulling facts out of the air. "It was... It wasn't pleasant. After. Anyway, after that I... I decided two to three days of hell was worth... Whatever came after."

There was something more, Shepard thought with analytical shrewdness, something that Kaidan wasn't telling him. He didn't know how he knew, but the brief pauses, the couched terms. They were set up to hide something and while the curiosity within him grew and ached to know, he refused to indulge in it.

"I'm sorry to hear that," Shepard said in an almost after thought, wincing at how thoughtless he must have sounded.

"So am I," Kaidan agreed, taking another pull at his bottle. "So, ah, Shepard... Any stories of your own to share?"

Shepard nodded to himself at the _quid pro quo_. It seemed only fair.

"There was... I was friends with an Omega," Shepard began slowly.

"Was?" Kaidan spoke up.

"Was," Shepard said, more firmly than he had intended. "She had... hit her heat. Wasn't prepared for it. It... wasn't pleasant. After." Shepard said with a telling nod in Kaidan's direction and, wonder of wonders, he felt himself still as a grainy chuckle escaped the strange Omega sitting at ease on his couch. It was a wonderfully genuine sound.

"I supposed that's fair," Kaidan said as he began to shift the bottle in his hands again.

"You mean what happened after or..." Shepard continued, hesitating for a moment.

Kaidan released another chuckle. "I was, ah, actually speaking about the lack of details but... yeah, well..."

"You're not exactly full of details either," Shepard blurted out. He felt his lips clamp shut immediately and felt panic well in his mind as Kaidan turned a sharp look in his direction. What the hell was wrong with him?

"That's... pretty blunt, Shepard," Kaidan said a little tightly.

"Sorry, I... I didn't mean it like-"

Kaidan huffed a soft laugh, shaking his head. "You're too easy, Shepard," Kaidan interrupted, giving him a pointed look.

Shepard felt his jaw drop a little. Had he just been called easy?

"Look Kaidan," Shepard started up after the silence had begun to stretch again. "If there was some other way..."

"There are," Kaidan ventured with a smile that didn't quite reach the other man's eyes. "They just aren't as... pleasant... as the current situation."

Shepard huffed a sound at _that_ statement. "Being a little presumptuous, aren't we?" Shepard spoke up.

"Can't really remember too clearly," Kaidan said with the barest shake of his head. "But what I do... well, let's just say that a few days of feeling like... this. They aren't fun."

"I'm sure," Shepard said running a hand along the back of his neck in a nervous gesture. "Y'know Kaidan... I'd rather not start off... I mean... That is to say..." Dammit, what the hell was he trying to say.

Kaidan glanced at him before turning back to his bottle. "Being a little presumptuous, Shepard?" Kaidan offered with a smirk and Shepard felt his cheeks flame at the implication.

"That's not what I meant. I just-"

"Don't worry about it," Kaidan said matter-of-factly. "I would've preferred if things had been... different too."

And there it was, veiled under words and hidden under implications. Shepard paused as he juggled the words in his head, he couldn't be sure, but he guessed... He guessed that Kaidan might have been considering the very thing that he had been.

"I would prefer it if we didn't... If we didn't have to..." Shepard stuttered out, trying hard to beat around the word.

Kaidan tilted his head back, downing the last of the beer before casting a lazy glance over in his direction. "If it comes down to it," Kaidan agreed with diplomacy. "I'm all for the idea... But knowing how these things turn out..."

"Yeah," Shepard couldn't help but agree. "Have you... ever been through a heat... like this?"

"A little difficult to say, Shepard," Kaidan said as he leaned back against the back of the sofa, staring at the ceiling. "I haven't really been putting myself out there, with many Alphas, when I had my heat hit."

"It's... It's John, actually," Shepard said a little awkwardly. If they were going to be in this forced situation, the least he could do was offer something more... intimate of himself.

"Huh," Kaidan huffed.

"It's just... you just seem so, I dunno... lucid," Shepard finally said, trying to find the right word to describe the Omega in front of him.

"Yeah," Kaidan agreed. "Never felt it like this before. I don't even know why. I mean, I... sometimes, when the heat hits, you get images. Like strobe lights. It's like you're trying to remember a movie that you'd forgotten, from a long time ago."

"Sounds familiar," Shepard said, scratching at the back of his neck again as he felt himself instinctively tug at the bundle of old memories in his mind.

"I've never felt... so in control before," Kaidan continued to voice, with a tone that sounded like it bordered on awe. "My body's still... It's still responding but, it's like, there and then not there. You know? And I can think... I can feel and it's... It's..."

"Odd?" Shepard finished for the man as the same thought had occurred to him throughout the day.

"Odd," Kaidan agreed and another one of those mysterious smiles seemed to flash across those full lips. "It... It feels good, but it scares me. I don't... like to lose control."

"Who does?" Shepard was speaking almost to himself, but Kaidan picked up on the thread.

"Some people do, Shepard," Kaidan said, speaking to the air and pointedly ignoring his first name. "Most of them, it seems."

"Not a lot of choice," Shepard growled. "You can't fight instinct."

"But instinct can be controlled, can't it?" Kaidan challenged turning to look at him and Shepard felt the words tumble and fail on his lips as he watched the predatory, challenging look enter Kaidan's eyes, that piercing stare that was so intense it made his heart flail in his chest. "You can learn, you can... evolve. You shouldn't have to be a slave to your body."

"It's not about being a slave," Shepard countered. "It's about... It's about knowing what you want and what you can get away with. And knowing how to work around that."

"Isn't that fighting against where instinct pulls you?" Kaidan asked in a philosophical tone. When the hell had the other man crept so close to him?

"It's not really about fighting so much of... knowing how to pull it away, or move just-off, away from where it wants you to go," Shepard said in a jumble, trying to keep up with the conversation as he inched away, feeling the edges of his sofa brush up against his legs.

"And isn't that control, Shepard?" Kaidan said in a husky whisper. "You can fight it if you want. With practice. With strength. Through force of will." Shepard could only stare as Kaidan drew closer, almost brushing shoulders with one another. Shepard felt like static was building up around him and the intensity that Kaidan was directing at him had him pinned, unable to move, not willing to resist those words, those full lips and those soulful eyes. "Don't you want to fight, Shepard? To be who you can be, not what others tell you to be?"

"More than anything," Shepard breathed as he was mesmerized.

"Then we have things in common, Shepard," Kaidan purred and the way the man said his name again, like he was touching it with reverence. A soft promise.

"Kaidan, I..." Shepard said, pushing himself up right against the edge of his seat, but there was no where else to go. It was either stay where he was, or drop, falling off.

"Shh, Shepard," Kaidan growled out and, oh god, Shepard felt his pants tightening. "It's alright."

"Kai-" Shepard began but he stopped as Kaidan reached a hand back over to the rear of his neck. He didn't resist as Kaidan took him in a firm grip, not forceful but definitely needy, like he was trying to convey to him what he wanted, but was giving him the option to move away. To reject the man. Which was something he refused to do.

"John," Kaidan said, never having broken eye contact the entire time, and the way that Kaidan's mouth framed his name like that. A name that almost no one used. It was something deeply personal for him, an inch of himself that he had rarely given to anyone else, but Kaidan's voice... It made it feel like something precious, something worth keeping. "I... I want to try. To be more than what I was. What I am."

Shepard felt the thrumming of his heart, felt the heat peeling off of Kaidan's hands and soaking into his neck, travelling up into his head, coiling around his chest. God, he'd never felt anything so acutely before. Kaidan quirked his lips in a smile as Shepard stood his ground, opening himself up to chance, and Kaidan pulled him in, brushing their lips together.

Shepard lost himself in that kiss. So warm... So soft. Kaidan pulled at him gently, moving the sensitive edges of his lips up and around Shepard's own and sparks seemed to fly through the air, whizzing in the afternoon sun as they met and broke, pulling and needing. Shepard lost himself, leaning in to reach for, to claim. But it was softly done, with respect, and Shepard heard as Kaidan hummed his approval. The taste of the beers on their tongues, and the heat of their arousal, it was almost too much to bear and Shepard wanted to hold on for as long as he could. The rough sandpaper of their stubble, the bitter-sweet taste of saliva and the brew that they had drunk. He felt warm flicks against his lips, feeding him more heat, more want, and he reciprocated, nibbling at Kaidan's lips and feeling them surrender to the edges of his teeth. Kaidan moaned softly into his mouth and Shepard need this, need to feel more and claim more as Kaidan's hands stole down to brush at the edge of his erection and--

"Kaidan, stop," Shepard said, feeling his euphoria come crashing down. "Stop!"

"What's wrong Shepard?" Kaidan said, pulling himself away slowly. "What-"

"Stop. Just... Just stop. I... I don't..." Shepard began but, in all honesty, what could he say? That he wasn't enjoying himself, that he hadn't given in? That he hadn't wanted it so badly that his cock was threatening to tear through not only his boxers but the denim of his jeans as well? "I don't think this... This is a good idea... The way you are right now, I... I just feel like I'm..."

"The way I am right now?" Kaidan echoed softly, pulling further away and Shepard couldn't decipher the look that flitted over the other man's face.

"I don't want to... take advantage of your heat, Kaidan," Shepard gabbled stupidly as his inner self howled at him like a raging idiot, wanting him to take and take and take.

"I... see," Kaidan said, scooting away from Shepard.

"Look, Kaidan-" Shepard began but Kaidan brushed it away like some bothersome fly. He was muttering, so softly under his breath that Shepard couldn't hear him clearly.

"Kaidan," Shepard called out more insistently, trying to twist his obvious erection out of sight. "Listen, I can only guess what you're going through. Your state of mind, your... Well, I just-"

"It's alright Shepard," Kaidan said stiffly as he continued to retreat. "I understand."

"Kaidan..." Shepard began but the Omega had retreated back onto the space he had been occupying before and interrupted him.

"No. I understand... It's fine, Shepard. It's... I'm sorry. I was out of line," Kaidan said in a dead pan.

"No you weren't Kaidan," Shepard began again but Kaidan stood up, the front of the man's pants already coming down as the high was trickling away. "We should-"

"I hope you don't mind," Kaidan began with frigid politeness. "I'd like another beer, if that's alright with you. And I think I need a shower. If that's alright with you."

"Kaidan please," Shepard said as frustration painted his words.

"No, Shepard," Kaidan said with neither bitterness or malice. "You're... you're right. It's probably better for... Better this way. Shouldn't... I don't want to impose anything, on you. Just... just damaged goods, passing by." The hurt in the other man's tone startled him with its strength.

Kaidan turned on his heel, heading straight toward the kitchen. Shepard sat there, looking lost, as he heard the sounds of the fridge being opened and closed, the tinkling of glass striking glass. What the hell had just happened? Shepard waited for Kaidan to come out again, but the sounds had stopped and Shepard didn't hear the footfalls drawing towards the living room. With a gusty sigh and a few, quiet curses, Shepard shakily got to his feet, still feeling the painful pressure of his erection pressing up against his pants. He ignored it, moving up toward the stairs and heading upstairs to get the stuff that Kaidan would need for a shower. He glanced once over at the kitchen's entrance as he shuffled past but couldn't see any sign of Kaidan's silhouette. His thoughts mulled and churned as he tromped up the stairs, footsteps more forceful as he tried to understand.

Blowing hot and cold, seduction and disinterest. Was it the heat, screwing around with Kaidan's mind? Shepard couldn't even fathom, hadn't even the faintest clue as to what was going on behind those soulful, brown eyes. He yanked the door open to his personal bedroom, heading for the closet and roughly pulling down a towel, pausing for a moment as he considered. With a careless shrug, he took down a pair of boxers, a set of running pants and a loose shirt that was worn and tattered, long since too big for him to fit in. Perhaps Kaidan wouldn't recognize the gesture, wouldn't recognize how personal it was for him to do such things for the man, a stranger that had so captivated him. Perhaps his kindness would come back to bite him in the ass and all the little things that he did, all the small things that made sense to him and felt like he was widening the cracks just a little more, just a little more, would be for nothing. Damaged goods? They were all damaged goods in the end, Shepard thought bitterly as he shut the cupboard. And the only thing that they could pray for was that they could survive long enough, just to get that little bit more, without being dashed to pieces on the cold, hard floor.

This was going to be a _long_ , next few days, Shepard thought as he stepped out of his room, shutting the door quietly behind himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter has smut. Prepare yourselves. Smut, is coming.
> 
> And there'll be more. So much more. I know I promised that there would be tons of it, and so far I haven't delivered on that. I apologise for those who were looking forward to my terrible smut writing. Terrible in that I-think-too-much-when-I-write-and-can't-do-smut-properly. So... Next chapter, huh? This coming Friday, definitely. ;).
> 
> Also, seductive horny Kaidan, taking charge eh? Was worried that there was too much... out of character, but I'm going to go out on a limb here and just suspend the suspension of disbelief and say, what the hell, it's Omegaverse. We can have any Kaidan we want! *Flips table over and laments broken PC*.


	9. Whom Do You Trust

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Smut warning. NSFW. This chapter contains very blatant... I'm trying to think of a softer word for it, but seriously though. It's porn. It's porn...
> 
> Sighs...

Shepard thumbed through the page, flipping it over as he tried to move onto the next part of the reading but the words swam across the material and seemed to mock him with ciphers and hidden meanings. With a gusty and heartfelt sigh, he flipped the page back and forced himself to go back to the previous sentence, already feeling his attention dwindle as his eyes trained themselves onto the miniscule black lines. With a sigh, he rubbed at the bridge of his nose, feeling his fingertips brush up against the edge of his reading glasses as the book tumbled gently onto his bare chest, stopping at the edge of his blanket as it curled around the base of his chest.

Things had been going... well. All things considered.

After the initial outburst from Kaidan, earlier in the day, Shepard had decided to give the man some breathing room, which would allow him some time to focus his own thoughts as well, and Kaidan had been silent, barely acknowledging his thanks as he took his shower. Shepard had been mulling over the heated exchange and the whip crack way that the mood had shifted and had moved to the kitchen to putter about and prepare himself when the doorbell had rung, drawing him back out into the main living area. Opening his front door had revealed a comically attired Mordin, with a large, ill-fitting respiratory mask attached to his face, holding a rather substantial plastic bag in his hand.

He had tried to welcome the old doctor into his abode, but Mordin had been adamant, something about heat pheromones and trespassing, and had drawn him outside to rummage through the things that he'd brought along for him. Inside, Mordin presented him with several pills, cocktails that would prevent pregnancy and manage the heat, minor first aid supplies in case things got out of hand and some other pharmaceutical marvels, all paid for by Ash. Shepard had insisted on paying for them instead, but Mordin wouldn't have any of it, shoving the medicines and a small duffel, which he had opened to inspect, that contained some of Kaidan's personal effects. With a rueful sigh, Mordin had explained that his stocks of suppressants had all but evaporated after the recent spate of aggressive 'attacks' that seemed commonplace everywhere and didn't have any to pass along to him. It didn't really matter anyway, since the heat was already well entrenched and besides, once it was over, Kaidan's heat shouldn't be hitting for another few months at the least.

Mordin had hopped away quickly, despite the man's advanced age and Shepard's constant attempts to invite him into his home for at least a little refreshment, so he had left it that, closing and bolting the door before setting the pills and other items onto the kitchen counter, still in their bag. He moved up the stairs, feeling the wood creak their familiar orchestra under his feet and he made his way to the bathroom, fist raised to announce his presence. His hand had frozen however, when the sounds of running water came through, broken up by the occasional, hiccupping sob. Shepard felt something soft in his chest tug the wrong way and he had tried to intrude again before he thought better of it, calmly and quietly leaving the bag at the foot of the door before retreating back to the first level.

He had just finished deciding whether they were going to have take out or if he was willing to try his hand at cooking after such a leave of absence from the hobby, when Kaidan had come down, dressed in unfamiliar clothing and Shepard had ached to tuck a stray strand of hair that had been plastered to the man's forehead from the recent shower. Kaidan's eyes had been red-rimmed, his lips and nose puffy, and Shepard had asked with genuine concern if there was anything that he could get for him, if there was anything that Kaidan wanted. The Omega had shaken his head vehemently and Shepard shrugged, ignoring the man as he went about trying to see if something in his kitchen could inspire him in some way.

It was only after a few minutes that he had realized that Kaidan had placed himself in the doorway, eyes watching his every move, and Shepard could feel the weight of that stare, pressing down upon the small of his back. It was more than a little disconcerting and though he had tried to ignore it, he knew it was still there. When the tension and silence had gotten too thick for his liking, he had whipped around, about to ask Kaidan if there was anything the man wanted at the very least, but as his view had swung about, it had taken him a moment to realize that the doorway was empty.

In the end, he had decided for take out, since he didn't really have the energy or the creativity at that point in the day to whip up anything of moderate interest, and though he had always had simplistic tastes in his food, a deep, instinctive part of himself realized that more than anything, he was trying to impress Kaidan. Which was absurd, since Kaidan had made it a point to ignore him for the rest of the day. So he had ordered a sizeable meal from a nearby deli, which Kaidan insisted on paying for, and Shepard had watched with wonder as the dark-haired man sat down with him, eating their meal in rather companionable silence as Shepard had found his gaze tracing the lines on the other man's face, following that wet hair, again and again as it swung around the man's face. Kaidan had taken at least four showers during the day, and Shepard wondered if it was something personal to Kaidan or if he was truly feeling so grimy about the experience that he felt the need to be clean, to be renewed. Talk after had been a little more limited, more strained than what they had had earlier in the afternoon and they had spent a few awkward hours flipping through the TV, sitting miles apart, speaking about this and that. But there had been no interest, no heat, and conversation had died down quickly. At the last though, it hadn't mattered anyway as they went their separate ways, each retiring early from the exhausting events of the day, and it was going to be like this for another day or more.

He sighed, picking up the book again and not reading the words there, letting it drop to his chest again as his thoughts wandered over to the room opposite from his own, where an Omega was in the strangest heat of his life and wrestling with personal demons.

*

Kaidan sat at the base of the shower, feeling the freezing water sluice over him like a balm, but it didn't help to quench the radiating heat that he felt was rising up out of his core like a miniature sun. He gasped as he spread his legs wider, pushing his fingers deeper into his entrance and whimpering quietly as he could barely brush against the entrance deep within his opening that would lead to his reproductive tract. Pressing up against the cold mosaic of tiles behind him, Kaidan struggled to balance himself in that way as another hand shifted toward his rock-hard erection, throbbing up against his hard stomach as he began to stroke it, furiously pushing for a climax. He panted as he began to crest, trying for the feeling of being filled and he prayed that his orgasm would hold back the heat ache for just long enough for him to fall asleep. His eyes shut as the orgasm broke over him, pushing out a string of white over his heaving torso and he clenched his teeth shut, refusing to let the moans sound as he pulsed again and again, feeling himself constrict around his fingers.

He shifted, pulling out of himself and feeling his breath spray out a fan of droplets as the water from the shower continued to pound at him.

This had been a really shitty day.

It had seemed to be going so well, at first, with the smooth way the conversation had just begun to flow and the ease with which he had begun to feel in Shepard's company. Like some strange siren call, he felt himself being lulled into a deeper and deeper level of comfort and he had opened himself up, more than he would have had with anyone especially in a situation like this. Then he had watched helplessly as his body had moved on its own, how his heat began to build as the warm thoughts were amplified and turned white hot, singeing his mind clean. Unlike the other heats that he'd felt in the past, he hadn't blanked out and could only watch like a voyeur as his voice seemed to drop, seemed to roll out like a carpet to wrap sensuous fingers around Shepard. How he had used that opening to move closer to the man and even with his internal hesitance, he couldn't fight the attraction, to just how good Shepard had smelled. He had to admit, he had surrendered just a little when their lips had touched, and had glorified in the gentle way their kiss had begun, like a tentative exploration. But soon, all too soon, his body wanted more, needed more, and he couldn't help the way he ached for Shepard's cock, wanted to please his Alpha, to feel his Alpha within him.

And Shepard had shoved him away. Oh he knew the reasons for that, would have in any other circumstance more than understood, but his addled mind, the mind of an Omega that needed to be desired, was overwhelmed by the oddity. After, when he had time to analyse his actions and his response, he wondered if there had ever been a precedent of an Alpha refusing an Omega in heat when they were that close together. Surely the biological markers couldn't cope with such an impossibility and he had lashed out, hurt and alone and the rejection coupled with the rejection from his past, that he'd felt all his life and twisted into something violent, something that bubbled over and just spilled out.

He's gone then, into the shower, to relieve himself of the sexual ache that gnawed away at him, the release so intense that he had been wracked with tremors as the build-up had sprayed itself over his stomach, his chest. As he felt himself come crashing down, the realization of his situation and the pathetic attempt of handling his own self-turmoil had been too much to bear and he felt disgusted with himself, with the world around him and had sobbed into the waters, salty tears whirling down to mix with the cool, fresh torrent surrounding him. He'd scrubbed himself raw then, with his fingernails and his palms, till his flesh had become overly sensitive and pinkish in their hurt. But the hurt felt good, it made him feel... clean.

When he had stepped out, he immediately noticed the familiar dusty shape at his feet, marvelling for a second at its presence here in Shepard's house when the trust smacked him in the face, sending a shot of warmth through him that had nothing to do with the temporarily receding heat. He felt renewed as he changed into his own clothes, but had neatly folded and tucked Shepard's own at the side of his bed, for when he would need it. Something about the gesture had sparked something within him, something... tantalizing that he hadn't picked up on but could analyse now. He had made his way down then, intent on trying to make up to Shepard for what he had done earlier out of self-pitying, self-centred spite when he had stumbled across the man, looking lost and forlorn in the kitchen. Kaidan couldn't help but admire the way the late afternoon sun glinted off of Shepard's muscles, hidden under the light grey fabric of his shirt, of the sharp and angular face looking at him as though looking through him. His words had died then as Shepard swivelled around, ignoring him in as he moved about the kitchen in an apparent random tumble. Kaidan continued to watch, not letting himself make the mistake that he'd made earlier and he dissected his thoughts, eyed Shepard's careful movements and decided to leave the man to his own devices while he stewed on the sofa.

They had take out for dinner, which was fine by him, but he insisted on paying for it all, especially after everything that he'd put Shepard through. It was just so hard, trying to get everything across the way he wanted to. The sight of the man, the barest scent of Shepard's manly musk and his entrance would clenched with desire and he could only fight the tide so long until it washed him under. He would say that he wanted to shower again, an excuse to cloister himself and relieve the sexual tension that his body was priming him up for again and again. It was tiring and frustrating but at least it kept him from making himself look like an even bigger idiot.

After dinner, when they had cleared up, they had sat around and tried to get back into each other's good graces with stumbling attempts at conversing with topics that held little to no interest and shifted by the minute. He had tried to move away from Shepard, so that his body wouldn't react to the man's presence again, but in the end, when the next wave began to set him ablaze, he had to move, to get up and get away. Feeling restless and ill-contented, he had gone up to his loaned room, feeling out-of-sorts with everything. He refused to give in to his body's demands, refuse to pay the ransom to rescue himself, and had huddled, miserable as he fought of the onslaught. He had lasted all of thirty minutes before he felt his sanity and mind dip and rather than allow himself to race blindly into Shepard's room and straddle the man, he had quietly made his way into the shower.

Kaidan sighed as the water tapered off, not bothering to look at his reflection as he towelled himself off. He gritted his teeth as the cotton loops brushed up against his raw skin and he tried to ignore the oversensitive twangs as he ran the material over his body, his cock, his balls. It was a good pain, he kept telling himself, and miserably, he pulled on his humid clothes and made his way quietly back to the unfamiliar bed.

He flopped down then, not caring if he made a sound that intruded on Shepard's rest. It was all very good for an Alpha or a Beta, not having a heat and therefore free to let their lives go in the direction that they saw fit. Oh sure, Alphas were just as tied to the Omega's heats as they were themselves, but it was something that could be avoided or at least something that an Alpha could run away from, if they so chose. It wasn't something that an Omega could run from; might as well say he would cast his soul away and leave his body behind. Which, he thought morosely, was another fancy way of saying he was better off dead. His lips compressed as he chased the idle thought away. His parents had brought him up better than that.

He felt his breathing even out as he continued to think along the random paths of his mind. Was that what Shepard was? An Alpha running away from the influences in his life that would drag him under? If so, then there was no reason for him to stay here, Kaidan reasoned. If that was Shepard's purpose in life, wouldn't it be oxymoronic for Shepard to let him stay? Or did that imply the man knew the risks, and was willing to make that kind of sacrifice for him. Who was he, that Shepard would do such a thing?

Conjectures and the seemingly meaningless paths of the mind stole through him, making his eyes heavy with sleep as they began to close and darkness encroached. He snorted himself away as... something...

What the hell was that?

Kaidan sat up, feeling piqued that his drift into rest had been interrupted by-

He gasped, almost arching to his feet, doubled over and clutching at his stomach.

Damn. It had already started, though he wasn't particularly surprised, since there had been times that it had started as soon as a few hours after the first signs of his heat had manifested. Kaidan felt his breathing even as his body clenched around itself again, making him gasp with the effort. He tried to lie down, tried to ignore the dull ache spreading out from his stomach. His body was beginning to be irritated with his attempts to forestall a mating, he thought through the haze of exhaustion, and it was making him pay for it. The new flood of chemicals entered his blood stream, making his head feel thick and heavy as the cramps grew with intensity. It was a strange and heady feeling, the physical restrictions of the heat and the expanding freedom of his mind. Another cramp, another flailing of his arms and his foot kicked at the duffel at the end of his bed. Didn't matter, he thought lazily, didn't matter. Only one thing mattered, he needed... he needed to find... to have...

Another cramp, another flail, the headboard of his bed banging up against the wall and his heart was pounding, fighting its way out of his chest and he could breathe, but he couldn't breathe. The pain subsided and he took a deep breath, trying to clear his head and prolong the agony when it hit. It smelled... wonderful. A fresh wave of clenching began and he could only twist his head at the delicious mouth watering scent, even as he tried to fight, tried to retreat away from the numbing ache and dull pain.

It was an Alpha. It was Shepard.

*

Shepard paused, letting the book drop down to the side of the tangled sheets as he sat up, cocking his head up to hear the sound that had intruded in on failed attempts at distraction. Hollow footsteps, moving slowly and measured to keep the silence. They drew closer, pausing briefly before he hear the barely audible creak of a door.

Shepard threw himself back onto the pillows behind him.

Foolish Alpha, he chided himself. Going up on points just because an Omega in heat was strolling around the place. He sighed and pulled off his glasses, placing them gently onto the nightstand beside his bed, finally resigned to the fact that he wouldn't get past the next paragraph let along the next chapter.

He turned and reached blindly for the night light, flicking it shut and dousing himself in darkness as he rolled onto his back and stared up at the jet ceiling. He had no idea what was going to happen in the-

A thump sounded from across the hall.

Shepard clicked the light on, sitting up again and turning to look at the closed door.

Nothing.

Shepard snorted to himself. Really he had to get a grip and just-

The sound of wood striking wood clattered a klaxon through his room and before he knew it, he was on his feet, surging out and nearly breaking the door open in his haste to get to the other room. Without a thought for decency and praying that he wouldn't be doing something completely foolish, Shepard put his hand on the doorknob, turning and feeling it give as he walked into a scene of bedlam.

Kaidan was resplendently nude, his soaked towel opened neatly and hanging on the clothes stand that had been in the corner. Shepard couldn't help but trace the fine lines of muscle, taut and gleaming as he lay amidst the tangled piles of sheets, twisting and arching back.

"Kaidan?" Shepard asked with concern.

Kaidan jerked up at the sound of his name, and Shepard watched as the man's stomach muscles rippled with effort.

"Shepard," Kaidan gasped out hoarsely. "Shepard don't..."

Kaidan grunted again as his body twisted, fighting back a shout as the muscles corded and strained, his stomach heaving and rebelling against the emptiness inside of him.

"Shit Kaidan," Shepard said hurriedly, "You need help. I'm calling an ambulance and-"

"No!" Kaidan said through gritted teeth. "No ambulance. No... Strangers."

"What the hell is this?" Shepard caught himself saying with mixed dread and curiosity.

"The heat," Kaidan gasped out. "It's fine. Normal. Hurts like hell, but I'll live."

Shepard took a step closer trying to see if he could restrain the man or just calm him down, comfort him in some way. As he approached the bed, he felt his head getting heavy, felt a lightness enter his steps and a warmth pool down to his stomach. Shepard shook his head and wondered at the feeling when it suddenly grew and expanded, shoving its way down into his cock and making him swell.

"Kaidan," Shepard began warningly as he tried to back away but Kaidan was fast, reaching out with blinding speed to snag at his hand.

"Shepard," Kaidan said with molten fire, voice smoothing out as the latest round of aches receded for now. "Shepard, please... I... I don't..."

Understanding lit in his eyes. "I can't Kaidan," Shepard said firmly. "I won't."

"No," Kaidan said as he shook his head, panting. "No that. I... I'm sorry about what I said. This afternoon."

"Is this really the most important thing to say right now?" Shepard butted in a little hysterically.

"Just... Just ignore the pain for a moment," Kaidan said as he pulled him closer. "It's... natural."

"Unlike anything natural I've ever seen before," Shepard muttered as he let himself be pulled closer and god, the gleam of Kaidan's skin, so close that he could feel the heat pouring off of him. He wanted to run his hands over and taste, touch. A pained grunt from Kaidan pushed such thoughts firmly away.

"Kaidan we should really get you to a hospital or... I dunno..." Shepard said trailing off.

"Won't help much..." Kaidan said with another whoosh of breath. "Damn, that one really hurt."

"Is there anything that I can do to help?" Shepard asked.

"There's only one way I can think of," Kaidan said softly and if anything, the sound made him even harder.

"I can't do that to you, Kaidan," Shepard almost pleaded. "It's not just... When an Omega is in heat, they can't think straight, they don't know. I won't let this amount to rape just because you didn't have a choice."

"We all have choices Shepard," Kaidan said, grip growing stronger for a moment. "I won't lie and say that this is something that happens with me on a regular basis. I doesn't and I don't. But do you honestly think that an Omega's heat would screw them up enough to do anything? Anything at all?"

"An Omega's heat can-" Shepard began but Kaidan strode over his words.

"I'm Kaidan. Not just an Omega," Kaidan retorted with fire. "This'll get worse Shepard, over the next few days. But that's not the point. I... I want you. I want it to be you." Despite everything that the man was going through, Shepard couldn't help admire the way that furious blush made him look even more handsome than he already was.

"I..." He hesitated. Why was he hesitating? The Alpha within him was screaming to be freed, to be loosed on the willing Omega in front of him. But then what? He would've wanted something more from this, something deeper in the mating. It had to exist.

"Please John," Kaidan ground out, voice harsh but face serene. "I want it to be you. I... trust you. I've always... always had difficulty surrendering. Giving in. I've never trusted anyone enough to do that before. I don't know why... but I... I trust you, John."

"Kaidan," Shepard said softly, feeling the heat build up within him.

Kaidan pulled him down lower and when their lips met, the kiss overwhelmed with sensations. Kaidan tasted sweet and fierce against his tongue, swiping back and forth and Shepard opened his mouth for more, feeling the rough brush of stubble against his chin and revelled in the sensation, in the tastes and scents of the man in front of him. Kaidan gasped, arching back as another wave hit him.

Shepard let instinct take over, shedding the confining boxers from around his waist and feeling his cock spring up, his hardness matched by Kaidan's own. Kaidan's eyes gleamed with desire as he eyed the bobbing head and Shepard paused, as if unsure about taking the final step, crossing the final gap. Kaidan nodded simply, tugging him over to cross above him and that look, the look of absolute trust and understanding in those deep, brown eyes were enough. Kaidan spread his legs and hooked them behind Shepard's back, grinding up to meet his larger erection and moaned his approval of the hard muscle on Shepard's body. Moistness gushed from between Kaidan's opening and it brushed over his legs, and the smell, the musky scent of sex and ripe lust had him groaning.

Shepard slipped his cock down, feeling the thick head throb against Kaidan's hole and he looked up, meeting Kaidan's eyes for a moment. Another nod, another silent approval. Shepard took a deep breath, feeling his body vibrating with the anticipation and Kaidan's body arched again around another convulsion.

Shepard groaned hoarsely as the head moved past tight bands of muscle and he almost lost it then and there as the heat swam behind his eyes, pulling a haze over his vision and the wet warmth surrounded him and completed him. Angling his hips up and using his hands to lift Kaidan's back, Shepard continued with agonizing slowness, feeling more and more of his thickness delve deeper into Kaidan, small sounds of lust bursting out of his lips as he buried himself, inexorable, deeply, feeling his heavy balls push themselves up against Kaidan's clenched ass.

Kaidan gasped as another cramp struck him but Shepard was full within him now, his large, hard cock exactly what the Omega's body needed to counterbalance the squeezing and vibrating muscle. Shepard moaned, feeling his own body ache as the feeling was so intense that he almost shot his load.

"Kaidan," Shepard whispered at the man beneath him, looking up at the rugged handsomeness that shone with sweat and was flushed with heat.

"Thank you John," Kaidan purred out and his name, on those lips, made his heart hammer away in his chest. Kaidan continued to watch him as the lining within him rippled and clenched, no longer hurting the man as they pressed down on Shepard's cock, squeezing at the hard muscle there. Shepard gasped out another breath, feeling his hands shake at the effort to control himself. "Let go John, just let go."

His mind felt far away as his body began to move on its own. The spunky smell of sex was pervasive and with Kaidan's body gushing out more and more, the pheromones that he hadn't been able to pick up during the heat were beginning to affect him. Shepard growled his approval and began to move, feeling Kaidan squirm with ecstasy underneath him. He supported himself on his hands, driving his hips in deeper and though the angle was wrong, wasn't what he truly wanted, it felt good, so damn good, to feel the warm muscle around him and beneath him. Shepard groaned as he continued to thrust, pushing deeper into Kaidan and wringing soft sounds of pleasure from the man's mouth. He felt his breathing grow laboured, felt his muscles begin to tense as he felt the warm slap of flesh smacking against flesh, hearing Kaidan's moans and Shepard arched his body, driving his cock deeper into Kaidan as he leaned down, capturing the man's lips with fierce but tender strength. Kaidan groaned hoarsely into his ear a, tickling him with warm, sweet breath and Shepard wrapped himself around Kaidan, feeling the edges of muscle and traces of fat that made it seem more real than real.

Shepard continued to thrust in, short, sharp bursts that wrung out an accompanying shout from Kaidan and he wanted to feel those shouts against his skin, know that this Omega, _his_ Omega, was shouting for him, moaning for him. Shepard lay a trail of kisses against the edge of Kaidan's mouth and paused to let the man lean up, snagging his lips in teeth and Shepard pumped, pushing his cock in, driving his swollen head deeper and deeper and pulling out louder and louder moans from Kaidan. Their tongues wrestled as their bodies merged and Shepard let out a deep growl as Kaidan's teeth scraped across his sensitive lips, feeling the man's blunt fingernails dig into the muscle in his back. Another wave of convulsion, squeezing at Shepard, putting such delicious pressure onto his cock. He threw his head back and yelled as he continued to drive into Kaidan, the feel of his cock sliding through the slick passage as it squeezed and clenched around him. Shepard roared as his climax came, hard and fast, and the world went white as his knot swelled, plugging up Kaidan's entrance and pressing up against the man's prostrate. A deep, guttural sound came from Kaidan as his own orgasm swept him and Shepard couldn't think, couldn't see, as ropy lines of thick, hot come sprayed over the ridges of his stomach and his knot swelled and swelled.

Kaidan was writhing underneath him from the pure bliss and Shepard wasn't able to keep himself up any longer, hands shaking as Kaidan's passage clamped down on his knot, pushing more and more come out and splattered against he inside of Kaidan, marking him as his own. Shepard brought his head down and pressed his lips against Kaidan's feeling the man's moan vibrate deeper into his mouth and his tongue flicked out and tasted the spicy taste of the man. Shepard convulsed again, feeling his cock throb out another line of ropey come into Kaidan and felt Kaidan respond to the movement with another undulating squeeze along his passage.

The post-sex haze began to filter away and slowly, ever so slowly, the world began to wilt, to gain colour and edges. Shepard pressed a gentle kiss onto Kaidan's forehead, shifting slightly and moving off to the side so that his weight wouldn't press down onto Kaidan beneath him. With his knot still buried inside of Kaidan, there was no way they would be able to separate for another half an hour at best, but that was the last thing that he wanted to do right now. He raised his arm and tucked it under Kaidan's neck even as he pushed a pillow up for his head and Shepard's breathing continued raggedly as the euphoria faded away slowly.

"I-" Shepard began but Kaidan's fingers pressed onto his lips, silencing him. Brown honeyed eyes watched him through dusty lashes and slitted eyes and a small smile crept up onto Kaidan's face.

"Shh, John," Kaidan murmured softly. "Don't ruin it. Let me live in the illusion."

Shepard snorted but kept his silence as he pulled the man closer to him, legs twining around one another and an awkward splaying of limbs everywhere. He marvelled at the warmth pressed against him and the slight but steady thrum of Kaidan's heartbeat against his own. His cock gave an extra twitch, rubbing his knot up against Kaidan's prostrate again and wringing a lusty growl from the Omega twined inside of his arms. Shepard grinned crookedly as his cock twitched again.

"Stop that," Kaidan blurted out in between his breathless growls.

"Stop what?" Shepard asked with wide-eyed innocence. He pressed himself up deeper into Kaidan, the pressure squeezing out another stream of come from his cock and it was worth just to hear the sounds that he wrenched out of Kaidan.

Kaidan grabbed at him, still stuck in their embrace, and Shepard was helpless as Kaidan dipped his head down, licking his way down the tip of his nose and ending up on his swollen lips. Kaidan moved across them like they were precious objects, rubbing across them slowly, tantalizingly teasing and he surrendered as Kaidan flicked his tongue out to taste the edges of his lips.

"Fuck, Kaidan," Shepard moaned as the man's hands stole down and began to pinch and stroke at one of his nipples.

"I thought you just did," Kaidan breathed and the sandpapery growl seemed to travel down the man's throat and into Shepard's chest.

Kaidan continued to pinch and play, flick and tease while his tongue kept him busy, soft kisses at the edges of his mouth and kisses that demanded entrance, forcing him to reciprocate as their tongues fought and rolled against one another. So sweet, Shepard thought dizzily as their kissing frenzy continued and Kaidan continued to showcase his expertise as his rubbed the edges of his teeth gently across his lips and they explored each other, starving for one another.

His cock continued to pulse with each increased stimulation and each throb sent a sexual tremor shooting through Kaidan and made him increase the frenzy of his activities. Shepard followed suit, using his free hand to dip down and press up against Kaidan's nipple, following the same movements that Kaidan was tracing along his chest and he could tell from the hollow sounds of joy that his fingers were as deft as Kaidan's own. Shepard breathed deep, inhaling the scents of sex and turbulent emotions but there was something more... His nose followed, bringing him closer and closer to the source. What was that tantalizing smell, he wondered. His eyes closed as his mouth began to water and he dragged in deep lungfuls, feeling his cheek rub up against Kaidan's neck and there, his nose had found the source. It was sweet, no, musky. No salty, like sweat and... and it was blue... huh, it smelled blue and icy like thunder before the rain and after the rain and the water was fresh and-

Shepard couldn't think anymore and he opened his mouth and used his tongue to lick at the spot, just below Kaidan's ear, near where the man's shoulder joined his neck and god, he wanted to lick and suckle to nibble and Shepard could resist, taking the quickest nibbles at the spot and Kaidan's moan sounded heavenly as he bit down on the area gently, sucking back as much of the scent he could get, leaving behind a brilliant, red love-bite.

"Mine," Shepard growled without thought.

"What's that?" Kaidan murmured into his ear.

"Hmm," Shepard voiced up. "What's what?"

"Nothing. Thought you said something," Kaidan whispered, nibbling at the edge of his ear.

Had he, Shepard wondered to himself and everything else went out of his head as Kaidan licked at his ear lob, playfully biting at the soft flesh there in little nips.

Shepard growled a greedily, pulling up and turning to give Kaidan a thorough and passionate kiss.

"Hang on," Shepard said with a wolfish grin.

"What-" Kaidan started but moaned suddenly, a soft and length sound that made his cock throb even as he pulled it out of Kaidan's ass. "What the hell?"

"Shh," Shepard said, running his eyes gently over Kaidan's body.

"Your knot," Kaidan babbled, sounding slightly lost. "What-"

"It's already gone down, Kaidan," Shepard said with the barest shake of his head.

"That long already?" Kaidan muttered with disbelief.

"It'll get longer," Shepard said with a wink and ignored the choked off groan that came from Kaidan. He ignored the man, breathing in the heavy scent of ripe Omega as the fluids on his cock began to dry in the air. His inner Alpha howled a challenge, but he leashed it with brutal efficiency. He was going to enjoy this as much as he could.

Without another word Shepard dipped his head down, smattering Kaidan with kisses as he went lower and lower, moving down to lick the rough stubble along the man's chin, dipping down to taste the sweat that had built up on the cleft of his chest and he tasted the man's salty, dried come, lapping at it with pleasure as he moved, bringing his focus down onto one of Kaidan's nipples while his other hand moved to occupy the other.

Kaidan bucked under him as he flicked his tongue out, strobing around the tight mound of flesh and he nibbled and suckled, hearing the frantic moans coming from Kaidan as he struggled against the sensory onslaught. His fingers twirled around the other nipple, gently plucking at the sensitive point that had risen and he made his way down lower, trailing soft kisses of tight muscle and dried come. Kaidan's hard cock bounced against his chin, and he barely paused before giving it an appreciative lick, moving his hand away from Kaidan's chest and used it to massage and explore his Omega's hole.

Kaidan was almost incoherent as Shepard swallowed the tip of Kaidan's cock in his mouth, tasting the acrid taste of the Omega's come and he pushed a finger into the moist opening beneath, slowly, slowly, probing and searching, feeling the warm silkiness of used flesh and glorifying in that feel, the feel of his come deep within Kaidan, marking him with his seed. Shepard growled, deep in his throat as he brought his head down, taking as much of Kaidan's cock into his mouth as he could while he pushed a second finger into Kaidan, feeling the muscle there loosen as Kaidan shouted his name, called for him. Wanted and needed him.

Shepard continued his tease, stroking his moist lips up and down Kaidan's length, moving over to suckle and lick at the heavy balls beneath before moving back up to whet himself again on the hard meat protruding up. His fingers took a life of its own, moving and pushing, searching and scissoring and flicking within and Shepard's cock was throbbing now, a thin stream of pre-come drooling out of his bulbous head and moistening the sheets. Kaidan's arms were tight against the bed, fingers gripping tightly into the sheets as he moaned and begged for more, spread himself wider and demanded more.

"You seem to be enjoying yourself," Shepard said when Kaidan's breathing had gotten ragged again.

"N... I..." Kaidan could barely stutter out.

"Let's see just how happy I can make you," Shepard purred even as a quiet voice at the back of his mind marvelled at the sexual edge in his tone.

Kaidan's eyes shone with lust and... something, a desire, but it was gone as Shepard felt his eyes glaze over. He pulled Kaidan toward himself, feeling the tangle of fabrics slide across their skin and Kaidan's startled yelp made him sound a predatory chuckle. Oh yes, he was going to make his Omega moan and groan and beg for him. He wanted his Omega to scream his name into his neck.

Shepard leaned over Kaidan, eyes wild and unfocused even as he dipped down slowly, again with the gently kisses, teasing the man beneath him with tenderness and want. Shepard continued in that way, slowly bringing Kaidan up to a simmer and when the man raised his legs higher, straddling them across Shepard's shoulders, he knew what Kaidan wanted. What the man needed.

Shepard placed the tip of his cock against Kaidan's hole, feeling the wetness coating the tip and his legs trembled with the effort not to thrust in all at once. This was a game of languish, and he intended to win. He edged his cock in, never taking his eyes off of Kaidan's face, admiring the small twitches that the man made as he felt the flesh and ridges and veins slide within him. Kaidan opened his mouth to choke out a hot moan but Shepard took that moment as his cue, pulling his cock out all the way and Kaidan whined as he clenched around nothing.

"John," Kaidan growled warningly and damn if that tone didn't send a shot of heat coiling in his stomach.

"Kaidan," he growled with as much heat and his Omega shivered with delight.

Shepard hummed in his throat as he pushed his cock head in, this time going a little bit more deeper and then pulling it out again, earning him another growled curse and another look of pure desire. He kept it up, ignoring the way Kaidan's nails were gripped tightly onto his biceps, ignore the desperate thrusting of Kaidan's hips up to meet him. Shepard finally grounded himself, letting his cock slide in and up into Kaidan's passage, again feeling his balls as it bounced against the edge of Kaidan's wonderful ass and he smiled as he thrust. And thrust. Deep, long and slow. Almost pulling out and then pushing his cock back in, steadily increasing the rhythm and pressure.

Kaidan's moans where mixed in with his breathy growls and the sound excited Shepard, making him harder and push in faster and deeper. He could see the edge approaching but he was too far gone to care. Kaidan moaned, hot and needy into his mouth and he clamped down on the sound, feeling it vibrate against his tongue as he gave Kaidan a deep and passionate kiss. He broke away then, ignoring the slight pang of guilt at Kaidan's desperate want, but he leaned back, holding each of Kaidan's legs in his hands and continued to pump away thrusting his cock in and filling the man's ass, pressing up against his prostrate and the lining within.

Kaidan practically screamed as he continued, moaning and shouting his name, arching his back to meet the angle and Shepard placed a tender kiss against the edge of Kaidan's insole, never taking his eyes off of that flushed face and sweat-stained features. Shepard felt his balls smacking up tightly against Kaidan's ass and the pressure was fantastic, building and building as he continued, the passage around his cock undulating and rippling with Kaidan's tremors.

"Joh-- John," Kaidan gasped out. "So good. Feels so damn good."

" _You_ feel so damn good," Shepard said without thought.

His cock was swelling, the sensations already becoming too much to bear despite how much he had tried to control the situation and stop himself. Shepard went back leaning forward over Kaidan and tucking the man's legs over his shoulders once again. He let himself go, snapping his hips forward and into Kaidan beneath him and the stuttered breathing in his ear, the shaky kisses that followed his mouth, was so good, too good. He didn't ever want this to end.

"I-- I'm coming soon, Kaidan," Shepard announced breathlessly.

"Do it," Kaidan said with ferocious heat. "Come in me John. Come for me."

And that was the final straw. Shepard pulled himself up even higher, wanting to shove his cock in even deeper into Kaidan and he could feel the warmth and heat and he moaned out Kaidan's name calling for him as his cock throbbed and convulsed shooting out his spunk, his come, deep into Kaidan. His head ached from the sheer pleasure of it, and his knot grew out again and inflating against the trembling walls around it. Kaidan gasped and shouted, a dribble of come shooting out of his cock and coating the short hairs there. Shepard squinted his eyes, basking in the moment and his cock twitched and continued to pulse out a steady stream of come and Kaidan was matching him, groaning and moaning into one another and they gasped, falling and tumbling into one another as the orgasms wrung them out.

They both drifted down, eyes barely cracking open and Shepard watched as Kaidan's deep-honey eyes stared at him, gave him an unknowing gaze. His world had narrowed to that stare and he felt the throb of his cock and the clenches of Kaidan's passage as faraway things, unable to compare to the way he was being sucked into the deepness of Kaidan's eyes.

"My Omega," Shepard growled out lazily, without thought, as he pressed a kiss heavy with desire into Kaidan's own. "Mine."

"My Alpha," Kaidan said as the kiss ended and Shepard's chest and heart swelled at the words, drowning him in contentment and buoying him up.

Shepard nuzzled into Kaidan's neck, tenderly searching out for that particular spot, for that scent that brought him home and he gently licked at the bite, tasting the skin and sweat. He felt soft lips pressing up against his ear and cheek as he continued to rub against that spot.

"Can't stay here," Shepard said at last, drowsy with exhaustion.

"What's wrong with here," Kaidan offered back, sleepily rubbing up against his neck.

"Pheromones," Shepard said as a yawn cracked his jaw. "Smells like sex."

Kaidan chuckled as his own yawn broke through. "Smells like us."

Shepard liked that idea, so very much. Pressing up against Kaidan next to him, Shepard made abortive attempts at tugging up the covers around them, feeling satisfied and spent and as the world dimmed around him, the last thing he saw as sleep pulled him under was a quirky smile, honey-brown eyes and the memories of soft, sweet kisses.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope that wasn't too terrible to read, guys and gals. I really can't do smut. Have you read other Omegaverse fics? Have you read those masterpieces of smut that makes you go all tingly inside for several chapters and you need a cold shower and a glass of ice water after? Those works that leave you flushed and breathless, getting moist or tight just READING those words?! Y-GFAHEAIW! You know who I'm talking about, you're there, reading this comment! I swear, it sounds like a science lesson, something that Mordin would write if Mordin ever wrote smut fanfiction. Or a Hanar smut fanfic. Ugh.
> 
> "This one will use this one's long prehensile member to penetrate the orifice of this one's mate."
> 
> or
> 
> "Human, biological chemistry unstable. Forced copulation between Alpha and Omega natures complicated. Heartbeat elevated, increased desire for physical contact. Climax approaching rapidly and with elevated cardio-vascular response, resulting in conjoined release of sexual frustration, though such circumstances are highly improbable."
> 
> I think I need to go and find some gay porn novel source materials and see if I can take a leaf from their book... almost literally. It'll be a hell of an excuse, though my partner'll kill me if he finds out.
> 
> Shhh... This stays between us. ;)
> 
> Also, let me know what you think of the smut. Too blatant? Not blatant enough? Would you prefer if I made it more like, allusions and subtly touching upon the actions themselves or would you prefer if I just flat out went all raw and primal?


	10. Rut

Shepard felt his gritty eyes yank open as his hands clenched across the soft landscapes of fabric. He blinked, once, twice and rolled over, casting his eyes off to the side and squinting at the streaming light the poured in from the barely shut curtains from across his bed.

His bed.

Memory came back in a flooding cascade. He remembered the tender feel of skin and hard planes of muscle under his grip, the almost overwhelming heat that radiated from beneath his hands and the sweet smell, oh the smell, of heat and passion and sex. Shepard grinned to himself as he recalled waking up in the middle of the night, hard as rock, with Kaidan gentle stroking against him, pulling him in tighter for an embrace and hot, gentle kisses. Shepard's willingness, his eager arousal, to please and be pleased. They had romped again, losing themselves in one another and when exhaustion had finally laid its hands on them both, they had stumbled and dragged themselves over to Shepard's room, giggling like children and unable to keep their hands off one another. Sleep had come then, dreamless, and now, with his erection poking through the covers, Shepard wanted nothing more than to-

Shepard paused, hands flinging across the empty bed and catching nothing.

Panic welled up within him, followed almost immediately by searing rage. Where? Where had he gone?

He moved out of bed like liquid lightning, casting about the empty room. It was empty now that he considered the absence of one dark-haired Omega, and he barely paused in striding to the door and yanking it open, only to be greeted with the scent of singed, salty meat. He smiled wolfishly as he made his way down, uncaring of his nudity.

The smell grew stronger as he continued, making his way back to his kitchen and stopped at the threshold, momentarily drinking in the sight before him.

Kaidan stood in front of the hob, attempting to man handle one of his pans and muttering darkly to himself as he shoved and pushed against whatever it was that was inside. Shepard raked his eyes across, noting the empty platters on the kitchen's island and the mess of wrappers and utensils that littered the counter tops. Kaidan hadn't seemed to notice him and he took the opportunity to admire Kaidan's nude form, wrapped tightly in one of his more used aprons and he marvelled at the way the man's ass was perched just beneath the ties of the material, near-perfect globes that were just begging to be nipped and spread. A warmth shot through him, hardening him as he inched forward.

"You know," Shepard purred softly into Kaidan's ear as his cocked rubbed up against the crack of Kaidan's ass. "It's better if you use more oil."

"Jesus Shepard!" Kaidan yelped, swinging around with his spatula. "What the hell?"

Shepard had anticipated the movement and deftly caught the instrument as it had swung towards him. He barely hesitated as he pulled the hand towards him, his eyes still on Kaidan's own, as he sniffed at the smells of bacon and olive oil, and beneath it all, the delicate scent of Kaidan's own skin. He growled his appreciation, letting his tongue trace over the man's beating pulse before playfully turning the man around to face the hob once again.

"Here," Shepard said with soft tenderness. "Like this."

He peered down from behind the man's shoulders, hearing the disparaging snort that came from his feisty little Omega. One hand on Kaidan's and another reaching for the olive oil, Shepard dextrously poured a little more oil onto the dry and slightly burnt bacon in the pan, moving Kaidan's hands over to flip and prod the strips of fatty meat, even as his own swell of meat oozed a trickle of pre-come over and between Kaidan's ass cheeks, burrowing deeply, just up to the quickly loosening ring of muscle there.

"Gently you see," Shepard softly growled. "You tease the pieces. Back and forth, back and forth."

Kaidan moaned as the tip of Shepard's cock pushed up against his entrance, just barely letting the head push in before retreating back out. In and out, slow and careful.

"Now," Shepard continued as if nothing were out of the ordinary. "When it's ready, you flip them over. Slowly now, so that you don't splash the extra oil. Have to make sure they are nice and coated." He continued to press himself in, already feeling the warm flood of juice leaking out of Kaidan's ass and coating his cock. He pushed himself inward, pulling himself at the tiniest amount of friction before pushing in just a little deeper, eventually burying himself up to the base of his cock.

"John..." Kaidan whined as he continued pulling himself in and out of Kaidan's ass.

"Mm, Kaidan?" Shepard asked, not really focusing on the bacon anymore. That sweet spot on Kaidan's neck was begging to be suckled and his teeth ached to clamp down and he already noted with fierce pride, the dark brown marks that he had left there the previous night. A stake on his claim.

"The bacon's burning," Kaidan breathed huskily as Shepard continued to move inside of him.

"I think it was already burnt when I got here," Shepard whispered teasingly, running a tongue over the edge of Kaidan's ear. "I thought I'd give you a few... pointers." Shepard emphasized the word with an extra deep thrust, pulling out a wringing moan from Kaidan, who leaned his head back to rest on Shepard's shoulder.

Kaidan's hand tore away from his own, shifting down to click the flames off before roughly pushing back against Shepard and dislodging his cock from the man's ass.

"I'll show you pointers," Kaidan blurted out with heat.

Shepard felt his cock throb with approval as Kaidan pulled him over to the island, kissing him deeply. Shepard marvelled at the ferocity as Kaidan almost yanked his head off, finally pausing when his back bumped up against the tapered edge of the counter. Without another word, Kaidan turned, leaning over the counter and presenting himself, spreading himself in his glory and Shepard's inner Alpha was a raging beast, screaming to be loosed at the sight. Without wasting time, Shepard felt his control slip as he used his hands to press down roughly against the small of Kaidan's back, pressing him further into the hard surface and lined his cock up, not pausing as he thrust in and felt Kaidan's breathless shout at the speed. Shepard revelled in the feeling, the power that he had over _his_ Omega and he wanted to take him hard and fast, to claim him again and again. He felt the edges of Kaidan's passage pushing up against the head of his cock and Shepard almost wanted to crow with triumph at the overwhelming feeling. So good, it felt so _damn_ good. Shepard was thrusting now, his body responding to his thoughts with eagerness and he reached down to stroke Kaidan's hardness, to make the man come with him and-

Shepard froze.

Kaidan's limpness dangled in between his legs, merely another piece of flesh. Shepard felt the sex haze lift from him like a piece of fabric being torn and he stopped all movement, only then realizing that Kaidan's breathlessness was not one of arousal, but panic, and that the man's trembling wasn't from anticipation, but fear.

"God no," Kaidan whimpered out so softly that Shepard could have sworn he imagined it. "Please, don't... Not like this..."

"Kaidan?" Shepard said, feeling icy creep across his veins at the pitiful sound of the man's whimpers.

At the sound of his name, Kaidan's head whipped back around but they weren't hot with passion, weren't shining with want. The wetness there rimmed his eyes in red and his grimace was one of agony. Fear. His Omega feared him and his Alpha instincts rose to the fore, had to stop whatever it was that was threatening his Omega. But that was himself. How could he do so and still remain next to Kaidan?

"Kaidan," Shepard said, pulling out of the other man and turning him around to face him. "Kaidan, come back to me. It's alright. It's John. John Shepard. I'm here with you Kaidan."

"John?" Kaidan cracked out in a broken voice. "Oh god, I... I thought..."

Shepard pulled Kaidan in close, pressing the man up against him and hugging him tight, just holding him and giving him some strength to lean against. "Shh. I'm here."

Kaidan continued to tremble against him, his arms at first hesitant and tentative before they locked themselves against his torso in a vice-grip and Shepard returned the gesture. Strength for strength.

"I'm so sorry, Kaidan," Shepard said at last. "I... I didn't realize that... I'm so sorry."

"Couldn't see," Kaidan mumbled softly against the crook of his neck. "Didn't know who it was. I thought... I thought..."

"Don't say anything," Shepard broke in at the last. "You don't need to go back there."

"It's always with me," Kaidan whispered in dread. "It's always there, at the corner of my mind."

"I know," Shepard said a little sadly. And he did know, more than he would care to admit.

They stood like that for what felt like hours, but was in fact only mere minutes as Kaidan fought within himself and struggled to regain some composure. Shepard's legs were beginning to ache from the weight but he forced himself to stand, to hold Kaidan up and soak in the man's distress for as long as he was physically able to. Finally, Kaidan broke away, eyes dry but still a little puffy, before looking about at the floor.

"I'm sorry about..." Kaidan began but Shepard wouldn't hear anything of the sort, placing a finger softly over the man's lips.

"There is absolutely nothing for you to be sorry about," Shepard said firmly, earning him a small smile that made his heart swell within his chest.

"Why don't we..." Kaidan said as he cast about the area.

"Are you sure?" Shepard asked a little sceptically. "I mean, I don't want to... if something triggers you and..."

"I'm sure, John," Kaidan added with a little more of his old strength.

Shepard nodded a little uncertainly. As his gaze swept across the strewn kitchen, he spied the brown bag from the day before, filled with things from Mordin's. Walking swiftly over, Shepard picked up the bag and handed it over to Kaidan.

"Here," Shepard said a little lamely. "Mordin stopped by yesterday and he..."

Kaidan peered into the bag curiously, eyes suddenly widening as he pulled out a sheet of pressed pills and another two bottles that Shepard didn't recognize.

"Suppressants? And morning-after pills?" Kaidan said with wonder. "Where did you... How..."

"I don't know," Shepard said truthfully. "Mordin said he didn't have any left, so I never questioned him..."

"These will be worth their weight in gold," Kaidan said with a wonder as he lifted up the two small, white containers.

Shepard was more interested in something else. Reaching out, he picked up the sheet of morning-after pills and popped one, quietly placing it on his hand and bringing it up, offering it to Kaidan. The man paused in his considerations of the bottles in his hand and turned to look at the upraised pharmaceutical.

"Umm..." Kaidan hummed a little uncertainly and Shepard couldn't decipher the riot of emotions that played across the man's face.

"Morning-after pill?" Shepard qualified, watching with interest as Kaidan's skin heated to an attractive shade of pink.

"Really Shepard... I..." Kaidan sputtered and Shepard fought back the sigh that had threatened to escape his lips at the sound of his name being reverted back to Shepard.

"Don't ask me," Shepard said diplomatically, and then feeling a sudden sting of spite. "Ash was the one who paid Mordin for all of this." He almost laughed at the way Kaidan's eyes narrowed at the mention of Ash's name and her involvement in their little predicament.

"Ash..." Kaidan growled. "I'm going to kill her."

Shepard pushed up his proffered hand, finally getting Kaidan to take the pill off of him. "If that really had any weight, she would have been dead a long time ago I think."

"Damn right," Kaidan said with passion. He paused for a moment, eyes daring in between the pill in his hand and the two bottles nestled in his other. He looked up, tacking Shepard's gaze with his own. "Thanks... John."

So many things in just that one word. Thanks for not taking advantage of him, thanks for stopping when he did. Thanks for being tender and gentle, for showing another side to the Alphas. Thanks for not hiding away the medication and pills from Kaidan.

"You're welcome," Shepard said simply with a shrug.

Kaidan turned to put the suppressants onto the counter and popped the pill in his hand into this mouth, grimacing as his throat convulsed.

"Water?" Shepard asked.

"It's not that difficult, swallowing a pill John," Kaidan fired back. His eyes turned wicked and playful as he stepped in closer. "Besides, I can think of better ways... to clear the obstruction."

Shepard felt his softness stir at the sound of the man's desire, his instincts once again rising up within him but the memory of just minutes ago was still too fresh, too vivid.

"Kaidan," Shepard said a little cautiously. He had already resigned himself to celibacy for the rest of the day. "Are you sure that-"

The kiss broke through his words and Shepard felt his brain fizzle as wet softness crashed into him, the barest click of teeth and taste of musk. Shepard felt Kaidan's hands around his own, dipping him down lower and pressing his palm up against the hard length of Kaidan's cock.

"I'm sure," Kaidan purred as he broke off the kiss.

*

Shepard panted through his release finally falling back and shouting as his knot continued to swell and swell. It suffused him with bliss as it pressed up against the thick swell of Kaidan's ass and he pushed it in deeper, feeling it slide into place and press into the walls of Kaidan's lining. He groaned again as another burst of come shot out, wetting Kaidan's insides with white fire.

Oh god. He was in _heaven_.

Kaidan laughed throatily as his orgasm petered out, the barest trickle of come emerging from the tip of his rapidly deflating cock head. Shepard tugged himself tired to the side, keeping himself locked into Kaidan even as they snuggled face to face, Kaidan peppering him with soft, delicate kisses, trailing up around his cheeks and face.

Shepard took a moment to marvel at the day's outcome.

It had started innocently enough from the kitchen. Then Kaidan had moved to the fridge instead of to the bedroom and before Shepard knew it, he was holding up a small stick of butter while Kaidan foisted up some honey and strawberry sauce that he had been saving up for on the off chance that he finally started eating waffles again.

They had made it as far as the living room's couch before Kaidan had pulled him down on top of the man, twisting out of the way and sitting astride Shepard. Strawberry sauce on his nipples and on his cock and Shepard hardly had a coherent thought in his head as Kaidan had gone down, expertly applying his tongue, his lips, his mouth on his cock, his balls, his... everywhere. Kaidan rode him to completion then, sitting atop him and then lying atop him as his knot had swelled them together and Shepard could only gaze blindly at the walls of his living room and listen to Kaidan's easy breathing and the beat of their hearts together. Then it was breakfast, and another try to test out the stability of the kitchen island, but this time they had swept away the cluttered knick-knacks on top and were christening it with their own, personal touch. A nap that he had slept through almost serenely before being awakened by Kaidan's ass just about to envelop the edge of his cock again and Shepard only watched in the semi-darkness as the man got comfortable, touched himself, stroked himself and Shepard had uttered not a sound as he came, filling Kaidan again and feeling his knot press into the man. He watched as Kaidan settled down atop him, a satisfied look painting his face.

Then the shower. And the other spare room that he'd been using as a study. The carpet would probably need to be changed, after what they had done on it with the butter and some beer. Shepard didn't even think that such a fusion between foods would even be remotely possible and he was just beginning to suspect that Kaidan had either a very hyper-active imaginative, he watched too much Alpha-Omega porn or was just innately this experienced. Either way it put him to shame, though he wasn't complaining in the slightest.

"Thinking again, John?" Kaidan breathed against him, moving down to nibble at his neck.

"Thinking about a single inch of this house that we haven't screwed ourselves into yet," Shepard said truthfully, though it earned him a wry chuckle.

"Is there anyplace we haven't screwed ourselves into yet?" Kaidan teased innocently.

"Probably the front porch," Shepard said with playfulness. "I don't think we can both fit inside the fridge. Or the washer. Other than that, I think it's safe to say we're finished."

"Front porch sounds interesting," Kaidan said with seriousness and Shepard felt his eyes snap open at the sound of eagerness in Kaidan's voice. "Just kidding, John."

"You didn't sound like you were kidding," Shepard groused.

"Well," Kaidan said as he wrapped his arms out lazily across Shepard's back. "I can think of one room that's still 'sex-free'."

"Do you really think you want to clog up my room with our spunk?" Shepard asked with a wonder.

"It'll round everything off nicely anyway," Kaidan muttered with the barest of shrugs.

"Gonna find it hard to sleep," Shepard countered.

"Sleep's... not exactly what I had in mind," Kaidan teasingly licked at his stubble and Shepard could still taste a hint of strawberry as he bent down to capture the man's lips in his own.

"Feisty little Omega," Shepard rumbled out.

"You have no idea," Kaidan shot back.

Shepard had to grin at that. "Oh I'm sure I have some idea." They laughed even as Shepard twisted Kaidan and pressed him onto his back, his cock already beginning to harden as he reached down to claim with his mouth what his heart and mind had already done.

*

Kaidan stretched as the daylight cut a swathe through his sleep, making him want to grab the pillows nestled around his head and shield himself from the hard brightness.

Instead, he propped himself awake, squinting and rubbing the sleep from his eyes as he felt his hands trace down the ridges of chest and down over onto the hardened muscle below that. He smiled to himself at the remembrance of the way Shepard had always touched him like that, had seemed to treasure every inch of skin that he had possessed. Oh, he had no illusions. He wasn't built like some of those ripped, young models that were constantly being flashed all across the media. He had, once, thought that that was the most important thing in his life and had sacrificed much to get it. It was a form of escapism, to better himself beyond what he thought he was worth. It had been a foolish thing, the years that had been wasted. Now? Well, now was now...

Kaidan turned a felt his eyes sweep across the empty side of Shepard's bed. He didn't understand why his gaze lingered just a moment longer on the creased pillow that had cradled the man's head, the curves of the mattress and covers as they seemed to shape themselves into Shepard's leaner, harder body. He could almost fool himself into thinking he could smell Shepard here, feel the man's heat radiating from the twisted sheets. But his nose caught the smell of spice and eggs, bacon and toast and his stomach grumbled as he let himself be lead by his bloodhound nose, barely taking the time to pull on his boxers.

His heat was beginning to recede, he noted with disinterest. Whenever other needs shifted priorities, beyond what the heat pulled out of him, he knew that it was fading. And he wondered, as he tromped down the stairs, whether that was a good thing or a bad thing.

He had been truthful with Shepard, telling the man that he hadn't encountered a heat like this before and he was honest when he said that he was in complete control of his thoughts and actions. The fiasco in the kitchen had proven that. Even if an Omega was feeling repulsed, their body would still respond to sexual stimuli and he'd still be craving an Alpha, craving the sex, no matter how disgusted he would feel from it. His body would be rock hard and ready and no matter what he felt or thought, he would have gone down on his knees and begged for Shepard to fill him up like he had done. But he hadn't, and in hindsight, he should have expected that.

The thought of Shepard being within him sent a small flicker of want through him but it was weak enough that he could clamp down on the feeling. Since an Alpha's come was alkali-based and his reproductive tract was more acidic, the mingling of mating fluids within him had created an environment that was conducive for bearing. Which, Kaidan thought ruefully, had been the design all along. This change also sent a signal to the body's hormone production factories, which was what sent the heat away eventually. Basically, the sooner he got mated, the faster his heat would vanish. It made sense, in a perversely sexual way, but now that things were beginning to normalize, Kaidan found himself studying his new precarious position.

On one hand, everything was going back to normal, as it were. His heat was over, he'd just spent the last two days screwing a man into the walls of his home, and he had a year at least before he would be at risk again. But that wasn't the problem was it, he told himself bitterly.

There was a... connection, a spark, between himself and Shepard. That was the best way he could describe it under the circumstances. The intrinsic trust, the caring and gentle nature of the man, were things that he would never have thought could possibly exist in an Alpha, let alone the real world. This was the thing that young Omegas dreamed of when they were children and it was a wonder, a miracle, that Shepard was still without a mate.

Could he be that mate?

Kaidan shooed the thought away as he rounded the bend of the stairs.

Truth be told, he wasn't exactly sure what had happened to him the previous day. It was a lie he told himself throughout of day even as he practically forced Shepard into him. His heat had already begun to fade, then, though there was enough to get him spiking. But he could have safely gone on his own way, thanked Shepard for the quick fuck, and just head back home. But he had stayed. He had stayed and he had taken advantage of Shepard's hospitality and willingness to have him here and he had let himself go, let himself be taken by an Alpha who he knew wouldn't hurt him. It was refreshing. And now he was beginning to wonder, if there was a part of him that was going to kid himself yet again and pretend that his heat was still priming him up, or if he would inform Shepard of it's conclusion and just...

Just what? Go back to that pathetic shell of a life? Go back to your self pity and deep, spiralling contempt. Kaidan asked the questions again and again, and they resounded noisly against the emptiness of his mind, clanging back against his tumbling thoughts.

All thoughts were forgotten as he stepped into the kitchen and breathed in the heavy aromas of food and drink. The orange juice was sharp and sweet and it contrasted beautifully against the thick and mouth-watering smell of ham and eggs. The bacon was already cooling on their plates and Kaidan eyed them hungrily, already noticing the severe difference between their perfect browness and the poor excuse for charcoal he had produced the day before. Okay, so maybe he had burned them a little.

"Kaidan," Shepard said simply as he moved toward the island.

Kaidan looked up at the sound of his name, pausing once to stare at wonder as Shepard continued whatever it was that he was doing around the counter, completely and respelendently nude. His throat dried and he felt his mouth water and perhaps his heat was still present within him as all thoughts of food fled his mind.

"Kaidan," Shepard said crisply, not looking up. "Get back to bed."

"The food's here," Kaidan said with dry humour.

"I'll bring it up," Shepard said blandly. "Get back to bed. It's cold down here."

"John," Kaidan finally huffed. "I really don't think that-"

Kaidan felt himself jump back, pressing up against the counter top as Shepard had _lunged_ from across the space in between them, moving like a blur, before coming to stop right in front of him, pressing up against him as one arm clamped down harshly along his shoulder and another squeezed at his wrist.

"I said go back to bed," Shepard growled with ferocity and Kaidan's heart flailed wildly in his chest as his panic was beginning to climb. Shepard's eyes, they were shining with rage.

"What the hell Shepard," Kaidan yelled out instinctively. "Let me go."

Kaidan marvelled as Shepard pulled his hands away from him but the man hadn't moved back, was in fact beginning to lean forward and press himself closer to Kaidan.

What the hell was happening? Kaidan continued to search those achingly blue eyes for the man's gentle concern, but found it wanting as an animal stared back at him. He couldn't even think, couldn't even try to explain what-

Oh.

Oh no. Shit, shit, shit.

"Shepard," Kaidan said cautiously as he moved away, never breaking eye contact.

"Kaidan," Shepard snapped out, a vicious smile playing across his face. "Where do you think you're going?"

"Back to bed, just like you said," Kaidan said through gritted teeth. He was planning on moving back over to the stairs before making a mad rush over to the front door and prayed that Shepard had forgotten to lock the thing in their fevered mating the day before.

"Oh no you don't," Shepard said as he reached out and grabbed him by the wrist. "Now that you're here, you don't leave. You stay here, with me."

"Alright," Kaidan said immediately, testing the waters of uncertainty. "Alright, I'll stay. But you have to let go of me. Now."

Shepard immediately dropped his hand.

"I'm hungry," Kaidan said again, forcing and failing to inject some petulance into his voice. "I would like some food. Please."

Shepard nodded once, brusquely, and without turning around, fumbled for a half-filled plate of food and brought it over to him. Never tearing his gaze away from him.

"How are you feeling... John?" Kaidan finally asked as he balanced the plate in front of him.

"I feel fine," Shepard snapped out.

"You don't seem fine," Kaidan added warily.

"What do you-"

Kaidan shifted the plate over onto one hand raising the wrist of his other to show the man. The welts were vanishing, but they were red and brilliant against his paler skin.

"What the hell?" Shepard growled out. "Who that fuck did that to you? I'm going to tear-"

"You did John," Kaidan said placidly as he reached down and snagged a piece of bacon in his fingers.

Shepard's face was a riot of confusing emotions and his gaze darted constantly between Kaidan's wrist and face.

"I... What? No, I couldn't have..." Shepard said slowly, but the heat and anger never left his tone.

"You did," Kaidan confirmed. "Just moments ago."

"You tell me who did that to you and I swear, they'll-" Shepard began but Kaidan cut him off.

"Shepard... John. You're..." Kaidan sighed as he chewed thoughtfully at the piece of bacon. He expected some sort of falling out between them, expected that he might even considering continuing this liaison with Shepard and seeing where it would take them both. But he never, never in his wildest dreams, thought that this would be happening to him. Again. "You're entering your... rut."

"My what?" Shepard blurted out at the unfamiliar phrasing.

"Your rut," Kaidan said, swallowing the masticated bacon through the lump in his throat. "You can think of it as... an Alpha heat."

"Alphas don't have a heat," Shepard scoffed.

"You're right," Kaidan agreed feeling his stomach flip. "They don't. They have the rut."

"And what," Shepard said forcefully. "Is... the rut?"

Kaidan sighed, dredging up the experiences and memories of his experience with the rut.

"The Alpha rut is similar to the Omega heat," Kaidan began. "Your body begins to shift, to alter itself chemically and hormonally. The instincts that you have, they become more intense and stronger. Your desire to possess and keep your... an Omega become almost overwhelming, and your sexual urges sky rocket."

"I've never heard of this before," Shepard said coolly as he leaned back against the counter, eyeing him up and down and Kaidan couldn't help but feel his gaze linger across the nude, sculpted form that Shepard was putting on display.

"It's... more than rare," Kaidan said a little unsurely. "It's something that I've never heard mentioned or written about in any case. I suppose it's something that is part of our... natural heritage. The rut makes you randy as hell, John. You could screw your way through a roomful of Omegas and keep going through the rest of the day."

"Don't want a roomful of Omegas," Shepard grumbled.

"Not right now anyway," Kaidan said with just a little bit of fear lacing his words. "But soon? When your rut reaches its peak? You'll need sex. And lots of it."

"I can get it from you," Shepard said with dark pleasure.

Kaidan paused as the words perched at the edge of his tongue, almost letting slip that his heat was almost over. But he couldn't say that, not right now at least.

"You could," Kaidan said slowly.

"Can," Shepard rumbled with heat.

"Could," Kaidan continued. "But it's... it's something else about the rut. It's what comes after that worries me."

"Why are you worried?" Shepard retorted. "I'm a good Alpha. I'm _your_ Alpha. There's nothing here for you to be afraid of."

 _I'm afraid of you and what's happening between us_ , Kaidan thought silently to himself. Instead he said, "You are a good Alpha," Kaidan continued, watching as Shepard preened at the praise. "But you have to know. The rut is going to encompass your mind, it's going to change you John, and things are going to be... different. I don't know how to explain it exactly. Like I said, it's completely obscure."

"If it's so obscure and rare," Shepard reasoned, "Then how is it that you know so much about it?"

Kaidan sighed, moving off to the side, never leaving Shepard's penetrating stare. He placed the plate down cautiously atop the side counter, refusing to acknowledge the slight tremble in his wrists and fingers as the plate clattered against the tile.

Shit.

"Because," Kaidan said without turning to look at Shepard, "The rut normally precedes the... the... bond." Kaidan finished in an almost whisper.

Shepard barked out a harsh laugh, causing Kaidan to swivel at the roughness of the sound.

"The bond?" Shepard asked with grim humour. "The unbreakable bond between an Alpha and an Omega? Soul mates? An irreplaceable connection? Don't kid me, Kaidan. Those are stories, things that children Alphas and Omegas share and spread because they want something more out of their lives."

"It's not just that," Kaidan said with bitterness, ignoring the sting at Shepard's words. "There are some biological truths to it."

"And so what?" Shepard countered. "Even if it does exist, wouldn't it be written about, talked about?"

"The bond..." Kaidan said in lost tones. "The bond can be... wonderful. Can be something completely fascinating and new for our kind. But it's dangerous."

Shepard stilled at that. He ran a quick gaze over Kaidan. "Dangerous how?"

"Compulsion," Kaidan summed up as simply as he could. "A bonded Alpha and a bonded Omega are tied. They do things... for one another. Each other and _no_ other. They live as a mated pair, providing and caring for one another."

"Sounds great," Shepard said, eyes gleaming wildly as he stepped forward. "I'd like that... with you."

"I would too," Kaidan said almost without thought, back-tracking as the words finally registered in his brain. Would he?

"So what's the problem?" Shepard pressed.

"What if an Alpha, your bonded Alpha forced you to do things for him that you wouldn't normally do?" Kaidan added. "What would you do if your Omega made you do things because they manipulated you in to thinking it was better for the both of you?"

"That doesn't work that way... Does it?" Shepard asked quietly as the thought caught up to him, finally shining a new light on an even newer concept. "You can't just force people to do things like that because of some... intangible thing..."

"Perhaps," Kaidan said, finally bringing himself to meet Shepard's gaze. "But the possibility exists."

"You're making assumptions," Shepard argued. "I... I can be a good Alpha. I can be _your_ Alpha. I would do that for you. Protect you and give you a home. Together."

Kaidan felt the words strike him like hammer blows. He would love nothing more that to experience that. Even in his wildest dreams, he would never have thought such a thing would happen to him and he had long since given up on fantasizing about such an occurrence ever happening. The thought struck him, a pealing echo that came up from the resonance of Shepard's words. He wanted that. He wanted the man before him. But could he?

"You say these things," Shepard said with reigned bitterness. "You think things are a certain way and you seem to think there are no ways to change. What about your grand speech about fighting instinct? Won't you fight, Kaidan?"

"I would but..." Kaidan said softly but Shepard cut in.

"But?" Shepard said acidly. "I don't recall you using 'but' when you told me about everything, about the way you live your life. You say these things, but you don't really know, do you?"

"I..."

"You don't know," Shepard said folding his arms across his chest and glaring at him challengingly. "I don't know what you see in me, or what you want Kaidan. So I'm going to go through this... this rut? Fine. You can leave if you want. I won't force you to stay. But when you spout out bullshit one day and then turn tail the next, it really gets me wondering. Do you honestly-"

"Dammit, John," Kaidan said raising himself up and feeling his laboured breathing. Dammit he... he...

"Kai-"

"Just shut up for a second," Kaidan yelled out hoarsely. He took a moment, watched as Shepard eyed him breathing hard. "I..."

"Kaidan," Shepard said as he trailed off, stepping up to him and reaching for him.

"John," Kaidan said at last not letting himself surrender to creature comforts. "You say I don't know. You say I don't understand. But how can you be sure about what you say?"

"Kaidan, what is it?" Shepard said at last, stormy eyes quietening down and searching through his own dark-brown ones. Searching and needing an answer.

"I know because... because... There's no easy way to say this but..." Kaidan closed his eyes. Stopped. Took a breath, took another. Opened his eyes and stared at those deep blue pools searching. Wanting the truth.

"John. I'm a bonded Omega."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So ummm.. yeah... Oops.
> 
> I'm sure a lot of you weren't expecting this. Or maybe you were. It's hard to tell with my writing style but anyhows... Here you go! Kaidan's secret is at long last, finally out. 
> 
> He's bonded. To someone else I mean.
> 
> Tension. Lovely! I can't even imagine how I'm going to capture all these points in the next chapter. Oh well, joy!
> 
> And my sketching is going wonderfully! I did a quick render for Chapter 9 I think, in case anyone is interested to see, but it's terrible, it sucks and it totally removes from the written words so I'm thinking of taking it out. Bleargh. On the plus side, I've improved... A lot! Muahaha. No, I'm not going to let you know my deviant profile until I'm ready to showcase my work because, damn, does Kaidan have a frustratingly difficult face to draw.
> 
> Thank you to Anne Bishop for the term 'rut' and her use of it in her Dark Jewels novels. It's where I got the concept from. I wanted to come up within another name for it, you know, be more original but honestly? She's such an amazing writer and the word is a perfect description for an 'Alpha Heat'.
> 
> Oh. And 10 chapters on and already 60,000 words. Guys (and most lovely ladies) this is starting to look like another novel. :S


	11. All Things True

Shepard stumbled back his fingers clenched and searching for support, for something to grip and crush him with its reality.

Kaidan was _bonded_?

The streams of yearning, of his insatiable lust and want for the Omega before him, were quenched in the overwhelming tide of the statement that had intruded in upon his ears.

It was as if the other man had given him factual, irrefutable proof that Santa Clause existed, not to mention the Easter Bunny and Big Foot, but then had pulled out more information that said that Santa was a tyrant, the Easter Bunny was a mobster and Big Foot was a midget. The stray thoughts and random images flashed too quickly in his mind, not even registering the absolute absurdity of the situation on him as he finally bumped against the hard, roughness of his kitchen table top.

"You're bonded?" Shepard said at last, voice hoarse with emotion.

Kaidan flinched at his tone, no longer meeting his eyes as he cast about, searching for somewhere else for him to tack his gaze onto.

"Yes, John," Kaidan affirmed. "Yes, I am."

"That's not possible," Shepard blurted out almost immediately. There had to be some mistake. This had to be some kind of sick joke that Ash had played on him. Had to be.

"And why not?" Kaidan said neutrally. "Is it so hard to believe?"

"The bond..." Shepard hesitated. "The bond doesn't exist. Something like that can't exist." He knew he was being stubborn, almost childish, because believing that something like that, something so ephemeral but concrete could exist, opened up a slew of even more uncomfortable and painful truths that Shepard really wasn't eager to embrace.

Kaidan huffed at him, eyes finally meeting his, and his brown depths were annoyed and just a little bit furious. "There's nothing that I can say that'll convince you," Kaidan said at last. "There's nothing I can do or show you that will. It's not like you've got no say, anyway. You can refuse it if you want. But it's the truth, John. We've begun to bond."

"Like hell I will," Shepard growled out instinctively and he forced himself to ignore the flash of hurt that flitted through Kaidan's face. Refuse the bond? Refuse to tie himself to an Omega that he, in all honesty, hardly knew? But this was... different. This was Kaidan, who was hurt and aching and hiding things. In the end, he knew deep down that he couldn't will himself to refuse something like that with the man, with the chance, the slightest echoes of chance, to being with Kaidan in that way.

"If what you say is true..." Shepard hesitated, changing tact, his knuckles gripping even more tightly against the edge of the counter; he was surprised that the crack of cheap laminate hadn't snapped through the air.

"It is," Kaidan said at last when Shepard's words had trailed off.

"Then why are you here?" Shepard practically shouted, throat tight with emotion and heart aching with agony at the mere thought of Kaidan being bonded to another. "Where is your Alpha, Omega?"

Kaidan's eyes widened at the casual address, his face a riot of pain. He looked like he'd been slapped across the face, and Shepard? Well, he wasn't feeling much better. More like a punch in the balls.

"It's not like that," Kaidan barked out harshly. "I-"

"Isn't it?" Shepard railed with just as much bitterness, emotions making him careless and unheeding. "You're _bonded_ dammit! If you... I don't know why you're here, why you put yourself out there like that, when you should be with your Alpha."

"Shepard just-" Kaidan cut in but Shepard shut him down in an instant.

"Is it a fun game, little Omega?" Shepard said with acid. "Toying around with Alphas? I... I don't even know what..." He felt himself reign in, halting his foot from crossing the edge of _that_ particular threshold. He must be even more unhinged than he'd thought if he had gone back to that.

"Shepard," Kaidan hissed in vexation. "Will you just hear me out?"

Back to Shepard again, he thought grimly. Kaidan stood there, uncomfortable and forlorn and Shepard could only piece together the bits in his head.

That was the problem though, wasn't it, Shepard chided to himself. If the bond did exist, that connection that bound an Alpha and an Omega together for the rest of their lives, then Kaidan had an Alpha. An Alpha besides himself. Shepard's thoughts raced through, chasing the errant strays that lingered at the edge of his mind, trying to recall everything that he'd heard of or thought about the bonding process. It was something that had taken root during the first few years that their natures had been established. Alphas and Omegas, two pairs of a whole. But that concept had vanished with time, and people often spoke about it as a poorly controlled attempt at romanticizing their new distinctions. The bond was something more than words, more than the body itself. It was an intrinsic connection with one partner, almost spiritual in nature. Shepard wasn't particularly fond of the word or the concept but there it was. There had been... stories. Myths and legends, about pairs who were faithful to one another, who went through a heat together. They seemed melded, like they knew what the other thought and did. Some said, a bonded pair could read each other's minds, were granted super human abilities. Shepard never believed that rubbish. It was just something that children exaggerated and expanded upon as their imaginations began to outgrow their bodies. But to him? To him... The bond had always meant... Security. Safety. The freedom to love. To know that his life was tied to another, and that another's was just as tightly woven into his. To know that he could rely, could trust and be accepted. It was to know.

And now?

Now, Kaidan was telling him that the bond was like a slaver's collar. A draft horse's harness. The bond did exist, and it was wonderful and dangerous. Those words, they brought his deeply hidden hopes out, shining light on their spreading pillions, not even giving them the good grace to soar before smashing it. And Kaidan was bonded as well? His bedraggled hopes were trying to drag themselves to safety and Kaidan had smashed them, again and again.

"You..." Kaidan began but stopped as his voice cracked. Shepard heard the ache, heard the awful feeling of loss at the rejection and a part of him, the dormant part, was beginning to rear its head around and demand that he look after this Omega, to stop the hurt and the pain. To give of himself, everything that he was and to take all that _his_ Omega would give to him. "You can't know Shepard," Kaidan said at last. "Can't know what it's like."

"Then tell me," Shepard said firmly. "I want to know."

Kaidan's eyes blazed. "And what right do you have, asking me to tell you such things? To show you what I've kept hidden... What I've been so ashamed of, for so long?"

The anger singed the air and cooled him into stillness. The anger was directed at him, he needed to end the thing that made his Omega angry. But he couldn't. Not like this. His tone, his stance, shifted with mercurial swiftness as his overriding priority became to comfort and be with his Omega.

"Kaidan," Shepard whispered at last, and the yearning was there, along with the hurt. He thought for a moment, standing there apart from the defensive person in front of him and he thought and considered. He was always a quick thinker, always prided himself on adaptability and the presence of mind to accept. And circumstances weren't exactly clear at the moment. He had to reign himself in, get the facts and make his decision. He knew, god he knew, the pain. So, he made his choice.

"Kaidan, please," Shepard said at last, stepping forward, ignoring the pull of his body. There was something else, even more awesome, a stronger leash that would hold him close to this trembling man before him. His hands reached out, not caring at Kaidan's flinch as the man tried to step away. Shepard wouldn't allow it. He surged forward, grabbing at Kaidan's wrists, his flailing arms and angry kicks. He moved closer, vanishing the space in between them and he cupped Kaidan's head gently across his chest, pulling the man closer and closer. Soft sounds of hurt and anguished poor out of the huddled mess in front of him and they tore wounds into his heart, but he refused to let go, refused to reject. He could and he would.

"Kaidan, I'm sorry," Shepard murmured into the man's hair. They stood that awkward way for what felt like forever but he stood his ground, forcing himself to stand and to take in his Omega's pain. To share his burdens.

Huh. After all this time, he was still thinking of Kaidan as _his_.

After a few more minutes of careful tears, Kaidan at last breathed out a sigh, turning his face up to finally look at Shepard. "I... That was a little..."

"Uncomfortable?" Shepard offered at the last.

"Refreshing, actually," Kaidan corrected. Shepard watched Kaidan's red-rimmed eyes, puffy nose and flushed complexion and a small little sniffle sounded in the air in between them, and a small little jump kicked him in his chest at the sight.

"Come on," Shepard said, pulling him in briefly for another quick hug. "Let's go finish our... breakfast. And if... if I really am... I mean, if we're going to be bonded. I'd like to know more. And I'd like to hear more about who you are bonded to." Shepard finished darkly.

*

They sat on Shepard's couch again, the L-shape a perfect angle and size for them to recline after their filling meal. It had been awkward at first, the silence. It wasn't exactly something that Kaidan wanted to talk about while their minds were distracted and their mouths full. In the end, he had volunteered to clean up the dishes as the man went up to put some clothes on, because he was still nude and the lingering traces of his heat were beginning to pull his carefully ordered thoughts away. And he wanted to be clear-headed for this.

Now, Kaidan sat with a cup of coffee balanced in his hand. The second one in just under an hour. He took a sip and nearly choked at the harsh sting of liquor in the brew but he quickly recovered and took another grateful gulp. Bitter and stinging, which was an apt description considering what they were about to do.

"So..." Shepard said at last, dangling his arm limply across the side of the couch's armrest. Kaidan noted with detached interest that Shepard's foot was still hovering at the edge of his thigh, just slightly brushing against the short hairs there.

"So," Kaidan repeated but he paused. He didn't know where to begin.

"Maybe you should start at the beginning?" Shepard said finally, making Kaidan wonder if the stories about the bonding really were true.

Kaidan sighed and finally nodded. He meticulously stripped down his armour, tore down his walls.

"It started when I met this... I met an Alpha," Kaidan summed up simply and Shepard nodded his understanding.

"He was... different. Older than I was, but only by a few years," Kaidan continued. "His name was Marcus."

"Was?" Shepard interrupted.

"Is," Kaidan corrected, breathing out a harsh breath. "He was new in Normandy. I had just turned twenty. Coming out of adolescence and full of pride and confidence."

"You still are," Shepard mumbled softly and Kaidan swung over to glare at the man.

"Sorry, sorry," Shepard said, raising his hands in mock defeat, but he certainly didn't sound sorry, not with that smirk on his face and Kaidan couldn't help the answering tug along the edge of his lips.

"Anyway, he was... He was compelling. Strong. He had like, a pull, you know? You wanted to be close to him, to want to get to know him." Kaidan said at last. God, he hadn't ever told anyone this before, had never delved so deep, not even with Ash.

"We began seeing each other," Kaidan simplified. "We were... I was so happy. I thought... I thought that, this was it, you know? This was going to be the way things were. This was going to be... great."

"Only it wasn't," Shepard concluded for him.

Kaidan nodded tightly. "It wasn't," he agreed. "I went through my heat with him. Was supposed to be on suppressants at the time but he convinced me... He wanted to experience a heat with... his Omega. Wanted to feel it with me. So I gave in, sure that nothing would've happened otherwise. I went through the heat with him, stayed with him for the time. It was new and exciting and I..." Kaidan trailed off unable to put in words how he had felt then and how he was feeling now.

"You enjoyed it," Shepard said for him, face bland. "You enjoyed going through your heat with him."

Kaidan sighed. "That's... a little of an understatement," Kaidan finished. And it had been. His first proper heat with his first proper Alpha. He had thought he was something else, something special then. To be the centre of someone's world like that, at so malleable an age, had been a heady and intoxicating feeling that had left him wanting more. Needing more.

"We bonded," Kaidan said at last, dredging up old nightmares. "We bonded after the heat and... I didn't know it at the time. But I thought it was something special. Unique between the both of us. He was ecstatic. We were both so... just so happy. Exploring one another that way, finding out we would be paired that way for life. I wanted..." Kaidan hesitated, feeling a blush spread across his face. "I wanted to write a book, wanted to show the world what could be. What we could be for each other."

"But things changed," Shepard said quietly, not really a question.

"They did," Kaidan added with bitterness.

"After the bond, we were together. Like any other Alpha and Omega, but we... I thought I was something special. That it would only happen to me because I was so lucky. Around six months after I was bonded with Marcus, I entered my heat again."

"So soon?" Shepard asked.

"It... can happen I suppose," Kaidan said a little uncertainly. "Technically, once mated, an Omega's heat doesn't come for around another year. From what I've read, stories and the like, it can hit even after three months following an unsuccessful mating."

"The body adjusts," Shepard summed up.

Kaidan simply nodded. "When my heat struck again, I was excited. I wanted to feel that again, with him. To be the centre and feel the weight with me. It turns out, he had different plans."

"I didn't think it was strange," Kaidan continued, feeling the words tumble out, the floodgates to his mind wrenched free and the sluice of feelings pour out. The walls that he had erected so long ago were swept away by the tides of memory. "When he brought me to... He had rented a place, was searching for somewhere more permanent to put down roots. But this time, we went to a... to another Alpha's home. I didn't think much about it at the time, I was so stupid, but I thought... I thought that nothing would go wrong if I was with him. That I would be safe."

An angry growl sounded in the air but Kaidan was staring at the cushion on his lap, the coffee all but ignored.

"We were there," Kaidan said thickly. "No one else was. I thought maybe he was moving over to stay with his friend or... I dunno. I just... I didn't think. The heat made me want him. Only him. And when it started, when we started. It wasn't just him."

His mind turned inward, tracing along the dark outlines of nightmare.

"There were Alphas. Other Alphas. People that he knew I think. I was... I didn't realize. I didn't realize until the heat was already fully on me. I just needed. I wanted. He wouldn't let me. He stayed to the side, watching, while I... I tried to stop myself. To leave. But they wouldn't let me and as the heat built up inside of me, I needed to find release. I needed to be with someone, _anyone_. They took me, all of them. I can't remember how many there were. Marcus... he... he told me. He whispered to me, said that I was his good Omega, that I was doing this for him. I wanted to please him and be good for him, but he... he hurt me and made me... He let the other Alphas take me and I couldn't... It went on for days. I couldn't reach the end of the heat. Something about the bond, I think. I needed Marcus, wanted him, but he wouldn't let me near him. Just kept looking at me, telling me I was doing good for him. And, oh god. I wanted to. In the end, I just wanted to be good for him. So I did it. I did them all and I was mated. Again and again and again and-"

The sound of cloth ripping tore through his words and Kaidan blinked up at the noise, tearing himself away from staring within and the small, damp circles on the cushion beneath.

Shepard was staring at him with predatory stillness, the edges of a cushion in both his hands as down and synthetic fibres drifted through the quiet late morning.

"Bastard, fucking bastard," Shepard was muttering to no one. "Son of a bitch, I'd kill him with my own hands if-"

"Shepard," Kaidan said at last as the rant continued. "Shepard. John. Hey."

Shepard blinked. Seemed to register the floating fibres and the man turned, looking at the shredded cloth in his hands. Kaidan saw the understanding dawn, the recognition of his actions as the man's mind came back from everywhere and nowhere and his gaze pinned Kaidan to the seat.

Kaidan sighed to himself. "Anyway, after that I-"

Shepard moved. Kaidan felt the warm press of skin against his own and he gulped a shout as coffee sloshed about in the cup.

"Enough, Kaidan," Shepard ground out. "Enough. I don't... I don't need to hear anymore. Don't want you to hurt anymore."

Kaidan paused, letting a hesitant hand run up alongside Shepard's stubble and wild eyes. "It's alright... John. I'm okay." Kaidan paused for a moment, only just taking in the fact that Shepard was leaning forward into him, and god, that musk, that man scent. Kaidan pushed it aside. "Umm, maybe I should... put the coffee mug onto the table first?"

Shepard searched his face, eyes tracking across his features, but the fires that burned so deeply, cold, terrifying fires, were simmering down now. A small chuckle escaped the man's lips. "Hmm. Well, I've already shredded a cushion. A little coffee would add nicely to that I think." But the man pulled back, moving further away from him, but still touching, always in contact.

"I was a sad, broken person after that," Kaidan continued when he'd placed the mug onto the coffee table and had scooted to make himself more comfortable. "I knew that it was... it was wrong. After."

Shepard snorted at the understatement. "Did you file a police report? Prosecute him? Please tell me the bastard got what he deserved."

Kaidan shook his head a little forlornly. "By the time I had recovered, by the time I knew what I should have done, he was gone. And back then, when I had my heat, it was difficult trying to build up a case around it. Something about an Alpha not being in control of himself, or herself, when they were around an Alpha in heat. I couldn't raise a case, so it was left to rot."

Shepard cursed succinctly and Kaidan ignore him as he smiled a little. "I got angry at myself after that. Cursed myself. Hated myself," Kaidan chuckled at the onset of a memory. "Wouldn't even let Ash near me at the time. I couldn't even leave the house without freezing in terror. It's... Well, I'd like to think that Ash became a lawyer because of how strongly she felt about what I went through. She was there for me, like a sister that I never had. Made me come back stronger."

"Ash knows?" Shepard said, a slight inflection to his words.

Kaidan shook his head. "Not all of it. No one knows all of it. How bad it got. Well, no one except you," Kaidan paused as Shepard seemed to swell with the distinction. "I taught myself to be angry. To be strong and rough. Like the Alphas that treated me that way. Ash saw, but she couldn't stop it. No one else... I didn't know anyone else who had gone through what I did back then. Even my parents... even they didn't know the whole... Anyway. Umm. I guess... I guess that's my story..." Kaidan said, feeling a blush creep up him as he finished his outpouring. He felt empty, hollow. But also cleansed.

Shepard digested the information. Mulled over the words. "Alphas like that should be hung from their own cocks," Shepard muttered. Kaidan had just reached for the coffee and was attempting to take a sip when the liquid sprayed from his mouth at the image that formed in his head.

"John..." Kaidan sputtered, wiping at his mouth.

"What?" Shepard said at last, turning a burning eye in his direction.

Kaidan wiped at the coffee that trickled over his chin but Shepard caught his hand before he could raise it to his face.

"Here," Shepard growled huskily. "Let me."

Shepard swiped at the dark liquid, pausing the briefly rub his thumb along Kaidan's chin and he swore, for just that moment, he was frozen from the strange intensity and concern in Shepard's eyes. Then it was gone, that cock-sure grin plastered back on, and Shepard stuck the finger in his mouth, licking off the coffee and making Kaidan swallow slightly at the suggestive action.

"Anyway, that's my story," Kaidan babbled again trying to recover lost ground.

"So you've said," Shepard said consideringly.

Kaidan felt his eyes squint slightly as he studied the Alpha sitting before him. Gears were churning in the man's head and he ached to know what Shepard was thinking but he let the silence stretch as Shepard gathered his thoughts.

"So," Shepard said at last. "We're... about to be bonded? To one another?"

"That's what happens when you... when you rut," Kaidan said a little nervously.

"How did you know?" Shepard asked sensibly. "Did you... Did Marcus..." Shepard's face twisted as the name graced his tongue, like he'd tasted something sour and offending.

"We did," Kaidan said with a perfunctory nod. "I mean, I didn't know what it was called then. Still don't know what it's called. It's kind of... my name for it, I suppose."

"And you know that it'll lead to bonding?" Shepard continued questioning.

"Well it did with me," Kaidan said a little defensively. "John, I don't know... I don't know if this is what's happening or if... Well, I can only tell you what I've experienced. Things that I feel I know. It might not make it wrong, or right. But in this case? I'm pretty damned sure."

Shepard nodded at that. Kaidan watched as the man judged and weighed. Considered. Surely he must have felt the change, even if he didn't have a point of reference to understand the concept. Marcus had been the same, something completely primal and demanding, when he hadn't normally been. Then again, he hadn't expected Marcus to end up being so twisted and making him do the things that he had done, Kaidan thought bitterly.

"Is it possible..." Shepard began, trying to come up with an appropriate way for his question. "How do you know you're still bonded? Are you... Is it even possible to bond more than one... person? Wouldn't it be better if we... could figure things out between us first? Maybe... I dunno, delay the bonding process?"

Kaidan sighed, perhaps just a little vexed at the questions. Then again, it had taken him years of searching online, references of their past. He had been consumed about the feeling that had burdened him after, and what he had built up on had been mostly based on rumour and myth. But deep down, an intrinsic part of him knew it to be true, and nothing he did or said had convinced him otherwise.

"I can still feel..." Kaidan began but changed tact as the words seemed to sound insensitive. "There's an... ache inside of me. Like something's missing. Sometimes it's a wide, gaping chasm. Other times? It's like a wound that I'm used to and live with. But it's been there since Marcus and... And I just know. I'm still bonded."

Shepard opened his mouth, no doubt to counteract the statement, before he shut it with a click and seemed to nod to himself. Kaidan marvelled at the speed with which the man accepted everything that Kaidan was telling him; it had taken him years before he had believed.

"I don't know what will happen if we..." Kaidan hesitated, not sure how to express the way that he felt. "If we... delay the process. I don't know if it can be delayed or even if it's something that we can... pick up again."

Shepard's face scrunched up at the suggestion that they delay anything between them but Kaidan soldiered on, not really concerned about the repercussions of Shepard's thoughts. So far as he knew, once the bonding started, it couldn't really be stopped, and they would actively seek one another out until the process completed itself. So far as he knew.

"As to the other," Kaidan said, just a touch dryly. "I'm not really sure about that one. I mean, I haven't exactly gone around, bonding Alphas all over the place."

Shepard grinned at him. "Wouldn't be surprised. Omega like you? I would've expected a whole parade of Alphas trailing behind you."

"Flatterer," Kaidan said with sarcasm, even as a tiny bubble of joy swelled within him at the compliment.

The silence began to fill the space between them again and Kaidan leaned back into the comfortable backing as he let his thoughts drift, no doubt that Shepard was doing the same. Finally, after what seemed an age, Shepard shifted towards him, bringing him closer.

"So," Shepard said simply. "What happens now?"

That, Kaidan admitted to himself, was a really good question.

"I don't know John," Kaidan replied honestly. "Is... is this something that you want?"

Shepard mulled over the question, pausing just long enough to look up at him. "And you?"

Kaidan huffed a growl. "I... Honestly John? I haven't exactly had the best track record when it comes to the bonding. I don't... I don't know that I can be-"

"Stop saying that about yourself," Shepard butted in fiercely. "You're a good Omega dammit. That had nothing to do with you."

"Didn't it?" Kaidan said with just a little doubt. "I... I want a normal life, John. I just want to... to move on, you know? Just let it go and... maybe find someone. Find a life. Someone I can trust and respect, maybe..."

"Love?" Shepard finished for him.

Kaidan nodded at the word. The word that he had forever associated with the horror of his past, had used as a benchmark to measure every other relationship, or attempts at relationships, with. Love. It was as anathema to him as water was to fire but...

But perhaps, it wouldn't be as bad as it was.

"I guess," Kaidan said as his thoughts wound down. "I guess what I'm trying to say is... I wouldn't mind being... bonded... Or at least, to be with an... Alpha who could... What I'm trying to say is..."

He felt a warm finger brush against his lip, caressing the curve there so softly that he thought he imagined it. Kaidan stuttered to a halt as Shepard drew closer, face pulling nearer and Kaidan couldn't think, didn't want to think anymore as Shepard kissed him, pouring into him the man's feelings. Kaidan could almost taste the compassion, the anger and loathing for what had been done to him. Kaidan felt the sweetness of care, the bitterness of regret, but in the end, all that was left was Shepard. Just Shepard and him.

"Kaidan Alenko," Shepard said at last as he broke off the kiss. "Will you allow me to bond with you?"

Kaidan felt his throat clench at the earnestness of the words, of the conviction and absolute certainty behind them. Wasn't this what he was searching for? Wasn't this what he was running from?

"Yes, John," Kaidan breathed at last. "I want to... I want to have you. As my Alpha."

Shepard chuckled softly, pecking light, playful kisses over Kaidan's mouth and he opened himself up for that. For more. They drew closer, trying to pull into one another and Kaidan felt his body respond, just as he felt the raging hardness pressing up against him.

But this time, he wasn't thinking about it anymore. After everything that he'd gone through, after everything that he'd put himself through, all the thoughts and doubt, worries and fears. His shields were breaking and he was wading into the unknown. He was broken and wanted to be fixed, he wanted to know what Shepard's shadows were. He wanted to ask himself if this was the smart thing to do, wanted see if Shepard really was sure about what he wanted. Still so many questions, still so many answers to be had, and Kaidan felt a small part of himself want to know, yearn to know.

But right now? Right now, he couldn't give a damn.

*

They fumbled their way up the stairs, not letting go despite the clumsy gait and awkward movements. Shepard's shirt had long since fallen off, though he couldn't say whether he had pulled it off or if Kaidan had shredded the offending garment in his haste. Kaidan clung to him, unwilling to let go and Shepard was more than approving of the intimacy and contact between them. They almost tripped, sprawling atop the last step and only Shepard's quick reflexes stopped them from being bruised. Shepard growled futilely trying to remove Kaidan's shirt as he tugged them along, not toward the room that Kaidan had used for the last few days, but to his room. What would, perhaps one day, be _their_ room. He hummed his approval at the thought, feeling his back smash into the nob before Kaidan's fingers managed to numbly twist the damn thing open.

In all honesty? Shepard didn't give a shit.

With a playful shove, Kaidan pushed at him and he let himself fall, bouncing slightly on the mattress as he stared up with hungry wonder at the gleam of playfulness that shone out of Kaidan's eyes. Kaidan winked at him and slowly, sensuously, pulled off his shirt, rippling his body and damn, Shepard felt his mind drawing to a close. It soon went blank as Kaidan tugged at his shorts, slowly, teasingly, pulled his boxers down over that sculpted, perfect ass. Shepard surged up with the intention to strip his Omega down to gleaming skin and tight muscle but Kaidan anticipated the move and used the tip of his foot to gently send him back.

"Patience, John," Kaidan growled out and god, the man's voice. _That_ voice.

Shepard watched as Kaidan inched his boxers lower and lower, exposing the tip of his ass and the pale skin beneath. Just remembering how they had felt in his hands, against his thighs, had his cock twitching crazily and he felt a huge amount of pre-come beading at the tip, smearing itself over his own shorts. Kaidan chuckled at the obvious wetness and continued to strip, provocative and achingly slow. With a final flick, Kaidan was at last exposed. The early afternoon sun painted streaks of orange and yellow across the man's skin and he seemed to beam radiantly down on Shepard.

Shepard tossed aside his undergarments, not caring where they went as Kaidan walked over to him, moving slowly over to him and another smile, another whiskey chuckle and the man kissed and licked, nibbled and moaned hot lust over his sensitive skin, going lower and lower before brushing the tip of Shepard's cock in his mouth.

"Tastes good," Kaidan whispered huskily as he licked at the trail of pre-come.

Shepard propped himself up on his shoulders, admiring the flexing muscles along Kaidan's back and the way the man worked his cock, moving down, moving up. Kaidan went deep, reaching two-thirds of the way down his cock and Shepard groaned, bucking his hips up as he ached to feel more of Kaidan, see more of Kaidan taking him in.

 _Mine_.

Kaidan pulled himself up, moving to straddle Shepard as he still recovered from the intense and quick mouth work. Shepard could feel his cock, slick with Kaidan's saliva, rub up against the man's thighs and he groaned again, gripping Kaidan's hips as the man slid down, lower and lower, his readiness and wet ass practically dripping over Shepard's cock. The scent of sex and arousal swarmed the air and Shepard felt his breathing quicken when at last Kaidan lowered himself fully against Shepard's balls. Shepard muffled a harsh cry as Kaidan clenched his passage, shifting and rubbing, twisting and gyrating his body as he began to work against Shepard's cock.

Shepard stared in wonder at the undulating form above him and he reached up to draw Kaidan in, draw him closer. Wanted to taste the man on his tongue. Kaidan batted his hand away, taking control and bent himself over, just barely licking at the edge of Shepard's hard nipples. Shepard bucked now, thrusting up into Kaidan and they shared a wordless moan with one another as the feeling spiked within them both. Kaidan broke away then, reaching down to pull Shepard in for a rough and needy kiss and Shepard was more than happy to oblige.

 _Mine_.

Shepard willed his eyes open, pleasantly surprised to see a pair of deep, intense browns, looking right back at him and never before had he seen the emotions that played across the man's face, over anyone else's face, as they kissed, grinding into one another. Kaidan continued to move, pressing Shepard's cock up against his prostrate and the sensitive flesh around the area and Kaidan moaned into his mouth, Shepard dragging in a deep lungful of the man. Spicy and heady, thick and sweet.

Shepard continued to lay there, a passive participant in their activities. In an Alpha it was almost unheard of. They were the ones who dictated the flow in the bedroom, they were the ones who claimed the right to breed, to mate but here now, watching Kaidan control him, leash him, was the most erotic thing that he had ever experienced before. Shepard throbbed his cock in time with Kaidan's grinding, squeezing out gasps and groans and his name on Kaidan's lips, and the way they sounded, so needy and so wanted, made him harder and hotter, pulsing his cock deeper into Kaidan. But that was all he did.

He understood now.

It was all about control. About what one wanted and what another needed. Shepard would have been more than glad to take charge, to commandeer the direction that their love making was headed. He would have been more than willing to lift himself up, to toss Kaidan down and ravage the man's insides until he saw stars and begged for release. God knows, he wanted that so very badly. But what he didn't realize he wanted, at least not until now when Kaidan was atop him that way, was that he also very much wanted to surrender, to give in to the man, the Omega, before him. It was a foreign and alien feeling, but somehow, it felt so damned _right_.

The orgasm hit him before he realized that his balls had begun to clench, that his stomach was tightening. He shouted hoarsely, unable to say more than Kaidan's name once or twice before he felt his world go white as come shot out of his prick and into Kaidan. His body shook and trembled with his release and his knot began to swell, pressing up with excruciating bliss against Kaidan's passage. Shepard growled out wordlessly, forcing his eyes to remain open and watch as Kaidan's own come sprayed out over his stomach.

 _Mine_.

Shepard expected Kaidan to stop, to ride out their combined orgasms and lay down atop, as the man had done the last few days. But Kaidan moved, running a fevered hand over his chest and his nipples and Shepard found his hands moving of their own volition, reaching up to stroke the searing skin, to touch and pinch, lightly flick and play. Kaidan moaned louder with each movement, groaned his name as he moved and squirmed, continuing to ride him. Shepard felt his knot tighten, felt his cock harden even more at the desperate, needy sounds coming out of Kaidan's mouth.

His second climax startled him.

He felt his balls clench, felt his cock stretch the Omega it was buried to the hilt in, and he gasped, fought for breath at the overwhelming intensity of it all. His vision wasn't even white, there was nothing. Nothing but sounds and groans, of Kaidans and Johns floating through the air, and the musky, overwhelming scent of sex. Of them. Shepard gritted his teeth, hearing them clack together as he gripped Kaidan's waist, tried to stop the man from moving as the pure hyper-sensitivity overrode everything else, made him actually want to stop.

To surrender.

Kaidan shouted through his second release, barely any come left to dribble out, but Shepard didn't care, didn't even acknowledge the man's orgasm. He wanted it to stop, needed it to stop but at the same time, he craved more, would never be content unless he had more. His inner Alpha was free, shattering the chains that held him back, but strangely, he didn't rise up and push Kaidan into the mattress, claiming him and marking him. Instead he let Kaidan wrap himself around him, let his cock be used in that way and let Kaidan ride himself into an orgasm. Again.

His cock pulsed again, and it was tight, too tight, not tight enough. Shepard was the embodiment of instinct and primal frenzy, pressing his ass into the mattress and bouncing himself up, pushing deeper into Kaidan, burying his cock and knot so deep into the man. More, he wanted more. Shepard thrust himself in, ran his hands along the man's flanks, chest and the soft trail that moved down from his navel over to the short stand of hair at the base of his cock. He ran wet fingers along his own cock, feeling the edges of Kaidan's ass and traced those fingers up Kaidan's roundness, revelling in the way his come and Kaidan's juices mixed and smeared themselves over Kaidan, marking him.

That was _his_ duty to _his_ Omega. Let some damned, second-rate Alpha think that he could get away with what he'd done. Let him think he'd bond Kaidan, mistreat him and all the Omegas before and after. Shepard would disabuse the man of any sense of superiority and he'd make sure he took pleasure in the act. Him and his posse of pathetic, ball-less assholes. Shepard would find him, find them, and he would make him pay. He would cut the man first, within an inch of his life and he'd pull out the man's skin. He'd humble him for ever laying a finger for even thinking of hurting Kaidan, and he'd unman him. Yes, he'd remove the only thing an Alpha could use to call himself that, all before he made Marcus's skeleton dance over hot coals. He'd-

"John!" Kaidan's voice rang out.

Shepard felt the world expand around him as he took in the Omega under him and the darkened room around them.

"Kaidan?" Shepard said at last, and it sounded like his voice had been rubbed raw with diamond grit.

"Hey," Kaidan said with a slight tremble in his voice. "Hey, John. Come back. Come back to me."

Shepard wondered at the words, only then realizing that the room was dark, that the only lights that shone in were from the lonely moon above and the family of stars that danced around it. Shepard paused, using his eyes to search and there, on the side table, his alarm clock. What-

It was ten minutes past midnight. What the hell had just happened?

Shepard felt fear prick him as he also realized, he was no longer under Kaidan, but above him, driving into the man under him. His eyes instinctively searched out for marks, bruising or cuts, and almost wept with gratitude when he found them in absence. Oh thank god.

"Kaidan, I... I'm sorry I..." Shepard said softly, feeling his ardour dying when Kaidan gave out a wry and light-hearted chuckle. "What happened?"

"You got lost in the rut," Kaidan said a-matter-of-factly and Shepard envied the man his calm.

"I got lost?" Shepard said, slightly uncomprehending.

"It's... I guess, something similar happens when an Omega goes into heat," Kaidan said with the barest of shrugs.

"I... I didn't know," Shepard spoke softly, the barest touch of dread in his tone. "I hope I didn't hurt you. Umm... Did I? I mean, I wouldn't forgive myself if..."

"Don't be, John," Kaidan said, running a smooth hand against the side of his face. "It's not like I haven't been through... Umm. It's natural. I think."

"You think?" Shepard asked as the knot of worry in his chest unwound. He thought he'd let his inner Alpha take control and had been lost in his mind. He worried that he could have hurt Kaidan, but... He breathed another sigh. That hadn't been the case.

"You've..." Kaidan hesitated, the faint blush yet again moving up his cheeks and Shepard wanted to keep that picture with him forever. "You've got more stamina than... Well, anyone really, that I know." Shepard felt pride bloom in his chest, especially since it came from his Omega. "The only think you're going to be sorry for is my sore ass, tomorrow."

Now it was Shepard's turn to blush. On instinct, for the sake of Kaidan's comfort, he tried to pull out, but his knot was firmly wedged in Kaidan's ass, and instead of pulling out or giving, it made Kaidan writhe and moan under him in ecstasy. Shepard felt Kaidan clench around him in reflex and he swallowed a low growl at the tingling warmth it sent shooting up his cock and down into his balls. His cock gave an extra twitch and Shepard decided that the best thing he could do for the both of them was to slow down a little, maybe just a little, and he twisted to the side, sliding up carefully to tuck himself against Kaidan, sighing in the man's chest. A yawn cracked his jaw before he could stop it.

"Tired?" Kaidan asked pointlessly and Shepard shook his head in the negative.

"Not tired," Shepard mumbled sleepily. "Can still go on."

Kaidan chuckled at his stubbornness. "You sound like you could," Kaidan added with veiled sarcasm.

"Can," Shepard said a little petulantly. Was he being childish? No. No of course not. He had to show his Omega he was a good mate, that he could keep up.

"Well, you may be going strong but I'm beat," Kaidan said, pecking his temple softly. "Not to mention I'm filled with your come right now. And covered in it. I think I need a shower."

Shepard felt a warm burst in his chest at Kaidan's casual statement. His come. Inside Kaidan. Claiming his ownership of his Omega.

"You need a shower too John," Kaidan said at last as he snuggled in closer.

"M'kay," Shepard said softly, failing to suppress another yawn.

"That means you have to get up," Kaidan reiterated.

"Am up," Shepard retorted, and he squeezed his cock, still hard and buried deep within Kaidan, wrenching out a soft moan from the man. Another burst of satisfaction came into being within him. He'd show Kaidan. He was still hard, still a good Alpha. "See? Up and hard. You make me hard."

"Uh huh," Kaidan said absently.

Shepard kept his eyes closed pulling Kaidan deeper against him and he felt his knot rub against Kaidan with the movement, making him twitch happily. He chased an errant thought, imagining how appropriate it would be for him to fall asleep this way, wrapped around Kaidan, buried deep within him. And when they awoke in the morning, Shepard would be more than happy to oblige, would be ready to go. A hard shove against his shoulder pushed the thought away. Shepard felt his eyes blaze suddenly with the attack.

"What-" Shepard began, already searching for anything that would hurt his Omega. Locked as he was in Kaidan, it would be difficult, but if it came down to it, he knew he'd rather risk hurting Kaidan a little by pulling his knot free if the man's life was on the line.

"John," Kaidan said with mock seriousness. "You're falling asleep and we're both filthy. Shower. Now."

And wonders of wonders, Shepard felt the Alpha within him die down as the threat evaporated and his body finally moved. He groaned as his knot tugged deep within Kaidan and he stopped moving before collapsing back down.

"Can't go," Shepard said softly. "Still knotted inside you." The thought was doing wonders for keeping him that way as well.

"Once it goes down then," Kaidan finally surrendered, if a little primly.

Shepard buried his victory, letting himself draw close again to Kaidan and feeling the man's heat radiate in between them. He soaked in the silence and the contact, rubbing soft kisses against Kaidan's neck and allowing himself the luxury of sniffing at that addictive spot beneath the man's neck.

"You pushed me," Shepard said at the last, voicing out the thought that had been on his mind.

"I had to wake you up John, and-" Kaidan tried to explain but that wasn't what Shepard had meant.

"No," Shepard corrected. "You pushed me and... And I didn't react. At all."

"So?" Kaidan huffed in annoyance.

So, Shepard thought to himself, that shouldn't have happened. Mating between an Alpha and Omega were the most volatile times for them. One of the reasons that violence occurred in public between many Alphas over one Omega was normally because of the vulnerability that they each felt when they were so focused on mating. Of course, there were always cases about dominion and hierarchy, of being the alpha Alpha, but no matter what, physical violence was always met with force. And things would always escalate from there. It was their gift to their Omegas as well as the curse of their heritage. So when Kaidan had shoved him... Sure he had blazed up, had thought for a split second that his Omega's safety was at risk. But he had calmed down far too quickly knowing who had done the deed and what had happened. All these came to Shepard but they just didn't seem right to him, so instead, he abbreviated.

"S'nothing," Shepard said quietly into Kaidan's neck, using his chin to nudge at the flesh there.

"Alright," Kaidan said slowly and Shepard accepted the reprieve for now.

Shepard sighed, nuzzling against Kaidan as a word slipped past his lips.

"Mine."

"What's that, John?" Kaidan said.

Shepard felt the question far away, and even if he heard it, even if he understood it, he wouldn't have cared. Only one thing mattered to him right now, and it was being seen to.

"Mine, mine, mine," Shepard muttered possessively, almost crushing Kaidan up against him.

"Possessive Alpha," Kaidan said with endearment as the man's hands ran along the edge of his scalp.

"Feisty Omega," Shepard shot back with a lustful growl. "My feisty Omega."

"Alright, alright," Kaidan said quietly and even though his eyes were closed, Shepard swore that a smiled crinkled the other man's eyes with humour, maybe even joy. "Your Omega. I'm your Omega."

Shepard smiled at that as he kept Kaidan tightly around himself and pulled them both over into sleep.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhh... Lovely. I love when you get a bombshell dropped and then somebody diffuses it at the last minute and there are sweet cuddles and hot sex after. Hrmm, I don't recall seeing the hot sex thing after Hurt Locker or Black Hawk Down but... oh well!
> 
> Anyway, here we are, wrapping up a few loose ends and tying up the rest of the knots. So we're good? Seriously though, if you all have any issues with my writing and if you all have any questions about plot holes and missing loops, please feel free to let me know so that I can edit the chapter and fill them in. It's good practise so that I can make sure I'm more aware of the characters and plot developments that I'm working in. Because...
> 
> On a side note, I've begun work on a novel! Like a real, real novel! Original world, setting and characters (I hope). And I'm freaking out about the possible futures and what's going to happen with it... But anyway, one step at a time eh? In the worst case scenario, if I can't get a publisher... Then I upload it here, for free! Muahaha. And quiet sobs.
> 
> But of course, fanfiction will always be my literary love. And my wonderful readers of course. :). Stay tuned for the next chapter, as usual, next Friday!


	12. Patterned Reals

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What's up my wonderful readers? Hope you've all had a great week so far, and if not? Well, here's another Omegaverse chapter from yours truly!
> 
> So, this chapter is just a tad long. So many ideas and things to write. Also I'm trying something a little different. You know, spice it up a bit with the formatting and see how it goes. It's basically my literary version of a video montage. Whee! Also, super long chapter. Did I already mention that? Like, close to 10,000 words. Hopefully it's not too long winded and it's more immersive rather than not...
> 
> Nervously prods fingers at one another...
> 
> Also! Has a drawing that I did! Isn't fully nude but... you may want to watch your back for this, just in case, you know, someone's watching you read this. But if they read the Omegaverse as well, that's cool. :). If you REALLY want to, you can compare it to the travesty that was the attempt that I did in Chapter 9. Shudders. Better hurry, I'll be taking it down soon, cause it SUCKS!

He didn't really know what to expected after the heated mating that he'd been through with Shepard. His heart gave a tickling thump in his chest at even the mere mention of his Alpha's name. In actual fact, he didn't know _what_ to expect.

Certainly not this.

Kaidan stared in befuddlement at the thin, translucent paper that wrapped around the stems of a dozen flowers, a bouquet that garnished his parents' kitchen table. Glancing away again and peering down at the card in his hands, all he saw was his name placed carefully in the middle and another name in smaller, neat print at the bottom.

"Oh, Kaidan," his mom called out to him as she swept into the kitchen. "They truly are lovely," she said again for the umpteenth time.

"Do you want them?" Kaidan asked her again.

"That wouldn't be right," his mother tutted him quickly.

Kaidan sighed.

After Shepard's rut, he had stayed with the man for another night and day, completing the bond between themselves. It wasn't something that was written in stone, and he had ached to get out and about and stretch his feet, but Shepard was still riding on the effects of his post-rut and had been adamantly defensive in his going out alone. So Kaidan had stayed, impatiently, as he felt them growing closer and closer. When he couldn't take the idleness anymore, he had threatened, actually threatened Shepard, before the man had grudgingly caved-in and Kaidan was more than eager to just step away for a while and have some time to himself.

The effects had been immediate.

A deep well of desperation and brokenness had struck him not thirty minutes away from the man and the memories that they had shared over the last few days. His feet ached to turn him around, to just be around Shepard, be with his Alpha, but he stubbornly refused to give in to the desire. He knew what would happen when they went their separate ways, had been much more malleable to the desire that swamped him when he had been separated from Marcus, so he had thought that he was ready for what was to come. It jolted him, exactly how strong the feeling to return to Shepard actually was.

His phone had been swamped by Ash's messages and missed calls. He sent her a terse message saying that everything was fine, thank you very much, and he had forced himself to make his way home, comfortably reassuring his parents' worry when his feet had at last bounced upon the wooden deck of their home. And there had been calls, messages sent back and forth between the two of them, while they still struggled with this new... thing between them.

And three days later? Shepard sent him flowers. Who the hell does that, in this day and age?

"They really are quite lovely," his mom said gaily as she approached him, reaching to gently pick the flowers up before giving them a delicate sniff. "It's so rare to find someone so considerate. You know, your father gives me a bouquet every year on our anniversary."

"I know mom," Kaidan said with tender affection. "I saw it every year."

"Almost every year," his mother chided him as she took another sniff and placed the item gently back onto the table.

The smile on his mother's face was bright and beaming as she swept around the kitchen, humming a nameless tune and busying herself with some menial task or another. Kaidan couldn't help suppress the grin that was spreading across his face.

Of course his mother was thrilled. He had, of course, told them about the truth of the matter, the night that he had come home. Oh, not the mating, not the frenzy that they had both gone through, no parent wanted to hear _that,_ he was sure, no matter the age of their child. But still, he would've had to say something regardless, and he made it as simple as he could. A veiled truth. He was seeing someone, a nice, unusual and calm Alpha from town. Nothing about the bond and the heat that had been on him at the time. After the fiascos and dead ends that he'd run up against all his adult life, his father was more than a little sceptical, while his mother was hesitantly opportunistic. So what did suspicious parents do when their thirty-odd year old Omega son told them he was seeing an Alpha? Why, they went into town, hunting for information and gossip.

And of course, they came back with the information, more information than he had gleaned from what he'd seen in the relief and buried pleasure on their faces, and of course, the information was for them alone and his weak attempts at probing were met with ignorance and flat out innocence. So he left it at that.

"If you don't want them," his mom began slowly, not turning away from her work, "Then you could throw them out."

Kaidan remained silent, not listening to the suggestion. His phone had vibrated and when he picked it up, he swore that his heart didn't beat just a little faster, swore that the quickening in his breathing was due to smells of his mother's cooking. That was all. Not the message from Shepard.

 _Dinner, Kaidan?_ it read simply.

Kaidan's fingers hovered over the screen and he left it there as he felt himself chew on his lip unconsciously. Why was he fighting this?

_Sure, John. Dinner sounds great._

He hit send before he could even stop his muscles from twitching. Damn but he felt like an adolescent like this. The cursed device in his hand vibrated again before he even had the chance to put it down and he smirked at the thought of Shepard waiting just as breathlessly, by his phone, waiting for his reply. Let the man sweat, just a little.

_Did you get them?_

Kaidan snorted, feeling his traitorous eyes drift toward the bouquet against his will.

_Get what?_

_The flowers,_ came the almost immediate reply. Kaidan gnawed at his lower lip as an evil thought spread roots through his brain.

 _Ah, sorry John. I didn't get them. Did you send something over to the house?_ Kaidan chuckled as his fingers idly stroked the screen.

 _Did your mom throw them out?_ Shepard replied after a brief pause and Kaidan snatched up the phone as his grin spread wider.

_I'm not sure. Should I ask?_

_No. Don't. Damn, they cost a lot._

And now Kaidan felt bad. His heart was doing that funny thing again, at the thought of teasing his Alpha, and a wry chuckle escaped his lips.

"I haven't seen you smile so much since... well. Since, ever," his mom quipped up.

"I smile," Kaidan reacted defensively. Okay, stubborn again. But he did smile.

"Or laugh that much either," she continued without reacting to his words.

"I do laugh, mom," Kaidan said a little higher.

His mother's delicate snort sounded through the air and Kaidan felt his eyes roll before another vibrating hum snagged his attention.

_Alright. Ask her._

Kaidan smiled to himself and plucked at one of the stalks from the bundle, tracing his calloused finger over the soft, downy material. He continued to stare at the petals in his hands as he called up to his mother.

"Do we have a vase?"

*

It had been a week after the flowers and the piecemeal dinner that they had created together over at Shepard's home.

Okay, so maybe it was a little bland, and perhaps he _did_ burn the garlic, but it wasn't his fault anyway, with Shepard hovering over him and making sly comments and subtle insinuations. Also, he hadn't been distracted. That wasn't why he added sugar onto the steak instead of salt. It wasn't _his_ fault if Shepard had insisted on strutting around the kitchen like a proud cock, wearing nothing but that ridiculous apron and his birthday suit.

But he knew how to get the man back for that. Kaidan lay on his bed, effortlessly flipping his phone through the air as reclined back, one arm braced behind the back of his head as he stared at nothing and considered everything. On one of the rotations, his phone buzzed and he snatched at it with eager, fumbling fingers.

 _Really?_ came the reply.

_Really, John._

Kaidan grinned to himself as he tossed the phone back up into the air, feeling the expression grow wider and wider as his phone continued to buzz excitedly.

*

Shepard shivered as he stepped out of the changing rooms.

What the hell had Kaidan been thinking? What the hell had _he_ been thinking?

Shepard stepped out into the cool, early-afternoon air of a cloudy Vancouver and the sounds of people playing, laughing and splashing tinkled through his sombre expression and softened the lines about his face. A scuffling sound came from behind him and he turned, already knowing and expecting what he would see but, still, he couldn't help himself from soaking in the sight.

Kaidan stood there, calm as a monk meditating beneath a tree, and he could only marvel at the man's physique, wrapped up as it was in a pair of trunks that neatly covered the man's magnificent ass and framed his hips so alluringly. His eyes followed the hair that shifted slightly across the man's legs, watched as they thinned out as the approached the bulging triangle in between, before being shrouded by mask of deep blue, two white stripes patterning the sides; Shepard ached to rip the material away and drag Kaidan back into the showers, but he contented himself with following the trail of snaking hair instead. Stared and admired the way it wound and mounded up across ridges of muscle, muscle that seemed to be holding up a broad chest that framed a pair of broad shoulders. And that smile, that quirky, infuriating smile, made his legs quiver.

"See something you like, sailor?" Kaidan huskily called out to him and Shepard blinked away the covetousness in his gaze as he met the deep browns crinkled in mirth.

"More than some thing," Shepard said absently, "And definitely something more than I like... You know, maybe we should head back. Be a good opportunity to-"

"To what, Skipper?" Ash's voice filtered through the air.

Shepard stopped and stared at the bright, pink and white travesty that was Ash, pull out from beneath the shadowed roof over the changing room entrances. Whatever it was that she was wearing, and god help him he wish he would never see its like again, it hugged her lithe, muscled body lasciviously and despite the garish colours, he could appreciate the way that the suit stayed on Ash like a second skin.

Except that she was an Alpha. And she was standing next to his Omega.

Shepard felt his feet move of their own accord, drawing closer to Kaidan, and his heart sang within him as Kaidan took just the smallest of steps towards him, closing the gap. He clamped down on the urge to grab Kaidan possessively, sure that the man wouldn't appreciate being treated like some tug-toy in between two Alphas, but he wouldn't just stand there and let an Alpha, even Ash, stand closer to Kaidan than he himself was.

"To see if we can find some chairs over there," Kaidan finished for him, pointing off to the distance.

Ash chuckled as she moved away, purposely cutting a broader path around the two of them and immediately Shepard relaxed. He knew what it meant, as well as Ash did, and something deep within him marvelled at the absolute sense of completion that he felt just standing next to Kaidan in this way. It was surreal, almost cloyingly unbelievable, that he would feel this way. He wasn't exactly what you would call a romantic, and had never believed himself to be, except that now... Now the bond was doing silly things to him and he didn't regret it one bit.

"What the hell are you wearing, John?" Kaidan muttered quietly as they fell into step behind Ash.

"What's wrong with what I'm wearing?" Shepard echoed, glancing down at the pair of board shorts hanging loosely about his thighs. The reds and whites complemented nicely against the dark outlines of the Hawaiian flowers there and he didn't really see a problem with it-

Kaidan chuckled, running a hand down his back that sent a thrill through him. "Nothing's wrong. If you want to be arrested for blinding someone."

Shepard did a double take, looking back down at himself, then turning up to squint at Kaidan. "If this gets me arrested, then Ash will be serving a life sentence."

They shared a quiet laugh together at the woman's expense and their fingers brushed slightly as their arms swung out with the motion of their walk.

A brace of freezing cold water crested his feet as he strayed too near the edge of the pool and he felt his skin pebbled as he forced himself not to jump back. Damn, but why couldn't Kaidan have gone to the indoor pool with the heated setting instead? He groused to himself, mentally kicking himself at letting Kaidan know that he hated the cold, hated the feeling that it gave him. And a cloudy afternoon in Vancouver? Well, he didn't really think that he was ready for this.

They approached the small group hugging the edge of the pool, Liara already laying back as she applied the last of the lotion across her arms. Her tattoos were a riot of blues and purples, deep onyx and startling indigos. They trailed beautifully across her skin and the light beige two-piece made them stand out even more.

"Yo! Loco!" a voice called out to him with child-like glee and before he could turn at the sound, a bright, few sprinklings of ice-cold droplets bombarded themselves across his back and he instinctively hopped away from them, cursing to himself.

"God dammit, James," Shepard felt the words leave his mouth before he could stop them.

"Leave the man alone, Mr. Vega," Steve called from beside the hulking, scarred man, seemingly at ease at the water's edge. Shepard felt a touch of envy at seeing the man's dark-chocolate skin, smooth and unworried by the cold and any indication that it was adversely affecting him.

"Pussy-whipped, man," Jack called out from next to the pair. She cackled as the other two shared a laugh and tried to splash more water onto him, but he was out of range now.

"Dammit, Jack! Stop that," Shepard said, turning to eye the feisty Beta with a harsh glare.

Jack laughed again at his expense, splashing the water around her like wings of liquid light, the field of artwork over her body even more expressive and impressive than Liara's own. "Shit, you sound like a fucking pussy." Steve had a hand in his mouth now, trying to press down on a laugh and James was already sharing a quick high-five with Jack.

"Fascinating," came the response behind him and Shepard didn't even bother to turn and upbraid Mordin as the man continued to tap idly along the edge of a novel that he had seen him with when they approached the cluster of chairs.

"Now look here," Shepard began with mock severity. "I-"

Something hard brushed up against his shoulder. It was fast and strong, and the just touching it sent a jag of electricity shooting through his skin. A warm, strong grip cupped the edge of his thigh and before he could even turn, could even respond, he was being barrelled forward into the small group at the edge of the pool.

Oh, shit.

With an almighty heave, Kaidan lifted him up for a fraction of a second, using his momentum and strength to toss him forward and Shepard couldn't hear the sounds of the laughter around him as his shout drowned everything else out.

*

It was two days after the incident with the pool.

Still, even after that long, the memory of Shepard's flailing and screaming made Ash feel warm with humour. She focused on the boxes in her hands and was muttering to herself now, squinting as she tried to decipher the meaningless jumble of words.

This one had a touch more carbs in the form of sugar. Liara hated sugar, but Ash simply adored the stuff. On the other hand, the other had more fat, and that was something that Liara was absolutely fine with, but Ash shuddered to think that just those few extra grams meant that she was spooning more of the disgusting yellow-white crap into her mouth.

Decisions, decisions.

"Why don't we try something new?" came a soft, cultured voice from her side and Ash turned to see Liara holding up a box of cereal with a gaudy, child-like title of 'BLASTO!' emblazoned onto its side.

"We're not getting that," she immediately responded.

Liara raised a delicate looking eyebrow at her refusal. "And why not?"

Ash tried to splutter through a response. "Look at it, Liara! I mean... That's not even something I would feed a kid! Who on earth would even eat something like that."

Liara's face was a careful mask and the small, shorter woman stepped slowly up to her. Despite the dangerously neutral look that was attached to Liara's face, Ash felt a thrill of anticipation shoot through her as the woman stalked toward her, looking like _that_.

"I would," Liara said with a purr, running a hand along the edge of her arm, and before she knew it, the box of Blastos was already in the basket, swinging along the edge of her arms.

Dammit. Good play, Ash.

"Fine," Ash growled, shoving the other boxes in her hands back onto the shelves.

They trailed the aisles of the grocery store a moment more, ticking off the items on their list as they continued to fill the basket. Ash paused as Liara was appreciatively cooing at a row of cooking utensils. Where the hell-

A throaty chuckle sounded in the aisle over, and Ash felt her eyes narrow just a little at the familiar sound. So. There they were.

Tip-toeing past Liara, Ash casually peeked along the edge of the aisle and paused to watch as Shepard and Kaidan stood, side by side, at the detergents aisle. They hovered over a plethora of products and Ash couldn't suppress a grin at the thought; Shepard had _no_ idea what he was getting into, letting Kaidan go near the detergent section.

"But this one's organic," Kaidan offered up.

"How the hell do you have organic soap?" Shepard said in disbelief.

"It's not soap. It's a detergent. For clothes," Kaidan said absently, not even turning to look at the man.

"It removes dirt, so it's soap," Shepard groused as he tiredly ran along the other bottles and containers arrayed in a wall before them. Ash continued to smile as Shepard looked completely out of his element.

Still, there was something going on here, she thought to herself. More than what met the eye. Something between the two of them that was more than what words could describe or what could be seen and it vexed Ash in that should couldn't divine its secrets. She had been beside herself when her texts and calls hadn't been returned or answered. She had almost forced herself down to Shepard's place on the third day, but the very thought of stepping into a situation with an Omega in heat and an Alpha guardian made her queasy. Even now, the thought along was enough to send a mix of hunger and protectiveness that left her a little confused. Not to mention Liara would flay her with her tongue if she ever found out.

So when Kaidan had approached her, her suspicions had immediately risen tenfold. That sloppy grin on his face, the calm set of his shoulders and the lightness in his eyes. Then he had told her. And she had gaped stupidly, like a dying fish, though in truth, she should have been expecting it. Well, what else had she been expecting? That Kaidan and Shepard would move on after such a frenzied heat mating? Well, all things considered, when it came to those two, she wouldn't have been surprised if that was how it had ended.

"How about this one," Kaidan said with lusty ardour. "It bleaches, softens and cleans all in one. And it has a jumbo pack."

"It's thirty dollars," Shepard said in wonder.

"Oh god," Kaidan moaned softly and the tremble that ran up Shepard's back didn't escape Ash's notice at the heated sound of Kaidan's voice that way. "It has silver ion tech. Kills everything. John. We're getting this."

Ash felt her humour start to evaporate as Shepard ran a hand down the small of Kaidan's back, slipping comfortably into the man's back pocket and Ash stared coldly at the bold move, intent on moving forward to break up their little love fest. How dare Shepard just... just take advantage of Kaidan like that? In public?

"Fine," Shepard said at last, hefting the tub. " _We'll_ get this."

The warm smile that Kaidan beamed back at Shepard was enough to stop her feet from moving her forward and, wonders of wonders, she could only stare at the man's expression. She had _never_ seen such happiness pour out of Kaidan's face before, not even when he had told her that he'd found an Alpha named Marcus.

A tight, pinching pain shot through her ear and into the roots of her hair and she barely managed to stifle a yell as iron fingers gripped her from behind and pulled along her lobe, dragging her back away from the sight. Ash growled and cursed, thrashing against the mounting pain, but the force was relentless.

"I said," Liara began with cold boredom, "What do you think of this spatula here..."

*

The room darkened as the flickering lights began to play across the front of the hall.

It had been a week since the supermarket.

The advertisements strobed through the air and splayed with languid slowness across the screen and Kaidan reached into the vat of popcorn he was holding, grabbing a handful and balancing them on his palm as he used his other to pop pieces into his mouth.

"I can't believe you wanted to watch this," Shepard whispered softly next to him.

"Fleet and flotilla is amazing," Kaidan countered defensively and he added enough force into his tone that he _dared_ Shepard to even contradict the statement.

"The first one? Where Thraxxus told Sheela'Zon about their child? Oh god," another whisper came from his side. Kaidan turned and graced Tali with a small smile, admiration sparkling in his eyes.

"And when Kal'Reegar finally gave everything up so that he could be with Veetor?" Kaidan offered. The voluptuous figure next to him sigh in remembrance of the scene.

"It was perfect," Tali said wistfully, totally ignoring the ringing snort that came from Garrus as he munched on some nachos in the cheap, plastic that he was holding.

"We could be next door," Shepard whined from his other side. "Blasto 6. I heard that there was going to be some galactic annihilation device that he had to disarm."

"It wasn't a device Shepard," Garrus called from the far end. "It was an alien race."

Shepard murmured appreciatively as the thought took hold and Kaidan decided to ignore the lustful way the sound wrapped around his ears as he forced himself to munch on his popcorn. He reached in for more, feeling his fingers brush against Shepard's as the reached in at the same time and for a moment, Shepard's pinkie wrapped around his own, stroking it slowly before pulling away. Kaidan swallowed a shuddering breath.

"I heard," Kaidan continued to distract himself. "That Raala is going to end it with Sha'ira."

"No," Tali whispered back to him. "She wouldn't."

"The actress let it slip accidentally," Kaidan said with proud assurance. "It was huge."

"Dammit," Tali cursed. "At least Xen will be-"

"Did you know," Garrus spoke up, overriding their whispers. "That Blasto will be taking on another partner?"

"Who?" Shepard replied just as quickly.

"Some-"

"Will you four just shut up?" James finally whispered back at them and Kaidan felt his seat nudge forward.

Kaidan didn't bother to reply, simply reached in for more popcorn and tossed it back at the younger man and smiled in satisfaction at the strangled yelp hit him.

"It's starting," Tali whispered excitedly to no one.

Kaidan watched as the screen flickered, the title emblazoned strongly against the stark outline of a dark sky and he felt the sweetness on his tongue and the warmth in his chest as Shepard reached over and took his hand in his own.

*

"Isn't this going to be a little awkward?" Shepard said softly as his foot scuffed along the wooden planks.

"What's awkward about it?" Kaidan offered back, running a soothing hand along his arm.

Shepard took comfort from the gesture even as he inhaled and exhaled briefly. Sure, he should have been expecting something like this, further down the line, but that was just it. He had been expecting it. Further down the line.

"Isn't it just... I mean," Shepard babbled and he couldn't blame himself if his feet dug down just a little deeper. "I wouldn't know what to say. Or do! Kaidan!"

Okay, so maybe he was panicking a little.

Kaidan laughed softly and before Shepard could respond, warm lips were against his in a tender kiss.

"Just... Just use some of that irresistible charm that you have," Kaidan whispered breathily against him. "You'll be fine."

Shepard looked up, picking out the gleam in the man's eyes as the night raced across the sky. He nodded his assent, once.

Kaidan's smile was radiant as he stepped up and pushed open the door to his home.

"We're here," Kaidan called out nonsensically and Shepard wondered how on earth he was going to survive the night.

"In here, Kaidan," Kaidan's mother called out and Shepard swore that he heard muttered rumblings coming from the kitchen. Not to mention his stomach. The scents here were legendary and already, saliva was beginning to slide its way over his tongue. Was Kaidan _really_ Mrs Alenko's son?

They stepped into the kitchen and Shepard eyed the lovely woman there, hair done up in a neat bun.

"Mrs Alenko," Shepard felt himself respond automatically. "It's a pleasure to meet you. And a real honour to be invited over for dinner."

Kaidan's mom twittered her reply happily and Shepard couldn't help but trace his eyes over a small, porcelain vase that held a bunch of brightly wilted flowers.

*

"You want me to _what?_ " Kaidan said in disbelief.

"Just come in, sit down," Shepard smoothed instantly. "You don't even have to say anything."

"Then what's the point?" Kaidan muttered with exasperation.

"The point," Shepard said blandly. "Is that I'm hoping you will speak to them. Eventually. Get to know people who... well..."

"Who've suffered, is that it?" Kaidan said softly and he wondered that his voice and emotions held no bitterness, as it would have once had.

"You're an inspiration," Shepard said in similar tones to his. "What you've been through... I want them to see, to know. To know that there's hope after. Like this. You and me."

Kaidan's heart fluttered at the blatant embrace of Shepard's words on their relationship.

"You and me," Kaidan muttered to himself. Huh. He did... He really did like the sound of that.

"Please Kaidan?" Shepard said and Kaidan almost choked back a cry at the imploring tone of voice and the way Shepard's eyes got round and innocent like that. Now that? That just wasn't playing fair.

And deep down, he knew. Shepard could have asked him to do it for him. Could have used words, through the bond that they shared, to coax him into doing this. The words for him, with him, tumbled in his head, and he wouldn't have been able to resist, in order to satisfy his Alpha; the compulsion as strong. But then they would have been irrevocably broken. Doubts would have begun to grow, would have been seeded in his mind like viny thorns, and he would wonder in his most private self, what he was exactly getting into, what else would Shepard ask him to do for his Alpha. And he was still too scarred to let that happen.

But Shepard knew.

Deep down, it seemed that the man knew. He wasn't asking Kaidan to do anything _for_ him. It wasn't taking advantage. It was asking him to do something _with_ the man. Together.

"There had better be food," Kaidan said at last with a snap. Shepard's quick grin and even quicker peck on his check left a mark that he would treasure long into his life.

"Garrus is baking some stuff," Shepard confirmed for him.

Garrus was baking? Well then, Kaidan thought. Maybe this was going to be a good idea after all.

*

The tinkling of silverware and glasses clamoured for attention over the hub of greyed-out conversation.

Kaidan took a sip from his glass, watching as Shepard buttered a bread roll with slow, practised motions. His hands shifted and turned, deft fingers softly caressing the knife and Kaidan's eyes were riveted as he stared at the creamy white spread move over the fluffy, pale buns.

Oh god.

He shifted a little as his erection poke up painfully against the edge of his pants.

"Fuck man," a growl suddenly intruded. "I swear, she was the tightest little Omega cunt I ever had."

"Fuck yeah," came another deep voice.

Kaidan grimaced in distaste even as he tried to filter out the obnoxious talk that the other table was having. Kaidan sighed to himself, resigned to an uncomfortable evening hearing ribald comments about Omegas and when he looked up-

Oh no.

Shepard's eyes were glazed over, sleepy, harsh and absolutely _terrifying_. Kaidan felt a knot worm its way into his stomach, felt his chest tighten as the bread that Shepard was holding crumbled into dust as white knuckles edged around the foodstuff. A well of primal feeling surged through him at the sight, of an Alpha who was ready to kill, but another part of himself rallied against the fear, fought for control as the realization came that this man, this... predator was his. His predator.

"John," Kaidan hissed at last.

"Who the fuck do they think they-"

"John," Kaidan whispered with more force. "Don't. Just... Don't make a scene alright?"

Shepard swung his gaze to pin the pair beside them and Kaidan refused to turn and look and he swore something thick seemed to swirl around Shepard, like a heat shimmer in the air, like it was warping around the man.

"What the hell you looking at?" came a voice to his side.

Shepard smiled, a soft thorn that would cut steel, and he placed an absent finger along the edge of the butter knife.

"Dead. Meat." Shepard crooned and Kaidan felt his heart chill at the tone of nothingness that came from the man, while another part of himself ached to unleash the man, let him loose to tear the shits next to them apart.

"Fuck," came voice number two and after that, the muttering died down, the whispered buzzing of flies.

"John," Kaidan added with more force and just like that, everything snapped away like a string too tight. Shepard smiled sheepishly at him as he lowered the utensil in his grip and cleared his throat, looking embarrassed and chagrined.

"Oops," Shepard muttered with a wink at him and Kaidan couldn't help the strange clash of emotions that shot through him. God, he wanted to berate the man, wanted to ask him what the hell he was thinking and wanted to kiss him and ravage him and take him home and thank him for his brutal chivalry.

Shepard smirked at him as, obviously, some of the emotions were making themselves much too obvious on his face. Shepard nudged his foot with his own and held out his hand for him, neatly buttered roll waiting.

"Your salad, sir," came the waiter's startling intrusion.

"Actually," Shepard cut in, not looking away from Kaidan for an instant and something hard and hot seemed to pass through the both of them. "We'll be taking everything to go, if you don't mind."

Shepard's smile was seductive as Kaidan reached a flushed hand for his glass.

*

"Why are we here again Kaidan?" Shepard growled in frustration.

The nursery stretched before them and the rows of greens and browns covered everything that the eye could see. The place was humid and warm and it was the only reason that Shepard hadn't decided to step out as Kaidan puttered around the potted plants.

"My mom," Kaidan said with a disparaging sigh, "Wants some autumnal bulbs. We're here to get them for her."

"Ah, okay," Shepard ran a hand along the back of his neck. What the hell were autumnal bulbs? Didn't they need to go to a hardware store for something like that?

Still, this was for Kaidan's mom. And Shepard ached to prove himself to the woman, to show that be just as eclectic and efficient at doing... what ever it was that she liked to do.

A startled yelp sound from the bastion of green and Shepard swung at the familiar sound, not even heeding instinct, moving beyond instinct, as he raced toward the sound. His pulse rang strong in his veins and his anger and protective Alpha instincts were racing ahead of him. Dammit Kaidan, what-

He turned a corner and stared with wonder as Kaidan lay on his back, laughing softly to himself as a tiny black and white... furry something was sitting on his chest and lapping at his face.

"Kaidan?" Shepard said a little hesitantly.

Kaidan continued to giggle, actually _giggle_ , as the creature continued its rampaging attack with it's soft, wet tongue.

"Jump at me from the shelves," Kaidan said, finally lifting the critter away from himself.

"How the hell does a puppy get onto a shelf?" Shepard said with wonder.

"Um, the same way everything else does?" Kaidan offered, lifting the little fellow up and the wagging tail was creating enough momentum that Kaidan's arms were swinging with the motion.

"Somebody put him there?" Shepard concluded.

"I meant he probably climbed up there," Kaidan corrected.

"Must be part cat," Shepard said with a wonder and his eyes narrowed just slightly as Kaidan continued to chuckle and watched as the puppy struggled against the man's grip trying to push forward to assault Kaidan's face once again.

"Hey, hey," Shepard said, cutting in. "He's mine, little one."

Shepard gently plucked the animal from Kaidan's hands and marvelled at the soft, short fur, at the earthy doggy smells that crowded his nose and the warm fuzz in his chest as the puppy tried to lap at him instead.

"Possessive Alpha," Kaidan whispered softly into his ear.

Shepard stared at the puppy with wonder as it struggled to get closer to him. "My Omega," Shepard said to the four-legged attacker. "He's mine."

Kaidan laughed lightly as he brushed himself down and moved away from the both of them, once more perusing the rows of plants and seeds. Shepard placed the dog down and stroked its head softly, once, before turning away, not even realizing that the puppy was following him the entire way.

*

The days were filled, now with things other than loneliness and regret.

Every day that went by, Kaidan felt himself become more and more like his own person, like a human being rather than something else. Something less.

Messages and calls, early in the morning when his brain was fuzzy and late at night when exhaustion addled him. But each time, he couldn't resist picking up. Each time, he couldn't resist being the last one to share his thoughts, and to ask, to tease, to probe. He had long since given up on berating himself for acting childish and flighty. In fact, he didn't really care what anyone else thought about everything, himself included.

Kaidan continued to wonder at the surprising and fortuitous turn of his life, especially when he had resigned himself to the solitary path that he was sure he was going to take. His past was a dark shadow, trailing back around and behind him and whenever he turned around, it would always be there, a grim reminder of what he had been through, of what he had put himself through. And look back he would, for he had had nothing to look towards. He would stop, sometimes, in his life and look back at the misery and despair that he had risen up from and it would overwhelm him, making him wallow in its disgusting depths. He just couldn't help himself. There was something comforting in despair, in the way that it coldly tickled you and made you so certain that you were less than you were, that you deserved less than what you were supposed to get. It was a vicious ache to know you belonged no where, that there had been no one who understood. Oh sure, there were those with worst problems than he had, and there had been those with less. But sometimes, it wasn't about the quality or quantity. Sometimes, it was about what someone had _specifically_ gone through and since each life was unique, each problem so depressingly special, the chances were that no one would know. No one _could_ know. Except the darkness. It knew. And it wanted to take and be with you, to keep you next to its cold heart and you wanted nothing more than to surrender because it was the only place that you ever felt wanted or needed.

Then, the light.

The light ahead. First it was dim, like all mirages. And the dimmest lights always cast the deepest shadows. So his past, his fears and doubts, swarmed up around him and paraded their way through, swirling not only behind him, but around him and before him and he had to stay there, sickened by their malignant touch as they tried to claim back what was trying to escape them. But the light grew stronger with each day. And as it poured around him and sluiced past him, the shadow resisted but ultimately, retreated, from the ravenous white. Kaidan felt more like that every day. And now? Now he had no reason to look back, now, he had no reason to dwell in the dark, for the light called him forward and made him look upwards and ahead. And every day, every day it got brighter, and more of the shadow was pushed from him. And every day, he felt more and more human, more and more like there was something other than the cold and the dark waiting for him to come back.

So he rushed headlong into the light, into the warmth there and the wonderful blue and startling tenderness. So maybe he wanted to be understood. So maybe he wanted to be known, to just... be. But in the end? In the end, it didn't really matter anymore. Because he was just as capable of being himself and being loved than anyone else.

With a final smile, Kaidan buried the thought and sealed the box in front of him.

*

It was three months since Shepard had felt his life comfortably and wonderfully spiralling out of control.

Shepard hefted the last of the boxes out of his car, the very car that had, just that morning, pulled up to the old Alenko house and collected for himself, a bundle of clothes, belongings and one very special Omega.

Shepard smiled to himself as he easily shifted the two items and used his elbow to slam the trunk shut. Carefully balancing the items and himself, he moved his way up the stairs and nudged the partially open door with his hip, using his foot to tap it back shut.

"That's the last," Shepard called out to the house.

"Thanks, John," Kaidan called up from somewhere upstairs.

Shepard's heart wasn't singing. It was a choir, a full throated, orchestral-backed, honest-to-god choir. After the months of dancing around, of getting to know one another more intimately, Shepard had at last decided to brave the waters of uncertainty and unknown. He could almost taste the night, the week before, how it had taken him ages and forever to work up the courage and the right words. How in the end he had gone online to search for ways, to check his words and in the end, he had given up and decided to just be himself. To ask in the only way that he knew how.

The bond between them grew each day. Every moment that they spent with one another, every call and thought, seemed to cement what they had shared between the both of them, more and more. It had reached a point where at night, Shepard felt that he was sleeping with his back against an achingly vast crevice, just one tumble away from falling away forever. Every morning he awoke, he wanted more sustenance than what food could bring, and his days were as water, time, meaningless. Only the time that he got to spend with Kaidan, his Omega, each day, made him measure the seemingly relentless march ahead. Of course he would never admit this to anyone, least of all Kaidan, but deep down, he felt a wrongness within himself that grew stronger with each hour apart. So, he had chosen.

Shepard clunked the boxes heavily onto the steps of his living rooms, casting a quick look at the labels on the boxes, sorting them out in his mind so that he would eventually be able to put which ones in which room.

Kaidan's clothes. Kaidan's books. Kaidan's misc.

And they were here now, they were a part of his life, like the life that their owner had freely offered to share with him.

Shepard ran a hand against the smooth yet rumpled edges of the boxes around him. So little for someone who had so much to offer, and he could only marvel at the quick ascent, the hesitant yes, that Kaidan would be willing, more than willing, move in with him. To live with him and be with him. And eventually? To be something more. At least, Shepard hoped for that much and his heart strings hummed just thinking about that inevitable day.

"Kaidan?" Shepard called at last, as he moved towards the stairs.

"In here," Kaidan's voice called out from the study.

Puzzled, Shepard traced the sound back to the other end of the hall. Opening the door, he caught himself and felt his mind go numb at the pleasant shock that tripped through him.

"Oh, hey John," Kaidan said with barely a glance up at him.

"Kaidan, what-" Shepard began and paused to stare at the book in the man's hands.

Shit.

"Where did you find that?" Shepard choked out, mortification making his voice tight.

"Over there somewhere," Kaidan waved casually to the bookshelves that lined another of the walls.

"Kaidan," Shepard asked sensibly. "Why aren't you wearing any clothes?"

Kaidan blinked up at him, as if that was the last question he was expecting.

"It's hot Shepard," Kaidan said breezily.

That wasn't the only thing hot right now, Shepard thought to himself as his breath sounded strongly in his ears.

"I was just-" Kaidan said distractedly, flipping through another page. "Just reading. Huh."

"Uh huh," and god, Shepard couldn't stop his eyes from caressing themselves over Kaidan's body like that.

"So," Kaidan said at last, looking up at him with a small smile. "Should we get started? Unpacking'll take a really long-"

Shepard closed the gap in an instant and their mouths met, fireworks and light, softness and heat.

"We're definitely going to get started," Shepard purred into the kiss. "Then after that? Then we'll unpack."

*

"So I sez... So I was saying..." James muttered deeply against the wall and Kaidan ran a soothing hand up and down the muscled panes of the man's back.

"Uh huh."

The party, for lack of a better word, was finally dying down and people were beginning to stumble and laugh, chuckling at one another with one another as they calmed down into their little groups and stopped the mingling.

Kaidan glanced up at the sound of a door opening and saw Shepard waving Liara along with an inebriated Ashley clinging to the hem of the smaller woman's shirt. Kaidan shook his head wonderingly as the door closed and Shepard turned to him and gave him a quick eye-roll.

"Saying shit..." James swayed under his hand. "Shit... Pooppy..." The large, muscled man let off a high-pitched giggle all of a sudden that had Kaidan choking back on a breath.

"Time to go," Steve called up from behind the both of them and Kaidan sighed in relief.

"Don't wanna go," James said more than a little petulantly. "Poop. Poopy."

Steve's deep, cultured voice chuckled apologetically as he braced the larger man against himself and nodded to Kaidan in thanks.

"He gets like this when he starts to mix the _cerveza_ with whiskey," Steve finally elaborated.

"Why would anyone do that?" Kaidan said softly to himself before he could stop.

Steve's eyes twinkled softly as he nudged an eyebrow at him knowingly. "From what I hear, you do something similar, don't you?" Kaidan had the good grace to blush under the man's scrutiny.

"Anyway," Steve continued easily, "If he get's like this, he's going to want more to drink. Better nip that in the bud and head home, 'cause Shepard's carpet doesn't look like something either of us wants to replace."

"I bet," Kaidan muttered in agreement.

"What the fuck, bitches!" Jack suddenly bawled at the top of her voice, not caring that the soft beats were no longer blasting through the house.

"We're heading home," Steve elaborated to the feisty young woman. "You're welcome to tag along, I could drop you off back at your place..."

"Damn, man," Jack said appreciatively. "Why you always gotta be so nice to me?"

"It's common courtesy," Steve said with a sigh.

"Well thanks," Jack said with a sloppy wink. "And fuck you."

Steve and Kaidan shared a laugh with the strangely volatile young woman as James muttered, "Who's fuckin' who?"

"Don't worry about that right now," Steve whispered soothingly at the man and casting a wink over to Kaidan.

They filtered toward the door now, the others already having moved along as Shepard wished them good night and a safe drive back to their respective homes. Tali had been adamant in staying behind to clean up, but her fascination with a plastic straw had given Garrus just enough time to scoop the woman up so that he could carry her out over to their waiting car. Kaidan nodded to the retreating back of the last of the group and cast an appreciative glance at the mess that they had created around themselves. He winced slightly as he took in the crumbs and stains, empty and partially empty plates and crushed plastic cups that littered the area. God, it looked like a frat party had just touched down on Shepard's home and kicked up a shitstorm.

Something soft tickled him at the base of his brain at the thought. Shepard's home. And now his as well. An explosion of pleasure sounded off beneath his belly somewhere and as Shepard wished the last of them good night, Kaidan made his way over to the living room and began to pick up plates and cups, pilling them into his hands.

"Hey, handsome," a voiced curled around the edge of his ear.

"Hey yourself," Kaidan said, shoving his rump lightly at the body behind him.

"Here, let me help you with that," Shepard said reaching up around from behind him and Kaidan wondered whether the man was just drunk or had taken the opportunity to take advantage of his precarious position.

"I'm just wondering," Kaidan said idly, "How you're going to head to the kitchen with your arms around me."

"Carry me?" Shepard asked innocently.

"Like hell I will," Kaidan teased as he shoved the man back, catching the plates in his hands, before turning to appraise the man.

Ruddy cheeks gleamed up at him and they contrasted beautifully against the sky blues of Shepard's eyes.

"John," Kaidan began slowly, "Are you drunk?"

A hurt expression cut its way across the man's face. "I'm not. Drunk. Maybe a little tipsy."

"A little?" Kaidan eyed the man for just long enough to note the sway in his posture.

"A little," Shepard confirmed stubbornly reaching out for the plates again.

"I'll handle the cleaning up," Kaidan said adamantly as he shifted the porcelain away from Shepard's upraised hands. "You should have a shower. And some water. And then to bed."

"So bossy," Shepard scolded teasingly.

"Now, John," Kaidan tried to strap some steel into his voice but it seemed to melt away from the heat of Shepard's stare.

"But Kai-"

"Now, Shepard," Kaidan said, resorting to using the man's last name.

That got a wince and Shepard pouted, actually god-damned _pouted_ , before he turned like a dejected boy and made his way up the stairs in a stumbling manner. When he was finally out of earshot, Kaidan chuckled to himself. God, this was so much fun.

Kaidan hummed to himself as he picked his way around the room, collecting pieces of trash and dirty dishes, making his way over to kitchen to deposit them in a large black bag before heading back to the living room and repeating the process. Okay, so maybe he was just the littlest neat freak, and woe betide if anyone tried to help out and that little part of himself would want, more than anything, to sweep through and do it all over again, because he was so sure he would pick up on something that anyone else would have missed and-

Kaidan glanced down at the phone at the edge of the coffee table, placed beneath a plate. He sighed to himself as he picked it up and flipped the device on, noting the shining face of Liara on the background. He grinned to himself as he pocketed the item and continued his trash collecting. Oh, he was going to enjoy making Ash pay for leaving _this_ little trinket behind.

Kaidan heard the sounds of a door opening and closing upstairs, the sounds of water splashing and singing in the air and, with the last of the dishes in his hands, Kaidan made his way to the sink and placed them there, already running water along them and lathering up the sponge in his hand.

He absently began to swipe at the plates and utensils, feeling his imagination wander as he picture Shepard upstairs, under the shower. How the soap suds would cling jealously to that lean muscle of his and build up seductively in the tangled hairs over his body, his legs. And other parts that had Kaidan feeling warm. Kaidan ran the dish sponge over a plate, repeating the motions compulsively as he thought about how he would run his hands along Shepard in the same way, would touch the man just right and make him make those sounds that were for him and him alone. Kaidan felt the edge of his erection press up against the sink cupboard and blush at himself for day-dreaming like a child.

But he didn't berate himself for his actions. Not like he would have done so before.

His hands moved in continuous, circular motions, following the train of the thoughts rotating around in his head. The same thoughts, but new. New angles and new lights. Shucking off the dark wasn't as easy as he'd thought it would be, but here and now, they had lost the potency of their stings.

Okay, so maybe he just wanted to live a little, to recall the feeling of attention and budding romance as it built up slowly and inexorably towards a climax. So forgive him for wanting to sink his teeth into the feeling, but he couldn't really stop himself for trying. He was given a rare opportunity here, a chance to make things right, to make things better for himself. Sure there were still a lot of hurdles to cross and things weren't going to be all smooth sailing from here on out. He knew, he thought he knew, what Shepard was truly capable of. Had seen that primal side of him show itself more than once, and always, the echo of Ash's warning shot through his head during those times.

Shepard is dangerous.

But then again, weren't they all, in some way or another?

So he wanted something more than what his shitty little life had shown him before. But he was happy now. There, he admitted it and the world didn't implode in around him. He was happy living here, like this. Living here with Shepard. He was happy that he took a chance with Shepard and had given in to the bond with the man and god dammit, he was happy that he now had a future to look forward to. The foreign feeling seemed to swell within him, filling him with fire and satisfaction and he chased after the thought relentlessly in his mind. He was happy that he wasn't taken advantaged of, like some poor Omegas that he knew about. He was happy that Shepard was the kind of man that he was, strange and a little quirky, but filled a ferocity that he kept so well hidden. He hesitated to even think the word, adorable, but Shepard was and he'd kept his appreciation well hidden. He would never have imagined, never have dreamed that-

A knock sounded at the door.

The phone in his pocket vibrated and he chuckled to himself at the thought of Ash, desperately clinging to Liara's phone and trying to get through. Well, he could act. He could pretend innocence and feign ignorance. He'd let the woman go through the area in her drunkenness and search futilely for the device as he stood back and felt it's warm weight in his pocket. The thought sprout evil roots in his mind and Kaidan couldn't help the smile as he imagined the outburst Ash would have once she found out.

Drying his hands on the edges of his shirt edge, he made his way to the door and twisted the knob, yanking the door back.

"Well look who it-" he began.

"Hey Kaidan," a soft, deep, achingly _familiar_ voice crawled through him and under his skin. "It's been a while."

Kaidan felt fear, rabid and wild, shoot up his spine as the words registered, as the presence registered and deep down, some small part of him, tiny and buried, ached to remember that voice, hated to remember that voice. And what it had done to him. How it had broken him.

"Marcus," Kaidan croaked dryly with thick dread as the large Alpha smiled down on him.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oooh, shivers! Exciting!
> 
> Yeah, so I needed to make sure he made his appearance soon, especially after the reveal that I did a chapter back. Don't really want that kind of impact fading away. And in terms of the textworld, at least a few months have passed. I just compressed the time.
> 
> Oh! And I almost forgot.
> 
> I did these little things in my head because they've been taking up space in my brain and I wanted to get them out with either words or pictures. However, I don't really have the time to make them turn in to full-fledged works. So...
> 
> If any of you readers are inspired by any of the tiny little snippets I did (the moments that Shepard and Kaidan shared over the months), please, by all means, you have my EXPRESS permission to take the scene and blow it up, make it something that you want to explore and expand upon. I would be HONORED if you wanted to (only IF you wanted to and I'm not saying that you HAVE to). You can draw them out, get a piece of music that fits in with the theme, write a before build-up and after conclusion. Whatever you want! I want to inspire you to wring the creativity out of your brains and I would love to see what anyone makes of it! Don't be shy, please take it and make it your own, this is as much your work as mine. (Again, only if they inspired you).
> 
> Ah, and one more thing! I've spent the last few months (yes months) editing the crap out of my larger work, the Legacy of Sacrifice. It should be much more polished right now (barring a complete overhaul). So for those of you who want to sink your teeth in and fully immerse yourself back into that world without grammar mistakes and context mishaps ruining the immersion, well, now you can begin! And I'm especially please that the hit count here is starting to overtake LoS's. Heh heh heh...
> 
> Okay, I'll stop talking now. Sigh... Hangs head in shame...
> 
> Other than that, hope you enjoyed this chapter and see you all next week!


	13. Marcus

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We have an early chapter this week! I actually finished it today (Thursday) and was waiting till tomorrow before I posted it up. But I came across something that I wanted to share with all of you, and speed was of the essence.
> 
> First thing's first.
> 
> I'm sure you're all fully aware of who Luciano Costa is. If you don't, well, he's the face model of our very own Kaidan Alenko and he's an out gay man who is quite active in the community. Now, while I was going around on bioticbooty's tumblr, I followed a few links and finally ended up on his. Something there caught my attention and to cut a long story short, Luciano Costa has a small... business? I'm not sure... It's called SoCal Social Club. Like a place where gay men and women (and those who are gay friendly of course) can just meet and hang out and do activities together. It's quite fascinating and I really wish that there were more such places around the world.
> 
> Right now, he's trying to get 5000 likes for his SoCal Social Club page so that, in the long term, he can apply for a corporate sponsor to help with hiring and maintaining his business. I'm not exactly sure how it works but if the man is asking for help, I'm sure it means a lot to him. Since we go around taking his face and using it in our drawings and stories and what not (not to mention that he doesn't mind and in fact is quite actively cosplaying Kaidan at ME events) I thought it would be a nice gesture if we could rally together and just give him a little support.
> 
> I'm guessing (fervently hoping actually, like a delirious person) that I may have around 100-200 readers here on Archive? Right now, his page stands at around 4722. So, I'll post a link here. If you're interested, it would be nice to just up the likes a little a show him our support. I do not know him at all, I've never spoken to him or he to me, but that doesn't matter. We do good, because it is good, whether we benefit from it or not. This is absolutely voluntary. Just because you read my work and you read this, doesn't mean you have to do it. Of course not. And I don't think that liking a page will even show up on your timeline or clutter you with spam. If you have friends, gay or gay friendly, it would be nice if you could ask them to support this as well. Once he has 5000 likes, we can step back and nod to ourselves for our good deeds as we continue to read Omegaverse. Muahaha!
> 
>  
> 
> [SoCal Social Club](https://www.facebook.com/socalsocialclub)
> 
>  
> 
> On a second, totally unrelated note: I just found out that J. K. Rowling's first book, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone? It's 90,000 words long. Eeps! And they almost didn't publish it because they said it was too long. Now, here I am, looking at my 250k words for LoS and my 85k words on Omegaverse and I'm thinking to myself.... Welp, I'm screwed. Hahaha. Seriously though, shouldn't use Robert Jordan as a benchmark for writing stories. Each of his books is around 200k-300k words. Each book. And he wrote 15, just for the Wheel of Time. Omg.

Kaidan could only gape stupidly with disbelief etched onto his features.

Marcus.

The man's mere presence was enough to send cascading waves of emotion piling up within him. His knees were trembling and his muscles were clenched. He felt sick as memory tromped around his head, laying waste to his happiness and self-control, and he felt fear and loathing in equal parts pool within his stomach and he wanted to throw up, to lash out. It was all that he could do to keep standing.

"Aren't you going to invite me in?" Marcus asked mildly as he continued to stand on Shepard's porch.

A million replies crashed in his head and Kaidan ached to lash out, to wipe that smile off of Marcus's face. He could do it. He could pummel the man with his fists and put an end to his suffering once and for all. He could make sure that, every night from this, he would go to bed at peace, knowing that he'd cripple the Alpha in front of him, his tormentor. His loathing clashed with the rage within him and the riot of emotions left him nearly insensate as cold clarity finally began to crystalize within him.

Marcus had grown. Larger, more muscular, he noted clinically. But muscle couldn't stop the joints from breaking, muscle wouldn't stop bone from shattering and cartilage from snapping. Marcus's face was more weathered, his sandy brown hair gently fluttering in the night wind and there were more lines than before. His clothes were inconspicuous and simple, the goatee that he sported on his chin a startling contrast to the man's pale complexion. His nose was still off-centre, Kaidan noted, from the fight that the man had been in the past, when innocence still had petals to shed. Dark eyes continued to watch him carefully, like he was some kind of unique animal that one didn't know how to handle or approach, and the thought sent a soft spike of heat shooting through him.

"It's a little cold out tonight," Marcus continued, unaware of the dark thoughts that plagued Kaidan's mind. "Wouldn't mind stepping in for something... warm."

The veiled suggestion made him sick, but beneath it all, beneath the waves of hate and the thick anger that smothered everything like a blanket, beneath the helplessness and terror that he felt, Kaidan felt the tiniest sliver of... want. He was speaking to his long-lost Alpha. His Alpha, the first he was bonded to. His life and his pain, the author of his suffering.

"You're not welcome here," Kaidan said with silky softness and he was surprised at how smoothly his words left his mouth. His throat felt dry and constricted in the man's presence.

"Don't be like that Kaidan," Marcus prodded softly, taking a short step forward. Kaidan felt a low growl leave his throat as he stood his ground. "We have so much catching up to do."

Kaidan swallowed his retort, not trusting himself to not make something of this that he would surely regret. Marcus was a charming and charismatic individual and his words were like silken honey as the man's surprisingly deep voice rumbled it's way over his spine. Instead of replying, Kaidan moved his arm, intending to slam the door in the man's face and click every available lock into place but Marcus was fast. The meaty hand thumped against the opposite side of the door before it could even move a couple of inches.

"Kaidan," Marcus growled in warning, all pretence of conversation forgotten. "That's not very nice."

"You're not welcome here, Marcus," Kaidan repeated neutrally as he struggled to shove the door close. Damn the man was strong.

Marcus paused in his exertions, seemingly leaning his weight against the wooden obstacle in his path. Closing his eyes and taking a deep breath, the man seemed lost within a haze of his own thoughts.

"I love it when you say my name like that," Marcus purred, still looking within rather than without. "So angry, so passionate. And you smell great, Kaidan, as always."

"You're a sick fuck," Kaidan snapped out, feeling a threat of control within him snap. His heart was sparrow flailing about in the cage of his chest and he could feel his pulse sky rocket as adrenaline surged within him and little beads of sweat began to prick out on his skin.

"You used to call my name like that," Marcus drawled. "Called it over and over again. Pleading, begging. Asking for more. Didn't you miss it Kaidan? Miss me?"

Kaidan shoved at the door harder, refusing to let the words register in his mind, refusing to let the memories intrude. As always, the man knew how to strike the lowest of blows. The door rattled as Marcus countered his push with his own strength.

"It's been over a decade," Marcus said softly as his face drew nearer to the opening and Kaidan forced himself not to breathe the scent of the man because, god, a deep, primal part of him wanted to smell, wanted to recall the familiar scents of the man who had been his first. "And I still think of you. I still get hard thinking about you. And I know that you want what I want. You're my Omega aren't you?"

Kaidan gritted his teeth, feeling them crush the opposing enamel in his jaw and sending a shooting ache into his gums. Surrender. Surrender to your Alpha. Give in, give up.

Oh god, Kaidan thought wildly as he leaned his full weight against the door. He was Shepard's Omega. Shepard was his Alpha. His Alpha. His Alpha.

Kaidan let loose a soft shout as the door seemed to vanish from beneath him. Marcus had pulled back away from the force that he had been exerting, letting the momentum that Kaidan was pushing down with momentarily unbalance him. Like a tidal wave, Marcus timed his entrance perfectly, using the stumble to push back against the door and Kaidan felt his world go blank as the wood smacked him in the forehead, momentarily sending stars shooting through the dark night. He tumbled to the ground with a loud thump, instinctively scrambling away from Marcus as the man placed a gentle tread onto the edge of the door frame. Kaidan pushed himself up, refusing to stay down and lie there, subservient to the Alpha he so despised.

"So why?" Marcus continued as if nothing had happened. "So why are you here Kaidan?" The man's face twisted into a rictus of rage. "Why the fuck are you in some Alpha's den, riding some stranger's cock when you are mine?!" He practically shouted.

Kaidan smiled quietly to himself as he raised himself up. It was a dark, evil little smile. "I was never yours," Kaidan voiced the lie. "You're an asshole. A monster. You took me and you used me and I... I want you to leave. Leave now, or-"

"Or what?" Marcus snapped out. "You'll call the cops? Sic your little dog bitch onto me again?" Marcus took another step, this time actually moving into Shepard's home. Their home, Kaidan reinforced into his mind. "Addled you see? Omega hormones drive a man mad. They can't help it, to want..."

"You're not an Alpha," Kaidan said with acid. "You're not even a man. Sick, twisted person that you are. Now get the fuck out of my house or I swear to-"

"Your house?" Marcus said with barely concealed surprise. "Oh that's right. You share this home with that Alpha. A poor sad excuse for an Alpha, with less balls than a woman half your age."

"I could say the same about you," Kaidan shot back. The desire to return to the man in front of him was overwhelming. The bond was still active, hidden deep within him and it pulled him towards the Alpha before him. But his higher mind registered the man's perversions, would forever associate those smells and the sight of Marcus with pain and suffering. So while that battle continued to rage within him, another dark and cold seed began to take root in his mind.

How the hell did Marcus know about Shepard?

Marcus snarled at the slight. "I came back here to find you," Marcus said with leashed emotion. "I came back here, to finish what I started all those years ago. You're mine, and I will have what I want."

Kaidan the world tilt crazily as he moved to the side. Instinct was barking within him now, and he'd seen the movements and contractions long before they were even actualized. His dodge allowed him narrowly miss Marcus's grab and he slid to the side like smoke, twisting his frame around and down, leveraging himself onto one knee as he tightened the muscles along his torso. The momentum of his turn added extra strength and the kick that he sent into Marcus's torso made his bones rattle, but satisfaction numbed the feeling as Marcus shouted hoarsely.

Kaidan hopped back, balancing on his off foot. Damn, it had been like kicking a tree.

"Didn't hurt a bit," Marcus grunted as he stood up. Kaidan scoffed at the lie even as his leg continued to tingle. Marcus surged forward toward him and Kaidan ducked under the assault, stepping into the man's personal space and making the swing go wide, behind him. With an almighty yell, Kaidan coiled up, bringing his knee right into contact with Marcus's diaphragm, feeling sick pleasure radiate within him as the soft muscle gave under the relentless edge of his counter.

"That one will _definitely_ hurt," Kaidan said with grim humour as danced away from the choking, gagging Alpha in front of him. Finish it, a quiet thought sounded in his head, but Marcus was already clambering up and Kaidan marvelled at the resilience of the man.

"You're going to pay for that," Marcus threatened as the last of his civility evaporated. "I'm going to take you and make you-"

Kaidan charged forward, riding a crest of adrenaline and rage. Marcus was winded and blowing off his steam and this was the perfect opportunity to strike. With a fist raised for a hammering blow against the side of Marcus's head, Kaidan sped forward, rushing toward his target.

He should have known better.

The leg that swept him off his feet was unexpected, though in all honesty, that should have been realized. Careless and stupid. Marcus swept back as Kaidan crashed heavily onto the floor, a dull thud echoing up through the woodwork. Kaidan tried to flip himself up and away, put some distance and speed between himself and his tormentor, but Marcus was faster than that, thought faster than that. He braced himself against the floor, pinning Kaidan down with his hands on his wrist and his knees against the inside of his thighs. Kaidan felt immediately sickened at the physical contact, but unlike the heat that had struck him in the gym all those months ago, he had his wits about him this time.

He struggled with the man's superior strength, trying to buck and toss the man off but Marcus was relentlessly grinding him down into the floor, breathing heavily as his wounded muscles recovered. Kaidan felt sick horror flood through him as Marcus seemed to consider their position before pressing down with agonizing slowness, grinding his hip and growing hardness into Kaidan's leg.

"You always did have more fight than sense in you Kaidan," Marcus said with soft menace, leaning forward to whisper in his ear. "I remember when it felt so good, like this."

Kaidan didn't bother reply. As Marcus continued to lean in toward him, Kaidan pressed the back of his skull against the floor. Not enough momentum there, but enough for his needs. With as much force as he could muster, Kaidan hurled his head upwards, barely missing the bridge of Marcus's nose but still clipping the man against the side of his cheek. Marcus grunted and pulled back further with shock and Kaidan smiled humourlessly to himself as the weight lifted off his knee. Without a second's hesitation, Kaidan pushed against the floor with the sole of his foot, aiming to knee the man in his groin, but Marcus seemed to anticipate the movement and twisted his hip at the last, taking the hard edge against the meaty portion of his thigh.

"Now Kaidan," Marcus tutted. "Is that any way to-"

The double-fisted thud at the side of Marcus's head shocked Kaidan probably as much as it did the man himself. The force was enough to send the large man stumbling to the side, making him pile drunkenly against the door frame of the house.

"What the fuck is going on here?" A welcomed voice, rich and dangerous.

Shepard.

"John," Kaidan said stepping up to the man but Shepard ignored him as he stepped forward lightly, dressed only in a light t-shirt and running shorts. Shepard moved, shifting his position to place himself between Marcus and himself.

"Who the fuck are you?" Shepard said in such careful tones that Kaidan felt a thrill shiver its way up and down his back.

Marcus shook his head, trying to clear the blow that had been struck and though the man's eyes were slightly unfocused and dazed, the grin that blossomed was telling.

"Nobody," Marcus said as he raised himself up, a head taller than Shepard. "Just... an old friend."

"And is it common for 'old friends' to come where they're not welcome and start... start..." Shepard trailed off as he continued to look at Marcus, who placed himself casually against the edge of the doorway. Kaidan felt his gaze shift toward Shepard and watched as Shepard's face turned wondrous for a second, a mere fraction of a second, and the man's nostrils flared.

As Shepard breathed once. Twice.

Shit.

"You're an Alpha..." Shepard said and the genuine threat in the other man's voice had Kaidan placing a restraining hand against his shoulder. "You're an Alpha... And you _dare_ to touch my Omega?"

"John," Kaidan began warningly but Shepard tried to shrug off his touch.

"Your Omega, huh?" Marcus said conversationally, the layers of fallacies and masks slipping back into place. "I guess that's fine then. After all, Kaidan is _mine_ as well."

A peal of thunder seemed to echo around the room and Kaidan felt a storm brewing under the flesh of the man beneath his sweaty palms. Kaidan tightened his grip on Shepard's shirt, knowing that in no way was the paltry fabric doing anything to hold the man back. It was his grip, his assurance that he was with Shepard. That was the silken leash that held two Alphas from completely obliterating each other.

"You can try and take him," Shepard said blandly, like he was describing the weather. "If you can."

Marcus seemed to check himself, pausing in his preening to shift his gaze back and forth between the both of them. Kaidan watched as cold calculations and reason shifted behind those dark orbs and Kaidan knew the man wasn't going to make a move now. He was articulated and charming, poisonous and addictive, but he certainly wasn't stupid. After what Kaidan had done to him, the man should have realized that a two-on-one wouldn't have had him faring any better. So the Alpha had to tuck his tail in between his legs and retreat and, besides the burned pride, Kaidan saw and knew, he just knew, that Marcus would not be forgetting this slight anytime soon.

"I'll leave my Omega with you," Marcus said, turning his back on the both of them as he stepped out. The man paused briefly at the threshold, shifting his aching jaw for a moment before spitting out a wad of viscous, bloody saliva onto the porch. He turned at the last, a glittering darkness shining through his gaze. "But I will hold you to your word Alpha. And I _will_ take him."

And then he was gone, swallowed up by the night.

Kaidan let loose a pent up breath, feeling the tension swirl and ebb as it sought to leave the room. Kaidan felt the trembling beneath his hands, the heat that pulsed through Shepard and the ragged breathing that seemed to tear its way out of Shepard's mouth. With a suddenness, Shepard pulled out of his grip and strode to the door, slamming it home. Kaidan winced as he thought he imagined the wood cracking from the force. Then all thoughts of the door fled him as Shepard whirled around and stared at him with those dead, black eyes. The emotionless eyes of a predator.

"What the fuck were you thinking?" Shepard said so softly that Kaidan had to strain to hear.

"John-" Kaidan started to speak but Shepard steamrolled over his words.

"What were you thinking?" Shepard said with more force reaching up to grab the sides of his arms. "How could you let him in! That was Marcus wasn't it? What the hell is he doing in Normandy?"

Kaidan broke free from Shepard's restraining grip and he added a light shove to the man, emphasizing his need for personal space. " Dammit John. Listen. I don't know why he's here. And did you really think I let him in? He let himself in dammit!"

Shepard's face was unreadable as Kaidan pushed the man away but the expression disappeared so fast that Kaidan wasn't sure of what he had seen. Shepard paused to move around him, heading towards the couch and Kaidan watched as Shepard snatched up a cushion and began to twist in his grip.

"That was Marcus wasn't it? The Alpha that..." Shepard trailed off, not even acknowledging the wordless nod that Kaidan shot at him. "How did I know that he was an Alpha? I could smell it... And when I saw him on you..." Shepard's fingers tightened into the cushion, strangling the life out of the fabric.

Kaidan drew a shuddering breath, closing his eyes against the well of memory and, in doing so, he missed the sharp look that Shepard tossed at him.

"What did he want?" Shepard asked finally as his death grip began to leech away.

"I don't know," Kaidan said with tired honesty. "He didn't exactly say. He... He wanted... I guess, he came back for... me."

The sound of ripping threads scored the air and Kaidan stared at the shredded cushion now in Shepard's hands, watching with detached fascination as the downy filling within puffed out and curled through the air, like dying leaves.

"Over my fucking dead body," Shepard said as he continued to dig into the destroyed cushion. Shepard turned a baleful look over at him. "You're not leaving this house, Kaidan."

"What?" Kaidan called out in shock.

"That man is out there," Shepard replied with heat tossing a hand toward the door. "He's out there and if he wants you... who knows what... No. You're staying here, in the house."

"How fucking _dare_ you, John?" Kaidan said with hurt. "Who do you think I am? Who do you think _you_ are? So you just, what? You just tell me to stay here at home? For the rest of my life? Who do you think you are, telling me what I can and cannot do?" The last word left his mouth in a pained roar and it seemed to blow away the ferocity that was all over Shepard's face.

The silence stretched uncomfortably as the minutes ticked by. At last Shepard sighed, turning his gaze down to stare at the ruined cushion.

"I'm sorry," Shepard mumbled quietly. Kaidan cocked an eyebrow at that, feeling conflicted with the minor truce, before he sighed and scooted closer over to the man, hugging him close.

"Dammit John," Kaidan whispered. "I... I don't know what I can say. What you want me to say. Hey," Kaidan said, turning the man's face up. "I can take care of myself, alright?"

Shepard at last reluctantly met his gaze.

"I know," Shepard said softly. "But I can't... I can't stand the thought of him getting close to you. Touching you."

Kaidan chuckled wryly. "You and me both."

"Kaidan, what will-"

A thumping knock sounded at the door.

Immediately Shepard went up on point, like a bloodhound asked to chase down fresh meat, and Kaidan could only stare in amazement at the change from quiet, submissive John to predatory, protective Alpha. Kaidan reached out a comforting hand, gently tracing a finger along the edge of Shepard's palm.

"Can't be him," Kaidan threw in as a caution. "He's not that stupid."

"I wouldn't say that," Shepard grumbled as he stalked forward, keeping Kaidan behind him as he moved toward the door and Kaidan sighed. Some things wouldn't be changing any time soon, and as sure as the sun rose and fell, Alpha's would always seek to protect their Omegas, no matter how capable they were.

Shepard paused at the door, bracing the knob in his hand before suddenly twisting and pulling it open.

"Shepard!" Liara called out in a startled way. "What... Goddess, you startled me!"

"Liara?" Shepard asked in quizzical tones as the presence of the other Omega registered and sent his Alpha instincts racing backward. "What the hell are you doing here?"

Liara cast a nervous glance over the both of them as she fidgeted with her hands. "Oh. Well, you see. Ash's phone is missing and I was trying to call it earlier. I thought maybe she might have left it behind... She was rather... Gone."

Kaidan stood up from his seat, closing the gap between the couch and the door, reaching into his pocket to pull out the device there.

"Is this it?" Kaidan asked tiredly.

Liara's face shone as she spied the item in his grip. "Oh yes! Thank you so much Kaidan, I-- Goddess! Is everything alright?"

"What's the matter?" Shepard asked immediately, turning to face Kaidan and scrutinizing his face.

"Is something wrong?" Kaidan asked the petite woman, ignoring Shepard's studying gaze.

"I... No, nothing's wrong," Liara stammered, flicking a brief glance over to Shepard. "You look like... like you've seen a ghost. A ghost that tried to take a bite out of you."

Kaidan felt his hand reach up toward his face even before he could stop it. Damn, he must have been even worse off than he had initially thought.

"It's nothing Liara," Kaidan added gently, trying to inject some casual humour into his voice. "Just tired I guess. From everything." So tired...

"Oh, well..." Liara trailed off, gently reaching out for Ash's phone. "You should have let us know earlier. We would have left. Given you time to rest. It must be hard, moving and planning everything in such a short amount of time."

"Nah, it was fine, really," Kaidan said with as much sincerity as he could muster. "Just need to get some shut eye."

"Of course, how dense of me," Liara said politely. "Thank you again, Kaidan. Shepard. I'll leave you both."

"Goodnight Liara," Kaidan said as Shepard mumbled a softer "Night."

Without pausing, the young woman turned away and walked off into the night and Shepard immediately shut the door, securing the locks as he turned back toward him, bracing his hands at the edge of his face. Kaidan continued to look into those deep, blue pools and god, how he ached to drown in them.

"She's right," Shepard said nonsensically. "You look exhausted. Bed?"

A sudden thought struck Kaidan, seemingly pointless and mundane but something that he couldn't let go of.

"The dishes..." Kaidan said, trailing off and Shepard's eyes widened at the ridiculousness of it all.

"I'll do the dishes," Shepard added in quickly pulling his arm up and gently moving him toward the stairs. "Bed."

"I can do the dishes," Kaidan snapped out suddenly but Shepard's face was set firmly, stone that could weather steel.

"It'll pain me more than you know if you continue walking around looking like a corpse," Shepard said simply and Kaidan felt his mouth drop down from the shock.

"A... Did you just... Corpse?" Kaidan sputtered out. Shepard chuckled softly and pushed playfully at his rump, shoving him up the stairs.

"I'll be up in ten," Shepard replied casually as he turned toward the kitchen.

Kaidan watched the man as he moved with insufferable confidence, sure that he would be obeyed. Well fine. He was exhausted, mentally and emotionally more than physically, and if that's what his Alpha wanted, that's what he would do. Kaidan trudged up the stairs slowly. Marcus. Dammit, what were the chances? The man really did have balls, coming all the way back here. And he was adamant, practically mindless in his reiteration of his goal. He wanted him, he was here for him. That was a worry, especially since they were a bonded pair. Would he be able to resist the pull? So many thoughts, so many worries. Everything that he had carefully hidden and buried over the last few years were rising up, like pale flowers creeping up the edges of fresh graves. Kaidan continued to mull, feeling the dark thoughts in his head churn and grow as he pushed himself up, unaware of the shadows stretching up around him and planting careful seeds, deep within his mind.

*

The sound startled him awake, shaking the restless dreams away from him.

Shepard turned, reaching over with warm, sluggish hands and wrapping himself around the tossing, muttering form of his Omega. Kaidan lay, with a thin sheen of sweat, twisting into the covers and Shepard felt his grainy eyes swell shut and his teeth clench as the echoes of words rose up from the battered form in his arms.

"Marcus... No... Don't let them..." Kaidan seemed to sob out and Shepard tightened his hold on the man, refusing to let go and willing to deny sleep its rights as he ached to smoothen down the thorny thoughts in Kaidan's mind, wished to chase the demons away again.

It had been expected, especially after the shock of coming face to face with Marcus again. The memories and terrors were riding the man hard now, made fresh from the recent encounter and Shepard felt a burning desire to hurt, to damage beyond repair, everything that was Marcus.

Kaidan cried out in his sleep again and Shepard placed gentle kisses against the man's fevered skin, nipping gently at the neck as he ran a comforting hand through the knotted mess of hair on top of the man's head.

Like rote, his mind turned inward once Kaidan had ceased the worst of his trembling, and he thought back to the night before. Of coming out of the shower and feeling, deep within him, a sense of wrongness. Of pain. He shrugged it aside of course, attributing it to the alcohol and pleasant exhaustion from the day's events. When he'd gone into his room to change though, he heard the noises. Thumps of heavy feet on wood, of flesh on walls. He heard the voices and the sounds, the roaring. And like an angel of vengeance, his heart rate had spiked and he flew down the stairs like a shadow, not even registering the larger man before him, crouched and ready to leap upon his Omega. With actions that moved faster than thought, he had clubbed the man, using momentum to shove him aside and he'd been riding that edge ever since.

Marcus. Damn it all, what did he want? Why had he come back here and done... this to them? Shepard had been clinging on to hope since the day after their shared heat with one another. It had been nothing more than grim determination to see it through, no expectations and therefore, no disappointments. But then a miracle, one that Shepard had only just begun to appreciate and treasure like the finest hoard. Marcus, everything about the man, stained Kaidan like ink. Shepard wanted nothing more than to blot it away, drain the smudges and smooth out the edges. Damn the man. Damn him for coming back and doing this to Kaidan. If he could, he would get out his old-

Kaidan cried out his name, and Marcus's as well, and hands flew through the air, trying to protect against phantom blows and imagined horrors. All thoughts centred now on the wrecked bundle in his arms and Shepard hung on with grim determination, letting the poison seep out of Kaidan even as he took some if it in within himself.

The latest round of thrashing had ceased for a moment and Shepard paused, looking over at Kaidan and watching the rictus die down, calmly fading away. It would ebb, for a while at least, he was certain.

Shepard made a snap decision.

Placing a soft kiss at the edge of Kaidan's mouth, Shepard extricated himself from the tangled bed sheets, snatching up his phone as he moved toward the door and out into the hall. He moved with practised quickness, letting himself into the spare bedroom that had started all this and quickly dialled in the number that he knew by heart.

A dial. A ringing.

"Son?" Came a deep gravelly voice through the line.

"Hey pops," Shepard said softly, running a hand through the short stalks of hair on his head.

"Pops huh?" The person replied. "That's Pop Admiral Anderson to you, soldier."

"Yeah, yeah," Shepard countered, humour not really in his words as he paced restlessly. "Still clinging onto hope eh?"

"It's something to do," Anderson retorted wryly. "That and wishing that I had a son that respected rank. You know how it is. When you're too high up, they can't risk replacing you."

"Uh huh," Shepard said a little distractedly.

"Something the matter, son?" Anderson asked, skilfully aware that his usual retorts were lacking.

"Nothing dad... I..." Shepard trailed off slowly, unsure of how to speak his mind.

"Doesn't sound like nothing," Anderson said with patience.

Shepard stalled for a moment, mind torn between the conversation and the man in the next room. His man, and his baggage, haunting him and driving him towards some unknowable end. Shepard continued to speak, not really thinking about the words that left his mouth as he continued to trace his thoughts back to Kaidan in the other room, fighting his fight alone. He ached to return to him.

*

It had been a week since the overwhelming shock had entered his life and each step he took, each footfall and breath, seemed to take perverse pleasure in reminding him of that fact.

Shepard had been constantly attached to him to the hip since the night that Marcus had invaded their privacy and dredged up old memories. Just the fact that he was here, in Normandy, going to the same places and doing the same things, was enough to have Kaidan constantly on edge.

Shepard's mothering had crested during the first two days. Two bloody days his mind told him, which was ridiculous. Kaidan was feeling suffocated with the nearness, and even though he like to have Shepard around him, like to have a reminder of good things that had come into his life, he didn't like it when such notices were paraded in front of him. Kaidan had lashed out after that, demanding his space, demanding some lee way but Shepard was like a rock sentinel, not budging an inch. Kaidan had been frustrated and had snuck out when Shepard wasn't paying attention, trying to head to the gym to work out the dark corners of his mind, to just have some silence and personal space.

The man had caught on less than fifteen minutes later and the row that they had had was almost enough to shake the house to its foundation.

Another two days had been more than he could take. He was hungry, he wanted to get something done, to just _move_. So he'd gone out, looking for that deli he'd spied a month back during his casual forays around.

Shepard had tracked him down and had been glued to him the entire time he was out. When they had gotten back, Kaidan had lashed out again and like water on glass, it slipped off of Shepard who stood his ground, resolutely refusing to budge.

So, there were compromises.

Kaidan ignored Ash's chattering as she continued to keep pace beside him and he felt himself staring into the shop windows around him, not really taking in the produce as he thrashed himself with thoughts.

"I honestly thought that they were going to..." Ash continued speaking, not even caring that he had stopped replying with non-committal answers around a half hour ago.

Kaidan wondered. Did Ash know? How much had Shepard told her and what _had_ he told her about. Kaidan huffed out a breath, feeling clumsily unbalanced at the suspicious bent of his thoughts. Okay, so maybe he was overthinking things a little.

He felt his nerves scrape against the rough edge of patience as Ash tugged at his arm, cooing at something in the display that they were facing now, the streaming litany from her mouth still emerging, with no sign that it would be stopping.

He had to get away. He needed to be alone, just to think. Calm himself down. He could do this, like he had done before. He could take the time to find himself, to find that resolute centre that had shored him up the last time Marcus had been in his life. It had worked then, and it should work now. At least, that was the reasoning that he gave himself. So it had taken years for him to even get over the initial trauma and shock. But he knew those paths well now, he should be more efficient in running himself away from the hounds in his head. After all, what else could they do? Everything that had, that could, be done, had already been done before. And what did they have to show for it? Nothing. A twisted, sick Alpha was still on the loose, and the mind games that had plagued him weren't enough to see the man safely behind bars. So he'd run. Run far and away and get himself centred again. Surely everyone would understand?

"... such a lovely shade too," Ash continued, practically pawing at the glass.

"Let's go in," Kaidan said immediately, not wanting to put up with the woman for longer than necessary.

"Go in?" Ash asked in wonder. "Kaidan. That's a lingerie shop. You want to go in there?"

Kaidan shrugged as if that was the last thing on his mind. "You want to see it don't you? Let's take a look."

"Alright..." Ash said with slow hesitance, sending him a strange look. He returned it with indifference.

They stepped into the establishment. Well, it wasn't really an establishment and rather, it was more a boutique. The shop's wares saturated the area, shelves and rows and racks that held countless items that he was only vaguely interested in. Kaidan watched as Ash stalked the aisles with fixated determination, snatching up articles and colours, textures and materials and rubbing them gently in between the pads of her thumb and fingers. Kaidan nodded politely to all her comments, murmured appreciative tones at the small trove in her arms and just when he thought he'd reached the end of his tether, Ash swivelled to him.

"I'm going to try these on," Ash said with avarice. "Let me know what you think?"

"Sure, Ash, sure," Kaidan added a little too quickly. Ash looked at him for a moment, just a moment. But it was gone before it was realized.

"Wait here," Ash tacked on firmly even as she moved away from him and with a quick glance over her shoulder she looked at him a last time before stepping into the hallway of booths.

At last.

Kaidan immediately went straight for the door, exiting the store as quickly and quietly as anything. The silence bore down on him and he breathed a grateful breath as closed his eyes and wallowed in the independence and freedom. Realizing that he had only minutes before Ash would know about his disappearance, Kaidan cast a quick glance of the area around him. Without a backward glance, he shoved his hands into side pockets of his jeans, already tracing his thoughts with his feet, pulling at the tangle in his mind with deft, mental fingers, as he disappeared into the crowd around him. Barely a second had passed and he was already gone, swallowed up by the sea of people as he tried to find a spot within himself that wasn't the dark shadows of his past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... Kaidan is being silly. Distraught, but silly. Hrmmm... I wonder...


	14. A Turn

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Relatively short chapter for all you lovelies (Pattern Reals was around 10k words, lol). Hope you all have been having a great week so far, and to top off the coming weekend, here is another chapter! I've been completely immersed in drawing and teaching myself to draw, it's strangely addictive. I may have a few more presents for the rest of you as my chapters roll out, a kind of thank you for your loyalty in reading my work. Muahaha. :D.
> 
> Anyway, this chapter is a little dark. Perhaps muchos dark. I have this feeling that I write too much happy stuffs, and people might be getting bored with it (I've already explained why that's something that I can never get bored with because, omg, I love fluff and happy endings and the like.)
> 
> Something interesting to note, a little tidbit that I picked up from Literature years ago:
> 
> It's quite easy to see how a story will develop, especially with regards to those that are formulaic, because of the way it is structured. Like drawing, almost everything that you see or read is based off of relativity and perspective. This means that you must have a balance in story writing (as well as drawing) in order to make something... pop. That basically means stand out. And one of the key ways you can consider taking your work, is the way that it is structured. I'm not sure whether you all realize this, but stories with absolutely tragic endings are more impactful because they always begin with happy beginnings. Vice versa, if you want your story to have a happy ending, you should always start off with a tragic beginning. This progression (and relative comparison) is what creates a bigger impact at the end. See for yourself! Take a piece of literature that you adore (whether the ending was crushing or buoyant) and see how the beginning tone of the work juxtaposes with the way it ends, you'll be quite surprised at how often this formula is embraced!
> 
> TLDR: If you want a strong happy ending, have a powerful tragic beginning and vice versa.
> 
> I don't know why I decided to write this up, but I thought it would be fun for those who are interested in story writing and the like, to know a little bit of what makes a good work great. I think. :D. Well, if at least one person found this information interesting (or useful) then, well, my work here is done. On with the Omegaverse!

The words on the pages before him swam relentlessly through chummy waters, meaningless symbols and phrases that should have given up their code easily, leaving him floundering and aimless.

Shepard dashed the mugginess from his eyes, rubbing ferociously at the grains, rubbing hard enough that dark splotches appeared when he at last opened his eyes. Steeling himself and forcing himself on the task at hand, Shepard once more went back to the list in his hands as he sat at his study table, failing again to see the words there. Dammit why couldn't he focus? For another uncountable time, Shepard turned toward the watch perched at the edge of his wrist, staring almost accusingly at the numerals etched there. The light drifted lazily past the window before him and he paid the steady luminosity no heed as he sighed, shifted in his seat and shuffled the papers absently in his hands.

Something was gnawing at him and he knew exactly what it was.

His fingers tapped idly against the varnished wood of his desk, tracing gentle footfalls over the surface as the metronome ticked his thoughts in order.

As always, again as before, his thoughts began to spiral out of control as his mind went back to that hateful night and the aching dullness that had spread within him since their encounter with Marcus. He knew what he saw, he knew what had been done, but still, some small part of him that refused to be silenced continued to nag and harass him with fears and doubt. Marcus was Kaidan's first bonded Alpha. He was sharing his... connection with another man, and that thought alone sent fiery heat through his core, making his heart beat faster. He was generally a sedate person, controlled with his emotions and careful with his application of force. He had made mistakes before in his life, ones that couldn't be taken back, due to carelessness and he had learned through blood and fire that sometimes, it was better to err on the side of caution. But now? Now with Kaidan slowly distancing himself away from him, with Marcus looming about their lives like a bad smell that Shepard wanted nothing more to eradicate, Shepard felt a vaguely familiar feeling pulse through him every time his mind turned dark corners and planted more doubt and disbelief within him.

Shepard hated it.

The tapping of his blunt, short nails grew with intensity as he registered the enormity of his words, of the feeling that was circling within him and his unconscious muscle tics were making him feel more and more angsty and restless. He needed to get up, needed to move and, more than anything, he needed to be with Kaidan, next to him, keep him safe and-

Shepard blinked. Shook his head to clear it. Damn, the thoughts were going back down there again.

Shepard let loose another frustrated sigh as he swivelled around in his chair, letting the motion steal some of the building tension within him, continued to rock his seat back and forth as he chased after errant thoughts. Alright, so maybe the growing coldness between himself and Kaidan wasn't particularly Marcus's fault. After all, he had learned months before hand about Kaidan's shattered past and broken self and still, he'd been adamant in shouldering those burdens. Perhaps, that was the problem; he was too eager to prove himself as someone who could not only stand beside Kaidan, but could also provide for him, heal him, give him his all. Would anyone want such relentless fawning to come from the one that they loved?

Shepard blinked.

Love? The turned the thought gently over in his mind. This was the first time to concept had so blatantly come into being. Sure, they'd had overwhelming, mind blowing sex before they had even gotten the chance to know each other. And then, there was the bond. Shepard didn't really know how to feel about that. He was ecstatic, joyous for this rare and almost unheard of chance, but then again, he felt that his hand had been forced, that his biology and metaphysical character had been _made_ to be with Kaidan. And with each instance of being placed in a position where he was not in control, where he wasn't calling the shots, another seed of doubt sprouted and cast sickly leaves up toward the centre of his brain. But love... The idea intrigued him and made him feel more at ease than anytime in his life.

No, he denied fiercely. No doubt. No second guessing. He knew the responsibilities better than anyone else, knew of the hardship and burdens that he would be taking on by sharing his life with someone who cast as deep a shadow behind as light afore. Now if there was just someway that he could stay by Kaidan's side, to keep the man safe until this whole mess would just blow away, without sparking Kaidan's need for personal space and solitude. It made sense after all, especially after that amount of emotional scarring, that Kaidan was more comfortable without than with. Despite the growing ache, every minute and every hour, Shepard disciplined himself to remain strong and steadfast. He wouldn't give in, he'd fight as Kaidan had shown him, to go against his heritage and how and what an Alpha should or shouldn't do. He'd find someway to be with Kaidan even as he granted him his personal sanctuary. He would do it himself, too and not rely on watchdogs like Ash and Liara and the rest, the thought always making him afraid that Kaidan would only need one chance to slip away, that even the company of friends old and new, were enough to fray the man's patience. So Shepard would teach himself patience. He would find a way, he always found a way, and he would-

The phone at the edge of his desk rang heartily, cutting through the jumbled words in his head.

Glad for the respite, Shepard swiped the device of the table, pausing only briefly to register the picture of Ash there, the one that they had taken years ago when they had grown closer, after everything had been concluded in his own sordid past.

"Ash?" Shepard answered as the line connected. "What-"

"Shepard," Ash said with cool quickness. Almost too quick. The hair on his arms were beginning to prickle and he could almost feel a tingling ache form at the back of his head. "Alright, I need you to stay calm..."

Why was it that whenever someone wanted another to remain calm, they'd always start of with that sentence, knowing full well that the exact opposite would happen, Shepard wondered to himself.

Shepard lurched out of his seat, grabbing the edge of table and feeling his voice drop an octave and his tone became laced with barely concealed anger and fear. "Ash, what happened? Did something happen to Kaidan?"

A thoughtful pause came from the woman, which did nothing to bolster the confidence within himself. "Nothing's wrong with Kaidan," Ash said slowly. "I'm just wondering if you... Umm... Has he tried to call you? In the last few hours?"

Shepard felt a choked cough leave his mouth as three separate lines of enquiry tried to leave his mouth at the same time and the panic had constricted his throat. " _Few hours?_ Ash, what the hell happened!?"

"Alright, don't panic," Ash repeated uselessly. "I was with him, we were at the Heartland and-"

"Dammit Ash," Shepard growled out, already standing and moving out of his study, all thoughts of the sheaves of paper forgotten. "What. Happened."

"He slipped away alright," Ash said hotly. "I didn't know that he was gonna pull something like that, Shepard. I thought you just wanted me to keep an eye on him, some friendly company and all that."

"And you did a great job with that, didn't you, Ash?" Shepard replied with acid.

"Hey," Ash shot back. "Don't put this all on me. I don't even want to know why you had to ask me to-"

"Cut it out, Ash," Shepard said, taking the stairs two at a time. "Did you at least try to get a hold of him? Did you get through?"

"Obviously not," Ash huffed. "Obviously I tried to call him. If he picked up and I tracked him down, do you really think I would have risked calling you?"

"You should have called me the moment you realized," Shepard reprimanded.

"Oh yeah," Ash replied. "That would've been great. Pissed off Alpha coming down and wrecking the mall."

"God dammit. Marcus is out there. Who knows what-" Shepard began but Ash cut him off.

"Look Shepard," Ash interrupted. "Kaidan's a big boy. He knows how to look after himself. He can-"

"I'm not leaving him out there alone!" Shepard roared and Ash's voice died over the line.

"You gotta stop crowding him Shepard," Ash finally broke in. "Look, I know you want to keep him safe. All of us want to keep our Omegas safe but Kaidan... Kaidan needs his space now and then, alright?"

"Where was the last place you saw him?" Shepard said, ignoring Ash's advice as the words struck too close to home for him, tracing along the very thoughts that he had toyed with on his own.

"We were at the mall," Ash confirmed as Shepard snatched up his house and car keys, barely taking the time to shrug into his worn jacket. "I'm sure he's fine, Shepard. Nothing'll happen to him, Marcus isn't completely stupid and he wouldn't even try to-"

"I'm going to find him," Shepard said with finality. "And then, you and I are going to have a very serious talk."

A pregnant pause on the other end of the line. "Don't you take that tone with me, Shepard," Ash said at last, with just a hint of malice. "I-"

Shepard grabbed the handle of the door, not bothering with a reply as his heart beat furiously within his chest and his veins pounded with worry and dread. He ended the call as Ash continued to speak, not even bothering to register the words and as he slipped his phone back into his pocket and yanked the wooden panel open, he stopped himself short, just barely preventing himself from crashing into the warm body standing on his porch.

*

Kaidan felt the hand in his hand wrench away as the door pulled out of his grasp. Barely having the time to react, let along sidestep, it was a wonder that Shepard didn't crash right into him, but he man had enviable dexterity and a reaction time that seemed other worldly, and Kaidan could only stand there as Shepard almost crashed into him.

"John?" Kaidan said at last as the man just stood there, blinking owlishly up at him. "What's going on? Where are you-"

Kaidan felt the words shove themselves back into his mouth as Shepard's strong hands clamped onto the sides of his arms, pulling him into the warm confines of the house. Kaidan's thoughts stuttered to a halt as Shepard's arms, like bands of steel, wrapped themselves around him and pulled him in, deeper into his embrace and Kaidan's world shut out as their lips met and the hot, needy tension seemed to explode, searing them both with the immediacy and strength. Kaidan responded with force as Shepard deepened the kiss, but before he could bring his own arms around and over Shepard's shoulders, the man tugged him back, pushing him away at arm's length.

"Kaidan," Shepard growled out hoarsely. "Where the fuck have you been?"

"What the hell, John?" Kaidan snapped out instinctively. He breathed, calming himself through force of will as eyed the other man warily, suddenly aware of the straining emotion that Shepard was keeping expertly leashed. "John, what's wrong?"

"Are you alright? Did something happen to you? Are you hurt?" Shepard asked, seemingly nonsensically, and Kaidan felt the tiny ardour within him die as he tried to take a step back, but found himself being held in Shepard's firm grip. Kaidan felt it tighten as Shepard stared intently into his eyes, searching.

"I'm fine, John," Kaidan said at last, resigning himself to Shepard's overprotectiveness. Damn, why couldn't Ash have just kept silent?

"What the hell were you thinking?" Shepard said with greater force, not giving him a breather. "Where were you?"

Kaidan swatted Shepard's hands away, feeling in no way accommodating to the man's possessive nature. Not after this brusque start. "Where I was is none of your business," Kaidan bit back. "Seriously John, what the hell has gotten into you?"

Shepard took a menacing step forward and Kaidan felt the instinctive urge to cower away from the Alpha approaching him, to surrender and position himself with inferiority. Instead, he stood his ground, locking his knees still so that the faint trembling of effort wouldn't give him away.

"Ash called," Shepard said softly, figure shaking with the emotions that he kept barely in check. "You were gone away from her for _hours_ Kaidan. What the hell is wrong with you? You know Marcus is around, you know what he did to you before. He came all the way here, tracked you down to _our_ house, and let himself in."

Kaidan huffed a breath, stepping back not out of fear for the man strength, but because he was beginning to feel pretty pissed off himself. "What the hell is wrong with you John?" Kaidan shot back, repeating the man's words at him as Shepard just stood there, before him, breathing hard. "Nothing happened to me. I just needed to... I wanted to think alright? I don't need to be mothered. I was... I wanted to just be alone with my thoughts, think some things through."

"And you thought it was a good idea?" Shepard countered fiercely. "To just go out there? Who knows what Marcus could have done if he found you. I-"

"Marcus, Marcus, Marcus!" Kaidan finally snapped out. "Is that all you're ever thinking about, John? You seem more obsessed with him than I am."

"Damn right I am," Shepard practically threw at him. "Look at what he did to you all those years ago, look at what he did last week. And you think that the law, the piece of shit excuse for the 'law', will keep you safe?"

"I keep myself safe, John," Kaidan roared back. "I look after myself alright? I don't need you to hold my hand when I cross the road. I didn't break then, and I'm not going to break now. I can handle myself and I don't need you to keep me wrapped up, safe and sound at home, or at the mall or where ever else it is you think that I need to be babysat and looked after."

"You're doing that to yourself," Shepard shouted back just as strongly. "You're going to have to realize, Kaidan, you're not the only one here with problems. Maybe it worked out alright for you in the past, and no I haven't forgotten anything that you've told me, but one day? One day you're going to have to realize that there are people out there who care about you more than you care about yourself."

The words struck home, driving deeply into Kaidan's chest and causing and wrenching pain deep within him. A truth, that he had denied to himself. All the time, he had always lied to himself, that he was the only person that he could trust, that he was the only one who would look out for himself. And that was the thing wasn't it? Never in his life had he known someone, so selfless as to give him what he wanted not because the other had to, but because the other, deep down, wanted to. And that thought, scared him more than anything, and like an animal confronted with fear, he lashed out.

"You think you know me," Kaidan began, refusing to let the fear and hurt tinge his words. "You think you work with those... those rejects. Rejects like us, and you think it makes a difference?"

"You don't have it as bad off as some of-" Shepard retorted but Kaidan cut him off sharply.

"I know that, Shepard!" Kaidan bellowed. "I know that, compared to what some Omegas go through, I don't have it as bad off. But, god dammit, I don't care! I don't care about what some other Omega goes through, I don't care that I hurt less than what they do. I don't care about the pain or the hurt and I don't need to be reminded!"

"You're damn right I'm going to remind you," Shepard replied with equal intensity. "Wallowing in self pity like an idiot. One day Kaidan, you're going to have to realize that people care about you more than you care about yourself, and one day, you're going to have to wake up and move on."

"Don't you tell me what to do, Shepard," Kaidan grated out. "I can fucking take care of myself. Look around you Shepard. All this? What the Omegas go through? It's because of Alphas, taking advantage of caste and gender, fighting for Omegas and relegating them to some piece of shit position in society. You think you're helping them? Understanding them? Alphas have hurt us, Shepard. Alphas like you."

The barb left his mouth before he could stop it and the absolute shock and horror on Shepard's face shamed him more deeply than he would care to admit, but there was no backing down now, no surrender. Something primal stirred within him and he'd fight, relentlessly and pointlessly, for every inch.

"How..." Shepard blurted out at last, voice shaky. "How dare you Kaidan. You compare me to them? To the Alphas like Marcus and the rest? What the hell is the matter with you?"

"And what makes you so special, Shepard?" Kaidan said backing up, needing some breathing space. "What makes you so god damned special? You're an Alpha. You're just like the rest."

"You don't even know me," Shepard bit back. "You don't even know what was done to me, and yet you judge me?"

"That's exactly my point," Kaidan said, trying to inject some more intensity into his words but the shame and confusion within him was draining it away. It was leaving him drained. "I don't even know what happened to you, what was done to you. All I get is that you're dangerous. That you're something special. And honestly? I don't care anymore, Shepard. I can't find it in myself to care."

Shepard rocked back on the balls of his feet, stunned by the admission. Kaidan watched the man warily, waiting for a response, waiting for the physical confrontation that would leave him beaten and broken, defying the man, the Alpha, that he was bonded to. Shepard continued to stumble back like he'd been kicked in the stomach.

"Then go," Shepard said at last, emotion straining in his voice. "If you don't care, if you don't want to know then just... just go. I've given you so much, I've give you everything and you... You want to play the role of poor, bullied Omega? Then go ahead. I don't have it in me to stop you anymore." Shepard turned at the last, casting an unreadable look back at Kaidan standing there, stunned, in the doorway. "You know, for a moment, I thought that maybe, since you were bonded to Marcus, and him coming back... I thought that you wanted... I considered that maybe you felt the bond pulling you back to him. It hurt to think that. Hurt more than you know. But you know what? Maybe, all along, that's what you wanted. To go back to that Alpha trash and be abused and needed for just your body. So go, because just like you? I'm getting really tired of caring anymore. You of all people, should know what I'm about Kaidan."

Kaidan had expected it, but even so, the pain that those words caused were more than he could bear. He felt something deep within himself breaking at the slight, with the ferocity and the volume of their argument and he couldn't... he didn't want to hurt anymore. He hadn't expect this, hadn't expected things to get so out of hand. What the hell was wrong with him? How could he just...

So many questions, so many things to consider, and right at that moment, Kaidan realized that he was at the edge of a precipice. One step, the slightest tremble, would toss him over into the void, into the dark abyss and he would continue to tumble through the blackness until he struck the hard ground and felt all that he was, all that was within, splay out in a gruesome rosette. He needed to think, to clear his head and just... just...

Without another word, Kaidan backed away, feeling the shadow of the doorway close up around him as he retreated into the night and disappeared, letting the darkness hide his tears as Shepard continued to stare after him, the light from the home that they had supposedly shared, dwindling, the further on he moved.

*

The glass swirled emptily in his hand and it wobbled slightly as he pushed back violently against it, at last sending it toppling to the bar with a harsh, tinkling sound. But he didn't care. When had he ever cared about anything?

"Hey man," a voice on his left called. "You alright man?"

"Shut up," Kaidan mumbled softly to himself, not caring if the stranger heard him, though honestly, that should have been quite impossible.

He sat on a lonely bar stool in Purgatory, the only place that he could think of to chase away the relentless hounds on his heels. At first he had wanted to call Ash, maybe head on over to her place. But then an irrational part of his mind argued that Ash had gotten him into this mess in the first place. Who would have thought, that after mere hours of his disappearance, Ash would have ratted him out to Shepard. As the blame raged within him and the sting from the fight still fresh in his mind, Kaidan couldn't very well go and crash at Ash's place nor could he go limping back to their home... Shepard's home. Especially since he wasn't very sure of the welcome he would receive after all of the deadly exchanges that they had shared. And he had considered, briefly, heading back to his parents' place but even that option, held less allure than he had thought. His mother was more than well aware of the turn in his life, and then would come the nagging questions, the pitying reprimands and the gentle reminders. He couldn't stand that right now. He didn't want gentle, he didn't want to be coddled. He just wanted... to be.

So in the end, with the only option left to him to crash in some out of the way hotel or motel, he had resigned himself to getting gloriously drunk first and then deciding later about what he was going to do with himself. Of course, that didn't make any sense in the slightest and was obviously not the best path to take toward a logical conclusion, but the alcohol that he had already taken within himself was making him feel warm and fuzzy and he was starting to care less and less. Just like Shepard had said. The thought wouldn't go away and it made him sad for some reason, and he didn't want to feel anything, as he had promised himself, so he reached for his glass, attempting to drown out the annoying voice of reason at the back of his head, but his glass wasn't there.

"You betta take it slow, y'know?" a friendly chuckle scratched through the air and Kaidan swatted the annoying noise away with his hand as he looked up at the bartender, raising two fingers to the side and imitating a rather crude, drinking motion.

"And what's it to you?" Kaidan said with much more force.

"No, nothin'. It ain't nothin' to nobody," the voice reassured him.

Kaidan snorted at that. One of the reasons he had made a beeline for Purgatory was the mere fact that it was the last place that anyone would ever think to look for him. Anyone with a lick of sense who even knew Kaidan Alenko, would know that the crowds and the loud noises were practically anathema to him and would give him a rage-roaring headache for the rest of the night. Which had been another reason why he had sought out the club in the first place. Rather than head down toward the quieter eateries, or even the side lounge that Ash had first taken him to all those months ago, he wanted the throbbing hum, he wanted to drown in the filth and noise of those around him and breath deep the dark scents that lingered. His head was already aching nicely, the pain doing a fine job of distracting him away from his thoughts, but every now and then, a small voice could be heard, just at the edge of his steadily lowering consciousness and he ached to chase it away.

"Here you go, sir," the bartender called up to him, placing the frosted glass before him and Kaidan licked his lips at the amber liquid and the promise of cool relief. The bartender hesitated just a moment more, before hefting up a shot glass from behind the bar counter and placing it before him, nearly full to the brim. "And maybe something a little extra."

Kaidan stared at the shot glass of whiskey, the deep brown tantalizing him with its woody aroma. He cast a curious gaze up at the woman before him, wondering if it were mere coincidence that she would place these two exact drinks before him. The bartender raised two apologetic arms up, as if conceding the point.

"I remember you," the woman said simply. "You came in here with Ash and Liara. Pretty much tore up my bar like thirsty camels. Probably the strangest thing I'd ever seen working here, and boy, have I worked here awhile."

Kaidan cocked his head to the side, barely pausing to flick a glance at the shot glass. "I'm fine with the beer, thank you."

"On the house," the bartender replied with a shrug. "Because, man, do you ever look like you need a drink."

Kaidan thought for a moment, but then gave up when thinking became too difficult, and merely nodded his head in acceptance before snatching up the small glass.

"Man, that's like... Whiskey and beer man? Weirdest thing ever, y'know?" the stranger said once again as he tossed back the shot.

"Excuse me," Kaidan said at last as he swallowed the last of the whiskey and the burn made his voice even gruffer. He turned to the man beside him. "Is there something that you need?"

Kaidan watched as the man seemed stunned by his sudden eye contact and dark brown eyes shifted away from his as the man seemed to fidget nervously in his seat. The man's dark skin gleamed in the strobe lights of the club and Kaidan barely caught himself from marvelling at the way the colours seemed to spray across the vast expanse of onyx, making them stand out even more than on paler skin such as his. As the silence stretched between them, Kaidan watched as the stranger picked up a glass of noxious purple and tipped it up toward him in a mock cheer.

"Tosh is the name," the stranger offered finally. "And I'mma just wonderin'... Why is it that someone like you is down here, tossin' back drinks like the end o' the world is comin'?"

"That's none of your business, Tosh," Kaidan replied with bland indifference. He turned back to his beer and prepared to soothe the heat in his throat with the silvery iciness of the amber liquid in his hands. He'd gotten what he'd wanted out of the stranger. Omega. Just like him. And therefore, not a threat.

"Aww, man. Cold... Really cold," Tosh said with mock hurt, leaning in closer toward him. Kaidan felt his spine prickle as Tosh's shoulder rubbed up against his own. "Y'know, you look like a mighty strong Alpha. Like a real nice guy too. Though you don't sound it much. And well, I... I was wonderin'..."

Kaidan snorted at the comment, completely forgetting himself. He was so used to wearing the Alpha mask that he had painstakingly crafted for himself, under a veil of masculinity and strength, that it almost seemed second nature to him. And then came Shepard and his small group of friends, and he had felt... himself. He had finally had to chance to shuck away the trappings of his past and it had left him feeling more liberated and afraid than he could recall in recent memory but it had felt... good. It was good. And he had gotten so used to it in the last few months that he hadn't even noticed the way he behaved and acted anymore, like an instinctive form of self defence. But now?

His fingers swirled idly around the full rim of his beer. Now, he didn't know. He was lost, rudderless, amid the turbulent waters of isolation. Where was he now that he couldn't just turn to the man, take him back with him, and satisfy his body even as his heart cried for attention? He couldn't kid himself, he didn't have an Alpha's stamina, or the knot, but he could give a really good accounting of himself if he needed to. No, the only question now was one of want. Why had he come here, to Purgatory, to drown his sorrows? So many had gone down such a path, only to end up floating down the current as their lifeless bodies were forgotten and towed under. Had he come to relieve himself of guilt? Of pressure? A deeper part of himself said no, and he realized, without even meaning to, that he couldn't find it within himself to accept the man's offer, as tempting as it might have been even a year ago. He had something more now, and those blue eyes seemed to imprint themselves heavily onto him.

"... and maybe we could, take care of each other. Y'know? After that," Tosh was whispering softly and Kaidan could feel the warm breath on his ear, so unlike the warm breath of another who had captured his heart, and taught him to love.

Love? When had that notion entered his vocabulary?

"D'you want it man?" Tosh said as a hand crept down the front of his shirt and reached for him in between his legs.

Kaidan reacted without thought. Before Tosh's hand could move another inch, he had reached down and intercepted the man's appendage, stopping it short from reaching the edge of his jeans. With a forceful squeeze and a rough tug back, Kaidan jerked the hand away and twisted the wrist fully, making the man yelp out in pain even as the motion sent the man's head almost crashing into the edge of the bar. The booming music of the club continued to drown everything and everyone else out and Kaidan relished the moment of control before shoving the man forcefully away. The stool that Tosh was seated on overbalanced and crashed to the floor, barely stirring the people around them.

"Don't ever touch me again," Kaidan muttered softly, almost to himself, even as he ignored the cursing man on the floor and turned back to his drink. "Only one person can touch me there, and you're not him."

Kaidan didn't even pay the man any more attention, sure as he was that the Omega's instincts would keep the man from seeking a more physical comeback with him. He was after all, in the man's eyes, an Alpha.

Tosh stood up behind him, cradling his injured hand in his other and Kaidan could feel the heat from the other man's stare, searing into the back of his neck.

"Fuckin' crazy Alpha," Tosh grated out over the music. "What the fuck man? Whydja go and do that for? I ain't meanin' to hurt you or nothin'. Geez man, damn near tore my goddamn hand off! What's the matter with you."

Kaidan didn't deign to respond to the man's ranting, but his muscles were bunched and tight against the fabric of his shirt and pants. He primed himself, waiting for the blow to land, for the fight to start, and somewhere, deep down within him, he was almost eager for a chance to have an outpouring of violence. Something within him, craved it.

"Now you ain't gonna talk to me? No apology or nothing?" Tosh continued to rail. "Geez man. Fuckin' Alphas man."

Kaidan remained tense as the fallen barstool was picked up and slammed back against the bar, shuddering wildly and noisily against the surface. Several drinks wobbled and toppled at the impact but Kaidan was stock still, keeping his eyes on his beer but his mind on the man behind him.

A second. Another. It stretched out, like a band of rubber, and the further it got, the more tense he became.

Nothing happened.

No fists rained down upon him, no kicks to the back of his stool that would send him tumbling to the floor. No sound of shattering glass and the sweetly exquisite kiss of pain as it sliced into his skin. He couldn't hear from the area behind him, due to the constant hum of the music and the dreary shuffle of the other patrons, but the silence that emanated from where Tosh had been, told him more than anything else he would glean by turning around. Damn, he had been hoping for a little bit of letting go. Kaidan fingered the edge of the beer mug, bringing it up and taking a hearty swig as he continued to stare blandly back toward the rear of the bar counter and the rows of bottles there.

The commotion and noise seemed to draw the bartender back from where it was she had been, and the woman paused briefly to survey the scene before her. Kaidan sat placidly as he nursed his drink and if there was an empty chair beside him, not to mention the toppled chair on the floor, well then he wasn't going to admit to anything if he could help it.

"Everything alright here?" the bartender asked nonsensically.

"Peachy," Kaidan said with mock humour. He raised the shot glass in his hands, signalling for another shot, which earned him a raised eyebrow and a quick nod. A couple of seconds later, and the dark brown whiskey slid up beside him.

"Watch yourself, honey," the woman said as she shook her head and stepped away to answer the calls of a few more patrons.

"Always," Kaidan replied to nobody as he took the shot and cradled it in his hand. With his other, he grabbed the beer and hoisted it toward his hungering mouth, savouring the cool rush as it slid down his throat. Without a pause, he tilted his head back and knocked back on the whiskey, savouring the familiar and heady rush. With a dull _thunk_ , he thumped both glasses back onto the bar, not caring that some of the beer had sloshed onto his wrist. It felt good, not to care anymore.

Kaidan muddled over himself, turning introspective even as the level of liquid in his glass continued to drain away. He tapped his fingers absently across the glass and felt the moisture there, beading and soaking into his fingertips. He mulled over himself, over Shepard, over where everything would go on from this point. They had to reach another compromise. Shepard was mistaken, Kaidan did care. He cared so much about the other man that it frightened him into near insensibility, but there it was. He wasn't particularly eloquent in voicing his thoughts, in sharing the deepest recesses of his mind. He wasn't by all means a romantic. But wasn't he sure that this was what he wanted? Wasn't everything that he had done, lead up to this point, of believing in himself long enough to take the plunge. The wetness at the edge of his fingers seemed to spread through his skin and it crept up his arm. It was cool, soft and cool. The moisture from the glass soaked into this skin and the thunder rumbled strongly against his ears and...

Thunder?

Kaidan blinked up as the drops of rain continued to patter out of the night sky, chilling him to the bone and soaking him completely. He staggered against the wall, fighting for balance and to grip any solid surface as his jumbled mind struggled to keep up. He was inside, drinking his beer. Had been inside? The rain, why was there rain? Why was he outside?

His hand pressed up along the brick wall of the club but a strange numbness seemed to shoot through him. Unable to feel the rough surface under his palm, he fought for balance and lost as his shoes slipped against he wet floor and the pounding droplets bearing down on him.

What was happening?

Kaidan felt his eyelids lower, even though he struggled to keep them apart. Darkness edged in around the corners of his vision and he tried to push himself up, tried to force himself to stand. Only numbness and a sense of dislocation responded and, try as he might, all he could do was flounder in the pool of growing water around him. Kaidan felt his world narrow to a tiny sliver as moon and artificial light picked out the barest hints of shapes around him, and the last thing he saw were two rough, large hands, reaching down and pulling him up and away from the comforting safety of the ground.

 


	15. Hunt

Shepard sat with blood-rimmed eyes, hands fitfully and uselessly clutching at the rumpled sheets that lay haphazardly about his form. The light streamed in, the curtains pulled back, and the slowly moving edge danced dully across the furnishings and trappings of his room.

Their room.

Why? Why wasn't he back yet?

Shepard dashed the tiredness away from his eyes, the rough motion scratching at him as it scrubbed the rusty salt and dried flakes of tears against the skin beneath his eyes. He clung to the feeling as his fists gripped the fabric around himself yet again, tightening and twisting with barely concealed emotion. His face continued to stay in its neutral mask however and he continued to focus on the slight scratches on his face rather than the deeper gouges in his heart.

His feet caught the edge of something hard as the shifted slowly under the covers and, almost as an afterthought, Shepard reached out and snagged the offending thing in his hands. He stared at the blank screen of his phone, watched as the artificial timing ticked by without meaning and the dull background as it gave him nothing, let him reflect on nothing. He _tsked_ himself, refusing to give in to the yawn that threatened to split his mouth in half, refused to get out of bed and whittle the floor away with relentless pacing. He cocked his arm, preparing to dash the device in his hands, but at the apex, his arm froze, trembling with the force of his exertions. He... refused.

Damn, why could he have just let go? Why couldn't he have just hold on just a moment longer? When had he been so reckless, so pointlessly childish that he had to have the last say, had to dig that last barb just a little deeper than what had been done to him? All of this, all this ache, would have gone away if he'd just clammed up and taken the brunt of Kaidan's frustrations. But would that have been fair? Was he not human, like Kaidan was, did he not bleed and hurt and hold more than he could contain? Of course. Stupid and irrelevant, but introspection came so much easier when it was looking behind, rather than before. He should have known better and now? Now he had absolutely no idea why he was lying in bed, almost at noon, moping like a child.

His phone buzzed in his hand.

Shepard snatched up the device, momentarily elated, but the joy was snatched away from his face even as Ash's name lay emblazoned across the screen. Shepard momentarily contemplated ignoring the call, or perhaps just rejecting it, but perhaps, she might have something to share with him. Something vital. And the suspicions rose up within him again, refusing to be put down or denied, and he knew, deep down, that he couldn't reject even this smallest inkling of finding out what he'd done, how much he had hurt Kaidan. Everything else would come later, what had been said of him, what had been said to him. That had the time and opportunity to come later.

"Ash?" Shepard said by way of greeting, wincing slightly at the gritty and hoarse sound of his voice.

"Shepard," Ash said immediately, with dead seriousness and Shepard felt his heart skip at the tone.

"What's wrong?" Shepard responded as casually as he could.

"What makes you think there's..." Ash began but trailed off uncertainly. Shepard waited. "Okay, look. I don't want to know what's been going on between you two. But I know something big came up last night. I have five missed-calls from Kaidan. He's not really one to whine, but sometimes... I'm guessing something big went down between the both of you?"

"Go on," Shepard said through gritted teeth, even as he failed to calm his rising impatience.

"Sometimes, people just want to talk you know?" Ash said slowly. "And besides, Kaidan isn't the most talkative person. So when he wants to talk, it's usually big."

"And do you have any idea what he would've wanted to talk about?" Shepard tried to ask as sensibly as he could.

"Just unburden himself, I guess?" Ash responded unsurely. "How the hell am I supposed to know, Shepard? It's not like I got to speak to him last night anyway! I have a law firm that I need to run, and sleep is, apparently, a requirement."

Shepard felt a small knot unwind in his chest that Kaidan hadn't been going around, sharing their secrets and fights with Ash. A very small, unimportant knot, while a larger one continued to hammer away at him. "Get to the point Ash."

"The point is Shepard," Ash said after a hearty sigh. "I... Well, I actually called to confirm it but... I called the Alenko place, he's not there. He's not with me. And... from the sound of your voice, and you not saying anything, I can assume that he's not with you either, Shepard?" The last came out as a near question and Shepard thought for a moment before he considered answering it.

"He didn't come home last night," Shepard said in a low whisper, the tear deepening slightly as the hurt trickled out.

"Shit," Ash said after a moment.

"What's wrong?" Shepard replied as blandly as he could.

"Everything's fucking wrong that's..." Ash paused. Shepard heard the sound of whooshing breath as Ash willed herself to calmness. Breathed once. Twice. "Kaidan isn't... he doesn't like to be around people when he's... he's tripping back and forth between his past. He likes to be alone."

"So you've told me," Shepard tried to cut in but Ash butted him right back out.

"Yeah," Ash said with just a hint of accusation. "I _did_ tell you. But... when he was younger, he used to disappear for days. Once, he went to ground for a week. He was a mess, we all were, out searching for him. It was the first time I punched him, right in the gut. I drilled it into him, telling him, he always has to come back. You can go out and do what the hell you want, but you always have to have a lifeline leading back to those that... care."

"That's a wonderful lecture and principle Ash," Shepard said a little bitterly. "But what does that have to do with me? With Kaidan now? He wants his space, fine, we're giving it to him."

The thoughtful silence that came through from Ash's side was pregnant with tension and the further that it stretched, the thicker it seemed to Shepard.

"Meet me at Garrus's," Ash said abruptly. "There's something I think we need to discuss."

Shepard waited, hoped for more.

"Alright."

*

Garrus looked over at them once again, ignoring the fact that loyal, paying customers were kept waiting for their baguettes and croissants, huffing and heaving with impatience as they waited their turn. Garrus didn't seem to care as he casually handed a brown paper bag to a squawking young man, ignoring the credit chit thrown casually onto the counter.

Shepard turned back and stared at Ash, watched as the woman fidgeted nervously and toyed with the hem of her jacket.

"What's so important that you couldn't tell it to me over the phone?" Shepard asked again, the same question that he had asked the moment that he had stepped into Garrus's shop and spied Ash sitting, seemingly calm and at rest, at one of the smaller side tables.

Ash hummed her nonchalance, ignoring him again as she picked up the now empty mug of coffee and seemed to consider tipping it back, before setting it onto the table once again. Shepard's feet bounced impatiently against the floor.

Minutes ticked by and the random, pointless sounds and threads of conversation swirled around him as he half-heartedly picked at the words, then gave up as his concentration lagged behind. Ash picked up her phone, seemingly at random, stared at the screen for a moment then nodded to herself, idly tapping her fingertips against the screen. Another minute ticked by.

"Alright, Ash, I'm leaving if you don't-" Shepard began as he made to rise but Ash pinned him with a look, finally lowering her phone and staring up at him.

"Shepard," Ash said with such dead finality that he paused, feeling himself fall heavily onto the chair. "There's something you need to know. Something I need to tell you."

"Well it's about damn time," Shepard snapped out, despite himself.

"Kaidan is missing," Ash said with feigned casualness. "I believe that Marcus has something to do with it."

Shepard's world tilted crazily as everything in his view seemed to rise and fall. He barely heard the dull scrape of his chair as it skidded across the ground and caught at the edge of a barely-there rise, finally leaning drunkenly back as it clattered noisily against the hard surface of the floor. The hollow sound echoed up around him as his chest heaved, as his mind went blank and fear crawled its way up his spine with just those two names being placed side by side in the same sentence. The bakery was eerily silent.

"What?" Shepard ground out roughly. "Why didn't you tell me sooner? What the fuck Ash?"

"Shepard you need to-" Ash began, but Shepard was done. Done waiting and done wasting time.

"Dammit Ash!" Shepard roared, ignoring the shifting people as they moved away from their little scene and the trembling children who were hustling back toward their parents. "You know what's going on between me and Kaidan. You know what went down between him and Marcus. And you dare, _dare_ , to take your time and tell me what to do? How long have you known?"

"Since this morning actually," Ash said much too coolly.

"And where did you get that kind of information?" Shepard countered with soft malice. "How reliable is your hearing in all of this, Williams?"

"My methods don't concern you Shepard," Ash replied with equal force and command and Shepard blinked at the strength beneath the woman's words. "All that matters is... I have near absolute surety that Kaidan is in trouble. And it involves Mar-"

"Don't you dare say his god damned name, Ash!" Shepard ferociously ground out.

"What's in a name?" Ash seemed to ask herself. "A midden by any other name would smell as foul."

"What are you babbling about," Shepard snapped out, impatience long since at its end. "I need to get out of here. Find Kaidan. How did you find out about Kaidan? Who told you? I'm going to find that asshole and tear him another-"

Stiff, harsh bands seemed to wrap themselves around his torso and for a moment, Shepard gaped stupidly as he stared down and spied dark blue fabric, wrapped around tight, strong muscle, stilling his movements. His words, his instinctive surge to fight back, to go out and search and search till his feet bled, for his bond mate, died as he recognized that particular shade of blue, that tell-tale hint of white and yellow edging.

"Just in time again, Miss Williams," a deep, gravelly voice called out from behind his shoulder.

"Your timing could have been better," Ash replied as she stood. "It took me longer than that, just waiting for you and your men to arrive, Captain Bailey."

"Bailey?" Shepard asked in surprised as he tried to whip around. He was off balance, mentally and physically, and it wasn't a surprise then that he could only put up a token resistance before his arms were whipped back and restrained by circlets of cold steel. "Ash, what the fuck is going on?"

Captain Bailey, one of the chief officers of St. Normandy's police force, moved up in front of Shepard, placing himself at the side and in between both himself and Ash. Bailey looked calm and neutral, assessing the situation and Shepard could hear the sounds of practised words as his officers directed the civilians away from the public spectacle and kept Garrus away from drawing too near. Garrus appeared beside himself, frantically shouting about lawsuits and police brutality but Shepard didn't have it in himself to be amused. Everything that he had, was trained on the conversation before him and the two people there.

"I'm sorry Shepard," Ash said at last and Shepard felt a growing sense of bewilderment as he detected true sincerity in her voice. "This is for the best."

"Fuck you and what's best Williams," Shepard growled, feeling the metal cut into the sides of his arms as he tried to use pure muscle to break free.

"Now Shepard," Bailey added in smoothly, casting a quick glance to Ash to his side. "There's no need to get unruly. I'm merely here to keep the peace."

"Then let me go," Shepard said immediately. "I haven't done anything that merits an arrest and you have no right to keep me this way. I have my own things to take care of and the sooner you let me, the sooner I'll see them done."

Bailey raised a quizzical eyebrow in his direction, pausing briefly to cast a questioning glance over toward Ash, who shook her head just slightly.

"I'm sorry Shepard, I can't let that happen," Bailey added at last as he turned back to him. Shepard opened his mouth to argue his point but Bailey interrupted him, treading over his sentence. "From what I know, you're an Alpha, and you have a mate, one Kaidan Alenko? Unfortunately, it has also come to my attention that your mate, who is an Omega I might add, might have had something to do with another Alpha. So you can see, Shepard, it's in my best interest to solve this mystery without any... personal emotional entanglements."

"What the hell are you talking about, Bailey?" Shepard yelled, straining against the bonds behind him.

"An Alpha/Omega dominance fight is just one thing, especially when the heat between your natures is involved, but this?" Bailey elaborated clearly uncomfortable that they were turning toward this particular direction. "As a Beta, I don't have the... wisdom to understand what goes on, but I have it on good authority that the bond between an Alpha and an Omega is... strong at least."

"That's none of your fucking business," Shepard cut in, feeling a slight jolt within himself as he felt just the smallest of kinks twist in the cuffs behind him.

"It is my business, Shepard," Bailey interjected smoothly. "You have no idea the headaches that are involved when it comes to Alphas fighting for Omegas. And when you involve the rest of the Betas? And now, we have the probability of a rampaging Alpha, searching for his Omega, and squaring off another Alpha and his pack. Do you know the kind of damage that could come from that? I don't, but as I said, I have it on good authority that something large might-"

Shepard seethed as the Bailey continued to lecture him like a child. "And whose damned authority do you have that makes it so-"

"That would be mine, Skipper," Ash broke in at last.

"You?" Shepard asked in confusion.

"Me," Ash agreed simply. "I called Bailey here, because I knew that you'd go berserk when I told you. I told you because, I knew it was only a matter of time before you'd find out eventually anyway that Kaidan was missing."

"And since when does the local constabulary answer to a small-time, private law firm?" Shepard spat out.

"Since I'm owed a few favour by a particular Captain here," Ash said with a bare wave towards Bailey. "We all have our connections Shepard, and some are more important than others."

"Ash," Shepard began, perhaps a little desperately. "I need you to let me go. I have to find Kaidan. If anything happens to him, I'll... I'll never forgive myself. For what I said to him. I need to find him Ash. You'd do the same if it was Liara out there, at someone else's mercy. At another Alpha's mercy."

Ash seemed to study him for a moment, weighing his words, but at the last, she shook her head as if trying to loosen something from around her skull and she grinned grimly at him. "You were always good at speaking, Shepard. It was a wonder that I almost considered listening to you. Captain, I think it would be best if you took Shepard away."

"I agree, Miss Williams," Bailey said with a curt nod.

"Dammit Ash," Shepard railed. "Why the hell are you doing this? Kaidan needs me dammit, he needs us to work together! We have to find him before Marcus does god-only-knows what to him and-"

"Don't you get it Shepard," Ash broke in, voice and tone rising. "I'm doing this for Kaidan! Don't you remember? I represented you two years ago! It was two years ago, and I'm not going to let you go under, not when you mean so much to Kaidan. Not when you can still be there for him. Dammit, Shepard, you almost killed that Omega back then!"

Shepard's struggles ceased entirely, the words cutting into him like a knife. Back then... Two years... He barely managed to resist as Bailey's officers hauled him back and out of Garrus's bakery.

"Damn you Ash," Shepard swore. "Damn you, this isn't the same thing! I need to find him. He needs me Ash, he needs me!"

"And that's exactly why I can't let you fly off the handle again, Shepard," Ash replied with sad regret. "I'll be in contact soon."

"Fuck you Ash," Shepard cursed, once again finding the will to struggle. "It'll be too god damned late."

"Don't you worry Shepard," Bailey said as they strode down the street toward the parked street car. "We'll put everything we have into looking for your Omega. We just need you to sit this one out."

Shepard deflated as he willed his legs to walk. Damn Ash and damn Bailey for their politicking. Shepard continued along, docile and apparently surrendering, but his thoughts turned inward, churning through him. He had prepared for this kind of eventuality, had almost been expecting it, but had always dreaded it ever occurring. Well, now it seemed it had, and he was glad now, that he had done what he had, all those weeks ago, without Kaidan's knowledge. He only hoped that the man would forgive him when everything came to light. Connections were important Ash had said? Well, they were about to learn, just what kind of pull someone like him actually had.

*

Ash struggled with the doorknob to her office, fumbling with the faulty lock mechanism that she still hadn't deigned to get fixed. Damn Shepard, for flying off the handle like that. She had actually hoped that the man would have been able to restrain himself, then there wouldn't have been any need for any of this. But as expected, Shepard had prioritized Kaidan above everything else, the Alpha genes within the man surging and howling for release. Something about it worried at her, like a dog worrying at a bone. It was something... more. Something that she couldn't quite put her finger on. Like there was something going on between Shepard and Kaidan that shouldn't even be, let alone exist. And she hated puzzles that she couldn't solve.

At last, the knob turned and she refused to acknowledge the barest tremble of her hand as it turned the device.

Shepard was a friend, a good friend, and it sickened her to have done what she did. But it was necessary, it had to be done. To protect Kaidan, to protect Shepard. And every other innocent that would be standing in his way. Law was her life, an adherence to order and the right way, the right thing. Justice and balance. She had to continue believing that what she had done was for the best, even if it meant irreparably damaging their friendship.

Damn him. Damn Shepard.

"How did it go?" a soft voice called out to her as she turned from shutting the door, almost making her jump in surprise.

"Jesus, Liara!" Ash swore, immediately regretting her choice of words. "Don't _do_ that."

The petite, young Omega walked up to her from where she was sitting, in one of the many plush chairs that decorated her office. Ash ignored her mate for the moment, heading towards one of the comfortable furnishings before she sank down tiredly into it.

"So," Liara repeated. "How did it go?"

"As well as could be expected," Ash grumbled, taking comfort in the woman's soothing hands as they stroked gently and comfortably against her shoulders, under the fabric of the suit that she wore. "I was hoping that it wouldn't get to it, but as you predicted, Shepard went nuts, flat out berserk, and I had Bailey escort him down to the station for holding."

"How long can we keep him there?" Liara asked as she traced the stress out of Ash's shoulders.

"Forty-eight hours, max," Ash replied a little glumly. "That is unless we can find something more to keep him there with, barring a lawsuit against the police force."

"That should be enough," Liara said simply and Ash leaned back, leaning into the woman's touch and just breathing in the scent of her, the scent of them. It was so good, so right. And she had just denied Shepard and Kaidan that right.

"Did I do the right thing?" Ash seemed to ask the air, but Liara answered as if the question had been intended for her.

"Of course you did," Liara said with stubborn force. "We couldn't let Shepard lose control again, not like..."

"I know," Ash added, shame coating her words. "Damn, I can't believe I said that to him. Stupid of me, reminding him, but you should have seen him Liara. He was about to break out of those cuffs that Bailey had snapped onto him. Damn near might have. I just hope... I just hope that we haven't made a mistake here, love."

"That's part of the thing isn't it?" Liara said softly as she moved away and Ash almost lamented the loss of contact. "We're all hoping that no mistakes will be made, but mistakes? They happen all the time."

"How accurate was your source anyway?" Ash questioned with a hint of uncertainty. "I mean, I want nothing more than to be out there, searching alongside Shepard or at least Bailey, but I know... I know I can't get mixed up in this. God, I feel so... Anyway, are you sure you got the right information, are you sure that what Tosh heard and saw was exactly what you said it was?"

Liara paced slowly up beside the large monstrosity of a desk, running a graceful hand across the weathered and varnished wood there. Her eyes seemed to look inward however, seeing something that wasn't in the room, beyond what everyone else saw. Her manicured fingernails sparkled as they shifted in the room's light and Liara turned toward the huge French windows that graced the back of Ash's office, the one extravagance that she'd given herself when she had installed the suite. It looked out over a portion of St. Normandy, over the gently rising hills and the sloping hills and barely there woods. It was nearly picturesque, the blend of metal and organic, the dark greens and cyan mixed in with the sunlight oranges and dappled browns. It always soothed Ash when she was up to her neck in work or some such stressful details, and now, Liara made her way over to the panes of glass, staring out at the vista, her hands casually at her side. The sunlight streamed into the woman's hair and seemed to set it aflame, bright blue and purples surging and cresting magnificently.

"Liara, honey?" Ash repeated as the smaller woman continued to look out of the windows. "I want to know how reliable Tosh is. I want to know that-"

Liara loosed a soft chuckle. "Always the sceptic, aren't you Ash? There's nothing that I can say that'll convince you otherwise. You've asked me this question a hundred times before, and nothing that I say now will be different from then. Even a thousand versions of the truth cannot compare to one fact exposing it as a lie."

"That's something I taught you," Ash said as she sidled up to her mate, resting her hands gently across the woman's shoulders. "At least tell me what we're doing is right. At least tell me that we can see them both out of this."

Liara tilted her head beautifully upward, catching Ash's gaze in her own and smiled a soft, enchanting smile. "Of course Ash. We'll do everything that we can. Everything that _I_ can. After all, what kind of Shadow Broker would I be if I couldn't even accomplish that?"

*

"Dammit Bailey," Shepard shouted as he was pulled along the dingy hallways of the police centre. "I know my rights, dammit, and I know I get a phone call."

"That would be the case," Bailey admitted even as the man kept pace with him and the four escorts that were walking alongside them both. "If we were going to arrest you. But what we have here, is just casual detention. No reason for you to make any kind of calls."

"Bullshit Bailey," Shepard growled as he dug his heels in, feeling a moment of satisfaction as the four men and women around him were tugged back by the loss of momentum and his sudden surge of strength. "If I'm in, I'm in. I get my phone call and I want it now."

"Why don't we get you settled in first, hmm?" Bailey offered. "You can take some time to rest, think about things, then, if you want your phone call I'll see-"

"Bailey," Shepard said in neutral tones, locking his muscles and freezing his escort once again. "I want. My god damned. Phone call. Now."

Bailey watched as the four officers struggled to get him moving, only succeeding in moving him by centimetres at best, and Shepard held the man's gaze, pouring out his Alpha superiority, his stubbornness and his will into that one look and at last, the police captain sighed, turning away from him.

"Fine, Shepard," Bailey surrendered with a shrug. "If you really want that phone call, we'll get it for you." Bailey reached into his uniform's coat pocket and pulled out his own phone, holding it out for Shepard to take. "Make it quick will you?"

Shepard stared in wonder at the man. "Do you really think that I'd use your phone to make a private call Bailey? Who the hell do you think I am?"

Bailey shrugged, phone still held out. "Your call, Shepard. So far as I know, your rights entitle you to one phone call. It doesn't say anything about what kind of phone you're allowed to use or not. So if you want to refuse this offer, I can take it as-"

Shepard growled, having wasted enough time on this charade as it was. His main priority was Kaidan and damn if he was going to wait a second longer and leave his bonded mate in Marcus's hands.

"Give me that," Shepard muttered hoarsely. "And somebody get me out of these damn things so I can place the call myself. Or do you want to hold it up for me too?"

The officers seemed taken aback by his vehemence and turned quizzically toward Bailey, who nodded his acquiescence. Shepard breathed a short sigh of relief as the metal bands dropped away from him and he casually massaged his bruised and swollen wrists as he reached for device. Okay, so maybe trying to break out of steel handcuffs wasn't exactly the smartest move that he'd made. Shepard keyed open the interface as the others around him stepped back, offering just the barest modicum of privacy. Shepard tapped the number out, the first that he'd ever remembered by hard. He didn't need to of course, especially since address books programs made everything so convenient, but this one? This one he was glad to always keep beside his chest.

"Hello?" came the familiar voice at the other end of the line. Of course, he was using some else's phone wasn't he?

"Hey pops," Shepard said carefully, making sure as little details would be let out as possible.

"Shepard?" Anderson replied with wonder. "Something wrong with your phone son?"

"Nothing's wrong," Shepard tried to sound casual. "Just... in prison, being arrested by Captain Bailey."

"What?!" Anderson boomed and Shepard lifted his head back away from the speaker as it crackled with the force of his father's reply. "What the hell are you doing in jail? What did you do son?"

"Nothing," Shepard added quickly before things got out of control. "Nothing, pops, I swear..."

"Dammit Shepard," Anderson said with equal parts frustration, anger and humour. "What the hell have you gotten yourself into now?"

"I'll explain everything later alright?" Shepard said hastily. "We don't have time for that now. Listen, I need a favour. Something about the old group."

"I can't..." Anderson began at once but stopped himself. Shepard willed himself to quiet as the silence between the both of them stretched, pregnant and expectant as Anderson paused, digesting his words. "Alright Shepard, I'm listening. But you better have a damn good explanation for all of this when it's over. It's both of our asses on the line if this gets out."

Shepard let a grim smile play across his lips as he spoke, using carefully veiled phrases as he detailed exactly what it was that he wanted from his father.

*

The door crinkled open, letting the rapidly cooling autumn air swirl around her form as she paused over the threshold of the entrance, taking a moment to doff her mitts and adjust the soft material that wrapped up and around her neck. The evening light streamed in past her, painting her in a riot of oranges and yellows, the white of her coat accentuating the colours and painting lighter shadows across her form. Analytical eyes took in everything around her as she continued to catalogue and place all the items and people in the small structure, using them as markers and painting a rough mental picture of the area before careful steps moved her forward. It was habit now, and it was one that she continued to cultivate with excruciating care. She picked up on the haphazard desks, interspersed with the neat rows of chairs and the linoleum floor that squeaked softly against the harsh clicks of her booted heels. She paused, scouting around for directions, before finally settling down onto the main desk ahead of her, framed by the arches that led off to side offices and other spacious and less than spacious confinements.

"Can I help you?" the man before her droned in a dead pan as he continued with his reports, not even deigning to look up.

"Yes of course," came her smooth reply. "I'm here to see a man." She let it go at that, barely taking the time to catch the man's rank and name pasted neatly onto his chest.

"Well now," Officer Harrison said with mild humour. "If it's a man you're looking for..." She waited, matching the man's look with her own steely glare, not even bothering the register the intense interest in the man's face. "Jesus, now that's a look."

"Office Harrison?" she said with professional coolness. "I'd appreciate it if you let me in to see a... John Shepard? I believe you have him in custody."

"I'm sorry ma'am," the man said immediately and she noted with humour how the man immediately addressed her with respect. "But that's a no-can-do. Captain Bailey specifically stated that there aren't to be any visitors."

"Of course," she responded with sincerity. "I understand, and I'd be more than happy to move on and leave you to... whatever it is that you've been doing. As you can see, I'm not here as a visitor."

"Again, no offense, but I'd have to clear it with the Captain," the man argued, struggling for control.

Her rich laugh sounded in the air, exactly as she intended it to, caressing and throaty and she leaned forward just slightly, watching with hidden annoyance as he leaned in just a little bit closer. "Then, by all means, why don't you clear it with the Captain?"

"Captain's gone home," the young officer grumbled. "Ain't gonna be worth my hide if I go on and interrupt him."

She snorted, a delicate sound, and cast a quick look down at the phone perched in her grip. Fine, they were going to do it that way now were they?

"Very well," she said as she moved away from the desk. "Far be it for me to interrupt the hard working Captain. I'll go ahead and speak to Shepard myself. Don't bother getting up."

"Excuse me?" Harrison asked incredulously. "I'm sorry miss, I don't exactly know who you are and what you're doing here. I don't know why you think you can just walk up to HQ and do as you please, but I sure as hell ain't going to let you do... whatever it is you're here to do."

She smiled with earnestness. From ma'am to miss. Well, wasn't that quick.

"That's just it Officer Harrison," she replied as she unfolded a document and laid it on the man's desk. "I'm here to do just that. Exactly as I please and how I please to do it."

The man scratched at his head, staring down uncomprehendingly at the written words there as he tried to make sense of the whole situation. "I don't understand..."

"I know you don't" she replied softly as she moved toward the side holding cells, already leaving the young man behind in her mind.

"Now hold on there..." Harrison reached a hand out, ostensibly to exert what amounted to his authority in situations such as this but before his digits could even brush against the edge of her clothing, she turned and pinned the man down, cold, blue frost seeming to emanate out of her porcelain like features.

"If you touch me, we're going to have a very big problem," she said a matter-of-factly. "In fact, my authority here supersedes anyone else's here, including Captain Bailey's, your Commissioner and even your DD. So, if I were you, I'd sit down and pretend like you had just agreed to all of this, and no one will be the wiser."

"What the hell..." the man said at last with a swallow as nervousness broke through his demeanour. "Who the hell are you?"

"Who I am is unimportant," she said with fraying patience. "And those are details that you don't need to know. Suffice to say, this," she reached down and tapped at the paper still in the man's grip, "says that Shepard has been acquitted of any and all charges and that he has perfunctory freedom granted to him. He may be released as soon as I've secured him and any and all matters will be handled by my office, which you can contact at the bottom of the page. So, since I'm in a hurry, I will need you to open this damn door before I blow it off it's hinges myself."

The man's face grew paler as each word she said finally registered in his mind. He glanced down at the paper then back up at her, stepping back when she had said the word 'blow'. Damn, she knew she should have gotten more support with her, but she had been the closest and didn't want to waste any more time.

"Call the damn number," she said at last with a sigh. "And get your damn confirmation. Understood?"

Officer Harrison grumbled, obviously feeling put out as his authority had been taken away from him but in the end, he reach down toward the land line and dialled. She watched as the man's face twisted, first confusion then fear etching themselves clearly onto his face. He didn't even have to speak, and was unconsciously bobbing his head up and down with whatever it was that was being said over the line.

"Yes sir, I understand," Harrison finally offered to the unknown speaker. The handset left his fingers with a nerveless clatter and hit the desk roughly before he could snatch at it and replace it in its holder. "If you'll follow me... Ma'am."

"It's about damn time," she gusted out.

Unhooking the key card from around his hip, the man walked over to the entrance of the detention holding cells, swiping it along the reader and popping open the metal grilled door. She walked forward without hesitation, taking the fore and making her way through the small hallways and nearly empty cells, not even paying attention to the others who were being held there, for whatever petty misdemeanours and unknowns that had resulted in them being locked up for a night or two. After all, this was the lockup for petty criminals, and its occupants didn't warrant more than her briefest attention. She continued to pick her way with careful speed, drawing closer to the end of the rather short hall when, at last, the third from the last cell, showed a familiar figure in familiar clothing. She totally ignored the officer who was behind her as she moved up to the bars and rapped gently with her fingernails.

"Shepard," she said with soft force, a smile tugging at the corner of her mouth at the rumpled and dishevelled look of the man before her. So unlike the man that she had known.

"Miranda?" Shepard replied with wonder and his gaze raised up meeting her own. Despite herself, she flinched back away from the intensity of the man's stare.

There was something deep there, something buried and so well hidden that she wouldn't even have known if she hadn't met the man's gaze. But now, staring into Shepard's eyes, watching them as they watched her, she could at last see. Emotion _burned_ within them, wild and true and its heat should have reduced her to ashes, should have melted his prison and reduced the building to rubble. It was a wonder that the man stood there so calmly when something so primal and ferocious bubbled up just beneath the surface, waiting to be released. Miranda's voice left her as she was drawn in, sucked deep into such heat.

"Something the matter?" Shepard asked casually.

"No... Nothing," Miranda breathed at the last, pulling her gaze away from Shepard and centring herself once again as her analytical mind picked at the situation before her. How strange. "I'm here to get you out. Everything's in order and we should be leaving soon."

Shepard nodded as he ticked off points registered with him. "Let's go then. I've had just about enough of this place."

Miranda smiled at the familiar quip and motioned the trembling officer next to her to open the latch and let the man out. This was going to be very, very interesting for her.

*

A sharp, freezing slap crashed its way across his face and he gasped and gurgled as the filthy water soaked into his hair. He coughed and sputtered as another round of water hit him again in his face and the stinging rebuke warmed his skin even as it leeched the heat out leaving his uncertain and unfocused. His head felt muggy and cotton-filled, like he was drunk but moving underwater, all sense lagging behind or out of sync with his thoughts. Kaidan struggled with the sensation as he was hit again, another wave of ice-cold water drowning everything out and he wrestled with himself, trying to raise his arms out to avoid the downpour.

"That's enough," came a deep voice from somewhere, but he couldn't pick it out too clearly.

Kaidan heaved and jerked, twisting to the side as his body seemed to convulse of its own accord, betraying his desire for them to move, to shift, to do anything but lay there weakly in a stupor.

"Something wrong with him?" another voice intruded, this one slightly higher than the first.

"Nah," came the first, deep voice. "Ain't nothing wrong with him. Just comin' out of the drugs we slipped into his whiskey. Damned fool. Nobody should be drinkin' whiskey like that."

The words slipped through the veil over his head and his eyes tore open, bloodshot and hurting as it seemed to recall to him his previous memories. The fight with Shepard, the desire to be alone, to be with himself, the time at Purgatory and the weak attempt at trying to drink his problems away. A man, an Omega, trying to get to him, couldn't remember the man's name. The fight with Shepard, god, the fight. The hurt. Then...

Then he was in the rain? It had been cold. He had been outside. Drugged, the first person had said. Drugs in his drink. Kaidan winced as the minor seizing up stopped abruptly, leaving him panting heavily where he lay. Rough hands, grabbing at him, unheedingly picking him up, then, darkness. Unknown.

"Where," Kaidan began but his throat felt ragged and rough. "Where am I? Who the hell are you people?"

"Us? Why we ain't nobody, young sir," came a mocking reply from a third voice, just as deep as the first but with a different accent. "We ain't nobody, nothin' for ya' to see." A chortle cut through the nonsense and Kaidan heaved himself up to his haunches, landing heavily onto his rump as his vision blurred and shifted, then began to focus slowly.

The trembling in his muscles were fading fast, almost barely perceptible, and the pain behind his eyes was leaving just as quickly. Only the stuffy feeling in his head was relentless, trying to shut everything out and away from him and he fought it off as strongly as he could. As his vision returned, he cast about, watching as one, two, then four shapes resolved before him.

A young man, with pale skin and dark hair, looking quite similar to his own, if it wasn't for the pinched nose and puckered mouth that looked out of place on a face too narrow. An older man, rough shod, but dressed just as smoothly as the rest of them, calm and studious, with a large, star-shaped scar, crossing over his features and almost obscuring one eye. A heavy-set woman, just as tall as the men around her, glowering at him fiercely as she crossed her arms and stared down at him. The fourth man had strawberry blond hair and his frame was thin and sallow, which seemed to be at odds with the rich darkness of his skin, like pure coffee, and Kaidan loathed to attribute such a heady drink with someone whose face looked so remarkably brutal. All in all, not a bunch that inspired much confidence in him. And at last, as the last of his vision whirled into being, the thick, unyielding steel bars that wrapped around his horizon and separated him away from everything else.

A cage. He was in a cage, like an animal. He was a captive, and these, probably his captors.

Understanding must have shone through his eyes and the older man snorted slightly, shifting himself slightly.

"He's a fast one, ain't he?" the first voice said softly, coming from the older man. "Quick to know, and quick to see."

Kaidan shifted slightly as sharp pricks rubbed up against his skin. He paused. His skin? A quick look down and he cursed as his nudity became apparent. He had been stripped, removed of even that token amount of resistance, and he felt his arms twitch slightly as he ached to cover himself up, hide his modesty. Ferocity gleamed in his eyes as he sat up straighter in his confinement, refusing to give even that much toward the people staring at him.

"He's got a nice package on 'im don't he?" a mousey squeak sliced through the air, coming from the dark skinned man. He unfurled a hand and curled it around the bars, reaching for him. "C'mon 'ere and give us all a little peek eh? Little taste."

Kaidan shuddered at the violating words, at being put on display like this. On a hunch, he took a breathed and choked back his sneezing cough, not truly believing what he had smelled, and not even surprised with the result.

Alphas. The lot of them, even the woman, was an Alpha. And there were probably more. The sour scent of arousal had his stomach heaving and the Alpha scent of dominance and sex were overpowering. He refused to surrender to his nausea, refused to stop fighting. He drew his head back up, to stop the bile from leaving his mouth and continued to stare at the lot of them.

"Bitch has spunk," the woman said with a raised eyebrow. "Omega whores, thinking they can meet an Alpha's gaze." With a swift kick, she rattled the bars around him making him wince slightly, but he refused to break eye contact. Refused to give in to these Alpha bastards.

"We should teach 'im a lesson," the first man with pale skin said, soft menace in his tone. "Teach him not to mess with Alpha superiority. You want that boy? You want me to give you a lesson and maybe shove it down your throat?"

"Why don't you come in here and give it a try?" Kaidan whispered softly with a slight smile. He watched with satisfaction as fury painted the other man's face momentarily before he reached for a buckey behind him, tossing its contents down on him and leaving him gasping and shaking against the torrent.

"Little bitch," the same man swore loudly. "Talking back to an Alpha? You ain't gonna be so much of a smart mouth with my meat lodging its way up in there huh? You think you can take us on? Take us all? Little slut, we're the ones who are going to take _you_. Gonna fuck you deep and make sure you take on all of us."

Brittle shards crossed in Kaidan's mind, the same words, the same taunts that he'd heard all those years ago. It couldn't be, it just couldn't...

"Yeah, you got that?" the fourth man said with venomous malice. "Some o' us ain't to familiar with your ass, boy, but here? Well, some of us have had you before, and they tell the rest of us that it's a mighty fine thing. Fine, breeding ass."

Kaidan was slipping against the slope of his mind, the fear and pain from before coming back and hitting him full force in the chest. Despite his control, despite his strength, he was trembling this time, more out of fear and despair, and he couldn't think, couldn't feel, couldn't allow himself to go back to that. He was breaking, his sanity, breaking and breaking, stretched thin. He couldn't go through with that again. Better to die first, die and stop the pain. Make it stop. Had to stop. The words and maddening carousel of his mind was fracturing under the trauma and pressure and he felt something deep within him, snap. His muscles stilled slowly, his head tilted back and his arms relaxed, but he felt it all as if he were far away, an observer watching his actions through a distorted lens. Something deep and primal had woken up within himself, and it shored him up and made him feel...

"That's enough, all of you," came a new voice from the back and immediately the rest of them turned at the sound, shifting back and away from himself. "Get the fuck away from him. Now."

Kaidan watched detachedly as they moved away from the rapidly approaching figure, taking up inferior positions to the new comer. So, it had come to this had it? Kaidan stared blandly as the figure crouched down before him, like a man appraising a pet he was about to purchase. This time, however, the uncertainty, the dread, the fear and the hate, all of it was gone, evaporated from him. All that was left within him was a... dark feeling... Potent and strong, and it should have frightened him beyond words, but he felt like embracing it, felt like accepting it into himself. Madness, animalistic instinct. Fight, or die. Kaidan felt his body raise itself up, hands aching to reach out and crush the life out of the figure before him even as a smaller, hated part of himself, wanted to reach out and caress, be a part of and be found whole with the other man.

"I told you I'd take you back, Kaidan," Marcus said with a humourless smile. A smile that cut across that predatory face like a knife, but none of it touched those cold, cold eyes. "And you should know by now, I always keep my word."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, here I am wishing you've all had a great week before and that you'll have a wonderful weekend ahead and a terrifyingly terrific week after that (no Monday blues, bad blues, bad!)
> 
> And to start off this coming weekend, is this new chapter from Omegaverse!
> 
> This chapter... was insanely difficult to write. I have no idea why. I actually wrote THREE drafts for it before I discarded them all and started on the fourth one, which was what you just read.
> 
> Initially, it stopped right after Shepard agreed to meet Ash. Then from there I took so many different paths, and I tried one (was supposed to be the original direction of the story) where Shepard and Ash team up to look for Kaidan and then after hours of fruitless searching, Anderson would've shown up in Normandy. But that sounded way off (way too much coincidence) and I had to change the tone of the first chapter (which I did in the end) and it didn't really link to the continuing passages and the chapter that would have followed. Then I was thinking along the lines of future chapters, but they didn't link in any way to the three draft versions. Then I changed the progression but it was so bad, and some parts didn't even make sense. Truly frustrating! My partner was laughing to himself as I cursed blue and gold, trying to get the damn words out. If you saw the drafts, you'd have been mind-boggled to even think that it would've come from the same work as Splitting the Difference. Grumble, grumble...
> 
> So instead of submitting sub-standard nonsense for all of you to read, I sat my ass down and wrote (actually used pen and paper) and used almost every creative and literary technique that I knew of to fully explode this chapter. This chapter, took me FOUR days to write. All in all, I think I cumulatively wrote around 25k words for this chapter (here the final amount is around 8.5k) and I would never have forgiven myself if I wrote anything for you all that wasn't up to scratch. I can't work like that. So hopefully (if there are any kind of slips or strange... out of place thingies) then I hope you'll understand and forgive me the lapses. I may need to go back and re-edit this chapter anyway, sometime in the new future.
> 
> Other than that, I hope your interest remains afresh, and that you're finding this story as intriguing as ever! Have a wonderful, stunning weekend doing crazy (but safe, of course) things and I'll see you all next week for the next update!


	16. Captive Audience

"What..." Kaidan coughed out thickly, feeling the burn in his throat as he spoke. "What the hell have you done, Marcus?"

"It speaks," one of the Alphas, the woman, replied snidely.

"Shut the fuck up, Sandy," Marcus immediately shot back, not even bothering to turn toward the speaker behind him. The woman, Sandy, muttered and grumbled in response.

"Why Marcus?" Kaidan asked again, this time pushing for strength. "Why have you come back? Why did you-"

"Take you?" Marcus asked with slight humour. "Why did I come all the way back just to ruin your life?"

Kaidan continued to stare at the man, desperately hoping for an answer.

"Get to your posts," Marcus said suddenly, tilting his head just slightly to the side to show the other Alphas that he was addressing them.

"Hey Marcus," one of the younger Alphas quipped up. "C'mon now, we don't need t-"

Marcus whipped around, speed and strength making his form a blur as he reached out and grasped the speaker's shirt, twisting his arms to choke the smaller Alpha. "I said," Marcus said with soft, slow tones. "Get back. To your posts."

Shuffling feet and barely heard words were shared among the assembled group, words that sounded like a challenge and denial, but Kaidan couldn't hear them clearly enough from where he was, trapped in his tiny, metallic box. The Alpha in Marcus's grip was struggling with the man's rough treatment, breath coming out in choked coughs and struggled gasps. After another few moments, the muscles along Marcus's arms rippled and he tossed the other Alpha onto the side; Kaidan felt a burst of satisfaction strike him as the sound of flesh crunched heavily onto the hard, stone surface. No one moved to help the younger man up, he was slowly picking himself up, refusing to meet anyone's eyes as he rubbed absently at the reddened flesh around his neck. Another round of muttered speech, obscure and far away and at last, they began to shift away, moving off in ones and twos and before they had dispersed, Marcus turned back and gave Kaidan his full attention, once again.

"It's good to see you again Kaidan," Marcus opened, mock sincerity and civility staining his words.

"Fuck you," Kaidan spat.

Marcus chuckled as he crouched down lower, coming into eye contact with himself. "So feisty? Here you are, barely minutes awake, and you're already asking for a good fuck? You know, here I was, thinking you were different from all those other Omega whores I've been with."

"You're not going to get away with this," Kaidan continued, ignoring the taunt and the barb. "You won't be able to worm your way out of this."

"I won't need to," Marcus replied simply. "If they can't find you."

Kaidan felt his skin prickle in fear as the words registered themselves on him. He fought against the clammy cold and locked the muscles in his limbs, refusing to let the man see his shaking. Or how strongly the man's words had affected him.

"Get out," Marcus said curtly as he pulled a key out of his pocket and unlocked the door to the cage. With a quick snap, the lock undid itself and clattered nosily to the floor and Marcus swung the grated metal out slowly, his face an inscrutable mask.

"I'd rather be in here than out there with you," Kaidan grated roughly.

Marcus cocked his head slightly, seemingly considering their impasse before he gave a casual shrug. "You can come out now, under your own strength, or I can toss you out of that cage like an animal. If you break something, well, then that's on you."

Kaidan registered the truth in those words and shifted slowly against the hard metal beneath his naked form. He paused, weighing the threat, and with slow, agonized movements, began to crawl out of his captivity like a wild thing. He felt sick and dirty.

"Good boy," Marcus purred as Kaidan paused before the open door to his enclosure. "If you run, I'll break both of your legs and let the others have you. Whatever pain you feel should be eclipsed by whatever it is they'll do to you."

"You're sick," Kaidan blurted out, standing with a slight wobble. The drugs in his system were burning up fast and he felt exposed, naked as he was, but he refused to give the man before him the satisfaction of cowering. He'd done enough of that in the past.

"Perhaps," Marcus shrugged nonchalantly. "Now let's take a look at you."

Kaidan felt his gorge rise as Marcus walked a small and careful circuit around him. Obviously the fight that they had had, taught the man to respect Kaidan's skills in protecting himself. Still, Kaidan was sickened by the look of avarice in the other man's eyes, so carefully covered up but obvious to his own. Marcus's gaze tracked up and down his nude skin, sculpting and violating his body with his gaze and Kaidan forced himself to endure the sensation that crept along his skin, forced his mind away from the Alpha and his perversions as he darted quick looks around the area. Forced his mind to preoccupy itself so that he wouldn't acknowledge the small seed of mirrored desire that he had, deep within him, for his torturer. His bonded Alpha.

They were in a dilapidated industrial building of sorts, with crummy lighting that looked way past their prime. The ceiling was high, like those of hangars that Kaidan had seen pictures of, with beams and crosses of metal haphazardly shoring up the burgeoning weight around them. The walls were peeled and stained, rust and ochre staining the metal and what would amount as paint in a place like this. Several embankments of frosted windows, clearly that way due to the dust and neglect rather than any aesthetically pleasing effect, rolled along the sides of the structure, what Kaidan was beginning to suspect was a warehouse of sorts. There were doors, probably leading out or deeper into the building, but they were padlocked and the windows were too high up to reach without assistance. Stacks of rotten crates and other bric-a-brac jumbled across the floor and leaned drunkenly against the walls, casting deep shadows across everything due to the paltry light that shone overhead. Kaidan continued his searching gaze, looking for floor grates, side entrances, places to move, places to hide, but to no avail, before a large, muscular body moved into his line of sight.

"I know what you're thinking," Marcus breathed heavily. "And I won't tell you again. Run, and I'll break you."

"You already broke me once," Kaidan said with thick bitterness.

"You don't look like a man broken," Marcus replied with a cocked eyebrow and Kaidan couldn't stand looking into those deep brown eyes, couldn't stand seeing the want there, and couldn't stand the way his body tentatively ached to move just a little closer.

"It took me a long time," Kaidan voiced harshly. "But I moved on."

"Well I didn't," Marcus whispered, warm breath ghosting across Kaidan's cheek. His eyes widened. When had the man moved so close to him? Without thought, Kaidan moved away stepping back away from the man.

Marcus made a sound, an angry, short bark and before Kaidan could respond, before Kaidan could even think to react, large meaty bands of steel wrapped around his neck, keeping him from moving away, from even speaking.

"Look at me," Marcus growled out. Kaidan fixed his gaze onto the floor, refusing to surrender even that much resistance. "Look at me, Kaidan!" Marcus roared.

"There's nothing to look at," Kaidan replied raggedly past the fingers around his throat.

Marcus paused and Kaidan braced himself for the blow that would come, the roughness that would punish him for his insolence. He fought against the pull, struggled briefly against he strength of the man's arm as he yanked him off of his feet and, because of that, Kaidan wasn't prepared and warm moisture met his lips and crashed against his senses.

Marcus's kiss was as rough as the man himself. His teeth scraped along the inside of Kaidan's lips, scoring the tender flesh there and scraping at the his nerves. Kaidan instinctively shoved at the larger man, but to no avail as Marcus dragged him in closer, rough hands closing over his exposed flesh and feeling the contours of his body. Kaidan fought against the intrusive move, tried to shove himself away, but his attempts were weak and pitiful. Marcus was rough but, no tenderness in the man even as he advanced with such a tender action. The seed within him, the one that he'd spent years repressing, exploded out and Kaidan couldn't help how his fingers and toes curled, how his skin grew hotter at the contact.

Marcus's kiss was rough, like whiskey. Bitter and strong. Kaidan felt his body going more and more limp as the bond that he had with the Alpha trying to exert himself onto him, grew and grew, after being kept hidden away from everything for so long. Like whiskey, the taste of the man burned through his throat as he opened his mouth just a little bit wider, as he pushed back just a little more eagerly, and god, it felt so good after so long, to feel this complete. God, it felt so wonderful to be finally-

_Soft kisses, a tiny peck at the side of his smirking lips. They moved with slowness, tender and caring, and they trailed happily across, seeking more, but tentative in asking. Kaidan obliged, opening himself up more, to taste the man, taste such tenderness. The flicks of their tongues against one another were playful, almost shy, but Kaidan needed to feel more, needed to feel more of the softness. Shepard happily obliged._

Kaidan jerked away from the memory as if burned.

He came back to his body all at once, feeling the strength of Marcus above him, the man's groping hands running across his bare ass and moving toward the crack of his opening. He could feel his body surrendering to the Alpha that was holding up, could feel his temperature rising. And, with sick disgust, he could feel Marcus's arousal as it hardened and pressed against his stomach, the fabric of the man's pants scratching lightly at his skin. He could feel his own, getting harder and harder by the second, already semi-hard. He tasted the warm sharpness, felt the dully throbbing sting on his lips and god, what the hell was he doing? The bond. Bonded to two Alphas, breaking and breaking, forming and reforming. He could, but he didn't. He did, but he couldn't. Shepard. Marcus.

What?

Kaidan bit down against the soft pillow of flesh in between his teeth, earning him a startled yelp and a harsh shove backward as Marcus reacted swiftly, pulling away from Kaidan's body. He stumbled back, tasting the coppery taste of blood on his tongue, and he smiled to himself as Marcus turned back and glared at him. With a challenging roar, Marcus surged forward but this time, Kaidan was ready for the man's speed.

He followed his backward momentum, letting himself fall even faster as he twisted away, letting his arms absorb the shock of the impact from the floor. He glanced back toward Marcus and judged the closing distance, roughly using instinct to guide him. Within a second, he lashed out, using his other three limbs to brace his torque as he spun his right leg back, angled just low enough that, with the amount of force Marcus was putting into his charge, he would definitely cause some serious damage to the man's tenting pants.

Kaidan cursed as vertigo suddenly overtook him, making him misjudge his kick. The drugs, they were still in him, and pushing his timing off just enough that he couldn't properly control his movements. Marcus took advantage of the situation and, as before, twisted his leg to the side and took the stinging blow to the hard muscle around his outer thigh. Kaidan could only stare hatefully as the man barrelled down onto him, crushing him against the sharp edges of the floor as they ground into his back. Damn the man.

"Fuckin' full of fire aren't you, little Kaidan? It’s funny how we keep ending up like this. Can’t wait to push it to the next level." Marcus said as he pinned both of Kaidan's arms beneath just one of his own meaty ones. He spat out a glob of saliva and blood, clearing his throat as he stared down at him with glittering, angry eyes. Kaidan soaked in the feeling. "It's that Shepard fucker, isn't it? You think he's got what it takes to be an Alpha? Little piece of shit like that. You think he's good enough for you?"

"And you think you are?" Kaidan continued to stare hatefully up at the man restraining him. God, the hate, it poured so thickly from him now. "Who the fuck do you think you are, Marcus? You're nobody, you're nothing but a-"

"I'm yours!" Marcus yelled into his face, stilling the rest of his words. "I'm yours and you are _mine_. You're my Omega. We're bonded Kaidan, we're together, now and forever. Ain't no piece of shit is gonna ever touch you again without my permission."

"There's a piece of shit touching me right now," Kaidan quipped up through gritted teeth. "I guess you have him your permission?"

The backhand against his cheek was pulled, but it still stung.

"You don't get to talk to your Alpha like that, boy," Marcus snarled out.

"You're not my Alpha," Kaidan said softly, smiling grimly. "You never were."

"I am _always_ gonna be your Alpha, Kaidan." Marcus forced out.

"And what did you think Marcus?" Kaidan snapped out, finally giving in to the raging anger within him. "You think that after something like that, after how badly you destroyed the trust we had, you could continue being an Alpha? You thought you could get away with that, come back here, and do whatever the fuck you want?"

"I did get away with it," Marcus said through gritted teeth. "There is no trust between an Alpha and an Omega. There is no we. There is the Alpha, the apex of our kind, and you, the Omega. You belong to us. And we can damn well do whatever it is we want with you."

"You don't learn do you?" Kaidan blandly countered. "I told you, you're not even an Alpha, not even a man. A real Alpha, a real man, doesn't treat anyone else like that. Isn't so sick and twisted that he's filled up with his pride at being an Alpha that he thinks that he can use it do anything he wants. That's an animal, Marcus. And that's you."

Kaidan surged forward, intent on crushing the tip of Marcus’s nose with the hard edge of his forehead. This time, he put the full force of motion into his attack, but unfortunately, to no avail. Marcus had indeed learned, probably remembering how Kaidan had clipped his cheek with the same move, just a week or so ago. They fought and struggled, moving and responding with equal force against one another, but in this position, Kaidan had the disadvantage, with Marcus’s weight pressing down on him and grinding him into the stone.

"We're both animals, Kaidan," Marcus ground out, roughly as he pressed down harder. "You and me? We're not like them, the rest out there. We live beyond that, with the both of us. We mate, we breed. We are, the Alpha and the Omega. I'm here for you, because nobody else since, has ever made me feel the way that I do about you. I want you Kaidan, and I'm damn well going to have you."

"Grandiose prick," Kaidan muttered. "What makes you think you'll stay this way? What makes you think I'll surrender and let you do as you please? I did that once, long ago, and I learned from it. I'll fight you, you asshole. I'll fight you every step of the way and I'm never going to let you do to me, what you did to me before."

"You will," Marcus replied darkly. "If I pump you full of drugs."

"What?" Kaidan blurted out.

"Drugs, pharmaceuticals…" Marcus ticked off. "I've gotten busy the last few years. Getting to know the right people and makin' things happen. There are things that I know that'd make your hair curl. Did you know, sweet little Kaidan, that there's a drug now that can induce a state of heat in Omegas who take it? It's supposed to help with the breeding process. Can you imagine everything that could be done with a beauty such as that?"

Horror flitted through Kaidan's eyes. Why? Why would something like that even exist?

"Oh yes," Marcus purred, wresting the control in their conversation away from him. "Imagine, a tiny little pill that could be used to get Omegas in heat, let's say for a day. And if I fed you the whole bottle? If I gave you a pill every day, for the rest of your life?"

"Monster," Kaidan whispered with dread. The realization of such a truth struck him more forcefully than any blow he'd ever experienced before. He'd been through unwilling heats before, and just to imagine, being used that way, for the rest of his life. His shiver couldn't be completely hidden as the thought played out in his head. "You fucking animalistic piece of shit monster. What the fuck... Why would..."

"For you Kaidan," Marcus smiled darkly down at him. "As always, just for you. And you're going to enjoy it as much as I did. As much as I will."

Marcus leaned down and pressed another rough kiss at the edge of his lips and Kaidan tasted the bitter whiskey of the man's mouth laced with the salty sharpness of the drying blood, but this time, something had already snapped inside of him, like a string wound too tight. He had been pushed, bullied and herded, to the edge of his mind and yank back and force. He felt something within him... shift and change and he felt disgust and loathing. Hatred and rage. A dark, familiar feeling washed over him, and he welcomed it again as Marcus pulled away, hoisting him up by his neck and arms.

With a heavy motion, Marcus tossed him back into his cage, leaving him dazed as his head struck harshly against one of the metal bars, leaving him momentarily stunned. Even as he was recovering, the sound of the lock clicking back into place sounded through the still air of his prison and he could only lean back against the bars, feeling the bite of cold metal on his flushed and aching skin. That, and the burning desire to find a way out, find an escape, even if it meant dying. Anything would be better than the future that Marcus had in store for him.

Marcus stood up casually, flicking his tongue over his torn lip and smearing the blood stain there unevenly across. He stood back, seemingly considering his captive before him, before he cocked his head back and cast an unreadable expression over to him.

"This is bigger than the both of us," Marcus finally spoke up cryptically. "Bigger than you, than me. There are things at play here that you wouldn't even understand. You'll never know what's happening, so I just... You behave yourself and stay in your cage until we ship you out. We've been here three days, and I don't want to waste any more time, threatening you." Marcus's face seemed to shift suddenly, coming back to that familiar mask of his. "Thanks for the warm up Kaidan," Marcus grinned humourlessly. "I missed it. And I look forward to a lot more of it from you."

"Go to hell," Kaidan rasped out as Marcus turned away, walking toward one of the locked doors.

Kaidan was left alone with his realization and thoughts. God, what the hell was going on here? Since when had Marcus dared to cross this particular line? Sure the man was a right bastard, was a down right perverse and twisted individual, but kidnap? What amounted to rape without heed for the consequences? Something was going on here, and it made him feel vexed at the fact that he could do nothing to plumb that particular mystery. Still so many unanswered questions, so many things for him to think about, and he wouldn't be getting it from Marcus at any rate. But first, he needed to escape. He needed to get away.

The sound of the door opening and shutting again brought his attention as one of the Alphas that had been there during his awakening entered the area, making an intent beeline for his prison. He paused, stilling himself.

Three days? He had been here for three days? What the hell had happened? Had he been doped up to high heaven just so Marcus could get his kicks? No, he thought he knew Marcus. This was something beyond the man, something that ran deeper. No way he would have done this without coercion of some kind. Kaidan just needed to figure out what. And the rest of his family? His friends? Did they even know what had happened to him? He couldn't rely on their good will to get him out of this. After years of torment and personal demons, he had fought, he had grown, he had gained strength where before he had had only weakness. Perhaps, deep down, he had been preparing for the eventuality of a day like this, when he would have to confront Marcus one last time. And dammit all, he was ready.

A small, warm bubble seemed to rise up within him as another realization struck him. Stunned him through the sheer immediacy of its consideration.

He had rejected the man. He, an Omega, had rejected the Alpha that he was bonded to. Time and time again. And he felt... strange, deep within. Like something was torn from him and a wound had been opened, but it felt clean, like removing a splinter that had been festering in his flesh for the last few years. It hurt, but it was a good hurt, and despite the disjointed feeling of emptiness, he felt more complete than ever before. Had he broken his bond with Marcus? Could something like that even happen? Then what did that mean, between Shepard and himself? So many questions, and nothing he could do about it sitting here in his dank cell. So, first things first. Get out, get safe. A small part of himself wished desperately that Shepard would realize his plight, would come out guns blazing and find him, rescue him. But such were only stories and right now, he could only rely on himself and what he had been taught.

Kaidan smiled softly as the Alpha in the room approached his cage, the man's interest barely concealed behind his hooded eyes.

*

"Approaching extraction point," Miranda quipped up.

"Good," Shepard groused. "It's about damn time."

"Patience, Shepard," Miranda said with a casual flip of her hair. "We've been waiting this long. Another few minutes aren't going to kill us."

"It's not what's going to kill us that worries me," Shepard shot back a little more harshly than he'd intended but Miranda knew him well enough to let the comment slide as she went back to studying the walls around them.

Three days. It had been three days since he'd been broken out of St. Normandy's holding cells.

It had been a whirlwind movement, going with Miranda and travelling with her to the undisclosed location where he had met, briefly, with the rest of his old team. Since then, he had had to surrender all information that could conceivably be pulled from him, information that was both personal and private. He had barely hesitated, every fibre of his being primed into the search for Kaidan. Perhaps his over burning drive had something to do with the small bit of regret that had been steadily alongside his every waking moment, the small feeling of feeling that he had made the wrong choice, that he had made a bad call. And, like divine consequence, it had been like his last, huge fight with Kaidan had opened up the rift between them, and had resulted in Marcus being able to steal Kaidan away. So perhaps, he had something to make up for.

"We're here," came a voice beside him. "Take a breather Shep. We'll get this done."

"Thanks, Kasumi," Shepard breathed as he stood on stiff legs.

"As long as your information is sound that is," Kasumi quipped lightly as she chuckled and shifted off her seat as well.

It was a relief. Shepard had had the foresight to implant a tracker app onto Kaidan's phone during their courtship. It had been a severe breach of the trust that they had shared, but all things considered, it was something that Shepard didn't regret, especially after it got him results such as this. He'd done it early on, more out of habit than anything else, especially with someone of his background, and after hearing about how abused Kaidan had been during his younger years, and that the person who had done it was still at large, it took very little convincing on his part for him to wake up in the middle of the night and install the thing. So long as Kaidan's phone had power, it would transmit its co-ordinates, though that had given out the day before. Shepard didn't know whether it was because the natural battery life had finally spent itself or whether something more insidious had occurred, but the last known location was here, where they had planned their mark.

It had been good, catching up with the old team. Especially since they had been disbanded prematurely due to the recent crisis between the Alphas and Omegas. Sure, they were an almost autonomous force that were beyond the scope of any potential governments to restrain, but they had they code of conduct and their honour and morals. He could feel his blood singing in his veins as his adrenaline peaked and he relished the chance to unlimber old muscles and stretch familiar skills. Not to mention the camaraderieship between himself and his team; it had been something that he prided himself in. Not just a leader, but a friend. Not just a friend, but a brother. That's who they all were, under the skin, the partnerships and bonds that they shared that transcended orientation, race, gender or nature. And damn if he wasn't going to use every once of his authority to get to Kaidan and get him home safe and sound. That was the power of the SPECTRES.

"Are you ready, Shepard?" a deep and mellifluous voice called from behind him, standing as he was at the opening of their sleek shuttle. "I had thought that your mission was of the utmost importance."

"Impatient Samara?" Shepard asked quizzically. Normally he would take every opportunity he could to tease the older woman, but with worry nagging at him, he didn't have time for pre-fight humour. Still, she was aloof and beyond, almost appearing untouchable, and that made everyone else want to get under her skin even more.

"Of course not, Shepard." Samara replied easily. "I am only wondering why you stall for time when time is something that we have precious little of."

"Move then," Shepard said curtly as he stalked out.

"Bring me back some pictures!" his pilot, Joker, called into their comm sets.

Shepard blatantly ignored the man.

They assembled as Joker stowed their transport quietly, shutting down everything but the crucial systems that would keep her stealthy and primed to take off at a moment's notice. They were a simple and motley crew, at first glance, no uniforms or insignias to display allegiances or rank. In actual fact, they were considered equals, all of them, only assigning leadership according to experience and mission priorities. That had been their way since the start and in a way, he was glad that Anderson had allowed him to pick his team for this extraction. He didn't have anything against the rest of their small group, in fact he enjoyed their company off duty more than the current company, but he worked with these women time and time again and he knew how to play with their strengths. Not to mention the fact that their skills leaned more closely toward covert and recon ops. Shepard was impatient to continue.

He had been beside himself when they had assembled on the first day, doing cursory briefings and debriefings with the team that had been arranged to pick him up. He could have gone immediately, unprepared and unsure of what to do and how to proceed, but Shepard didn’t work that way. He knew the importance of getting a strong team together to complete their mission with the highest probability of success and he already had the members in mind that he wanted to call upon. Since they weren’t in the immediate vicinity, strings had to be pulled and resources allocated as the fetched what Shepard needed for his mission. He had chafed at the waiting, using the time that he had to finalize and hone his intelligence, getting the clearances that he would need and finally, getting everyone up to speed. Not to mention the dark thoughts that constantly swirled about him as to what he would do to Marcus once he finally got his hands on the man.

"You all know why we're here," Shepard opened simply, in no mood for his usual pep talk.

A round of wordless nods echoed his sentiments.

"Good," Shepard said. "Our main priority is the target. Kaidan Alenko. Safe extraction is an absolute. All other considerations are secondary."

"Hold on there, Shepard," Miranda spoke up. "I have it on Anderson's authority that there are to be no casualties."

Shepard gritted his teeth at Miranda's words. He had so wanted to see Marcus's head split open like a piece of rotten fruit. Perhaps he could contrive some way to make it appear as an accident.

"Fine," Shepard surrendered. "No casualties. Stunners and knock outs to go. But extraction of target intact and alive is priority. Is that understood?"

"Of course," Miranda replied coolly. "Was there any doubt?"

Shepard didn't bother to reply as he looked at Kasumi. "Kasumi, we've got another good two hours of daylight. I need you to scout and recon the structure and make sure they're still inside. Mark Kaidan's location if you can. We'll being the operation once light is zero."

"So bossy," Kasumi chided. "I know what to do, Shep. This isn't my first run."

Shepard breathed, trying to still his heartbeat and push the fire out of his lungs. God, he ached to go down there, weapons and fists blazing. Marcus had no idea what was coming for him.

"Actually," Kasumi butted in. "Isn't this going to be... a little awkward?"

"What do you mean?" Shepard asked, turning a question eyebrow at the hooded woman.

"Well, suppose that we get to... Kaidan, that's a lovely name by the way," Kasumi chatted freely. "Suppose we get to Kaidan. And then what? Extraction in full view of target? He doesn't know about the SPECTRES does he?"

Shepard had been worrying about that the entire time he'd been preparing for this mission. While they were an autonomous body that only answered to their own hierarchy, they had been one that had been secret. It wouldn't if the world found out that there was a military organization outside of governmental law that could operate freely within its own jurisdiction. Sure, there were always the political smokescreens and cover-ups that they had to initiate in order to get larger scale work done, but this? This was something personal. Something that had rarely, if ever, been allowed by the higher ups, and Shepard wondered at that. Something big was going on here, bigger than anything that they had the knowledge to deal with, so he went with his gut instinct and let the feeling take over.

"That'll be something that I'll deal with, when it comes to it," Shepard returned blandly after some thought. "Like I said, priority is his extraction. That's all."

"Very well, Shepard," Samara said with a small incline of her head. "Where should we set up?"

Shepard pulled the rough and shoddy schematics of their target out and began to detail their approach, placing each member as a pair that would move in, secure the compound and get their goal accomplished. It was almost like rote, applying the strategies and tactics that he'd practically grown up with and soon, they all had their assignments and positions of point. Soon, Kaidan would be back with him, safe. And then? Then, when the dust had settled and everything had been swept under the rug, he was going to make Marcus pay for every single minute of torment that Kaidan had gone through in the last three days, and he was going to charge interest. Finally a smile cracked his face and they began to move away, ghosts in shadow, as the light began to wane.

*

"Not usually into male Omegas," the Alpha spoke up as he paced the perimeter of the cage. "But damn if you aren't a sight."

Kaidan continued to stare sightlessly though, toward the exit, just barely covering his modesty and keeping himself decent. Bad enough that the man's roaming eyes had been stroking his body relentlessly since he'd walked in an hour ago. The evening light was already dimming and bathing the area in rich oranges. Kaidan kept track of the man through his peripheral vision as he prepared and discarded scenarios and situations, all while he bolstered his confidence.

Now, he thought to himself. The time was now.

Kaidan clutched at himself suddenly, as the Alpha before him passed directly in front of the cage’s door. He allowed himself to fall to the side, not caring as he felt his skin scrape against the textured surface of the metal floor and he brought his arms up to his stomach, groaning lightly as he trembled there. The man ignored him as Kaidan continued to grip himself.

Kaidan gritted his teeth and shifted against the hard, unyielding floor, not caring about the scrapes against him as he continued to groan and ache, shifting himself so that his legs were tucked into his stomach and presenting his ass toward the outside of his cage, just subtly enough that the man would catch tantalizing glimpses. The Alpha continued to walk his circuit, pacing slightly before finally stopping outside of the door to stare at Kaidan, hunched over and in obvious pain.

“Wassa matter with you?” the Alpha spoke up at last. “Somethin’ wrong with you?”

“Oh god,” Kaidan grated out through gritted teeth. “God it hurts. Hurts so bad… I can’t… I can’t believe it’s… Oh god, my heat. It’s my heat…”

“What?” the Alpha blurted out uncomprehendingly, slight alarm in his tone. “What’s that about heat?”

Kaidan curled in deeper into himself, making noises of pain on confusion as he tried to colour his tone. “Damn it hurts. I need… I need to be… Oh god! It hurts!”

“Damn,” the man said softly and Kaidan continued to writhe there on the floor. “Ain’t gonna be worth my hide to come near you.”

“Please,” Kaidan ground out with a moan. “I need… I need you. Inside me… You smell so good. I need you…”

Kaidan went through another convulsion, clamping his eyes shut in apparent pain as he turned his head up just to the side and squinted up at the young Alpha before him, hiding the fact that he was studying the man as much as the man was watching him. Kaidan saw with disgust as the man’s blurry face was flushed with heat and Kaidan spied the man’s obvious erection as the thoughts of a willing Omega began to play across the fore of his young mind. Kaidan bit back a snort. Virile and stupid, he was lucky that the person sent to mind him was young and full of hormones, probably not even been through an Omega’s heat himself. Virile and stupid, and therefore easily manipulated, Kaidan continued his act as he sent minute trembles coursing through his taut muscles. Little wonder that the man was breathing so hard, probably not even realizing that Kaidan wasn’t giving off any heat scent. All the man wanted, needed, was the apparently willing Omega before him.

“Can’t…” the man began and the seemed to shake himself. “Can’t get close to you. Marcus would kill me if I touched you… I-“

“Please,” Kaidan grated softly. “He doesn’t have to know. I just… Urgh… It hurts… Damn, I need you. I need an Alpha. Inside of me.”

He watched as his words laced through the air and played with the man’s imagination. Heard as the man’s breathing became more laboured and stronger. Kaidan would have smile to himself if it wouldn’t have given the act away. Virile and stupid indeed.

“Fuck man, I can’t…” the youth hesitated, clearly unaware that his hands were beginning to steal down toward the bulge in his pants.

“Yes,” Kaidan called out almost desperately. “Fuck… Need to fuck… Need you to fuck me… Please. I won’t tell, I won’t tell. God, I just need…”

Kaidan continued to hunch himself in, clenching and unclenching himself as spasms rocked his body. Perhaps he’d gone too far? Sure there was always a risk that the young man outside of his cage would panic and go and fetch Marcus over the idea that the man’s Omega was in heat and ready and willing to be taken. Of course, that was going to cause problems for him, if Marcus ever knew that the younger Alpha had been in a room with Kaidan during his heat. After all, he had been labelled as Marcus’s Omega. And the man’s obvious arousal would definitely be a sign to everyone that something more had happened here than anything that could be considered mundane. But perhaps, just maybe, he had played his cards right. Either that, or he was putting himself into a situation where Marcus would come down and claim him for himself.

Just as he was about to stop his act and sit up, Kaidan heard the metallic sound of a zipper being pulled out, slicing through the air. He almost smiled to himself at the sound and he cracked his eye open again, staring through the sliver of light to see the man’s massive erection, throbbing and swollen as it bobbed in the cool evening air. He watched as the man reached down and fondled himself, tugging at the foreskin there and stroking himself to completeness before him. Kaidan gritted his teeth, more to stop the bile from leaving his stomach, than in any real sense of pain, but he left it there, to entice the man further.

“Please,” Kaidan called out again, in apparent desperation. “Can’t see… Can’t… Oh god, make it stop. So empty inside. Need to feel… Feel something. Make the pain stop. Need an Alpha. Alpha…”

Kaidan’s moaning sobs had the exact effect he was going for. The sound of shuffling feet neared him and he watched as the young man knelt before the cage, setting his erect cock through the bars and pushing himself up to the edge.

“C’mon then,” the Alpha said through his laboured breathing. “C’mon and take me in you.”

Kaidan tried to perk his head up, reaching out a blind hand toward the sound of the man’s voice, but he feigned weakness and disorientation, weaving weakly. “Can’t… Can’t reach… Can’t reach it… Please, I need you inside of me…”

The man pushed himself up against the bars of the cage, straining to bring his throbbing cock just a little bit closer to Kaidan’s hands. Kaidan reached out aimlessly, purposefully not letting himself brush up against the other man’s swollen member before he let his hand fall dramatically to the side. With a gurgled breath, Kaidan slumped boneless to the side and forced himself to sink there, weak tremors racing up his body as he continued to convulse in apparent weak vulnerability. As he did so, he let his body shift slightly, exposing more of his ready opening for the man to look at as he muttered under his breath to himself.

Kaidan waited as the silence seemed to stretch. Wait for the man to stand up and leave, to fetch Marcus and have him deal with Kaidan as the prime Alpha to an Omega in heat. Barely a minute ticked by before the sound of metal sliding on metal sounded and Kaidan suppressed a triumphant shout as the lock clicked open and fell heavily onto the stone floor of the warehouse. Kaidan waited almost impatiently as the sound of the cage door being opened squeal through to him and Kaidan let himself be dragged out as the man’s rough haste pulled at him, grabbing at arms and legs before hauling him out onto the dusty, dirty floor. Not even a care for the face that he was nude here and that there were sharp chips everywhere, Kaidan thought distractedly.

“Going to fuck you, Omega whore,” the young Alpha breathed heavily, breath heaving with lust and desire. “Going to shove this thick piece of Alpha cock in you and make you feel good.”

“Fuck me,” Kaidan whispered, just short of begging. God, he sounded pathetic. “Need that… Alpha cock in me. God, please… I need you… Fuck me, please.”

“Fuck man,” the Alpha breathed lustily. “So fuckin’ hot.”

Kaidan kept the snort of disbelief to himself. Trust an Alpha to find a shaking, hurting body before him appealing in any kind of sexual manner. So young and stupid. Kaidan hoped that he man would live to regret his actions.

Kaidan felt the man’s hot hands as they slid up under his body, hefting up and arranging him. Kaidan let his body go limp as the Alpha man handled him, shoving him down and to the fore, letting the rough stone floor scratch at his cheeks. Kaidan didn’t resist as the man stripped down, hearing the tearing sound of fabric as it was shifted off heated skin and the tinkling sound of a belt clattering noisily onto the floor. During the process, Kaidan felt the brushes of fingertips against his skin, felt the man’s cock tip rub up against his skin and smear pre-come over him; it was all that he could do not to lash out at this point. Kaidan willed himself into submission as the man gripped him in careless hands, turning him over so that he continued to face the floor. He braced himself on his forearms, letting the younger man grab at his hips and raise his ass up into the air, ready for the Alpha’s huge, throbbing and leaking member. Kaidan wondered if the young man even questioned the fact that there wasn’t any moisture coming from his opening and he stilled his thoughts as the man’s fingers roughly prodded at his hole with spit soaked fingers, apparently assuming that the thimbleful of spit on his digits was enough to lube him up. Omegas had been broken open for less than that.

“Gonna seed your ass good, Omega slut,” the Alpha above him groaned. “Seed you deep inside and make you ripe with me. Gonna own your ass. Fuckin’ sweet ass.”

“Fuck me,” Kaidan said heatedly, not with desire, but with anger. He felt sick and dirty, but he would do what he had to. Kaidan braced his weight on his forearms and prepared himself.

“Fuck…” the young man called out in ecstasy as he lowered his body down, intent on ploughing through Kaidan’s ass without a hint of preparation. He felt the shadow cross his squinted eyes as the man drew closer and closer.

Without another moment’s hesitation, he lashed out, putting the full force of his weight and muscle into a kick aimed directly at the man’s sternum and he felt the tell-tale movement of cracking cartilage as the overwhelming force of his strike sent the man flying back, sliding against the floor before crashing noisily into a stack of jumbled pallets.

Kaidan stood up immediately, stretching his muscles and absently swiping at the drying trails of moisture and pre-come along his body. He’d wash that stink off later. That and more, he thought darkly, especially after what he was planning to do.

The man lay in a heap, sightless eyes staring up at him as Kaidan stood over the man, resplendent in his victory. Kaidan breathed heavily, feeling his pulse throb at the edges of his temple as he savoured the reversal, savoured the dark feeling of triumph and overcoming the Alpha who had been about to dominate him. Who had, in all probability, treated Omegas even worse than what Kaidan himself had done to the man. That much was evident in the callousness of the man’s words.

“You deserve so much more,” Kaidan said with menace, not bothering to elaborate. He turned a small, mysterious smile onto the man as fear flitted across the fallen Alpha’s face. “More than I am willing to do to you at the moment.”

The man opened his mouth to speak, but cut off as a choked scream left his lips. He convulsed slightly and clutched at his chest, fingers tentative and cautious as they hadn’t been on Kaidan’s own body. Kaidan felt his smile grow darker and more wider as the irony of the moment washed over him. He tilted his head to the side, studying the naked man for a moment, watched as the painfully heaving chest shook and trembled under his scrutiny. So easy, to end such a miserable life. Would it be worth it though, in the end? Perhaps. Then again, perhaps not. That sin was reserved for only one person now, and Kaidan ached to lay that retribution at the man’s feet.

Without another thought, Kaidan yanked at the man’s arm, ignoring the way the man’s shattered scream died in his throat. Kaidan noticed with barely any interest, the large dark shape that was spreading out across from the Alpha’s ruined chest. Worse had been done to him, and to others that he would never know. This was only minor recompense, and Kaidan would let it go. Eventually. He paused just outside of the cage, taking a moment to bend down and shift the man’s shoes off of his feet. The Alpha tried to struggle against Kaidan’s actions, but his movements were feeble and easily contested. The man’s eyes were unfocused and his face pale as the crimson bruise stretched deeper along the inside of the man’s narrow chest. He honestly had been aiming to maim the man, not kill him. But he would not mourn the world’s loss if such a thing happened, and from the looks of it, it would take a few hours before the bone fragments and torn muscle failed and ceased to function. Lungs, then heart, then brain.

He tossed the suffering young man into the cage that had so recently held him and Kaidan worked the door and lock, snapping the device shut as he flung the key out into one of the dark corners of the area. That would take care of that, for now. He had no pity left in him, no time for mercy against those who would take such kindness away from those who needed it most. His survival would come first, over the thoughtless lives of ones such as these.

Kaidan turned his russet eyes over the scenario once, scrutinizing the ailing Alpha once more before he put him out of his mind. He swept the immediate area and then calmly bent to pick up the shoes and discarded articles of clothing. They looked small, and would hug his frame uncomfortably, but he wasn’t going to complain about having so modicum of privacy and protection restored to him. He considered now, in greater detail, as he pulled on the strong smelling shirt and pants. They smelled so strongly of the Alpha’s stench that Kaidan wanted to scrub at his skin with sandpaper until the smell disappeared completely. He struggled to bring his mind back to the now.

He had a choice. He could leave, immediately and uncontested. Well, as uncontested as it would ever be. Marcus had mentioned something about patrols and posts, and the organization of such a rag-tag bunch worried Kaidan more than the idea of what they were doing taking such huge risks. He could run, right now, but he had no idea of where he was, where he would go. Three days was a short time to get lost in the world, though something in weather reminded him that he was probably still within the country. Kaidan smiled wolfishly as he tugged on the last shoe, wiggling his toes against the worn material. So, no chance to run, without a guarantee of escape at least. He needed to find more information, needed to get to the source and cut it out. He had to find out where he was and perhaps, get more information out of Marcus. After all, the man had said that this was something bigger than the both of them and Kaidan could feel it, deep within his bones, that the man had been telling the truth. Something was going on that Kaidan needed to get wind of, at the very least, to protect Omega interests around the world. So it behoved him to pay the man a special, painful visit.

He sighed to himself, almost lightly, as he entertained the idea. A small part of himself cautioned him against the shadowed turn of his thoughts, but he paid it little heed, almost as much as the muttered, pain groans coming from the cage. He was going to find Marcus and settle their score, once and for all. That was the best option. The most satisfying one. He had spent his life preparing for this, and in all honesty? It would have probably been better, more sure, to escape now. But now he realized, he didn’t want that. He wanted to find Marcus and end this. He wanted to rip the man to shreds and make him pay for everything that he had done, every hurt and pain that he had caused. Kaidan was going to make sure his life was going to be his own again and he hoped that Marcus would take pleasure in this reversal of roles, because he certainly was going to. After all, Marcus had always enjoyed dominating and the superiority of his position. Perhaps it was time to make the man see more than his eyes were letting him. Kaidan smiled darkly to himself as he worked his crowded thoughts forward, planning his next steps.

He turned toward the high reaching windows, noting how the slanted light was darker and thicker. Kaidan checked the light source and finally skirted the edges of the large room, heading toward the exit and slipping out. He was gone before the door shut silently against its frame.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello my dear readers. How has your week been so far? I hope to hear the words fantastic and stupendous in your sentences without any negative suffixes attached. Only the positive ones accepted here. And if not? Why, here is another chapter of Omegaverse!
> 
> This chapter was another bitch to write. Because of the Good Friday public holiday being celebrated, my partner was staying over on Thursday night, which meant that I had to get the house cleaning done before Friday in order to spend the day with him (normally he stays over starting Friday night, so I can post up a chapter on Friday and get on with house chores).
> 
> Bear with me, this will lead up to something.
> 
> So, I had to do my chores on Thursday, which meant that I couldn't write my chapter on Thursday. But I couldn't write it on Wednesday either, due to some commitments that kept me out of the house the whole day. So what do I do? I woke up even earlier that day to start writing and I was a mess when it came to vacuuming the house after. Hahaha. Oh, and I use word pad to write my work. Did you know that word pad has no auto-save feature? And did you know that Windows 8 SUCKS periodically because during their scheduled maintenance updates, they will automatically restart and shut down your computer?
> 
> TL;DR. I had around three hours of sleep that night, woke up to write my chapter, had the chapter disappear from under my nose because I'm a bloody noob and didn't save every 5 minutes. Went all Undying Rage on my computer for much more than 6 seconds (a little League of Legends reference for you all there) and then had to clean up the house. Finished it early and sloppily (which ticked off my cleanliness OCD) and started writing the same chapter. Again. T_T...
> 
> So forgive me if this chapter sounds a little disjointed (my flow was really, really interrupted) and if the undertones are quite angry (I wrote it in a very angry mood). So yeah... Anyway, it's a fantastically long weekend (for those of you whose countries celebrate Good Friday as a public holiday) and I hope as ever, your weekend will be amazing and you'll have a wonderful and and safe time among friends and family and lover and that you'll enjoy this chapter. For those that don't, hang in there! The weekend is just a day away. Angry!Kaidan and Angry!Shepard. Let's see which one reaches Marcus first. XD


	17. Confluence of Events

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there my lovelies! Your (favourite? lol, so shameless) author here. Nothing of importance to report! Just want to let you all get right into it. Hope you've all had an amazing week and that your coming weekend will bring you lots of rest, laughter, love and fun, so you'll be ready to tackle the coming week. Stay safe and be good! See you all next week, on the Archives! (sounds like an advertisement for a TV channel... urgh... Hangs head in shame...)

Kaidan stalked forward quietly, distributing his weight carefully as he crept slowly across the broken floor and scattered pieces of stone and wood. He paused for a moment, contemplating his position and trying to think of any other reason why he should be here, doing what he was about to do.

So far, he’d come up with nothing.

The woman that he was watching closely turned her back on his hiding spot, the edge of a wall that met another as it rounded a corner in this infernal, derelict building and Kaidan ducked back into the dimness behind him, pausing for a moment, before he peeked out again.

Good. She was busy staring at nothing.

He moved as silently as he could manage, feeling his muscles strain with the tension of nervousness and anticipation and his heart throbbed merrily in his chest. A step, another step. His feet were clenched in the undersized shoes that he was wearing, distracting him from the feeling in the rest of his limbs. No sliding his soles, no sharp rasp of fabric and cloth. It had to be quick and silent. Like he’d been taught, like they had all, at one time or another, had done as children. Stalking and hiding, strength and speed. After all, what were child’s games but the pale imitation of survival instincts, domination and flaunting ones capabilities in order to wrest the adoration of your peers away from the less deserving? What they had done as children was honed in his maturity through practice and training.

He could smell the foul miasma of an Alpha, this close to the woman. Her light brown hair was cropped short, a severe mane that spike up above and around her head like that of a predatory cat. He drew closer, just a little more than an inch closer, and he held his breath, not willing to subject himself to breathing in that spiky scent a moment more than was necessary. That, and the fact that he feared that his rasping breath might be heard over the noise of the billowing wind and sounds of insect noise as proper night fell down around them, though in honesty, he wondered why he thought about such things when they were clearly within the building, where the noise shouldn’t be. He shook himself, focusing his wandering mind back onto his target. He froze for a moment as the woman before him began to turn, and in his eyes the movement was sluggish and thick, like the world around him was stuck in honey. His heart beat faster as his mind whirled and before he could even think of what to do, instinct took control and he leapt forward, just as the female Alpha completed her turn.

His blow landed with excruciating precision over the back of her neck and he pushed more of his weight into the movement, using his longer limbs and momentum to smash the consciousness out of the woman before she knew what hit her. A sharp thud sounded in the otherwise still air, the sound of a hammer striking meat, and the body in front of him was ripped out of his grip as the force propelled her into the opposite wall, smashing her face against the stone there. She seemed to hang against the surface like a fly stuck on glue, before sliding bonelessly to the ground, a quiet heap of muscle and flesh. Kaidan finally let his breath explode out of his mouth and nose as he sought to clear the haze that had been encroaching around the corners of his mind. Breathe Kaidan, he told himself. Breathe.

He took the time to calm the racing of his heart and the adrenaline that had been surging within him. Logic and cool reasoning asserted himself and he strode forward, still mindful of the amount of noise he was making and constantly checking his peripheral vision for any signs of intrusion. He grimaced as he reached down slowly, feeling at the base of the woman’s skull as it met her spine and after he prodded and felt about for a few more moments, he switched his fingers over to the side of her jaw, working with quick roughness as he moved lower, searching. Finally he found it, slow and weak, though in all honesty he couldn’t actually be sure if the pounding against his fingertips was from the unconscious Alpha’s weak pulse or if he was feeling his own, throbbing and beating through his veins like a wild thing.

Good. Another one down for the count, not counting the one that he’d hurt badly and stuffed in the cage, and so far he hadn’t had to seriously maim or kill anyone. Well, that was a matter of opinion anyway.

That was something that he wouldn’t push himself to cross, an invisible line that he hesitated to even toe. The complex was sprawling, and he had quickly gotten lost in the seeming maze of winding corridors and paths and it was a wonder that Marcus had even considered choosing such an off-putting location… for whatever it was that he was doing. Coupled with the fact that his ‘sentries’ were almost non-existent, it worried at him more and more, about what the hell was actually going on here. These weren’t military personnel; they’d had none of the training he’d received in his odd years as a soldier and a lieutenant. They were a rag tag bunch of misfits, probably shanghaied into service by Marcus and his overwhelming authority, but something within himself told him that that wasn’t the reason. This went deeper than anything he could possibly fathom. And the lack of their presence had initially alarmed him, but he’d taken advantage of the opportunity to work his way through the area. Surely Marcus would have thought to bring more people to oversee such a grand operation. Why were there just this handful, operating like children in the dark?

He cast his head to both sides of the hall, scanning for any small recess or abandoned room where he could stow away this piece of evidence into his nightly foray, but there was nothing. While it left a worrying feeling of distaste in his mouth, he’d have to leave her here, further evidence against his apparent freedom. But he didn’t have time to search around for a hiding spot and fine, he’d move on and deal with the consequences later.

His ears perked up as he picked out the quiet scrap of hardened plastic on leather.

Shit. Footsteps.

He whipped his head back and forth, scanning for the origins of the sound and there, from the direction that the unconscious woman at his feet had been staring at. Kaidan hustled forward, all thoughts of hiding bodies and stealth forgotten as he eyed the corner of the wall, watching for the tell-tale sign of a shadow falling against the wall or for the scrape of footwear to screech dreadfully nearer. The adrenaline that had been dying down within him spike again and he felt a surge of feeling shoot through him as he willed himself to silence and tried to hop over to cover, a catch twenty two at the very least. Almost there, just a little bit more and he could see who was-

He was a few meters away from the edge of the turn when a booted foot emerged, moving briskly into view and his line of sight and he cursed as the figure quickly rounded the bend and started to a halt.

“What-“ was all the man got out as Kaidan leapt forward, intent on silencing the man before he could raise an alarm or take the initiative, but he was too quick, and dodged to the side. It was all he could do to pull up before he smashed into the wall.

Knowing that even split seconds would count against him, Kaidan propelled himself against the wall, using the meat of his palms to change his course, barely feeling the breeze as the other man’s arms swung through the empty air where he had been.

“It seems you got out,” the man said in calm, collected tones and Kaidan felt a shiver of fear move through him.

“I did,” Kaidan huffed, matching the man’s deadpan tone. Damn, it was the older Alpha that Kaidan remembered from his brief stint of consciousness in the cage. The man sounded sure of himself, sure of their position, and Kaidan wouldn’t be surprised if the man had some training to back up his confidence. The way that he had immediately summed up the situation, rather than waste it on pointless questioning told him that much at least.

“You wouldn’t want to be a good boy and head back to where you were, would you?” the man asked placidly and Kaidan felt his cheeks heat with anger at being addressed with so little disregard.

“Would you care to show me the way?” Kaidan offered back, balancing himself on the balls of his feet. Everything was so tense. “I kinda get lost around here.”

“C’mon to ol’ Billy and I’ll make sure you get back to your hole, safe and sound,” the older Alpha spoke up with dry humour.

“Why don’t we-“ Kaidan began as he started to sidestep but Billy used the slight opening to his advantage. As his brain tried to string together the words and prepare for his next move, the Alpha rushed him, swinging both of his arms in a crush grasp that would have immobilized him and left him vulnerable. Kaidan barely avoided the man by ducking down, taking a risky move by limiting his vision in order to swing around the man. On instinct, he kicked out, trying to cut the man’s legs out from under him, but Billy was already past his awkward and limited range and Kaidan swept through empty air.

The narrow confines of the hallway were restricting the both of them, himself more than the older, probably more experienced man, since Kaidan relied more heavily on speed and dexterity as opposed to pure brute force. Billy’s strikes were hard and fast, rough but brutal as they swept past him at near blinding speed. He could feel his stamina dropping as he tried to move away from the attacks, to time them and attempt to dodge or block. The back of his foot hit the edge of the wall and he started before he realized too late that he was being hemmed in, his speed and manoeuvrability counting for nothing. Billy seemed to pick up on his understanding, launching a vicious volley of scattered punches and Kaidan brought his arms up on instinct, taking most of them against the muscle of his forearms. The man was a beast and even with his punches pulled for speed rather than damage, Kaidan felt sore as his protesting muscles sang to him in a symphony of pain.

Kaidan lowered his arms just in time to see Billy draw back, the full force of the man’s size behind a punch that would floor him and leave him unconscious and vulnerable. Still recovering from the previous beating, Kaidan did the only thing that he could think to do; he let gravity and fatigue take hold and dropped to the ground, biting back a shout as the punch clipped his ear and sending an explosion of hurt through the left side of his head. He smiled though as a bellowing shout of rage answered from above him as Billy’s meaty fist connected with the wall behind him and Kaidan could have sworn that he heard the sounds of knuckles cracking and bones breaking. Though his world swam with pain, the fire in his lungs and the heat in his veins pushed him to new heights and as his attacker pulled away from the wall, Kaidan took the opportunity to dive to the side, moving past Billy’s bulk and opening up the rest of the corridor for him to move in.

Billy turned with surprising swiftness, his uninjured hand already sweeping out to snag him, but Kaidan felt his body move like liquid steel and he stepped into the man’s swing, effortlessly removing the force behind the attack as he grabbed at the arm with both hands, one at the wrist and the other where the man’s overly large triceps was. Though it was slick with sweat, Kaidan dug his blunt nails in, twisting both of his arms in opposing directions, earning a short and sharp grunt from the man as tendons ground against one another. Billy’s eyes were squinted from the pain and Kaidan gave him no quarter as he kept the pressure steady on the man’s wrist, keeping it up in that strange, locked angle, and before the Alpha in his grip had a chance to even move away, to even utter a brief refusal, Kaidan swept his arm up from the side, pressing up against the man’s elbow while the hand on his wrist pressed down.

The snap of the arm cracked through the corridor, and this time, the wordless howl was all pain and Kaidan let the arm drop as Billy dropped to his knees, cradling his injured arm. Kaidan wasn’t going to let his advantage go to waste. He swept up to the side, dragging the man’s uninjured arm up as he moved behind the kneeling, shouting form and he swept the arm back, feeling the shoulder joint grind against its socket as he continued to apply steady and strong pressure. His breath was sandpaper against his lungs and throat as he willed himself to stillness, taking in his victory.

His ear was throbbing mercilessly from the glancing blow and already he could feel his body trying to reject the pain as the area swelled shut. The bruises over his body sang out to him and he took a moment to adjust his grip, causing a fresh howl to erupt out of Billy as he squeezed out just that little bit more pain.

“Where is Marcus?” Kaidan spoke raggedly, still feeling the tearing in his chest.

“Not gonna tell you squat,” Billy replied softly and Kaidan marvelled at the man’s resilience and control. It sounded like they were having coffee together and his tone was more appropriate for describing the weather rather than belonging to a man with a broken arm. Kaidan didn’t let that get in his way as he twisted, earning another pained gasp from the man.

“Gonna be hard,” Kaidan said in malicious tones. “Doing what you do with only one arm. Wonder what will happen if we make that number zero?”

“Ain’t gonna matter for shit, Omega whore,” Billy cursed and Kaidan felt himself grin at the man’s vehemence. Obviously getting under the man’s collar was going to be tough work and Kaidan didn’t have much time to waste. Sooner or later, someone was going to wonder why the Alphas were disappearing, one at a time.

“Fine,” Kaidan breathed. With quick and practiced movements, he kept the pressure steady before he reached up with his free hand, grasping one of Billy’s broken fingers roughly. Without pause, he wrenched it to the side and rode out the man’s screams as he panted his pain into the floor.

“Look,” Kaidan tried to seem conversational. “I don’t have much time to waste. I’d much rather be doing this on Marcus than on you, but I figure, hey. He’s probably got it coming. So, any excuse for me to do a little practice before hand? I’m not really going to complain, you know?”

“Fuckin’ piece of shit,” Billy gasped out. “I’m gonna gut you from your toes to your nose you whore.”

For a moment, Kaidan contemplated snagging another finger, but he paused. This man was obviously physical in nature, concerned for his body more than anything else. To someone like this, physical pain meant nothing and it wouldn’t motivate him to loosen his tongue. Kaidan turned introspective for a moment as he approached the problem from a different angle.

“You know,” Kaidan began gently. “I can imagine what it’d be like for an Alpha without useable arms in your trade. You look like a strong man, used to pain.”

“Wanna give it a try, boy?” Billy ground out, breathing cutting through the words in pained gusts. “You let me go and I’ll give you a romp you won’t forget.”

“I don’t think so,” Kaidan muttered with extreme distaste. “So, actually. I was wondering. What’s an Alpha without arms? Or legs for that matter? Or perhaps, if I cut off the most important thing your fucked up nature is so concerned with? Your cock.”

Even with the amount of force he was applying, he could feel the man under him shift and buck. Kaidan held on even as he let his words sink in before continuing.

“Oh yes,” Kaidan purred softly. “That would be interesting to see, wouldn’t it? An Alpha without a cock? Would you even be considered an Alpha? I’m sure the Omegas that you force yourself on would love to see that happening. Or at least, they can appreciate the view after I’m done with you. However, you’re a bit big to manage. In terms of body mass, of course. I’d have to make sure you couldn’t get away while I found something sharp. Or blunt. Tell me, do you think wheelchairs would accommodate-“

“Alright, alright!” Billy bellowed out at last, cutting of Kaidan’s threats. “Geez, you sick bastard. What the fuck is wrong with you? Sick in the head if you ask me.”

Kaidan tilted his head to the side for a moment. Another wrenching snap and Billy was almost banging his head onto the stone floor to drown out the sound of his screams.

“I am what people like you made me,” Kaidan whispered in a serious deadpan. “Now, before you run out of finger and I run out of patience… Tell me, where the hell is Marcus.” It wasn’t a question this time. It was a command, and the last time that he was going to give it before he went in search for something sharp.

“Down…” Billy gasped out, cursing and breathing hard. “Down the hall. Next building over. Third floor office. Can’t tell you more. All the same doors.”

“I’ll find it,” Kaidan assured the man before he let him drop and kicked him in the side of the head, knocking him unconscious immediately. He tried to take a step back from that violent edge that tantalized him at the back of his mind, tried to breathe the fire and anger and hate out of his lungs and body, but it felt… good. So good to see these Alphas laid low by an Omega. Kaidan felt his feet slip across the edge of an invisible boundary and he mentally jerked himself back, tiredly reigning himself in.

No. Not like them. He couldn’t be like them. This wasn’t about them at all. This was between him and Marcus.

He bent down, checking Billy’s pulse absently as he stared down the hallway once again. Not that it would matter, especially if the bone shards had nicked any of the arteries or veins in the man’s arm. No, he wouldn’t be responsible for the man’s death, if it happened. They had brought this upon themselves, all of them. And it was about time that Kaidan heaped that reasoning onto Marcus until the man was crushed by the sheer weight of it. Without another thought toward the still bodies around him, Kaidan stood up, ignoring the numbing pain that seemed to radiate around his body as he moved on, searching for the door on the third floor.

*

“Shepard,” Miranda sounded quietly in his ear piece. “Over here.”

He swept back past the entry way that they had just gone through. Full night had fallen some time ago and they had taken advantage of the natural camouflage that darkness provided, stealthily ghosting through the compound and their routes that Kasumi’s intel had traced for them. Shepard had taken to the North-Eastern side of the compound with Miranda in tow while Samara and Kasumi swept the opposing side of the compass, to meet up with them later before then fanned out to cover the entirety of the apparently empty structure. It only seemed apparent from the outside, and while there certainly wasn’t anyone maintaining the area now, Kasumi had readily and easily picked out men who seemed to be moving around in some semblance of order, and that, more than anything, validated Shepard’s confidence that something was going here and that Kaidan was still around.

At least, Shepard hoped that Kaidan was still around as Kasumi’s quick search of the immediate area hadn’t managed to trace him.

Shepard had immediately picked out the larger of the few warehouses along the industrial monstrosity, noticing the faint tell-tale glow of dimmed lights coming from within, and for the sake of efficiency, he judged it best to start there. They had met with no resistance whatsoever, though Shepard was cautious, feeling the constant itch at the back of his neck as he anticipated trouble.

“Clear,” Shepard grumbled to himself. He was feeling strangely uncomfortable in his jet black outfit, the hints of red and white just barely visible at the edge of his vision. Like he was re-learning how to follow his own footsteps. It was a strange and disconcerting feeling. “What’s that you got Miranda?”

“I’m not sure,” the cool reply came and Shepard cocked his head at the woman’s puzzled tone. Stowing his rifle along the magnetic straps that clung to his back, Shepard moved forward, stepping into the nearly empty warehouse that they had targeted. His feet halted abruptly as a familiar scent struck him, winding him slightly with the impact. Sweet and heady, earthy and real. Like wisps of forgotten flavours, the scent was indistinguishable, but oh so concrete.

Kaidan. It smelled like Kaidan.

Shepard leapt forward, not even caring to scan his immediate surroundings as Miranda grew quickly in his vision, crouched over something that looked like a metal enclosure, even as his speeding steps brought him to her in seconds. He felt disgust and loathing war within him with sick pity and dread, the figure coming into focus as he desperately tried not to associate the wheezing and suffering creature within, to man that he was here to search for.

“Who is he?” Miranda asked, turning at the sound of his arrival.

Shepard ignored her for the moment, taking the time to soak in the hunched stranger. Pale skin and a youngish face. Nude and beaten, a massive bruise framing his chest grotesquely. It was no wonder that he sounded like that and Shepard felt a moment of pity. But his eyes, his perpetually sharp eyes, granted him relief as he continued to absorb the fact that the man’s hair was wrong, the colour of skin and eyes. It wasn’t Kaidan who was trapped and beaten and treated worse than an animal. That was all that mattered right now, but the smell…

“Hey,” Shepard called out softly, leaning forward as he crouched down at eye level. Shepard watched as the man flinched away from him. “Hey, hey. It’s alright. I’m here to help. You’re injured? Do you know who did this to you?”

“I don’t think you’re going to get anything out of him, Shepard,” Miranda said as she placed a placating hand on his shoulder. “I would wager, a crushed sternum. With any luck, the bone didn’t fragment and pierce the lungs. That’s probably why he’s still alive. We’re going to have to get him to Joker if we want to keep it that way.”

Shepard took a deep breath, once more revelling in the soft and delicate scent that was almost fading away from the area and he clung greedily to it before he spoke kindly down at the man again.

“I need to ask you something,” Shepard began. “Just nod or shake your head. Have you seen another Omega in here? Did they take him as well? Brown eyes, black hair. Kind of… mixed in looks. Has skin just slightly darker than yours? His name is Kaidan.”

“Shepard, please,” Miranda urged quietly. “He can’t help us. Look at the state he’s in. This has got to be some sort of Omega smuggling ring. Sex trafficking and the like. You know, I thought that had gone during the first hundred or so years, but apparently human depravity knows no limits. We need to get him to safety before he is beyond recovery.”

Shepard held up his hand to still Miranda’s words. Yes, that was the primary thing that he had been concerned with when he had tried to put the pieces together about the whys and how of everything taking place. Humanity had grown depraved during their rapid progression, the unlimited opportunities that they had seen for themselves festering and growing into something darker. Rather than the endless possibilities of what arbitrary morality defined as goodness, man spiralled inward and downward, not because it was overwhelmingly irreversible, not because of some sick innate desire to be, but because it simple was, the easiest. The calamity that had embraced the globe roughly a hundred and sixty years ago had put an end to that. Such a tragedy, such horror, had separated the defiled from the saints, and for years, the rift had shown the world man’s true colours. So even with everything that had been happening, in every food chain, there were always going to be the predators and the parasites, the opportunists and those who took advantage of the new and weak. After humanity had begun their recover, when the terms Alpha and Omega and Beta were just being minted, there were those who had used such differences to their advantage. Slave markets and sex workers, the absolute need for Alphas to need and want Omegas, had created a situation where it was not only profitable to have Omegas stolen away in the night, but it was also what people wanted. It had taken a long time for them to move past that point, and even now, when things had finally begun to settle down, even now there were always the stories and risks of Omegas being sold and traded away like assets and commodities. And it sickened Shepard more than he could articulate.

But this wasn't the case. He'd seen what it was like in situations like that. Conditions were worse, the stink of sex and violence heavy in the air. And there would have been more... of everything. More Alphas, more predators. And much, much more Omegas.

“I know you’re hurting,” Shepard said with urgency to the man. “But it’s important. I need to find this man. Do you know, what might have happened to him?”

“Don’t…” the man in the cage gurgled at last. “Don’t know… I… Please… Need help…” The man hacked and coughed, spittle flying from swollen lips. God, Shepard thought, what had they done to this poor man?

“Shepard,” Miranda called to him simply.

He sighed, taking in a fortifying breath as he prepared to tell Miranda to break open the lock and comm Joker to prepare for delicate cargo when suddenly, it hit him. There was something… in the air. Something sour and sharp. Fear and loathing. Pain and…

An Alpha?

“Wait,” Shepard said suddenly as Miranda pulled up closer to the cage. “Just… Wait…”

“We don’t have time for that,” Miranda said hotly but he ignored her as he crouched there, closing his eyes tightly as he took deep, long breaths.

He trained his nose, slowly picking his way through the area around him. He could smell Kaidan, the man’s scent so unique and distinct that it made his mouth water just remembering it but atop of that he could smell the rancid sourness. It was… masculine, if a word could be used to describe a smell. But not the strong smell of musk and sweat that came from hard work and practiced muscle. This was the reek of something darker, something that he couldn’t quite put his finger on. The smell sparked painfully across the membranes of his nostrils but he forced himself to breathe deeper, pulling in more of the unusual scent. It felt… wrong. But at the same time, it was eerily familiar, like he had been smelling it his whole life and only now, had been given the words to describe it. On a hunch, he twisted back toward Miranda and sniffed carefully. Light and fragrant, a hint of delicacy wrapped up in layers of harsh cloth. Silk covering a steel ingot. It screamed to him, pulled at a deep and integral part of him but surprisingly he could resist it. But it was a scent that he wanted to get to know, a scent that he wanted to… possess.

And Omega. He was smelling an Omega with startling clarity, and the other smell… He was sure, more than anything he was sure he was smelling out an Alpha. The man in the cage. But that should have been impossible.

“You’re an Alpha,” Shepard breathed at last as he turned a baleful look down at the man in the cage. “You reek of it.”

“What?” Miranda blurted out uncomprehendingly. “He’s a what?”

“You’re one of them,” Shepard intoned dully. “The people who took Kaidan away. I can smell him on you. I can smell you. You’re an Alpha, and if you’ve touched Kaidan in anyway, I’m going to make sure your cracked ribs are going to be the least of your worries.”

“Shepard…” Miranda began worriedly but he raised a silencing hand, stilling her questions for now. He continued to stare down at the man before him as he stepped away, letting the words and his threat sink in.

“Please…” the man all but begged. “Don’t know… I’m an Omega… Was taken… Beaten… Need help…”

“You’re lying,” Shepard said with a harsh grin. “I _know_ you’re an Alpha. I’m going to ask you again, for the last time. Where is Kaidan? Where was the man you took?”

The man in the cage gurgled pitifully as his lungs flailed helplessly against the trauma in his chest. Shepard didn’t even bother sparing an ounce of pity on the man who would have done the same to Kaidan and would have left him in an even worse state than this.

“Shepard,” Miranda said forcefully as she grabbed at his shoulder and spun him to face her. “You don’t know that. You _can’t_ know that. Unless there’s an Omega in heat, you shouldn’t be able to pick out natures and genders on an olfactory whim. What the hell has gotten into you?”

“The bond,” Shepard replied thickly, not really caring about what he was saying as he tried to turn back toward questioning the man. “Something about the bond… I can smell them now. So clearly. Alphas and Omegas.”

“The bond? What bond?” Miranda shook him none too gently. “Shepard you’re not making sense. Unless we can have absolute proof that this man is an Alpha and part of the group that were responsible for the kidnapping, there’s nothing we can do. We need to either move on, or get this man to safety before he dies.”

“Bonded,” Shepard continued along the same lines that he was tracing in his head. “Bonded to him. That’s why. That’s why I can smell them now so clearly. I couldn’t really tell before… Maybe because he was bonded to another Alpha. It all makes sense. A way to ensure the monogamy between an Alpha and an Omega. One nature for each other. There wouldn’t be a reason to fight anymore, fight for Omegas. We can have each other, be completed by one another. I can smell them so I can stay away from them, so I can keep him away from them. That’s why. That’s why-“

The slap caught him by surprise and he instinctively jerked back away from it even as Miranda raised her hand again, a look he’d never seen before crossing her face before she slowly lowered her hand.

“Shepard,” Miranda began slowly. “We need to focus on the mission. You… The things that you’re saying. They’re stories that children make up, you can’t be… There hasn’t been any physically documented proof that such a thing could even exist between an Alpha and an Omega. The implications of something like that…”

Miranda seemed to stare at him in awe, her own control waning as she lost control and touched upon thoughts that they had all been taught didn’t exist in the real world. She had always been so capable at keeping her face from revealing what she was thinking but Shepard knew her long enough that he knew her mind raced with questions and realizations, sparking along so fast that it left her stunned and speechless. Shepard knew otherwise. He would have to explore this matter further, once they got out of here. And make sure that Miranda kept her silence on the matter until he was ready for the world to know. Shepard shrugged out of Miranda’s loosening grip, turning back to the man who stared up at him in absolute, concentrated fear. He must have heard what they had been talking about.

“Now,” Shepard said with dreaded simplicity. “I need you to understand that you… parasites… have taken my mate. As you can see, I have the resources and the skills to take him back. If you don’t tell me right now, what the fuck is going on here, I’m going to take great pleasure in kicking your cage all the way back to-“

“Shepard,” a voice intruded in his ear.

Shepard glared down at the trembling man as if it was his fault that he was interrupted. He opened up the device and pressed the ear piece deeper into his ear for clarity.

“Kasumi?” Shepard clarified.

“Something’s going on here, Shep,” Kasumi said with clipped efficiency. “Samara and I have taken out some of their patrols but… We’re in one of the adjacent buildings. Some kind of hallway that connects the areas. We found two bodies. Alive.”

“Kaidan? Is one of them-“ Shepard immediately called out but Kasumi interrupted him with a _tutting_ sound.

“You’re obsessed with him aren’t you?” Kasumi teased gently. “No, not from the description that you gave us. A woman and an older man. Looks about the type that we’ve seen around. I’m guessing they’re with the Alphas that are roaming about carelessly in this place.”

Shepard took a moment to process that.

“Exactly,” Kasumi beamed brightly. “Someone else is going around, hunting the hunters.”

“Or searching for the head Alpha,” Shepard breathed as realization struck him. “To finish this.”

Kaidan. It had to be. Just when he had thought he had almost everything figured out about the man of his heart…

“What’s that Shep?” Kasumi asked as his statement trailed off.

“Ping me your location. We need to hurry,” Shepard said quickly. He waited for the device to register his request and turned another unreadable look down on the man at his fee. “You’re a very lucky man, tonight.”

A whimper escaped from the huddled form and Shepard moved off, not waiting for Miranda as he headed for the only other door in the area, the one opposite from where they had come ghosting in from.

“Shepard,” Miranda gushed heavily as she caught up to him. “Shepard we need to talk. To discuss this. Do you have any idea what it means? You’re bonded. We need to-“

“Miranda,” Shepard interrupted with equal parts command and friendliness. “We need to focus on the mission. Right now? The only thing we need to do is find Kaidan, find Marcus and clean this up. After that… After that we’ll talk.”

Shepard raced for the door, already tracing through the route and he distinctively heard a frustrated Miranda call out loudly, “You had better, Shepard.”

*

Kaidan paused. This had to be the one.

He had made quick and efficient work of the area, using the sloppy directions from the Alpha that he’d punished. He couldn’t even bring himself to remember the man’s name. He had circled through the hallway and ended up along a corroded and rusty metal stairway, spiralling up towards the next level. There were doors that led towards perpendicular areas of the warehouse, probably branching off toward different parts of the structure and Kaidan had been severely tempted to see if any of those areas would link toward the next building over. Using some common sense and directional sense, he reasoned that most of the other exits would circle around the original building that he had been in anyway, so the clearest indication had been the door that led up and away. So he counted the steps as his footfalls were timed with his steadily rising heartbeat. The anticipation of finally reaching his goal and numbed his sense of caution and had also removed some of the aches that he had gotten along the way.

Second floor. Doorways and shattered remnants along the walls and floors. Broken down materials and devices that he didn’t have a clue on, not that he cared at the moment.

Third floor. Offices, by the looks of it. Smaller and neater cubicles that seemed out of place, but were still dusty and run down with disuse.

Kaidan had sped along, glad for the linear design and the way it seemed to pull him forward in only one direction. At last, he had reached a junction of sorts. A confluence in the hallways.

There had been nothing remarkable about it, nothing to tell it apart from the myriad of doors and gaping portals that he had passed on the way to this area. Except that the door was just a little bit more different, just a little bit more classy, with a glass panel being framed by the cheap wood. It was a classic design and one that looked even more out of place due to the fact that everything around him lacked that certain luxury in its look. The door faced the hallway directly as he had been approaching it before branching of to the left and right of the room. Like a T-junction on a road. He had slowed down then, moving with careful steps up to press himself against the edge of the doorway, only just noticing the dim light as it filtered out through the glass and from under the rim of the door.

In all honesty, the light wasn’t as dim as he had made it out to be. So far, his journey here had been made in flickering, failing lights and the gently caress of moonlight through the broken holes of walls and ceiling. Still, there had been enough light to move in and that was enough for him, as far as that was concerned.

He leaned up toward the glass, trying to risk a peek before he realized that the supposedly transparent material was frosted with ages of grime and dust. Well, so much for that approach. Kaidan made a snap decision, leaning himself into the door, pressing his ears up against grainy wood and ignoring the dirt and splintered edges. Strained to hear.

“… won’t even know how you want that to be done,” a voice trickled through, just barely audible.

“No, he isn’t the only one,” Marcus voiced vehemently. “I don’t fuckin’ care. Listen I… I don’t care how long! It’s been three days and extraction is still another away. Of course he’s intact. Why wouldn’t he be?”

Kaidan froze. Marcus was talking about him. Talking… to someone else whose voice he couldn’t hear. Which meant that Marcus was communicating with someone over the phone. Kaidan clamped down on the urge to rush in and confront the man immediately, the urge to know what was going on, too strong for him to resist anymore.

“Of course we couldn’t,” Marcus bit back acidly. “What on earth gives you that idea? You think I’ve got the resources to try _that_ here? What, just stick it in him and suck it up? Fucking bullshit logic you got there doctor.”

Doctor? What the hell? Kaidan pushed himself deeper into the wood, straining to hear as the voice ebbed and flowed.

“… of course. You should have given me more if that was what you wanted,” Marcus seethed. “Listen I don’t know how much… I don’t take orders from you, doctor. I don’t care what the fuck you think you are… Then I’ll hear them myself…. No, of course not. Why the fuck should that even be an issue? Look fine, you can howl like the mad dog that you are for all I care. I may need to switch locations tomorrow and I’ll need to adjust the extraction. Yes, of course I’ve got it with me. Let’s see…”

Kaidan pushed away gently from the door. Now, while Marcus was distracted. He reached a careful hand over to the door knob, briefly pressing up against it before he realized, almost kicking himself for his stupidity. Of course. The key hole. He should be able to see if Marcus had his back turned to the door.

Kaidan inched forward quickly raising his head up to peer through the miniature hole before he drew back, biting back an expletive. Of course, the keyhole was blocked. Great, just… Great.

His hand moved of its own accord, dialling back the knob slowly. A centimetre. An inch. Slowly and slowly. He was on edge, just waiting for a hint of sound, for the squeak of rusty metal on metal or for a clamouring alarm to sound through the area, warning everyone of his presence. At last, after what felt like an eternity, the nob clicked silently in its socket and the door began to move inward. Kaidan controlled the movement, opening it up just enough to risk a peak.

Marcus stood hunched over a table at the far end of the room. There was a glass wall at the far end that look reinforced and it probably looked out over rows of rusty machinery or devices, like an overseer’s platform. Kaidan continued to take in the details, like the tables and control panels that stood out at the edges of the room, hugging the walls and providing hiding niches for him to sneak in. Marcus was scribbling something down, phone hooked at the edge of his ear, his back turned toward the door. One hand was carelessly leaning against an old, musty-looking chair as he shifted his weight, constantly muttering toward the stranger on the other end of the line. Kaidan made a quick sweep of the floor, noticing the lack of debris. Perfect.

He let himself move in, placing his weight carefully along the meaty soles of his feet and making sure that his weight shift was happening slowly. If there was even the smallest hint of sound, the barest creak of the floor or scrape of his shoe, he would have enough balance that he could pull back and pray that Marcus wouldn’t notice. He’d hide along one of the sides until Marcus was done, the light coming from the flickering bulbs enough to hide him in shadow. He’s hamstring the man and then hold him helpless as he began to…

No. No… He wasn’t a murderer. He wasn’t a killer. He had to get the information that he was here for and leave. Had to head back to Normandy and Shepard. Even now, the dull ache in his chest had subsided and a strange sense of completeness had washed over. So strange, like the final piece of a puzzle clicking in place. Kaidan shook such thoughts out of his mind as he mechanically crept forward, silent as air and just as visible. Keeping an ever watchful gaze on Marcus, Kaidan pushed his shoulder and arm back and what seemed an unnatural angle as he began to silently shut the door. He used the torque of his muscle to control the movement more easily and he held his breath as the wooden panel drew closer and closer to its frame.

It clicked shut.

Kaidan froze as the sound seemed a thunderclap behind him and he tensed as he immediately prepared himself for a mad dash to the side, to the fore.

But nothing happened.

He let out a breath, feeling himself relax as he did. Another step forward.

So close now. So close to the end of all this. He had to go about this carefully. A sweeping kick to the legs? No, Marcus was too sturdy for that. A strike at the lower lumbar? A risky move that would open him up for a counter move if he got it wrong. The base of the neck then, where the critical cluster of nerves weren’t covered by muscle and bulk. But with Marcus’s height, he’d have even less advantage with momentum and trying to use gravity on his side. Marcus was too strong and fast, and anything drawn out would be a mistake. He had the element of surprise now, and he had to make sure he took every necessary advantage he could get. He was confident he would succeed.

That was probably, the main reason he had been utterly and truly shocked when Marcus had whipped around, using the hand that he had braced onto the head of the chair, to lift the thing up and casually flick it in his direction. The makeshift missile sped toward him and Kaidan was out of position, unable to properly dodge. Either direction would risk him getting smashed in the head so he did the only thing that would not guarantee him being put out of the fight. His muscle already tense from edging forward, Kaidan leapt up, intercepting the rotted chair with the muscles in his torso rather than the softness of his head or back. Still, despite keeping everything tight and despite the aged condition of the chair, the blow absolutely winded him as the piece of furniture shattered on impact.

Kaidan fell back as his lungs seized and for a paralyzing instant, he couldn’t breathe. He stumbled back, falling onto his back roughly, and the impact sent a shock through him as his diaphragm finally recalled its basic purpose and sweet air rushed into him, clearing the panic away. Pain blossomed across his chest and stomach as the sensation finally hit and he almost bent himself over as his body tried to instinctively clutch at himself. He wrestled against the movement, forcing himself to come up prepared as splitters and large pieces of shattered wood clattered with finality onto the floor.

“Did you think I wouldn’t know?” Marcus snarled as he swiftly approached his prone form. “Did you think I was an idiot Kaidan?”

Kaidan scuffled back, unable and unwilling to respond as his lungs heaved and worked to return breath and clarity to him.

“You’ve caused me more trouble than you’re fuckin’ worth,” Marcus boomed. “And you know what? The more that I think about it, the more I’ve come to realize. They don’t need you to be able to walk or move. They just need your corpse.”

Marcus pulled a switch knife from the back of his pocket, swiftly opening it up, and before Kaidan even had time to think, even had time to blink, the steely point was tossed through the air, aiming straight for his chest.


	18. To Know Where We're Coming From

The blade hung in the air, arrow straight as time seemed to slow down.

Kaidan didn’t have time to think, so he didn’t. His body moved on its own, liquid lightning, rolling to the side smoothly even as the steely point surged through where he had been merely a second before, marring the surface of stone before tumbling and clattering away. Kaidan leapt up from his position, ignoring the dull throb in his chest and the stinging ache from the cut that appeared, like magic, over the side of his ribs.

“Not so quick, are you?” Marcus chided as he avidly watched the blood drip from the wound. Kaidan could feel it, hot and thick, as it skimmed across the surface of his skin and stained the ripped fabric around it. Keeping his eyes on Marcus, he lowered a hand and pressed it up against the cut, hissing as the extra pressure sent more pain through him and he raised his hand up beside his face, noting the line of crimson there.

“Quick enough for you to miss,” Kaidan shot back, unwilling to lose the edge he was riding.

“Apparently not,” Marcus replied cockily as he waved in the direction of Kaidan’s wound.

“You’re surprised,” Kaidan blurted out. “You were expecting it to hit, but it didn’t. You were expecting me to freeze, and I didn’t.”

“If I wanted you dead, you would be,” Marcus snarled viciously but Kaidan felt, deep within his bones, that the words were a bluff.

“I know what you do,” Kaidan said a matter-of-factly, side stepping as he tried to work his way around and give himself more space to duck or dodge. “You talk, confidence oozing out of your mouth. You say things you don’t mean and you wait, for just that second of hesitation, before you attack. Coward.”

Marcus cocked his head inquisitively to the side before breaking out into a huge grin. “It’s not so bad, if it works. Don’t you think?”

Kaidan ignored the question.

“Why Marcus,” Kaidan began, mind bubbling with unanswered questions. “Why are you doing this? What are you doing here? And why me?”

Marcus chortled a soft, disbelieving sound. “Kaidan, Kaidan... Did you honestly think, after working your way here, that I’d honestly just tell you everything? What makes you think that I even give a shit about what you want to know?”

“I deserve that much at least,” Kaidan replied through gritted teeth. “After everything, every fucked up thing you’ve done to me, I at least deserve that much.”

“Fuck you and what you deserve,” Marcus growled, deep and rough. “What makes you think a brat like you is entitled to whatever you think you deserve? You think you’ve got it bad, little Kai? Out there, there are so much things even worse, more twisted and perverse than anything you could even imagine.”

Kaidan felt his anger rising as the statement dug thorny points into his head. He was sick, so sick and tired of hearing that everything was worse off, everything was bad. There was good in this world, he had to believe that. He had to accept that his problems probably weren’t the only ones, or the worst, out there, but dammit all, they were his problems and his priority right now. Still, the emotions had him breathing harder and faster.

“I don’t know,” Kaidan droned out. “I mean, I can imagine you, can’t I?”

“And I’m not the worst thing out there in the world,” Marcus shot back, moving off to the side in opposition to the way Kaidan was. He thought for a moment, realizing that such would have been inevitable.

“Then I guess, there’s only one thing left to do. Only one way to get the answers that I want out of you,” Kaidan admitted, not bothering to hide his sigh or his frustration.

“I guess you’re right, little Kai,” Marcus said in all seriousness and Kaidan watched as the man’s mask of humour fell off his face, seriousness and preparation beaming through.

Nothing more needed to be said. At last, Kaidan was about to beat down his demon. He wouldn’t even entertain the idea of losing out to this monster, to this nightmare. He would win.

He had to.

Kaidan struck pre-emptively, lashing out with his fists even though he knew the distance was too far for him to connect or utilize any element of surprise. Marcus seemed taken aback by the bold and sudden move, but quick as ever, he dodged back, moving away from the attack as he tried to manoeuvre around to open up an avenue of his own. Kaidan refused to give him that chance.

Even after all the fights he’d gotten since he had left the cage he’d been in, even with his weakened physical state and the copious amount of wounds he’d already received, he moved like a shadow hugging the wall of night. Adrenaline and emotions sang a chorus of fire within his veins and he could feel his temple throb with the pressure of his hammering heart, his fists tight with the anguish of years. He gave no quarter. Every step Marcus tried to take to the side, Kaidan countered. Every ducking move and inward push, Kaidan surged up, stopping the man’s tracks. The only way that Marcus could move was back, back toward the row of disused consoles and table tops, toward the corner of the room. His arms flashed through the artificial lighting and dusty air, his feet tromping down hard on the cracked flooring. Left, then right. A punch missed, and another. But it didn’t matter.

Finally, Marcus’s foot caught at the edge of one of the piece of furniture around the room and he stumbled back briefly, just the barest turns of his head to gauge what had halted his backward retreat, but it was enough. Kaidan knew that he had gotten him.

Putting in his full weight into the move, he made a one-two punch that would surely connect with the man in some way, and open him up for more attacks. Marcus whipped around, catching both of his wrists in his hands, succeeding in stopping them. The man’s strength was extraordinary, but Kaidan’s momentum had been too great for him to stop, especially by being overbalanced. Kaidan heard the man’s suppressed growl as the sharp edge of the table bit into the man’s lower back and Kaidan used every inch of the muscles on his legs, trying to break Marcus on that edge. Marcus gritted his teeth, growling and even as he was pushed back, slowly, back bending down toward unnatural angles, Kaidan watched through dead eyes, waited for the man’s answer. Of course it came, as expected.

Marcus pulled off to the side in a sudden movement that would have had Kaidan smashing his face onto the table top if he hadn’t been prepared for it. Marcus added extra force even as he slid to the side, shoving him up against the corner before bouncy away, creating distance between the both of them. Kaidan slapped his hands onto the dusty table, ignoring the sting on his palms as he swivelled around in a fluid movement, bringing his suddenly aching arms up, ready.

“Fast,” Marcus breathed heavily as he rubbed at the small of his back. “You been holding back on me, Kaidan?”

Kaidan ignored the question again as he felt his vision blur suddenly before coming back into sharp focus. On a hunch, he lowered his hand back toward the cut along his ribs, noting the reduced sensory feedback from the gesture as well as the small smile of blood along his palm. No, it wasn’t blood loss. Damn, that meant he was weak. No adequate sustenance during his captivity probably meant that he couldn’t maintain this for as long as he believed and he would eventually tire out quickly, or even worse, would suddenly feel the impact of his exhaustion in the middle of exchanging blows. This wasn’t a fight that he could win if it drew out, and deep down, Kaidan wondered if Marcus realized that too.

“I haven’t been holding back,” Kaidan decided to reply at last, more so that he could catch his breath and think about how he could win out over all of Marcus’s advantages. “I’ve only just realized, that I don’t need to pull my punches anymore.”

“You’re not making sense,” Marcus snapped out, tapping rough at the side of his head. “The drugs still have you addled boy? You’re not going to get the answers that you want in that condition.”

“You know, I thought it was funny,” Kaidan huffed out, trying to buy some time. “At Shepard’s place. After. I always knew, I always thought, that maybe, one day, if I ever had the misfortune of meeting you again? Well, things would have ended differently. I would’ve made sure of that.”

Marcus roared even as he surged forward but because Kaidan was watching the man so intently, because he knew that Marcus enjoyed taking advantage of openings to assert his supposed superiority and strength, he knew what the man was going to do.

It was like his eyes were finally open for the first time.

Marcus’s punches dragged through the air and Kaidan felt his breath leave him evenly as he brought up his arms, hooking the edge of his forearms against eh man’s wrists and effortlessly turning the attacks away. They stung of course, grazing up against the edges of his skin, but that was nothing compared to what would happen if they connected and truth be told, it was a very small price to pay. No more hesitation, no more weakness. From the left, blocked through the side. From underneath, hidden by the first strike. Kaidan stepped back and to the side. Marcus snarled in frustration as he tried to push forward but Kaidan knew, deep down he finally knew for a fact, that he was always just a hair’s breadth faster than the man. Kaidan turned to the side as he deflected another blow, intentionally exposing his injured side to the man and Marcus, ever the opportunist, took the moment to leap forward, aiming a strong punch toward Kaidan’s side.

Of course.

Kaidan reached forward and pushed off against the wall, letting his previous movement compound itself as it sent him back twice as fast. Marcus had been expecting for his fist to meet resistance and was over extended, not having the time or reaction speed to pull back and Kaidan heard the satisfying sound of the man’s head clipping against the side of a protruding section. Marcus howled in anger and Kaidan felt a glimmer of satisfaction shine within himself as he notice the bright red stain on the man’s head. It wouldn’t be the last. He pushed back, propelling himself forward on the balls of his feet, and he almost smiled as his shin connected solidly against the packed muscle of Marcus’s stomach. It felt like he had kicked a tree, but it was a good and solid feeling. The problem with aiming for such a place was that the muscle there instinctively convulsed against an attack, tightening without meaning to, and that effectively weakened his kick. Kaidan knew, because he’d been taught by an overzealous drill instructor, that when one struck the abdomen, one had to strike twice. The first to cause the muscles to clench and then relax, and the second to take advantage in this weakness in biology. Wasn’t that how they all worked? Taking advantage of biology?

Kaidan’s second kick swept through the air, causing him to be turned around. He cursed to himself as strong pressure pushed back up against his shoulder blades, shoving him back and away from the man as Marcus reacted instinctively. Kaidan stumbled forward, barely catching himself from crashing into another of the derelict tables that littered the room.

“I loved you, once,” Kaidan huffed tiredly. There, he finally admitted it to himself. To the man he hated so much. He continued to stare at the table top, letting a part of himself be aware of the heavy, pained breathing that came from the far side of the room. His own moved in tandem with the sound. “I used to think… Maybe, I could still… I could forgive you for what you did. I just wanted to move on.”

“Love?” Marcus spat, heaving at the far corner. “Love has nothing to do with Alpha-Omega pairings. Those are just fairy tales, things that children pretend. Haven’t you grown up yet, little Kai?”

“I just wanted to move on,” Kaidan repeated as his voice grew thick and clogged. “I couldn’t. You know about the bond. You know we’re a bonded pair.”

“I do,” Marcus said simply.

“Isn’t it ironic that someone could believe and accept that, and not believe in love?” Kaidan added roughly as he turned, feeling breath saw at his throat. “Well, we _were_ bonded. You can feel it can’t you? The… emptiness. The feeling that you’re full but hollow at the same time. You… know. The bond between us is gone.”

“Stupid bitch,” Marcus snarled even as he gathered himself up. Kaidan noted that the man winced as he raised himself up. “The bond isn’t something that you can break.”

“You don’t know that,” Kaidan offered reasonably. “None of us can know that. How many people do we know are bonded? Where have they kept the written proofs about bonded pairs? We don’t actually know what can or can’t be done by bonded Omegas and Alphas. And you can lie to yourself all you want, Marcus. You know what’s true. Your body know.”

“You are mine,” Marcus snarled as spittle flew through the air. “You are _mine_ you little whore! You are my Omega! You can’t break the bond till I tell you to break it. You-“

“You hurt,” Kaidan said as he realized with aching slowness. “You hurt because we are no longer bonded, but you don’t recognize the feeling. You don’t understand anyone else’s pain but your own, and even then, you don’t know pain.”

“What do you know about pain?” Marcus hurled at him. Kaidan smiled tiredly as he willed his muscles to hardness once again.

“Enough,” was all he said.

He lunged forward, quickly closing the gap between them. Marcus had been readying himself for the movement and Kaidan had spied the movement out of the corner of his eye. It was the little things.

The ruined console shone dully as it was swept up in Marcus’s grip and Kaidan pulled back, just barely, ducking to the side. He bit back a scream as he underestimated the length of the thing and felt it slice through the edge of his nose. Hot pain shot up through his forehead and he could feel the snaking trails of blood as they began to wind their way down over the creases of his face. He swept his leg out, moving along with his initial plan, hoping that he had predicted Marcus’s movements. As expected, the man saw the ascending arc of his sweep, and Marcus tightened his leg, leaning his full weight into the limb in order to stop Kaidan from sweeping the man’s legs from under him. Kaidan felt his legs connect and ignored the dull reverberation that shot up his thighs. Marcus yelled triumphantly as he raised his other foot up, trying to land a crippling blow that would break at least one of his legs, but Kaidan anticipated that move. With his palms bracing against the floor and grit biting into his joints, Kaidan burrowed his blocked leg against Marcus’s own, using all three limbs to push himself up and strike upward with his free leg. The blow connected smash past Marcus’s back pedal and hitting him just above the groin. Kaidan tried to move away even as he saw it coming, back he was too slow. Too tired. Marcus’s foot came down, glancing off his ankle and Kaidan bit down harshly on his lips as he felt the bones grind against one another, dull fire racing up his joints.

Marcus stumbled back, clutching at his wounded pride while Kaidan rolled back, testing his weight gingerly on his ankle. Not broken but not strong enough to help him finish this.

“I don’t… I don’t remember you fighting… fighting like this…” Marcus gasped out through his pain. “Something… something changed in you… Kai?”

Something did, he admitted to himself.

He had wondered, since that day at Shepard’s. Even before, since he had begun this nightmarish journey plagued with sleepless nights and sobbing screams. He had always been capable, had always been fast and strong. Why had he always been just a little too weak? Just a little too slow? Always just a step below and never above? He had realized it, stepping out of his cage. He had realized it, fighting in the hallways and corridors, fighting against a veteran Alpha who should have pounded him into the ground. Finally he understood.

He cared too much.

He cared what he would do to the people around him. He cared about what the people around him would inevitably do or say. He cared about his mother and father, about his problems and heritage. He cared about Marcus, about the ‘should and would’ that had been between them, and it had instinctively made him pull himself back. Pull his punches and be second. Always second. He had cared about the man just enough that he always couldn’t quite go through with himself. The only thing he hadn’t cared about was himself.

But he’d been taught in the recent months, what it was like for someone to care about him like he should have done for himself. Not even in a capacity as a friend like Ash, or as a family like his parents. It was something… deeper and more natural than he’d even felt before. It was… acceptance. That was the word, acceptance. He was accepted and cared for, despite everything. And even such realizations were for him, and not for Marcus. Perhaps, that was why the bond between them had been shattered as it had. He had at last found something else to cling on to, and that something had wonderful blue eyes and would bring him forward rather than draw him back.

Kaidan let his silence fill the space between them even as their breathing began to even out. He felt the edges of his mouth tug up in a grim smile and he let them, knowing that Marcus would see the expression and wonder and guess. He would never get his answer, whereas Kaidan would get his. The idea shone bright, like a flickering bulb within his head. It flickered and buzzed, growing and dimming, before finally bursting into full illumination. Perhaps, that could be the only way. He just had to stop caring so much anymore.

“Nothing to say huh?” Marcus grated out.

Kaidan continued to stare at the man, putting the pieces slowly together as he used his peripheral vision to pick up on things around the room.

“You talk to me when I speak to you Kaidan,” Marcus roared out, flinching as his stomach muscles rebelled against the outburst.

Kaidan _ached_. God, it hurt so much, all over. He could already feel the cut on his nose beginning to swell. Could already feel the constant burn along his ribs from the thrown knife. The bruises along his arms and ankle were adding a fine tapestry of hurt to an already complex masterpiece of agony. Kaidan balanced his weight onto his good foot. He tested his ankle, already accepting the fact that he’d have to utilize it again in order to accomplish what he intended. He felt a tickled trickle at the back of his neck and absently scrubbed at the strange sensation. Rusty sweat, thick and true. It itched along his cuts and wounds, making him feel clean and soiled at the same time. God, his sweat. It covered literally everything and Marcus was just as bad.

Kaidan hopped forward as Marcus began to recover from his echoing bellow and his arms moved, just a touch more sluggish than it had before. His time in the army had taught him that fights drained a person of stamina far more quickly than what people expected, and damage had been done to both of them during this clash.

Kaidan swung a deep roundhouse, keeping his other arm up to block any incoming attacks from Marcus as he went all in. Marcus hunched down, moving lower to minimize the mass and weak spots that he would have on display but Kaidan wasn’t aiming for any of those. His punch connected loosely with the Marcus’s shoulder and Kaidan ground in even as Marcus hammered him in the ribs, searching for that weak crevice in his side. Kaidan twisted inelegantly to the side, feeling rough knuckles graze his flesh and bone as he drove in, relentlessly giving no ground. He feigned with a knee to the stomach, only to have Marcus push his limb away and he timed it with an elbow to the man’s face which Marcus narrowly dodged. Kaidan shut down the claxon in his head as more blows rained down from Marcus, blows that he began to narrowly avoid missing. He pushed himself back, placing most of his weight on his injured foot and biting back a scream as he bones ground terribly against the joint. He stumbled slightly as he tried to bring himself back but Marcus took to the opening like a fish to water. Now Kaidan was on the defensive as he position himself, moving back toward the centre of the room. Marcus howled and yelled, each outburst accompanied by fast blows. A stinging sweep clipped the side of his ear and Kaidan shut off that painful feeling as well, with great difficulty. The amount of damage he was taking was beginning to wear on him and he could barely keep up, breath coming out harsher and more ragged with each second, even as Marcus’s own matched his.

There was nothing elegant about the way that they moved right then. Nothing about forces and torque and weakness to exploit. It was rough and brutal, the first person who made a mistake would be the first to fall and Kaidan pushed back when he could, jabbing at the critical bundle of nerves in the man’s arm through a lucky strike even as Marcus bore down onto his wrist and made it limp as the pain swallowed him whole. Kaidan’s footwork began to slip, less exaggerated care and more shoddy survival as he back up and moved forward, swung into insteps and dodge back to extend reach. A brutal, inelegant dance. He had to win. He _had_ to.

Kaidan stumbled as his ankle landed unevenly against the edge of one of the broken pieces of chair that had littered the floor of the room. This time he did yell out as his weight bore down relentlessly anyway and his ankle finally gave out under the pressure and demands that he’d placed on it. The joint flared, eclipsing every other feeling within him and he howled even as he struggled not to collapse, not to move back onto his other leg. Marcus gave a short, sharp yell of triumph and push forward, raining hammer blows down along the side of his body and Kaidan felt himself jerk under the constant barrage, felt his ribs creaking and cracking from the force of the continuous punches. He threw up a weakened fist, aiming for Marcus’s jaw in a futile attempt but Marcus caught his fist in a shoddy move, using his flailing to pushing him back and Kaidan let go, letting himself fall to the ground with a _woosh_ as he twisted his wrists around, pulling Marcus down on top of him. The weight crushed the breath out of him and it made his already bruised and injured bones and muscle scream defiantly but Kaidan ignored it as he flailed around helplessly, trying to find purchase but getting none.

“At last,” Marcus panted heavily into his face. “At last, Kai. We end this.”

Kaidan opened his mouth but no sound came out as his limbs stilled and screamed for him to stop, begged for him to surrender. His fingers curled inward, feeling the warm, hard edge of Marcus’s arm against his palm. His lungs were drenched in liquid napalm, bottled lightning and it hurt to even draw breath, to do more than lie there and give up.

“You could… you could never beat me,” Marcus growled softly into his ear, letting more of the man’s weight settle on top of him. “You… even after your little… speech. You think you got what it takes? You think an Omega can ever hope to fight off an Alpha? It’s in your nature to surrender. To always be beneath an Alpha. Just like you are now.”

Kaidan was too numbed and dazed to focus on the man’s words and the smallest mist of breath escaped his lips as he struggled against the floor.

“Gonna be sorry again, little Kai?” Marcus breathed, fetid breath and sour Alpha pheromones over him. “You’re gonna be sorry. I can tell you that. I’m gonna _make_ you sorry for the rest of your fuckin’ sorry life.”

Kaidan felt his eyes meet Marcus’s. Held the man’s gaze in his own. He was the turmoil and raging, seething hate there. Saw the pain and dominance war within the man. But beneath it all, something more. Something… real.

“No,” Kaidan whispered through his scratched and bruised throat. “I’m not sorry anymore.”

The piece of broken chair in his grip was firm and strong. He felt his arm move, almost against his will as he angled his wrist to the side, at let the point stick out like an avenging stake. Kaidan continued to hold the man’s gaze in his eyes as the wooden tip plunged into the side of Marcus’s back. Kaidan drove it in deeper, shoving the splintered mess as deep as it could go, parting skin and muscle, feeling the edge grind against the edge of bone. Kaidan held the man’s gaze as he shove the wooden implement deeper, before pulling it out and pushing it back in. Stabbing again and again. Kaidan ignored the bellowing screams of pain and hurt, anguish and anger, as his arm moved mechanically as it sought to complete the motion again and again. He continued to stare up at the man’s face, a face that he had once thought so attractive, now a rictus of agony, as the sound of a door almost blowing off its hinges intruded on the animal sounds coming from above him and Kaidan could only wonder at the sudden smell of cinnamon in the air.

*

Shepard felt his heart hammering in his chest as the scene unfolded grotesquely in front of him.

It had been a relatively quick run together through the single corridor where they had discovered the two unconscious Alphas, Shepard’s insight had given them all that at least, and he had the illusion that they would reach the end in time to stop… whatever it was that Kaidan had planned. One part of him approved of the other man’s viciousness, while the other feared for the toll it would take. In the end, he’d wrestled both into submission as another, more pressing issue presented itself. Choices. The corridor split into a side stair well, that moved off into an opposite door while it continued to scale up and down. In the end, Shepard had sent Kasumi on recon through the stair well going down while Samara volunteered to solo through the second level that they were on. He knew he was toeing the line for letting the teams split up like that, but he was desperate and didn’t see any other way. Miranda had refused to accompany anyone else but him, so he quickly surrendered to her stubborn glare and had moved up toward the third floor. And what a lucky decision that had been, or so he told himself as he stared with disbelief at what he now saw.

Kaidan lay, prostrate and unmoving as Marcus howled and shook, trying to claw something away from his back. It was only then that Shepard noticed the quick and sharp jabs, the trailing lines of heated maroon as Kaidan continued to plunge the makeshift weapon again and again into the man atop him. The scene was macabre and Shepard didn’t even think.

He ran forward, snarling loudly, picking Marcus up like he weighed nothing, even as his protesting shoulders said otherwise, and hurled the man off of Kaidan like a bothersome dog. The sound of the man’s body crashing into the far wall was music to his ears and he could feel his Alpha blood surge within him. What had the man done to his Kaidan? His Omega? He would shred the man’s skin with his teeth and make his bones dance into his grave before he ever let Marcus do this to Kaidan again. Shepard dragged Kaidan away from the spot where he laid, arm still swinging uselessly through the air. His heart jumped into his throat as he eyed the patchwork of bruises and cuts, the blood and hurt. God, the blood. His lover’s face was a bruised lump of flesh, a cut along the man’s nose bridge and a torn lip. His arms were swollen and peppered with dark red splotches, some already during dark, and Shepard could see through the slashed shirt underneath, knowing that the man’s ribs had suffered damage as well. Everything was drenched in sweat, sticky and foul and it made everything slick and gritty.

“Miranda,” Shepard immediately snapped out with command. “Secure that piece of shit over there.”

“Aye, aye,” was all the woman said as she moved forward.

“Kaidan,” Shepard breathed as he turned his attention to his injured lover, cradled in his lap. “Kaidan, can you hear me?”

“Shepard?” Kaidan croaked out at last as his arm tumbled to the side. Tremors race through the man’s frame and limbs. “John?”

“Oh God Kaidan,” Shepard breathed, wanting to hug the man with full force but training stopped him as he felt the tumbling list in his head repeat the repertoire of injuries the man had. “Oh Kaidan. I’m so sorry. I’m so, so sorry.”

“Hey, it’s alright John, I-“ Kaidan coughed as he tried to suck in air. “I… didn’t think you’d make it. Wait. What? What are you… What are you doing here? How did you find me?”

“I…” Shepard began and hesitated. “Later, Kaidan. I’ll explain everything later Kaidan, I promise.”

“John-“ Kaidan began weakly but Shepard silenced him with a deep, brief kiss, twisting his body down awkwardly.

“Later Kaidan, we’ve got to get you out of here,” Shepard said as he broke away from the heady gesture. He fought not to lick his lips, appalled at this physical response even in a situation like this. He was fighting a tug of war within himself, one part trying to urge him to calm, one part wanting to take Kaidan away to safety, another demanding that he take the man in his arms here instead, and the biggest, strongest part, wanting to go over to Marcus and begin scraping the man’s nerves along the stone floor. “Is Marcus keeping anyone else that you-“ Shepard started to say but Kaidan’s eyes flared open at the sound of the man’s name, seeming to shine bright in the room’s light.

“Marcus,” Kaidan spat with venom. His lover pushed himself up, grunting against the pain of his injuries and Shepard tried to restrain the man, only to have himself be pushed away.

“Kaidan, wait!” Shepard said urgently. “Don’t move, you have to-“

“Marcus…” Kaidan repeated and despite everything, Shepard felt the hair along the back of his neck stand up on end at the way Kaidan said the man’s name. God, if he could ever wish for anything in this life, it would be that he never hear his own name cross Kaidan’s lips with that tone in the man’s voice.

Shepard continued to watch blindly as Kaidan stumbled up, jerking grotesquely against an ankle that looked broken and swollen and Kaidan limped forward, inching closer to where Miranda was cuffing Marcus and oblivious to the advancing angel of vengeance headed her way. Despite all the wound and injuries, despite the way the man looked and the absolute patchwork of hurt that must have brought the man here, Shepard could feel awe mix in with the dread within him at the sight of Kaidan, limply pulling the wooden implement in his hand up, a scorpion’s stinger ready to strike.

Marcus. Kaidan. He couldn’t…

Shepard was there before even registered his body moving, pressing up against the heat radiating out from under the man. Shepard dug his heels in as Kaidan stubbornly pushed against him, trying to shove him out of the way, or move through him. Shepard felt his heart begin to crack in his chest as Kaidan’s laboured breathing soured his ear. So much pain.

“Kaidan,” Shepard implored. “Stop Kaidan, stop.”

The body in front of him pushed back against him and stumbled back and Shepard saw, for the briefest of instants, the man’s dead, brown eyes. Eyes that had been once, full of mystery and hidden secrets. Eyes that had been sad and playful at the same time and implored him to understand, implored him to care. Now? They were nothing. Shepard did the only thing his body told him to do.

He leaned into Kaidan, felt the man press up against his chest and his arms snaked out gently, holding his Omega close to him, clutching him tightly as he let his presence wash over the other man. In Kaidan’s ear he whispered a single word, one that held all the love and care, understanding and regrets that he could push out. He put everything he had into that word.

      

“Enough,” Shepard said as he hugged Kaidan tightly to himself, placing his head on the man’s shoulder. “Enough, Kaidan. Please.”

“Marcus,” Kaidan muttered against his neck, breath still coming out in short, sharp bursts. “Have to win. End it. Have to-“

“No Kaidan, don’t,” Shepard pleaded. “You don’t… you don’t have to be like… like them. Just… just let it go. We have him now. It’s over. It’s… enough.”

Kaidan bumped up against him, like a sleepwalker trying to bypass a wall, and Shepard continued to hold the man against him, continued to let his care and his love pour out in a never ending wave. God, how dark had Kaidan’s mind turned that he wouldn’t give a second’s hesitation to pummelling the man, to kill someone? Taking a life, truly was, a soul destroying experience, and Shepard would never wish for Kaidan to experience that feeling.

Suddenly he felt it. Soft, scarred fingers, gripping slowly across the edge of his clothes. A touch that was soft and tentative at first, then clinging and desperate. Shepard felt Kaidan’s fingers grip deeper, fear of letting go, fear of realizing he was holding on so tightly, and the moisture that tumbled softly against the side of his tight neck. Shepard held onto the man, let his shame roll out of him as Kaidan gripped him, tightening, as he sobbed out his release, let his anguish soak out and pour into the room, finally letting it dissipate around them. Kaidan collapsed to the ground, held up only by the strength in Shepard’s frame as he wept uncontrollably, as the realization struck that he was safe, that it was over, that it was enough.

They’d won. But at what cost victory, Shepard lamented as he continued to cradle the sobbing man in his arms.

Shepard whispered gentle words against Kaidan, murmuring into the man’s hair and stroking ceaselessly as he just let the man soak into his warmth, breathe in the scent of him. Comforted and understood him. Shepard let it pour out of the man and into himself, taking on Kaidan’s burdens as his own. They were, after all, a bonded pair. Alphas and Omegas. Equals, and not. There wasn’t anything profoundly proud of either nature, but underneath it all, man’s desire almost always overrode what could have been, should have been. But that was splitting the differences, splitting hairs and counting grains. What did it matter, now that they were together at last, in the end?

“C’mon Kaidan,” Shepard whispered tenderly against the man’s neck, nuzzling him slightly as the sobbing wails began to die down into hiccupping breaths. “We need to get you looked at. C’mon.”

“John?” Kaidan rasped out, whiskey voice tightening roughly around his ears. “John, what…”

“You did great sweetheart,” Shepard murmured back, approval failing to be suppressed in his tone and he didn’t even realize the endearment slipped his lips until it was out. “You did it Kaidan. It’s over.”

“Over,” Kaidan mumbled as he sagged slightly and Shepard put more of the man’s weight onto his tread.

Shepard partially lifted the man in his arms, feeling his heart churn every time Kaidan swooned or shifted against him. Shepard felt his muscle strain as Kaidan lost more and more of his balance, as the immediacy of the fight fell away from him and nothing but pain and aches held him up. Adrenaline was a fine thing in a fight, but it could leave you insensate at the end of it, Shepard knew all too well. So he half carried, half pulled along a stumbling Kaidan, shoving all questions and answers aside for later as they made their way to the door, not even taking the time to look back at the man that had been at the heart of all of this, the beginning and the end of this torturous journey. And because of that, he didn’t see the brief flicker of emotion in the man’s eyes, didn’t register the strange look that the other Alpha gave to him. Shepard didn’t even turn as a wrenching scream filtered through the room, pulling Kaidan along as the man jerked instinctively against hearing the sound.

“Hello,” Miranda said casually as she let go of Marcus’s newly broken finger. “My name is Miranda. I’m an Omega. I’m quite pretty aren’t I?”

“Fuckin’ bitch,” Marcus sobbed heavily against the edge of his collar. “Kill you for that. Gonna-“

“I wasn’t always like this you know,” Miranda began with a pleasantly conversational tone, gentle smile gracing her perfect features. “At least I don’t think so. Gene modifications are quite rife in our world nowadays. I was sold as an Omega sex slave for years. I prefer the term ‘whore’ though.”

“Crazy bitch,” Marcus spat out. “Gonna-“ Marcus cut off as a scream shot up out of his throat.

“I said I prefer the term whore, if anything,” Miranda chided good-naturedly as she brought her hands away from another of the man’s broken fingers. “You only have eight more mistakes to make, and quite frankly, I’m eager to hear them. You see, men like you, made me what I am today. I’m quite happy to return the favour.”

Marcus finally turned his agonized gaze up at the woman who was so casually abusing him and he saw… cold. Dark. An absolute certainty that this woman would do everything and anything to make sure that he suffered as much as possible, for as long as possible.

“Oh yes,” Miranda purred as her eyes glittered queerly. “This is going to be a fun ride home.”

Marcus couldn’t stop the strangled sob from leaving his mouth as Miranda smiled down on him.

* * *

The calm was silent.

It ran though him and beneath him and he could see and smell and taste everything. His back arched deliciously against the thing of whiteness, against the calm. It strained against the world around him, keeping him warm. Keeping him safe.

There. Behind the calm. Dark. It was so dark, so… painful. The aches twined jealously across his wrists, wrapped dangerously around his ankle. Calm. Dark. Turbulent. There. It was simply, there. And he had accepted it at last.

But shit, how much it hurt.

Kaidan gasped as sleep was torn from him. He sat up abruptly, cast quick glances about like a prey animal that had just been plucked from the safety of its nest. His hands clutched futilely against the sheets around him and a small, sad sound escaped his lips.

The light streamed in all around him, beautiful and ephemeral. He turned immediately to his right, peering up at the windows and soaking in the radiant heat as he continued to stare out at the semi-cloudy vista outside. The ward was partially shielded from the harsh afternoon sun as the curtains and fabrics swayed in the artificial air-conditioning of the room. His bed made strange, creaking noises, plastic and alarming as he shifted and he could feel the tugs of his medical gown scratch at the stitched wounds and barely there scabs. He breathed, calming himself through force of will. The smell was like chlorine and medicine, sharp and artificial and it struck him with remembrance as he smelled the scent of soap and anti-septic.

That’s right, he was in the hospital. He’d been there for close to a week now.

“Having trouble sleeping again?” a deep, rich and cultured voice came from his left. Kaidan whipped around fast enough that his world spun and his brain sloshed in the inside of his head. When his perspective finally returned without the nausea, he spied a regal looking woman that was both motherly and severe in her bearing. Her aged skin did nothing to detract away from the sharpness of her eyes or the playful quirk of a smile, carefully placed. Her hair was spun silver, shining in the light at it seemed to encompass a halo around her head that Kaidan had trouble looking away from. Kaidan struggled to place the stranger’s face, and realized with suspicion and a little nervousness, that he couldn’t.

“How are you feeling?” the stranger asked him briskly and he bristled at the obvious command in her tone.

“Who are you?” he countered, not caring about his manners at this point. The last few days were hazy to say the least, and it pained him to even attempt to recall everything that had happened. And just like that, despite his efforts, the events that had unfurled like madness on the wind, shot through his mind. The kidnapping, the cage. His isolation and persecution by a man who saw him as a possession more than anything else. Answer he would never have, despite the coercions that Shepard had employed. Shepard. And what the man was, what he was capable of. His head was throbbing, spinning and it took all he had to hold the memories at bay.

“Apologies,” the woman said with unruffled calm, her accent strong but strangely comforting. “I’m so used to people knowing me on sight that I forget that most of my patients are not my staff. My name is Doctor Chakwas. I’m the head doctor and leading physician of this hospital.”

“Doctor Chakwas,” Kaidan said, rolling the name on his tongue. It tripped pleasantly across his lips even as he turned to the woman as she bent down, regarding a small clipboard in her hands.

“I can tell you that your recovery is coming along quite well,” Doctor Chakwas began without waiting for him. “Nothing particularly remarkable, but your resilience is astounding considering what you were admitted in for. Multiple fractures and sub-dermal bruising. Minor abrasions along most of your limbs. And of course, lacerations to your face and torso. In short, and separately, nothing outstanding, but together? I would have said you had just gotten back from fighting a war on your own.”

“Something like that,” Kaidan muttered softly, running a hand through his hair. He struggled against the tide of memory as her words sought to drag each and every one of them out.

“So,” Doctor Chakwas began carefully. “I can tell you everything you’ve been through and everything we’ve done to patch you up. What I’d like to know is, how are you feeling?”

Kaidan opened his mouth, a sharp retort at the edge of his lips, but Doctor Chakwas’s warm smile and open honesty surprised him with their sincerity and he felt his mouth close slowly as he struggled to match the woman’s envious composure.

“I’m… I’m not sure how I feel,” Kaidan at last said truthfully. “I… I’m having trouble sleeping. And I’m… I’m afraid that, maybe, if I think too much, I… I’ll remember too much of what happened. And it hurts.”

“I can only empathize,” Doctor Chakwas said with soft emotion and Kaidan’s estimation of the woman rose slightly. She didn’t offer careless platitudes and couched untruths. She was honest and real. It reminded him of Shepard. “Suffice to say, unless you’re feeling up to it, your discharge will be pending until we can clear you for going back to your… back to your life, I should say.”

Again with the suspicion, tantalizingly lured out by just the brief pause. Kaidan took a deep breath, carefully picking at the strands around him. A Beta. Of course.

“I understand,” Kaidan offered blandly.

“We will schedule you for psychiatric counselling should you wish it,” Doctor Chakwas said gently, turning back to her clipboard and scribbling down something. “Of course, this is entirely your choice, since it doesn’t concern your physical wellbeing. My advice, as I’m recommended to say, is for you to accept, however I understand how difficult it can be for such things to be handled all at once.” A merry twinkle shone through her eyes and Kaidan nodded slowly to himself.

“I… ah, thank… you?” Kaidan offered hesitantly, unsure of what exactly it was he was supposed to say.

“Of course,” Doctor Chakwas summed up with a knowing wink. “Well, I believe I can turn you over to the person who’s waiting outside of the door, now that I’ve seen that there’s nothing inherently wrong with you or your recovery.”

“Outside…” Kaidan began but stopped as the doors to his personal ward swung open, admitting a breath taking sight. In all honesty, on first glance, he thought he was seeing a mirage.

Shepard came in slowly, his azure eyes shining in the light. The man’s stubble had grown out a little, like he had forgotten to shave, but Kaidan found himself approving of this slightly rough and rugged look. The man wore his favourite hoodie, the black one with red and white stripes along the sides, an obscure logo emblazoned across the man’s right pectoral. Kaidan felt his heart sing joyously as the man took tentative steps forward and god, he couldn’t help himself, and took a deep breath, basking in the earthy smells of safety and… and…

Love? Was that… Love?

Kaidan continued to stare as he drew in deep lungfuls of the man’s scent. Of his man’s scent. Shepard looked like he hadn’t slept in weeks and there were lines on the man’s face that hadn’t been there… hadn’t been there when Kaidan had stormed out of their home. The night of the argument and his inevitable capture. God, he was such an idiot.

“Kaidan,” Shepard said slowly and that playful tone, that reassuring smile, was enough for Kaidan’s eyes to prick with moisture.

“John,” Kaidan breathed just as heavily. He felt his hands twitch along the sheets and before he knew it, Shepard was there, in his arms and hugging him fiercely like he was the only thing that mattered. And Kaidan loved that feeling.

They held each other that way for a heartbeat, for all of eternity.

Kaidan felt the world melting around him, the sensations that shot through his body solely focused on the man in his arms, the warmth and heat, the feel of Shepard’s skin on his own. Kaidan couldn’t help himself as he pulled back just enough to shift his face back and then their lips met and it tasted sweet and musky Shepard’s tongue and heat and god, he could drown in that sensation. He wanted to drown in it and he’d missed it more than anything.

A throat cleared.

“I suppose I should leave you to your visit then Shepard,” Doctor Chakwas called airily from behind the man.

Kaidan felt heat rising in his cheeks as Shepard turned and address the woman. “Of course Doctor. Thank you.”

“Well, you _do_ owe me a bottle of brandy anyway,” Doctor Chakwas said casually as she turned to leave. “I’ll just chalk this up as another.”

Kaidan continued to soak Shepard in, the sight of the man and the scent, his presence as it washed over him. As the door clicked shut, Shepard moved to take the abandoned chair that she had just left, running a possessive hand over Kaidan’s own in an almost natural, sub-conscious gesture. The silence between them stretched comfortably, an oddity that, even as the questions began to tumble through Kaidan’s mind again.

“How’re you feeling Kaidan?” Shepard asked suddenly, breaking the spell that seemed to hold them both.

“I’m fine, John,” Kaidan replied almost too quickly, shifting slightly in the hospital bed as the material along his torso pulled at his healing scabs. “Actually, better than fine. Now that you’re here.”

Shepard’s smile was radiant as he looked up, but Kaidan saw that the man wasn’t meeting his gaze.

“John…” Kaidan began, unsure of how to address the things that he wanted to, but not wanting them to hang around the air like a bad smell. He huffed a deep sigh, trying for tact, and then just letting his self-control go as he went straight to the heart of the matter. “John, I… there’s so much to-“

Shepard shifted uncomfortably in his chair with the sudden shift in the conversation but Kaidan noted with pleasure that the man’s hand hadn’t left his own.

“Kaidan,” Shepard began, treading softly through the mire. “There’s… a lot we’ve got to get through. So much for me to… I don’t know how much I can tell you. How much you need to know from me. I just need us to be… Can we be… good together?”

Kaidan chewed over the man’s words, just as direct as his own were. Were they good? That remained to be seen, and he wouldn’t tarnish the respect and love that he held for the man by lying to him. He wanted, more than anything to move on past this thing that they had between them, like an abscess that would continue to grow unless they purged it. Cleansed it. Kaidan would offer up his own apologies and hard truths, if Shepard was willing to do the same. He would like to move on, to continue something with this unique man in front of him. The only question was, was Shepard willing to do the same?

“I’m not sure,” Kaidan began slowly, putting aside the pang in his heart at Shepard’s wounded look. “I… I think, we can move past what happened between us. That night. I was stupid, messed up in the head and I… Well? I guess I took it out on you, no thought to the consequences.”

“I guess I pretty much did the same thing,” Shepard offered and Kaidan nodded at the acceptance.

“I guess,” Kaidan said as he flipped the words over in his head. “The only way we can move forward, if we want to move forward, is the truth John.”

“The truth,” Shepard mused as Kaidan trailed off. “The truth is… harsh.”

“It always is,” Kaidan replied quickly, giving the man a re-affirming squeezing in his hands. “But it’s necessary John. For the both of us, I think.”

Shepard continued to stare at the clean, anti-septic floor and at last, he looked up and began to speak.

*

“What is it you want to know?” Shepard conceded at last. He refused to hide anything else from this wonderfully unique man in front of him, damned the consequences.

“Everything,” Kaidan said at last, firm surety in his tone and Shepard nodded at that. Expect that at the very least. He just hoped the man could continue to love him, would _want_ to continuing loving him, when at last his truth was known.

“I was young,” Shepard began in a soft voice, turning to look back at the blank canvas of the floor. His memories would fill them up soon enough. “Maybe nineteen? It’s a little hard for me to be sure. I… I was an orphan. Had made my life, my way, in the streets till I was scooped up and placed in an orphanage. Those things hardly have any use now that children are so… so necessary in our world. But every now and then, you get Omega and Alpha pairings that just… just aren’t ready for a child. And many Betas want them and can’t have them. Rather than the Child Relocation Centers that legitimately place a child in their new Beta parents’ home… I was… abandoned.”

Kaidan didn’t speak, staring at him avidly as the man squeezed his hand reassuringly. Shepard returned the gesture before he spoke.

“I was adopted around seventeen or eighteen I think,” Shepard continued, trying to parse out the facts. “Not much call for remembering time when you’ve got nothing to look forward to. It just makes the loneliness and isolation hurt all the more. I was picked up from the orphanage by my father… His name is Anderson. He’s an Admiral, in service in the American Military. He’s an Alpha, and a great man but… but before him, I didn’t know what Alphas were like. What we were supposed to be and could be.”

“A maturing Alpha in an orphanage, surrounded by Omegas, Betas and other Alphas,” Kaidan mused. “I’m guessing the orphanage custodians were Betas and didn’t really know how to handle what an Alpha would go through during puberty.”

“They certainly didn’t,” Shepard said with a sigh, fighting off a frown and a grin. Memories from that time were hazy, but plagued with the good and the bad. “Anyway, it wasn’t long after that… I think my father thought that I was… maybe just a little too out of control. He enrolled me in the military. Thought it would straighten out my rough edges.”

Kaidan snorted in disbelief and Shepard chose to ignore the slight; he would have found it hard to believe as well.

“I didn’t know it at the time,” Shepard said with a shrug. “But Anderson wasn’t… He wasn’t exactly an Admiral in the military that you and I were brought up to think about. He was one of the leading officers in a tactical and military covert group called the SPECTREs.”

“What are the SPECTREs?” Kaidan asked quietly, emphasizing the word the way Shepard did.

“The SPECTREs are…” Shepard started then stopped, unsure of how much he could say. “SPECTRE stands for Special Tactics and Reconnaissance. We aren’t actually under the jurisdiction of any government, yet we have branches in most of the world’s societies. There isn’t too much I can tell you that won’t get me into trouble but… I’m sure you know about the many different groups that governments rely on to enforce their power in and out of the country?”

“The US has the CIA and the UK has their supposed MI6,” Kaidan began slowly as he wracked his brain, trying to apply some general knowledge to the question. “So… the SPECTREs are like that?”

“Like that and more,” Shepard corrected. “I don’t exactly know how it started, but eventually we reached a point where we became autonomous. People have called us a mercenary group of epic proportions and that’s not too far from the truth. Except that we don’t do it for money. Sure, we get paid like any other job, but our missions come from the… the Council. The shadowy heads of our organization.”

“Sounds like a really over the top video game,” Kaidan said with just a touch of awe and wonder.

“It does doesn’t it?” Shepard said quietly as Kaidan mirrored his own thoughts all those years ago. “Basically, what we do, is police the people that police the rest of the world.”

“Umm…” Kaidan began slowly and Shepard felt a chuckle tickle at the back of his throat.

“The world was in chaos, a hundred and sixty years ago. It had gotten much worse since the start of the twenty-first century and corruption and political backstabbing were as necessary as breathing air. The world was collapsing in around them, people fighting back against the institutions that should have been there to protect and serve them while the governments abused and neglected the people they were… they _should_ have protected and kept safe. After humanity’s recovery from the… from the infertility disease, there were fears that something like that would inevitably be a point that we would reach again. Over and over again. So the SPECTREs stop the governments from abusing their power, stops the powerful from becoming tyrants and makes sure that those who say their mission is to protect, really do it,” Shepard ended with a hearty sigh.

The silence began again as Kaidan digested the huge amount of information that Shepard had thrown at him. “Such an organization can’t be without its own faults,” Kaidan said slowly. “How can you be sure, that with the amount of power the SPECTREs have, that they’re doing the right thing? What’s best for everyone?”

“After all,” Shepard concluded. “Isn’t everyone human? That’s what we ask ourselves almost every day. A question we need to make sure we always ask, to make sure that we don’t become what we were made to stop. In the end though, we do what we do, because we’re soldiers. And we do what we’re told.”

“That’s bull John,” Kaidan replied fiercely. “We’re people, not cattle.”

Shepard nodded. “Which is why I left the SPECTREs. A year before I met you, I left the organization. Temporarily. Anderson arranged for my leave of absence while I got my head screwed on straight and thought about where I wanted to head off in life. I came here, to Normandy, and decided it was quiet and peaceful enough for me to want to stay. I was doing great, exploring, searching for my place. An Alpha, lost among the crowd, and I felt so… free…”

Shepard trailed off, knowing what came after, dreading what came after, but he couldn’t… wouldn’t continue unless Kaidan was absolutely sure he wanted to hear the truth. His truth.

Kaidan let the information sink in for a moment and Shepard felt a small tug along his hand, feeling it move towards Kaidan. He turned to look up in the direction and felt the warm brush of Kaidan’s lips over his own. Comfort and care. A reassurance.

“It’s alright John,” Kaidan whispered so softly against his lips. “Tell me.”

Shepard wanted to lose himself in the sound of the man’s rough growl, wanted to lose himself in that kiss. But he couldn’t. Not yet. And perhaps, if the truth was too harsh, not ever.

“I had been here a few months,” Shepard said at last as he pulled away from the embrace, felt Kaidan’s warm hand in his own. “There was an Omega that I met. Beautiful young thing, she was… Captivating. Like she could own the room and everyone in it. And she knew.”

Shepard felt a small smile tug along the corner of his mouth as Kaidan’s grip tightened just a little, as the spiky smell of jealousy entered his nostrils. He was getting better at pulling the scents apart.

“Her name was Morinth,” Shepard said softly, letting the images cascade through him as the name sparked through his consciousness.

“Was?” Kaidan asked with equal quietness.

“Was,” Shepard confirmed carefully, though he had to make sure that Kaidan didn’t make an assumption about that word. “She didn’t… She’s still around, somewhere in the world if that’s what you mean. I say was because I know that she’s changed her name.”

“What happened?” Kaidan asked carefully.

“Everything,” Shepard said as he tried to hide his shudder. “Anything. She was seductive and wild, careful and desirable. For some reason, she was extremely interested in me. We went out, had a few drinks. Laughed and talked, got close. We had been together a month, just casual stuff, and I felt at peace, like I was complete. That is, until she told me that her heat was arriving.”

“Her heat?” Kaidan whispered and Shepard heard the man’s apprehension.

Shepard nodded in confirmation. “I… I went through her heat with her. I was younger and stupider, then. Thought that it was amazing that an Omega could need me, want me like that. It was my first real heat with an Omega, since I had been cloistered in the orphanage before and the military since. It was a heady feeling. I felt so close to her, felt so needed and wanted, that I gave in, let myself go and let her have me in any way, in every way that she wanted. It felt so good, then.”

Kaidan’s grip had tightened over the course of his short retelling, but he didn’t care, needed the sensation to ground him.

“I didn’t realize it at the time,” Shepard said with a pained sigh. “But the heat makes an Alpha very susceptible to an Omega. We’re not actually the ones, in control. The Omegas are. They dictate the pace of the mating, they dictate the time, place, when, where, how. If they were to reject us, in all honesty, we couldn’t refuse. Whatever it was that they wanted, our biology is programmed to make sure that we gave it to them, all for the chance to mate, to pass on the seeds of our next generation.”

“John…” Kaidan broke in but he couldn’t stop now.

“On the second night of the heat,” Shepard continued thickly. “She had asked another Alpha to come to the home that we were mating in. Apparently, she had an issue with this Alpha because he had rejected her advances on numerous occasions. He had shamed her, publicly and privately and Morinth… Morinth is as vindictive and spiteful as anyone I’ve ever known. Can you imagine, what it’s like? You are alone with this Omega, the one that you think is yours and you are hers. It’s fantastic, its complete. And then… and then it hits you. The smell. The god awful smell that there is someone else there. Someone who would take that away from you. Morinth acted her part perfectly. Terrified and frightened lamb. Neither of us knew that night that she was the predator among the three of us. That was, until she tried to get me to kill the other Alpha.”

“She _what?_ ” Kaidan gasped in shock.

“Remember what I told you before? That first night?” Shepard wanted to pull his hands away from Kaidan’s own, didn’t want to soil the man’s flesh with his dark memories but the grip now was implacable. “She didn’t care what this would have done to either of us. Of course she wouldn’t. She manipulated the both of us, tried to get the stronger Alpha to succeed. I think the violence excited her more than the sex. It’s strange… It was during the dominance fight that I realized, some small part of me realized… This wasn’t real. This couldn’t be real. I… I don’t know what happened next. I think I blacked out. But when I came to, I was being held in secure cell, armed guards all around me. I heard then, that it had taken an entire squad of Normandy’s finest to restrain me. That the Alpha who had intruded on my mating was in the ICU and that Morinth was… Morinth was just as bad. A less than thirty percent chance to survive.”

“Oh god,” Kaidan whispered.

“She survived in the end,” Shepard raced through the details quickly, not wanting to dwell on them further. “They both did. I was charged in court, but I got out of it because of Ash. It’s how I met her. I was a broken person after that. Taught a lie and manipulated, changed and made to doubt. It was then that I wondered, if Morinth had always been like this, or if something had been done to her. If someone had shaped her in that way. I couldn’t sleep or eat for a month. Food had no taste and-“

The warm arms around his chest and shoulder were soft and urgent at the same time, sudden and welcome. Shepard felt his eyes close at the sudden, close contact with his Omega. No rejection, no refusal. He had been accepted for what he was. The edges of his eyes blurred slightly as he felt moisture touch upon them and he could feel his trembling hands moving up slowly, finally touching Kaidan. Accepting the other man and thanking him for his own.

“John,” Kaidan breathed softly into his ear. “Enough John. I don’t need to hear any more. I know now. I know and… and I understand. I’m so sorry. So sorry for being stupid. I should have… I should have asked, I should have tried to understand before I said all those… things. I should have realized that… God John, I’m sorry that I hurt you and… and I hope you can forgive me.”

Shepard felt his throat tighten with emotion as the earnest words poured out and made him feel complete, made the pieces in his chest fit together in ways he had never thought he’d ever feel again. More than the love, more than the man, this acceptance and understanding was worth more than anything he could possibly imagine.

“I will,” Shepard affirmed. “If you will forgive me.”

Kaidan pulled back, a bright chuckle escaping as their foreheads touched briefly, eyes so close that they seemed the world. “I guess that’s both of us then. So… we’re good, John?”

“We’re better than good, Kaidan,” Shepard said with a soft smile playing on his lips. He ran a hand along the man’s stubbled jaw, staring wonderingly into the man’s eyes. “Kaidan I… Are you sure? I mean… How… How can you possibly accept… understand… love, someone like me? Someone who did what I did?”

Kaidan pressed a brief kiss against his forehead and god, it felt so hot, the lips spreading their heat across his skin.

“John,” Kaidan whispered huskily. “You’re forgetting. You accepted me, long before I accepted you.”

Shepard’s heart fluttered in his chest.

“Kaidan…” Shepard began as his lips rose to meet Kaidan’s own. He wanted to taste the man’s muskiness. To make sure that the man needed nothing else in his life, nothing but safety and succour, love and care. Shepard felt the heat in his chest moving along his stomach and pooling across his groin as his hands moved of their own accord, all thought of the past, all tracks along the nightmare avenues in their minds swept away in the bright whirlwind of the here and now. Shepard felt his heart beat quicken as he slipped across the tight expanse of muscle and skin, the soft trail of hair that would run down, down into deeper promises and-

Kaidan flinched, pulling away just slightly but enough for Shepard to notice.

Shepard cursed, almost letting the words escape him. God, how could he have been so stupid?

“Kaidan, shit, I’m sorry I…” Shepard trailed off, unsure about how to profess his idiocy. What had he been thinking? Kaidan had just recovered from a kidnapping, where he was forced to relive the worst trauma of his past, one that was both physically and sexually degrading. Shepard would have kicked himself if he could. Now wasn’t the time for him to even remotely approach anything concerning sex with Kaidan, especially if the memories of the recent days woke up even older ones. And knowing as much about the man as he did, he was sure that they were always on the forefront of his mind, riding him. Stupid, Shepard, stupid.

Kaidan seemed to drawn inward, collecting himself before he spoke up. Shepard noted that the man hadn’t let go of his hand yet, which was a good sign, since he hadn’t rejected his physical contact.

“It’s alright John,” Kaidan huffed, taking a deep breath. “It’s alright… Just… Maybe just not yet…”

“I understand,” Shepard said with obedient haste. “I’m sorry, I just… Take all the time you need alright, Kaidan? Don’t worry, I can wait,” Shepard cocked his head to the side, trying to recapture some of their lighter mood. “I think you’re definitely worth waiting for.”

Kaidan stared at him. Blinked. Once. And then twice.

Shepard felt himself swallow nervously as the other man’s steely gaze seemed to bore into him, considering and weighing. Shepard didn’t really know how to feel.

“Kaidan I…” Shepard began but Kaidan cut him off suddenly.

“Ah, actually John…” Kaidan began stutteringly, gaze still intent. “I was wondering. I’m not really… I don’t really think I’d be up for… anything like that anytime soon but… Maybe…”

“Maybe?” Shepard prodded, feeling something nervous pool about his torso.

Kaidan continued to stare at him. Studying him. Weighing him. Wanting to ask something but not sure how to, or whether it was appropriate. Shepard let the man gather his thoughts.

“Maybe…” Kaidan finally said. “Maybe we _could_ have sex… I would be comfortable trying if… um…”

“If?” Shepard asked, just a tad impatiently.

“If we try… maybe I could be the… ‘Alpha’?” Kaidan finished with a furious blush.

Shepard felt his mouth open, nothing but a strangled sound leaving him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello me lovelies! Hope you had a great week! So...
> 
> 11.5k words.
> 
> Wow.
> 
> Seriously, that might be a tad too long.
> 
> Also, did a doodle that has been plaguing my head. Seriously though, terrible doodle. Took me 30 minutes so everything is wrong. ARGH!
> 
> I WAS going to break this up into two smaller chapters, but I figured I owed you lot for the cliff-hanger stunt that I pulled on you a week back. So instead of splitting it up into two chapters over 2 weeks, and leaving you hanging yet again, I thought, meh, why not.
> 
> So! We are reaching the end of our little Omegaverse journey and just a few more chapters to go before we wrap this up, of course, we can't wrap this up without a happy, sexual ending. Mua ha ha. So that will be coming up next week.
> 
> As is my common ritual (now at least or since Legacy of Sacrifice), I shall begin plans for my next work! Oh what shall I ever write about? (Because my head is filled to the brim and I need somewhere to start). That's where you come in all my lovely readers and you get to decide what I write, because ultimately, it is for you to read and enjoy! Leave your preference in the comments, I shall tally them up, and if they have nothing to do with the work here, I shall remove them to avoid clogging the area up. So! Here goes!
> 
> 1\. Omegaverse 2! Yes! A continuation on this work with another! It will be a sequel and will be coming off directly from the events here. Let me know whether that is something you want, but read the last few chapters first before you decide, so that you can see whether there is more in this universe that you want to read. Moar? Lot's moar!
> 
> 2\. Another AU fiction. Kaidan is an angel, Shepard is a demon. Will the two ever be ever to reconcile their feelings for one another? Something I'm quite fascinated in writing (love angels to pieces) and I would love to try my hand at something like this. Though, warnings, for arbitrary use of religious references.
> 
> 3\. Set in the ME universe, post ME. This time, it will be dark and brooding. Renegade Shepard survives the end of the war, just barely, while Kaidan and the rest are stuck in some jungle planet. Will they ever make it back, will Kaidan fall in love with someone else, thinking that Shepard is lost to him? Only time will tell!
> 
> 4\. AU fiction. Set in the modern day world. Kaidan is an investigative officer, trying to solve a case that revolves around a mysterious killer called Shepard. However, not everything is as it seems as there are more things than meets the eye with this. Going to take the plot from a storyline that I got from a Witchblade comic that I found strangely compelling. It might be short, will definitely be angsty and dark and what not. We shall see!
> 
> 5\. ME universe setting, but AU divergence. Cross over with the movie Species (cause I was watching it recently for... memories?) Shepard is on an mission, searching for the remnants of the galaxy in order to bring to bear against the Reapers, the largest combined force the galaxy has ever seen. On a remote planet however, he discovers proof of genetic experiments and one very strange creature. Sexual predator Species Kaidan Alenko!
> 
> 6\. A dear, wonderful and darling reader of mine, Chasind, has asked me write a joined fiction with him. That is... more humbling that words can describe. I have never, in my life, thought ANYONE would be a fan of what I do, and that they would like to collaboratively create something with me. I don't have any details on what he wants to write, but I've read some of his pieces and they are AMAZING (love the Blake and Bane zombie piece that he's working on). If you'd like to see what we both come up with, choose this and be surprised!
> 
> 7\. Heartbreak AU. Kaidan is patient in a hospital. Shepard is a doctor, trying to get over his mysterious past and save the life of this patient that he's slowly starting to fall in love with. We could possibly go wrong? Actually, lots. This may or may not have a happy ending. I will make you cry, I will make you feel like a cloud hangs over your head every time you read this. Emo and drama will ensue! Let me know if that's what you want to read about!
> 
> So, give me a number in the comments if you're interested. Or if you want me to write about another universe, another type of story you want to see, tell me as well! I am an author, but I am also your humble servant, and this one aims to make sure everyone has something to read, everyone has what they want to see. This is this one's promise. Until next week where a really fun chapter will begin and have a fantastically amazing weekend!


	19. Two Roads Converged

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING. WARNING.
> 
> NSFW Chapter here! With a VERY NSFW picture that I drew months ago for Kaidan Porn Week. Don't look at me!
> 
> Also, warning for (probable) strangeness that ensues as Awkward!Shepard tries to find out the proper way to prepare being a bottom! :D. (It's really hard work IRL).

The sound of metal clanged harshly against the sounds of grunts and groans, a sharp introduction to the frustrations and confusion that plagued him. A yelp of surprise sounded above him but he ignored it as he stood up abruptly, chest heaving with effort and muscles tight with strain as he caught his breath, mind once again turning away from the now and drifting back into the awkward conversation just a few days ago. Muttered cursing came after he continued his lengthy silence.

“Jesus Loco,” James groused. “Treat the weights with more respect man. I don’t got the money on me to keep the smith press changing every month.”

“Sorry,” Shepard said almost as an afterthought, apology the furthest thing away from his mind.

“What’s with you all of a sudden?” James asked casually as the large man prodded him away from the seat, indicating that it was not his chance for a set.

Shepard snorted and ruefully shook his head, refusing the man an answer. He took the weighted plates from the side of the device, loading them up and almost doubling the weight at the end of the worn metal bar, staring at the dull grey metal like they were foreign things that he had never seen before. A gentle hand on his shoulder brought his attention up to a pair of blue eyes.

“Here,” Steve spoke up softly, cocking his head down at the impatiently waiting James. “Let me.”

“At least someone here would like to get a proper workout in,” James grunted as he placed his meaty hands along the bar, flexing his chest and back as he square himself, preparing to lift the heavy load.

“What’s on your mind Shepard?” Steve asked quietly as James began his set count, Steve spotting the man carefully, though in all honesty, that was as much for safety rather than for any assistance; James had proven years ago that he could lift weights much heavier than the ones on the rack now.

“It’s…” Shepard began, opening his mouth before he clicked it shut, scowling. “It’s… nothing.”

“Doesn’t seem like nothing,” Steve’s voice rolled out like a velvet carpet. “Something’s been going on with you for the last few days. Ever since… Well…”

Ever since he’d gotten back from his debriefing and had been to see Kaidan, everyday, almost every hour, on the dot. The man had only been discharged yesterday but that wasn’t what Shepard was thinking about. Now that he knew his Omega was safe and sound, at least physically, the emotional edge had dulled slightly. No, that wasn’t what concerned him.

Something else, much more… embarrassing to admit.

“You know I get where you’re coming from,” Steve said at last as Shepard continued to hold his peace. “I mean, I… I don’t know what I would do if… Well… Anyway, is everything… alright between you and… Kaidan?”

“Is that what all this is about?” James huffed breathlessly, voice straining despite the easy pace of their joined workout.

“I don’t really want to talk about it,” Shepard put in quickly but Steve continued speaking as if nothing had happened.

“You know,” Steve began with a deep, rich chuckle. “Sometimes I wonder, what it’s like. Being like that, in that way. You know, Alphas and Omegas. I can’t even understand how… different it must feel for you both. And then when something like that happens? I mean, I don’t even know what happened before, why Kaidan even ended up like that in the first place. But me? Man, if anything ever happened to James like that… I’d be pissed. Car accident, right? Hope they got the guy who did that to him.”

Shepard started suddenly. That’s right. The cover up.

“Ey, Estaban,” James blurted out. “Some of us are tryin’ to work out over here!”

Shepard barely caught the edge of the bar as it was drifting lower and lower, James’s muscle straining to lift the thing as his reps had continued to pile up. Steve had been so lost in his reminiscing that he’d lost his place as the man’s spotter and had been numbly following the movements of the barbell rather than actually keeping count and spot the weights back up to its place holder. An apologetic sound came from the older man and the weight crashed heavily back into its holder.

James shot up almost instantly, almost smashing his head into the metal bar, breathing hard and cursing in Spanish.

“Sorry about that, Grizzly Bear,” Steve said with a merry twinkle in his eyes, voice loud enough to travel across the breadth of the workout area.

James made a sound like an animal being choked, face red with more than the exertion of his workout. Steve smiled innocently up at the man who was trying to continue cursing while attempting to articulate a string of words that would have been punishing and upbraiding at the very least. All that emerged out of the muscular Omega’s mouth was a very sad, very pitiful sound.

“Take five,” James said through gritted teeth as he moved away swiftly and without waiting for any acknowledgement, dashed out of the free weight area, and from what Shepard saw out of the corner of his eye, straight for the offices.

He felt his lips tug up slightly at the sight and he turned slowly toward Steve, who was staring up at him with a knowing look.

“I was hoping that would get rid of him,” Steve said at last. “Didn’t think it would work that well though. I’m probably going to have to pay for that in the future.”

This time, the barked laughter that came from him was genuine and unforced and Shepard took a moment to just soak in the feeling. Steve, however, had other things in mind.

“So…” Steve began with feigned caution. “What’s this… mood really all about Shepard? What’s been bothering you?”

Shepard sighed, unsure of how to deflect the questions. Or even if he should.

“It’s alright, Steve,” Shepard repeated uselessly. “It’s nothing, really. I just… I’m just glad he’s alright. That’s all.”

“Is that really all?” Steve asked much too insightfully.

Shepard bit back the immediate reply that hovered at the edge of his lips, pausing as he stared back at eyes that were a mirror to his own. The care of a friend. The concern of family. And perhaps, some deep set wisdom that he hadn’t bothered exploring before because nothing had necessitated the need. Shepard made a snap decision, picking up his sweat towel and moving off along toward one of the water coolers that dotted the gym like oases in the relative heat and barren desert of metal and plastic. Shepard picked the cooler that was exceedingly close to the window, knowing that the glare from the harsh light there would keep most of the other patrons away and that he could at least, in his mind, entertain some privacy. With a wave of his hand, he motioned silently for Steve to follow him, and the Beta did, open curiosity barely hidden behind his features.

Shepard paused. Took out on of the recyclable paper cups out and served himself a portion of lukewarm water. Downed it, like a glass of hard alcohol. He could feel his hand inching up toward the base of his neck, a habit that he always had whenever nerves were tight and embarrassment was just off on the horizon. He cast quick glance back toward where Steve was patiently waiting, hoping that the man would give him a cue to leave, to even forget about touching upon this kind of topic, but the man was too smart for that, leaning casually against the wall, a serene expression on his face that even a saint would envy. Shepard felt an unusual feeling well up within him, the urge to wipe that superior look off of the man’s face and at the same time he wished to confess everything, every single, little slight that he had ever kept hidden since childhood.

“Umm…” Shepard began, oh so smoothly. “Here’s the thing… I…”

“You know,” Steve cut in suddenly. “I very rarely hear you use the word ‘umm’ in a sentence. At least, I don’t hear you hesitate very often.”

“Well, it’s something…” Shepard tried to continue but Steve casually shrugged it off.

“Well, if you don’t want to talk about it I completely understand,” Steve broke in yet again.

“I’m trying to say that-“ Shepard felt his face heating and his pulse racing as the man’s constant interruptions made his temper fray.

“If you want,” Steve said, overriding his words. “We could meet later for drinks, you know, loosen you up a little and-“

“God dammit, Steve,” Shepard hissed. “Stop butting in. I know what you’re trying to do and it’s not going to work.”

“Oh I see,” Steve interjected smoothly, knowing look still plastered on his face. “Well then, I guess I should go and see if James wants to-“

“Kaidan wants to be an Alpha,” Shepard blurted suddenly and his eyes widened in surprise and horror as it felt like the words were pulled from his mouth.

Steve’s eyes widened in shock at the statement but then the layers of consideration and smooth calculation hid it away as he mulled the sentence over in his head, obviously searching for any way to understand the concept without treading on the toes of an Alpha-Omega relationship.

“Ermm…” Steve began diplomatically, drawing nearer as his voice went quieter. “Did you just say that Kaidan, an Omega, wants to be an Alpha?” Steve cast a quick look around to make sure that no one was eavesdropping. “Was it the car crash? Some kind of… brain trauma or something? Like reverse amnesia? Does he think he’s an Alpha now?”

“No, no,” Shepard corrected quickly, trying to cut the man’s questions off. “He… Nothing like that. He just… he wanted to trying something new.” Shepard babbled, trying to cover his tracks while he kept tabs on what he could and couldn’t say. “Just that… Well…”

“Out with it, Shepard,” Steve barked quietly. “You’ve already let that much slip out. Everything else really isn’t going to kill you.”

Shepard sighed. Breathed. Just… calmed himself down.

“Kaidan…” Shepard began slowly. “He wants to have… sex. As an Alpha.”

“Wow,” Steve whistled in wonder. “That’s… well, that’s kinda kinky. I mean, if you want tips about that kind of stuff, I heard Matriarch Aethyta’s Sex Shop has some really weird-“

“No, dammit. Will you just listen?” Shepard butted in.

There was no way in hell he was making his way to Aethyta’s. The woman was nearly insane when it came to sexual advice. There had been a running joke within the community that the woman was a try-sexual; she’d try anything once, sexually. Not to mention the fact that she was strangely intimidating, there was no way he would take this to her. She was a friendly woman, just hitting her prime and while her face was homely and average, her body was astoundingly mismatching, beautiful and curvaceous with enough meat that even Shepard found himself catching a quick glimpse now and again. Her voice was deep and gravelly, but it seemed to hint at the carnal pleasures rather than deter away from it and… No… God only knew the kind of things that would be going through her head. No, he had come here, had become worked up over something, because he wanted to talk to Steve, a Beta, who was in a unique situation having been paired with an Omega.

As a Beta entering a relationship with a male Omega, that meant that Steve had a preference for men, and while homosexuality was hardly frowned upon now with natures within genders, that wasn’t to say it wasn’t something interesting to consider. Not to mention the fact that Steve was one of the calmest and most rational person he knew.

There had been all kinds of strange things developing in the world with the addition of the Alphas and Omegas. Some Omegas claimed that they were attracted to one another and that they had been continuing successful relationships with one another, and even more rarely, Alphas that claimed that Betas were willing to put up with them. There were the pornographies, Omegas having sex with Omegas, and very rarely, Alphas canoodling and fondling one another. At least, they claimed to be Alphas. But of course, such issues were currently moot. They were frowned upon by society, not because of any selfish inclination or societal adherence to convention. That was long and ago, almost forgotten after the near catastrophe that had struck mankind more than a century ago. Things had changed drastically after that, and the only reason such things were swept away in the aftermath of calamity, was the fact that there were greater and more important things to consider. Of course, there were those who actively frowned upon the act, not because it was wrong, not because it was unnatural. It was for one simple reason; they couldn’t understand and they felt that they needed to make sure that every breeding couple knew what was at stake. Simply put, same nature and same sex relationships were still being questioned because everyone wanted everyone to bear children.

“You know, I was just kidding about Aethyta’s…” Steve broke in quietly.

Shepard chose to ignore the man’s humour.

“Look it’s like this…” Shepard began again, gathering up the pieces of his thoughts. “I’m… I’m an Alpha. Kaidan wants… Kaidan wants to be the… be the Alpha… I don’t know how to say it. He wants me to be the Omega? Have you actually heard of anything like that? I mean, you’re a Beta, who’s with an Omega. Do you ever… I mean…” Dammit all, he just couldn’t find the words.

“Does James ever play the role of Alpha in our relationship?” Steve articulated smoothly.

Shepard only nodded dumbly at the clarification.

“It does happen sometimes, when we’re both in the mood for it, though rarely…” Steve said slowly. “Normally, James is happy bottoming, while I top. Though there is a thrill to be had, in getting dominated, to feeling that your lover is in control. A freedom.”

Shepard’s head swam with the unfamiliar terminology. “Ah… By ‘bottoming’ and ‘top’ you mean…”

“Top refers to the position of an Alpha, in a homosexual based, non-Alpha non-Omega relationship,” Steve cleared up in a very instructional tone. “Bottom, would of course, be the Omega.”

“I see,” Shepard said faintly.

“So…” Steve began, running a hand across his short hair. “Wow, this is a little awkward. So, umm… You want to know if I’ve had experience being a bottom… And you want advice?”

“Pretty much,” Shepard muttered quietly, feeling the heat reaching up his cheeks.

“I’m not sure how much I can tell you with regards to that,” Steve said pointedly, staring at the ground. “I mean, all this is kind of… personal. Different strokes for different folks and all that. Umm… It took years for me to find my pace and, well, I don’t know how… qualified I am on telling you about-“

“Please Steve,” Shepard broke in, desperation lacing his voice. “I don’t know anyone else. I don’t know what to do and the extranet is kind of… I don’t really want to…”

“Well,” Steve began slowly. “There is one person I can think of that might be able to help out…”

“I am not paying Aethyta a visit,” Shepard replied hotly.

“Actually,” Steve corrected, glancing up apologetically at him. “I was referring to Mordin.”

A muffled cackle seemed to emanate from the walls around them as James’s laughter pealed off of the walls of the office they were standing next to.

*

“Shepard,” Mordin spoke up chirpily. “How can I help?”

“Ah,” Shepard tried to respond with equal force. “Do you have a minute to talk?”

Mordin cast a quick glance around his small pharmacy, taking in the shelves and products and noticing the absence of many customers. Aria was sitting nonchalantly at her usual desk, absently imagining that nothing else was holding her attention as much as the piece of paper in front of her and the occasional inspection of her nails. She turned up a bland, scrutinizing look up at him as Mordin’s gaze rested on her momentarily.

“Actually Shepard,” Mordin said in chirped tones. “Potential breakthrough being reach through processing of several pharmaceutical agents. Progressive degeneration in multiple anomalies provides interesting access to animal applications-“

“Please Mordin,” Shepard cut through the tirade. “It’s… important.”

Mordin cast a questioning look at him, cocking his head to the side in a bird-like fashion before suddenly straightening himself up and motioning for Shepard to follow the old doctor.

“Understand Shepard,” Mordin said amicably. “Suppose, potential world-changing breakthroughs will have to wait.”

“I appreciate the understanding,” Shepard cast out judiciously.

Mordin nodded absently at his words. “Yes, yes. Understanding. No! Can’t understand, don’t understand. Difficult to pattern the procedure in order for approval in multiple applications.”

Shepard could already feel the slight throb against his temples with the way Mordin’s speech was whipping back and forth.

“Mordin,” Shepard finally called out as they reached a quiet space among the shelves. “I need to talk to you about… bottoming.” Shepard grimaced at the word. It sounded… degrading.

“Hmm?” Mordin hummed curiously. “Strange use of terminology indicates that contextual niche be appropriated.”

“Umm…” Shepard began, unsure of the man’s words.

“Dictate, bottoming, Shepard,” Mordin simplified.

“Well,” Shepard began awkwardly. “I guess it means… Well, when someone ‘bottoms’ they… They receive something in a… sexual way…”

“Observation sounds subjective,” Mordin replied with a quirked eyebrow. “Suggests further elaboration. Common, I believe, for any partner in sexual relationships to receive emotional feedback which would indicate pleasurable experience that constitutes in increased desire for prolonged exposure. Unsure… of what you are trying to imply.”

“When someone bottoms,” Shepard elaborated. “They… they receive their partner’s… well, I guess a bottom would be the Omega in this case and-“

“Penile penetration of subject defines the category of… bottom,” Mordin clarified uncertainly. “Any problems with your Omega, Shepard? Can recommend certain substances which would facilitate a willing state of mental preparedness that should-“

“No, no!” Shepard quickly interjected. “It’s not… It’s not Kaidan that I’m asking for it’s… it’s me.”

Mordin’s eyebrows shot up like rockets as his eyes widened almost comically. Shepard felt a laugh tickle hysterically at the edge of his throat.

“You?” Mordin asked with just a tinge of awe. “Alpha-Omega relationships set in stone. Alpha, penetrates and provides for Omega and Omega willing accepts such roles. Uncertain, what you want to know about Omega sexual details.”

“I don’t want to know anything about that,” Shepard said with a huff. “I just… How does an Omega… umm… prepare himself for being… an Omega? I mean, if let’s say, I wanted to be an Omega, how should I go about doing that?”

Well, Shepard thought to himself, that wasn’t so bad. Like having a root canal without the anaesthetic.

This time, Mordin’s eyebrows disappeared into the small tufts of hair that stuck out whitely against the man’s mottled forehead.

“Alpha attempting to proceed with sexual interactions as Omega position?” Mordin asked just a little too loudly. “Unheard of. Most intriguing. Would make a most interesting study. Would be willing to ask, are you able to take notes? Would benefit me greatly if feedback can be delivered post-phase.”

“I am _not_ taking notes on my sex life and passing them off to you,” Shepard almost growled.

Mordin smiled briefly at his sudden flare.

“Humour, Shepard.” Mordin confessed with upraised hands. “Attempt to disarm situation and provide more relaxing environment to discuss… sensitive subject. Obviously, success not warranted.” Mordin sighed, face turning serious. “Why interest Shepard? Doubt you are the kind to explore in fetish appreciation so early in such a relationship. Something else, bothering you. Alpha becoming subservient? Being dominated sexually by Omega? Almost unheard of. You know why.”

Shepard nodded.

He _did_ know.

Alpha natures were ingrained into them. It was part of their biology. The Alpha characteristics dictated strength and dominance, of proving one was the strongest and the most capable. It was ultimately insulting for an Alpha, then, when such situations resulted in those aspects of who they were, being taken away from them. Many an Alpha, especially those who were young or brash, had experienced this by being put down by older, more experienced and stronger Alphas, especially when they got unruly. Such situations tended to result in a physical beat down, or any beat down for that matter, that re-enforced the fact that a particular Alpha was _not_ at the top of the proverbial food chain, did not stem from the cream of the crop. But it had never happen sexually before, the only area where even the meekest of Alphas could be seen as king in his own domain. Shepard could understand, at least abstractly, what could motivate the extremely rare pairings that came from two Alphas together. Sex was a part of love and life, whether it was good or bad. The fact that two Alphas would willingly do such with one another spoke more about their desire to dominate another Alpha sexually than anything else. At least, that was the conclusion that he had reached.

But in an Alpha-Omega relationship? The Alpha always led, in the bed, and the Omega willingly followed. To be dominated by another Alpha was insulting and degrading, the worst thing that any Alpha could possibly imagine. To be dominated by an Omega, however, to be dominated by Kaidan…

Shepard felt a twitch in his pants at the thought.

What?

“Have sent you information packet to your mobile device,” Mordin concluded happily. Shepard started suddenly, only just realizing that the man had been speaking the entire time that he had been lost in thought. “Unsure of applications in your… specific situation. Should prove illuminating however.”

“Wait,” Shepard interrupted quickly. “Sorry, I wasn’t listening. I was… thinking. Did you say anything about-“

“Not to worry Shepard,” Mordin replied pleasantly. “Everything of substance included in information brief. Read through, at your own leisure. Hopefully, will illuminate your problem.”

“Just like that?” Shepard asked sceptically.

Mordin nodded briefly, turning his head off to the side, back where his miniscule labs were situated. “Of course. Have vetted through work before. Comprehensive, though tedious to consider. Still, should provide most interesting context for your approach. Now, if I cannot persuade you to at least record your session for the of science, then perhaps, might consider implantation of microphone transmitter in order to capture the-“

Shepard backed away from the man slowly, face contorting in horror, as he sought the exit as quickly and shamefully as possible.

*

“Anal irrigation techniques were widely appreciated during the twenty first century,” the mechanical voice sounded in his ear. Shepard grimaced as they trickled through into his brain. The words ‘anal’ and ‘irrigation’ should never have been put together in the same sentence.

Shepard had been nearly beside himself, as he waited near a crowded coffee shop, for his meal. On a whim, he had decided to quickly browse through the information that Mordin had sent him, in the hopes that he could begin exploring what it would be like to be an Alpha… Omega. Or Alpha-bottom. He would have to get used to the terminology.

Trust Mordin to send him an audio tape instead of written text however.

And trust the first, opening lines of the work to begin with, ‘Enemas, colon cleansing and the investigation of homosexual sexual practices surrounding the histories of the twenty-first and twenty-second century’.

Of course, Shepard loved to listen to music on his phone, was in fact a closeted audiophile, so as fate would have it, his volume and bass were blasted up to ear-ringing levels as the narrator began to detail the fascinations in anal preparation techniques while mothers stared at him, fathers placed fists in mouths and children leapt, crying toward the safety of censorship and the mundane. Of course, he was now probably going to be recognized as a sexual deviant by that shop and probably banned for life. That was okay though, Garrus had way better pastries anyway.

“Experiment with amounts,” the voice intruded. “It is interesting to note that while some individuals prefer the limited amounts that come from enema insertion devices, some others prefer a comprehensive cleanliness in order to please their partner. This is referred to, as douching.”

Shepard felt his mouth twist in a sour expression as the word violated his ears. What the hell was the announcer saying?

After the fiasco at the coffee shop, he had rushed to the nearest tech store he could find and bought the cheapest set of earphones they had, slapped his credit chit down and plugged the damn thing in before the person even had time to return him his card. Now, he had to suffer alone through the artificial monologue that was harassing him, all for the sake of pleasing his Omega. There was no way that he was going to go home, in his state, to search for his own headphones and then step out again. Kaidan was home, which meant confronting him with this information in his hands. While he was sure it had happened sometime in the past, he was also sure that in recent memory, no one had died of shame before either. And they had to use a mechanical narrator didn’t they? No living person would be able to read all this out and keep a straight voice.

Shepard shook himself as he scanned the aisle briefly around him. Dammit, he was trying to distract himself, thinking about everything but the row before him. Come on man, balls up. He had to treat this like one of his missions. Get the information, brief the team, complete the extraction and head out. No one left behind.

The mantra soothed him somewhat as he continued to stare at the apparently stark, white boxes as they sat there, innocently winking at him.

“Remember, muscular contractions are key,” the narrator droned on. “Once insertion of the enema tip is completed, hold briefly for several seconds until lining of wall feels bloated and distended. Once muscles begin to loosen, allow for evacuation to complete procedure. Due to natural S-Curve of biology, it would be recommended to squat in order to-“

Shepard felt a strange sound leave his mouth and god, why the hell was it so hot in here? It was the middle of autumn in Canada for god’s sake!

“Do you need any help sir?” a voice cut through his internal wrestling, and he nearly knocked over the entire shelf as he swung around, desperately trying to shut off the audio despite the fact that no one else should have been able to hear it.

“Ah, no!” Shepard blasted out. “No! It’s fine! I got it all under control!”

“Of course… sir…” the pharmacy assistant replied, almost jumping back herself.

“Just, umm…” Shepard cast a quick look about, trying to hide the small basket full of enema bottles behind him, though the obvious clattering made it even more conspicuous. “You know, some days, the dogs and cats aren’t feeling so well.”

What?

“I… see…” the assistant replied carefully, taking careful steps back.

“Thank you though,” Shepard replied as he backed away at the same pace. “Thank you!”

“Of course,” the voice rang in his head mockingly. “It may be necessary to repeat such steps. Cleanliness is most important for bottoming and repeated steps should ensure your path to successful bottoming. Try not to insert too much liquid, to avoid retention. We wouldn’t want any trace messes, now would we?”

Shepard fled disgracefully toward the checkout counter, cheeks burning brighter than the sun.

*

“Heya babe,” a rich, gravelly voice intruded. “Fancy seeing you here.”

“Aethyta,” Shepard said as casually as he could, trying not to look the woman in the eye. What the hell was he even doing here?

“You know, it’s funny,” the woman laughed richly. “Didn’t figure you for the type. But we all got our kinks, don’t we?”

Matriarch Aethyta, as she liked to be known, was one of St. Normandy’s darkest secrets. And also one of its most successful business women. She catered everything that she could, things that decent, normal people would have sworn couldn’t exist, but her pride and enjoy would always be ‘Matriarch Aethyta’, the most well-known of all of Normandy’s sex shops. Nobody really knew about the hows and whys of her running such a business, but as she often said, every market niche needed to be filled. It just all depended on what the size was and how deep it would go. And the darkly, rich fabric that clung to her ample body like a second skin, did nothing for anybody in explaining exactly what she meant by those words.

“Yeah,” Shepard said, trying to agree with everything Aethyta was saying. Come on man, do it. Do it and get it over with. “So, I’m wondering… I need some… ah, lube… Lubricants… Maybe a small, _small_ mind you… umm… dildo? Latex? And… umm… what are poppers? Do you have them here?”

Each word felt like a piece of skin being removed and try as he might, he just couldn’t get it all to come out smoothly. He still had one earphone hooked into his other ear, facing away from Aethyta, and he was listening to the second run of the audio file ,trying desperately to remember everything he would need to… prepare. There was no way in hell, he’d write something like that down and keep it on his person, and several text messages between him and Kaidan had promised the man that either tonight or tomorrow night would be the… ‘big’ night. And damn it all, he was going to be prepared.

Like Mordin, Aethyta’s eyebrows climbed with each item ticked off his list and for the second time today, Shepard wondered whether Mordin and Aethyta were related sexually in any way and if they had set this up between themselves. Maybe Steve had called Mordin ahead and they had all three of them, arranged this between themselves.

“Umm,” Aethyta began hesitantly. “Wow. You’re really not shy are you babe? I don’t recall ever seeing your pretty face here. Kinda pre-emptive, jumping into such deep waters, don’t you think?”

“It’s not for me…” Shepard tried to push out casually, but the words left his mouth in a croak. “It’s for a… a friend…”

“This friend too busy to get his own shit?” Aethyta questioned with a cocked eyebrow.

Oh god, why did the woman have to use _that_ particular word?

“It is understandable,” the voice repeated in his ear. “That many individuals have an aversion to such acts. Nonsense! Bottoming for pleasure is an amazingly deep and rich experience. It is just that preparations must be made in order to complete it as painlessly as possible. And how do we do that? A few simple steps! First, avoid carbohydrates and take lots of fiber. You see…”

“Seems you’re a little distracted there, hun,” Aethyta observed as Shepard tried to move away from the woman while he stared at a wall filled with sex toys, devices, kinks and fetishes.

“Ummm…” Shepard barely got out as he cast about the products, trying desperately to find what he was searching for without soliciting any more help from the darkly curious woman.

“I don’t think,” Aethyta began sensibly. “That you should be… exploring such things without an experienced handler at least. To teach you the ropes. You should probably start it off slow, before you move on to the whips and chains.”

“Whips and what?” Shepard began as he turned to the woman.

It was only then that he realized that Aethyta’s hand was inches away from his earpiece and on instinct he shifted away from her grasp just as her fingers tangled in the cord.

The plug ripped away from the phone’s socket, blaring out his instructional audio for everyone to hear.

“… to be sure. And make sure that when you do put the dildo in, it goes in slowly. Adjust to the feeling. Feel it fill you up. It feels good doesn’t it? The feeling will help. Now, onto _why_ it’s necessary for you to try this after-“

Shepard choked back a scream as he nearly crushed his phone in his grip, trying to shut off the device.

Aethyta’s rich laugh rang hollowly in his ears and for a brief moment, he wondered what would break first, his phone or the woman’s face, when he threw it at her.

*

The door lock clicked, cutting into his casual reading on the sofa.

“You sure you don’t want to come along, John?” Kaidan asked from the portal.

Shepard turned his head up and toward the door, gracing Kaidan with a warm smile.

“It’s alright, Kaidan,” Shepard said smoothly, slightly apologetically. “I ah… Actually, I think I over did it yesterday at the gym. Probably… should rest a bit.” He ducked his head at the white lie, turning back and trying to focus on the book in his hand, failing miserably.

Soft, blunt nails dragged playfully across his chest, tingling along his nerves.

“Ah,” Kaidan breathed into his ear. “That’s a shame.”

Shepard felt his heart stutter as the man traced his chin across the edge of his stubble. When had he moved? Warm skin brushed against his own and traced with delicate playfulness across his jaw, hands gently swirling across his chest as Kaidan pressed a deep but chaste kiss onto his cheek.

“I’ll see you later then, John,” Kaidan said as he pulled away.

Shepard sat rooted to the spot, barely registering the sound of the door opening and closing, clicking shut. His heart hammered wildly, his skin felt flushed. God, that aggravating man, had been doing that intentionally over the last week. Seductive touches and whispered promises that he would have gladly given in to if it wasn’t for the fact that he adamantly refused to repeat his mistakes; he wasn’t about to initiate anything in that regard for fear of triggering, even in the slightest, Kaidan’s revulsion for Alpha sexual advances. So that’s why, he had planned days ago, to head directly for plan B.

The sound of the car’s engine firing up then dwindling into the distance made Shepard go up on points. He waited, breathing harshly as he ticked off the seconds and then the minutes. It wouldn’t do for Kaidan to come home prematurely and catch him off guard. No, that wouldn’t do at all.

When he at last believed that enough time had passed that he was sure that Kaidan wouldn’t be returning unannounced, Shepard bolted up from the sofa like he had sat on a needle, all thoughts about the book in his hand forgotten as it tumbled to the ground. He bounded up the stairs, three at a time, hastily pulling himself into his room before crouching down, reaching deep into the bottom of the bed.

A small hoop of plastic hooked at the edge of his fingers and he pulled it out immediately, the adrenaline surging within him.

He stared at the contents of the bag, hastily cataloguing everything that he could see within, not that that was necessary of course. After all, he had been the one to spend an entire day scrounging the entire town for these items. Except for the poppers. When Aethyta had explained what _those_ things were, well. You could call recreational drugs whatever you liked, including blood pressure medication, but that part of his life when he was running with the gangs were over, and he wouldn’t go back there, no matter who for. He’d just have to try his hand at this without the apparent ease of muscle relaxants.

Grabbing his phone from off the bedside shelf, he took the bag of forbidden items and rushed into the bathroom next door, almost slamming the wooden obstacle in his haste.

Alright, he told himself. Breathe. He could do this. People had to have done this before, right?

Shepard riffled through the small, plastic trove, picking at and discarding items as he pulled out several small, white boxes.

He opened up the audio file, and placed it on the bathroom’s vanity shelf, priming the volume to be heard clear enough.

He stared at the box in his hands like it was something venomous and dangerous even though it was neither. He opened the cardboard protection with a rough snap, pulling out a transparent, innocuous looking device that teased him with its strange appearance.

“… So let’s recap then, shall we?” the audio file asked him pointlessly. “First, we want to make sure that your diet has been under control.”

He had practically starved himself for the last day and a half. He’d always been one to eat what he pleased, a life of growing up without the decadent treasures of childhood fixating within him a strong urge for food stuffs that tasted great and made him feel even better. It had been near torture and Kaidan had remarked upon it.

“Now,” the voice droned on. “To begin. Remove the cap from the enema bottle and insert it gentle into the anal opening.”

Shepard did as he was instructed. He was a good soldier. He was a good soldier.

It was a strange feeling, the liquid filling him up and distending him. It distracted him and he honestly really couldn’t put to words what he was feeling right now, strange and liberated. Violated and perverse. Why was he doing this?

“Try to distract yourself if it feels a little uncomfortable,” the voice reassured him.

“Like that’ll work,” Shepard muttered.

Alright, he could do this. Removing the tube and shoving it roughly back into the box, he took deep calming breaths, feeling the liquid sloshing around within him. Imagine, what it would be like to have Kaidan inside him, filling him up inside. Would it be strange and uncomfortable? It didn’t seem like it. All their lovemaking had always had Kaidan looking enraptured with Shepard’s length inside the other man. It was just natural. Would he feel like that as well, would he have the same look of bliss on his face if Kaidan was inside of him?

“Now that you’re ready, you will need to prepare yourself,” the audio continued uninterrupted as he had been lost in thoughts about Kaidan. “Take the dildo and make sure to apply enough lubrication that it should slide in naturally. You don’t want to rush this step and-“

“Wait, wait!” Shepard ground out nonsensically.

Stupid audio, not waiting for him to be ready.

Shepard let the movements come naturally, even as he continued to distract himself. He would have to go back and listen to the narrator instruct him again. Always check, it said. Make sure, it said. Shepard would have preferred to face an army on his own with just a bowie knife in hand than admit that he wanted to go through the whole process again and listen to that god awful, dull voice.

After what felt like hours of pure torture and awkwardness, though in actual fact had been but mere minutes, Shepard stepped out of the bathroom feeling drained but surprisingly and refreshingly clean.

Shepard made his way into the bedroom on wobbly legs, letting himself settle down for a moment as he stared suspiciously at the relatively small, plastic device in his hand and the small bottle of lubricant in the other. He propped himself onto the pillows, letting his head rest on the headboard and he wiggled the dildo in his hand. God, was he really going to put this thing inside himself?

Shepard gritted his teeth as he prepared to ready himself, mind wandering back and forth. This didn’t feel natural, didn’t feel right. But it was something that, just maybe, Kaidan truly wanted. Even if he never did it again, he could do it for the man who had captured his heart. But surely, he was going to be awkward at it. He paused for a moment, thinking about calling Steve up to ask him, but the man’s words were etched into his head and no, he wouldn’t think to call Steve while he had one hand slick with lube and another trying to shove a six-inch piece of plastic up his ass.

The image that formed in his head made his mouth twist with sour distaste.

Then it hit him.

Music. He had to set the mood. Romance and distraction. Something… A light bulb flickered dully in his mind. His father’s old music collection, notes and sounds that always sounded so soothing to him as a child. The man had been obsessed with the things when Shepard had been growing up and he could honestly say that he hadn’t heard anything quite like it in this modern day and age. With a firm, mental nod to himself, Shepard continued to press the thing in between his legs into himself, feeling more and more out of place as he tried to plan an evening that he prayed Kaidan would appreciate. And even more fervently, he prayed that he wouldn’t be screwing up this one chance that had been preparing for.

*

Kaidan turned the keys, cutting of the sound of the humming engine. It relaxed quietly in Shepard’s driveway, trilling into stillness as Kaidan continued to sit behind the wheel, staring out through the transparent windscreen at nothing.

Was something wrong with Shepard?

The man hadn’t been eating recently, hadn’t been himself. Kaidan was someone who prided himself on habits that his day would revolve around. It gave him a sense of accomplishment and satisfaction knowing that he would do things that he had set out to do, like little tick marks next to missions accomplished. Shepard also had a similar system, but that had changed during the last few days. The man seemed… distracted.

Kaidan continued to stare and wonder.

Had it been his strange and awkwardly fumbling comments when he had first been reunited with the man after a week of missing him terribly? It had been a deflection at most, the barest twinge of regret and the instinctive desire to pull away from anything that had to do with an Alpha raging after him. He had had intercourse before as the dominant partner, of course, with both men and women. The only time he had willingly accepted that had been when his heat had struck him or when he had believed, deliriously, that an Alpha had been more interested in his ass than anything else. Of course, those times had diminished over the years and after everything that he had been through recently, the thought of having anyone want him in that way, to want to be inside him, even Shepard, made him feel distasteful.

And the man had been more than respectful, keeping his distance and hands to himself.

Kaidan could still feel the dark coil of his thoughts every now and then, a darkness that he hadn’t noticed in himself before. It wasn’t that it was wrong, per se. More like… he wanted to do violence to others, to feel violent and angry. He could still vaguely recall the feeling of wanting Marcus’s neck to snap in his hands, the feeling of the sharp spike of wood stabbing into the man and wringing exquisite sounds of pain and agony. It had been times like that, over the last few days, that he had caught himself immersed in such dark thoughts and shied away from it, trying to distract himself. Even in dreams, they came, teasing him with the promise of pain.

So he had turned to Shepard, to the comfort that the other man could provide. The feeling was there of course and the man seemed to provide it on cue like he knew what Kaidan had needed. He could feel himself opening up to the man once again, could feel the soft, warm tendrils in his chest as the desire to feel the man, to be with the man, grew by the hour. It wasn’t his heat, he was certain of _that_ particular feeling, but it was perhaps, something more. So he had teased and seduced, suggested and hinted and Shepard continued to remain as implacable as ever, a brick wall constantly defying Kaidan’s attempts at sexual suggestion.

The man had been more than respectful. Perhaps, too respectful.

And Kaidan was now at a loss of how long he could keep this up and doubt was beginning to creep into his mind. Had Shepard been insulted by his suggestion? Had the man thought that they had gone too far for the amount that they had shared between them, for what Shepard had had to do for him after only months together? Perhaps. Reason suggested otherwise, especially since Shepard would have had no cause to share even more of his personal, private history, but as Kaidan was well aware of, his heart rarely listened to reason.

To stop himself from suffering his own doubt, Kaidan shoved the door open, pausing just long enough to reach into the back seat to grab the bag of sweaty clothes there. He had to come up with a plan, fix what he had with Shepard. He couldn’t let them drift apart, not now. Not when everything looked like it had finally come together. He would sit the man down and talk to him, wring the truth from him and… No. That wasn’t the way. He had to cajole the man lightly, tease the truth out from Shepard. And if it was something that he didn’t want to hear? Couldn’t bear to hear? Well, that would be for him to handle, when the time came. First things first, he had to get this batch of clothes washed up with the rest of Shepard’s laundry and make sure that he found the right time and words to sit Shepard down and finally decide upon what… What…

What the hell was that?

Kaidan felt his hand slip away from the door jamb. What _was_ that sound? It sounded like… well, he didn’t really think he had anything polite to say about the sound that seemed to echo up from around Shepard’s house. Was there a fire somewhere?

Kaidan shut the door behind himself, placing the bag down carelessly, pausing for a moment.

“John?” Kaidan called out.

“Upstairs,” Shepard voice filtered through the strange… was that music? “In the room.”

The mystery of the moment seemed to double and treble within him as Kaidan took the steps up slowly. The strange sound got louder the father up he went. He continued up, trailing a hand on the bannister as he rounded the corner. He stepped up toward the room… their room, and stopped himself before he opened the door. Carefully, he pressed his ear against the wood of the door, straining to hear what was going on within, but unable to make out a sound beyond what he was sure was the sound of cat’s wailing in heat.

“John?” Kaidan repeated as he shoved the door open and it was a testament to his control and poise that he merely stood there, jaw falling open as he stared at the sight before him.

Shepard lay, artfully poised, along the top of the bed. The sheets were draped gloriously around the man’s figure and seemed to highlight every curve, every ripple of muscle. However the effect looked artificial because it just looked so damn good. To add to that effect, Kaidan could already feel his skin prickle with sweat as the candles around seemed to burn and wink at him, casting flickering shadows across the dim room. The effect was lessened considerably since it was still the afternoon and all that Shepard had done was to draw the curtain’s shut, which still let in a considerable amount of light. The air was heavy with the scent of… was that perfume? Something… Kaidan couldn’t readily place the smell as it fought with the smokey scent of the candles and the other scents that swirled within the room. Shepard’s portable speakers were at the far end of the room, blaring out their sounds of suffering and Kaidan would have still been able to forgive the man his many slights if the man himself didn’t look so damn, adorably out of place, hands gripped tightly in the sheets and face redder than strawberries.

“Umm,” Shepard began as his voice cracked. “Welcome home?”

“John,” Kaidan said as he stepped into the room. “What the hell is all of this?”

“A… surprise?” Shepard seemed to ask, though it really shouldn't have been a question.

“Is that a question?” Kaidan couldn’t help the slightly tug on his lips as the man looked dumbstruck. A sound of utter vexation and frustration ripped through the air as Shepard palmed a device in his hand, immediately shutting of the klaxon coming from the speakers.

“Dammit, it wasn’t supposed to…” Shepard began before stopping himself. “Wasn’t supposed to be this way…”

“Sweetheart,” Kaidan opened, having finally adopted the man’s nickname as his own for Shepard. It seemed to calm the man down considerably. “Care to explain, what this is all… umm, about? For?”

“It’s…” Shepard paused. Hesitated. Flicked a quick glance up and then looked back down at the sheets. “It’s for you.”

“For me?” Kaidan asked incredulously.

“Remember when I came to visit you at the hospital? You said you wanted to be the… Alpha? In bed?” Shepard all but blurted out. “Well, I wanted… I knew that what you went through was… difficult couldn’t even begin to describe it. I just wanted you to feel… Feel happy with me. An Alpha. And I thought, maybe I could give it a try, if that was what you wanted. So I… ah, I got some advice… Tried to ready myself for you and it was just so god damned awkward… I felt so awkward, so I thought hey, maybe I could cover it up with stuff and hope that maybe you wouldn’t-“

Kaidan was in bed, in the man’s arms before he knew he had even moved. He kissed Shepard deeply, so deeply and needy that he could feel a small part himself pour into the other man, stopping the flood of words from continuing anymore.

He dissolved into that kiss, feeling Shepard melt and relax under it as well. Soon, the heat from fumbling hands and twisted limbs rose through them both and Kaidan relished the taste of Shepard on his tongue, in his mouth this way. Why, he wondered, had he ever doubted?

“John,” Kaidan breathed. “Thank you. You have no idea what it means to me that… Thank you John.”

“I’m glad you’re happy about it,” Shepard whispered softly against his lips. “Some of the things I did. I don’t think I could ever look at myself the same way again.”

“Mmm,” Kaidan hummed with curiosity. “Tell me more?”

“You really don’t want to know right now,” Shepard said very forcefully.

Kaidan could help the laughter as it bubbled up and away from him.

“Seriously though, John,” Kaidan affirmed. “We don’t… You don’t need to do this for me. I mean, I’m okay. We’re okay. I think I can manage to try.”

“What?” Shepard asked in mock anger as he placed gentle kisses at the edge of Kaidan’s lips. “You mean I didn’t have to put myself through _that_? I don’t think so.”

“You haven’t told me exactly what _that_ is exactly,” Kaidan elaborated and moaned slightly as Shepard caught the edge of his lip in the man’s teeth, gently nibbling away.

“You really don’t want to know, just yet, sweetheart,” Shepard finally said. “And besides, this is probably going to be the only chance that you get.”

The image played suddenly in his mind. The thought of being inside Shepard, to fill the man up the way that he had been filled up. To show Shepard his love and thanks, to make up for all the times when he had been a brooding, hurting individual. To please Shepard as Shepard had pleased him?

Kaidan’s cock was ramrod straight, already painfully pressing up against his pants. Without another word, Kaidan pulled off his shirt and shorts, tossing them off like so much garbage. Shepard tossed the sheets around the both of them, the breeze from the movement guttering some of the candles and dimming the light even further.

“So,” Kaidan murmured into Shepard’s ear, nipping lightly at the skin there. “Candles and music? I mean, was that really music? Because I swear, there might have been some dogs from across the street that might-“

“Kaidan,” Shepard groaned. “That was from my dad’s private collection.”

“Oops,” Kaidan whispered as he ground his cock into Shepard’s own hardness.

They continued to tease and stroke one another, skin becoming increasingly hot and sensitive as the minutes tugged by slowly. Kaidan breathed in Shepard’s scent, the sweet, musky scent of his man. His… love.

His cock gave an extra throb at the thought.

Kaidan shifted downward, gently running his tongue against Shepard chest and nibbling at the taut skin there, tracing the familiar landmarks of muscle. Kaidan’s tongue brushed gently across Shepard’s nipple, eliciting a deep growl from the man that made Kaidan’s cock pulse just as deeply. With practiced motions, motions that he had taught himself over the last few months with Shepard, Kaidan worked his tongue slowly and gently. It was interesting, and a little ironic, that Shepard’s nipple was as sensitive as his own, though Shepard preferred it on the right as opposed to the left. Still, that wasn’t what the man enjoyed the most and this was only to breathe in Shepard’s scent, to taste himself on Shepard’s skin. This was more for him than for his lover.

Kaidan stole his way down, carefully making his way through the sculpted planes. God, the man’s body seemed to radiate fire and it was hot, so hot that it burned, that it felt like he would be seared. Kaidan felt his chin brush up along the edge of Shepard’s bulbous cock head and, without a moment’s hesitation, he ran his tongue playfully across the veins and hardness, lapping him up. Shepard gasped as Kaidan put as much of the man’s cock into his mouth, almost gagging at the sensations but training his reflex. He had been taught that by an overly zealous Omega who specialized in searching out willing male Omegas and Betas in order to have sex with.

Blow jobs, as they were called, were very rarely given in an Alpha-Omega relationship. Primarily because an Alpha would never deign to do such things for his Omega, and secondly because and Alpha’s cock was just so much bigger that any forcefully motions might break and Omega’s jaw open. When it came to such things, an Omega had to be in control. And hell, if Shepard was going to try something new, then he was damn well going to make sure that the man wasn’t the only one.

“Oh my god,” Shepard almost yelled out as Kaidan took the man’s cock head in his mouth.

Kaidan moved, trying to dredge up memories of what he had been taught, tried to make sure that he was making the man beneath him insensate with feeling as he used his tongue and lips, pressure and suction. He could feel his ardour dying as he strained with the effort of recall and no, that wouldn’t do at all.

Kaidan lost himself in the feeling, no longer too concerned with what Shepard was feeling, but what he wanted to feel himself. He lost himself in the ridges of skin, using the tip of his tongue to press up against the pulsating vein that throbbed along the length of Shepard’s cock. He used his mouth, moving up along the length that he had been able to fit in his mouth, just barely half, and worked carefully around the sensitive head. He sucked and caressed, tasted the sweet taste of Shepard’s pre-come and breathed in the heady aroma of the man’s musk and arousal. Shepard’s moans and groans, his own name on the man’s lips, were a thrilling counterpoint, better than any romantic music that had been create in this age or the last. Kaidan felt his member stiffening and he popped himself free of Shepard, earning a startled groan. He pressed his tongue gently into the man’s cock slit, earning a gasp of pleasure and a tremor that rocked the man’s body.

“Fuck Kaidan,” Shepard breathed almost deliriously. “Fuck that feels so fucking good.”

“Mmm,” Kaidan hummed as he pressed a loving kiss onto Shepard’s cock.

He moved his way down, running his tongue lovingly, possessively along the edge of Shepard’s balls. He immersed himself in the feel of the ridges there, the bumpy yet smooth skin, the salty taste of sex. It was sensual and primal and Kaidan felt his own cock leaking pre-come as he buried himself deeper, lost himself more and more in tasting Shepard.

“Kaidan, I-“ Shepard began but Kaidan cut him off, already knowing what the man was going to say.

“Shh,” Kaidan admonished gently. “This is what I want remember? This is what you always do for me. This time, John, let me be the Alpha.”

Shepard growled out something unintelligible but Kaidan let it slide as he brought himself lower, running down the length of Shepard’s hardness as it disappeared into his body. With careful motions, constantly swirling his tongue and edging down toward Shepard’s opening Kaidan reached a hand up and palmed Shepard’s cock in his hand, stroking it softly, pulling it back, moving up and down the length with practiced, easy motions, just the way that he knew Shepard liked it. His tongue struck the edge of Shepard’s opening.

The sound of laughter echoed up through the air as Shepard bucked under Kaidan’s hands.

“Oh god!” Shepard burst out in between gasping breaths. “Don’t Kaidan! God!” More laughter singed through the air as Kaidan pulled up and away.

“Well,” Kaidan breathed. “I wasn’t expecting _that_.”

Shepard continued to giggle, _giggle_ , like some kind of child, as Kaidan raised himself up, placing himself in line with his partner once again, watching the man’s face relax as the ticklish sensations died away with the gulping laughter and coughing breaths.

“Well,” Shepard said at last when he got his breathing under control. “I wasn’t expecting it either.”

Kaidan chuckled deeply as he pressed himself up against Shepard, snuggling the man against him as he felt the softening length of Shepard’s cock press up against his torso.

“So…” Kaidan breathed softly, tracing delicate kisses along the man’s neck. “Are you sure you want to do this?”

Shepard stiffened in his grip for a moment before relaxing under his embrace.

“I…” Shepard started then stopped, seemingly searching for the words. “I don’t think it’s something I could get used to. I don’t… I’m not sure Kaidan. But I’m ready. We’re ready. I want to at least try. For us.”

Kaidan pulled away, cupping both of his hands along the edge of Shepard’s jaw. He watched as Shepard returned his gaze, watched his lover watching him. Blue eyes and brown, soul to soul and heart to heart. Alpha and Omega, but neither one believing for a moment more that that was all that they were.

“Thank you, John,” Kaidan said at last as he drew the man in for a lingering kiss.

“I love you Kaidan,” Shepard blurted out and Kaidan started back just as Shepard did, both of them staring incredulously at one another. What was that delicious fluttering in his chest? Why did it make him feel… so alive?

“I love you too, John,” Kaidan said in reply. He paused, waiting for the catch in his mind, the hiccupping denial that he was replying by rote and didn’t actually feel the way that Shepard did. He waited.

The voices, for the first time in his life, were silent.

A rough, hot hand brushed up against the edge of his cheek and he buried himself into the crevices and callouses, feeling them strum parts of himself that he didn’t know that he had. Moisture pricked at the edge of his eyes as he finally realized just what it meant to be in love, to feel love. And to truly mean it.

“How do you want to do this?” Shepard asked after what seemed an age of basking in one another’s presence.

“Umm, I was going to ask you,” Kaidan huffed.

“You seem more experience that I am,” Shepard finally admitted with a casual shrug of his shoulders. Gone was the fumbling awkwardness, the hesitancy. Now, it was just, them.

“Here,” Kaidan offered. “Turn over.”

“I don’t think I’m quite ready for that kind of-“ Shepard voiced out with concern but Kaidan laughed it away playfully as hands reassured, caressed playfully and kisses promised.

“Not like that,” Kaidan whispered. “Like this.”

Kaidan moved, using his superior strength and size in order to shift Shepard around. The man let himself be moved, taking his queues from Kaidan and soon, they were spooning, Shepard’s slightly smaller frame locked in front of Kaidan’s own and Kaidan could feel his chest pounding with the effort to reign in his emotions, could almost imagine he could feel Shepard’s heart beating back at him in tandem. Almost on instinct, he ran both of his arms around Shepard’s chest, snaking around them and holding the man in a firm, careful grip. It was difficult to say at this point what the other was feeling, but Kaidan could feel, could imagine, from the snuggling comfort that Shepard seemed to instinctively reciprocate, that this was something that neither would be tired of.

“You might need this,” Shepard spoke softly into his arm, handing him a small bottle full of transparent liquid.

“I’ll be gently, John,” Kaidan whispered, nuzzling into the back of the man’s neck and feeling those short hairs brush against the edge of his nose. “I promise.”

Careful motions, practiced motions. Kaidan slipped the lube onto his fingers dexterously, rubbing then together to warm up the lubricant. He moved down, pressing up against Shepard’s opening and it was tight, god it was tight. Hot and wet.

“Relax, sweetheart,” Kaidan breathed steadily. “Just relax… Just… Let me.”

“Kaidan…” Shepard whined.

Kaidan worked quickly, smoothly but carefully, massaging and teasing Shepard’s hole with practiced motions that he’d used on himself and others before. He could feel the man tense under his probing, but he kept him distracted and occupied, murmuring sweet words in Shepard’s ear and placing kisses at the back of the man’s neck that sent tingles racing through the both of them. Kaidan’s other hand moved smoothly across Shepard’s chest, massaging the muscle there and just basically willing Shepard to relax.

He wasn’t impatient. Not anymore. They had all the time in the world, now.

Kaidan grunted in surprised as Shepard relaxed into him, the tension leeching away through some unseen sink.

“Wow,” Kaidan whispered hotly, not really thinking about his words. He was swamped in the sensation of pleasing his man, of doing everything that he could to make him feel, just feel. So it was understandable. “You’ve loosened up so quickly.”

“Gee, thanks Kaidan,” Shepard said with scathing sarcasm.

The words suddenly struck him and they were both laughing into one another, continuing with the ease that they had begun with. It wasn’t sex, it wasn’t love making either. It was… playful and experimental. Exploratory and new. No pressure to please and be pleased, nothing demanded and nothing given. But both, freely done. It excited Kaidan more than he would care to admit and his cock was straining now, desperate to be inside of Shepard, pushing up against the man’s back and painting his pre-come as a tapestry of stories, of their story, onto Shepard’s back.

“Are you ready, John?” Kaidan asked.

He felt Shepard tense under him and he cursed at his stupidity. Of course asking the man would get him back up, losing what ground he had covered.

“Mmm,” Kaidan hummed, letting his voice drop as the lust and desire made his voice sultry and gravelly. “You know, sweetheart. I could really, really, enjoy getting used to this. Not the… not really everything but hey, we can make it work. I just… I just want to hold you. Yeah, that’s it. Just hold you, is all.”

Kaidan poured out his love letting it flow out in his voice even as he coated his cock, made it slick with lube. He positioned the tip at the edge of Shepard’s opening pushing it in slowly, ever so slowly, as he continued to purr and speak, distract Shepard with his voice and his hands, his mouth and lips, anything and everything.

Every grunt from Shepard, every slight clench and tight tension and Kaidan stopped, refused to move an inch, but refused to pull out either, letting the man slowly adjust to his thickness and length. That was the key. To take their time, letting one fit around the other, and not having to start over. Kaidan was consummately skilled in his patience and he lost all sense of time as he moved within Shepard, actually felt his cock rub up against the tender flesh of the man’s inside, the warmth and the desire. It was almost not enough, almost too much. It was agony. It was bliss.

“Kaidan?” Shepard croaked out as, at last, he felt his cock bury itself deep into Shepard.

“John,” Kaidan murmured softly, drawing the man’s face up for a deep and passionate kiss. “How does that feel, John?”

“You’re…” Shepard wiggled against him, pressing back and clenching that tightness around him and Kaidan fought back a gasp at the sensations that played along the length of his cock. “You’re in? All the way?”

“I am,” Kaidan confirmed with a throaty whisper. “Can you feel it?”

“I can,” Shepard said wonderingly. “It… It didn’t hurt as much as I’d imagined. Huh.”

Kaidan didn’t let words express how he felt at the moment. Just a kiss, long and deep, to express everything that he felt, everything that Shepard meant to him.

“Don’t…” Kaidan huffed, gritting his teeth as Shepard clenched experimentally around him again. “Don’t think I can hold out much longer.”

“Mmm,” Shepard hummed and the vibration seemed to travel down the man’s stomach and into his ass, shooting up Kaidan’s cock.

“God,” Kaidan said with earnestness as he shifted them slightly, still moving with tender care as he pull back and then pushed in. “God, John. You feel so good. So damn good.”

“You sound so fucking sexy right now, Kaidan,” Shepard muttered deliriously.

“Mmm,” Kaidan moaned.

No more words needed to be spoken between them. Nothing more but the sensation as it dwelled within the organs that were an extension of themselves. No longer were they an Alpha and an Omega, natures defined by genetics and biology. Now, they were two people, entwined in love and soaking each other up, nurturing their comforts and letting it all out, letting freedom take hold. Kaidan moved as he drowned in the feeling, hearing Shepard gasp and writhe under him in ecstasy. Kaidan barely had a coherent thought in his head. All sensation, all feeling, had dwindled to that in his cock, moving inside of Shepard, an Alpha, who had surrendered to him, embracing the tenants of a society that had deemed it wrong, had called it unnatural. What could be unnatural about such pure, real sensations? What could be more real? What could be more? It was just, as it had always been, should have always been.

“John,” Kaidan breathed, feeling his body clench, his muscles tighten, as he sped up. “John, I’m… I’m…”

“Do it,” Shepard shot back, voice like lava, like a falling avalanche. “Do it Kaidan. Come. Come in me. Come for me. Come, Kaidan.”

The world tore away from his shut eyes, the darkness behind clenched eyelids shot through with streaks of light and the nothing in between. He roared, his climax surging through him, spilling through him as it took hold of him, took hold of both of them and Kaidan buried himself deep into Shepard, shooting his come deep into the man’s insides just as Shepard had always done to him. For him. Kaidan’s toes curled in, felt the spasms rock him like tremors. He lost himself, light and sound, weight and feeling, as he continued to pour himself out, mixing his with his and he couldn’t tell, couldn’t know, where he ended and where Shepard began. It was everything.

Kaidan sobbed through the last of his orgasm, a tortured, guttural sound leaving his mouth as he flew back down into his body. The room was still, heavy with the scent of their sex, with the silence of their breathing. It was them. It was always going to be, them.

“Kaidan?” Shepard called out his name at last and the man’s voice was shaky and unsure. “Kaidan?”

“I’m here John,” Kaidan whispered still feeling the aftershocks of feeling that were echoing through him. “I’m always going to be here, John.”

“I came,” Shepard said with wonder.

Kaidan’s eyes flew open.

“What?” Kaidan reached down immediately, grabbing Shepard’s cock in his hands and wringing a protesting sound from his lover. He felt the slick wetness of the other man’s come against the sheets, the copious amount of fluid that had splashed out and coated the man’s cock. Even now, he could feel it dribbling out from Shepard’s cock head, but as his hand reached lower and lower, he stopped searching as his hand hit the base of Shepard’s cock, the edge of his fingers curled around the man’s balls. “How?”

“When you shouted,” Shepard said, tone still shouted. “You… hit something inside of me. You… I don’t know how to describe it. I felt like I came, like I always feel when I come inside of you, but…”

“It’s not there,” Kaidan finished, pleasant shock tripping through him.

“Exactly,” Shepard replied, turning back to grace Kaidan with a beaming smile.

Shepard’s Alpha knot hadn’t inflated.

Whenever an Alpha ‘came’, at least in the traditional sense, it always involved the knot inflating. When done through masturbatory means, at least from what Kaidan had heard, it was always done through an artificial device or not at all, in order to simulate the Omega’s passage constricting around the knot. It was exceedingly painful to do otherwise, and most Alphas tended to abstain away from such feelings, especially when it involved that particular limb. Still, there were always those who were thrill seekers, trying it out for themselves, trying to search for new ways to sexual excite and stimulate themselves, but Alphas… Well, they rarely had such an opportunity. Which was why most people joked that Alphas tended to be so sexually repressed and pounced on the first Omega they could find.

Facts flooded through Kaidan’s mind even as he raced to the answer and when at last, he reached it, it became so glaringly obvious that it was a wonder why he hadn’t thought about it before.

“Your prostrate,” Kaidan said with sudden realization. “I must have hit it when… Ah, when I came and… Well, it must have made you come as well. Only, it’s not really coming is it? More like… Simulated? So you get the feeling but…”

“But not the consequences,” Shepard finished squeezing around Kaidan’s cock once more and earning him a satisfying moan. “God. You sound like Mordin.”

“John…” Kaidan groaned slightly as Shepard clenched his passage again.

“Hmm?” Shepard asked innocently. “Hey, I wonder if you’ve got a little Omega knot. Wouldn’t that be interesting? And you know, I was wondering, what would happen if…”

Kaidan felt his nerves spasm beneath his skin as Shepard… What the hell was the man doing? Some kind of rippling clenching that pulsed through his passage and sent Kaidan’s oversensitive cock into overdrive.

Kaidan pulled out before he could stop himself and Shepard groaned slightly as his passage contracted against the emptiness within him. That’ll teach him.

Shepard rolled over, coming face to face with his lover, bringing their foreheads close together as his eyes closed, letting their bodies dwell in the sensation of completeness.

They lay there, in each other’s arms, filled with the revelation of another something new, even as they filled one another up, chasing away the emptiness that had plagued them since then could recall. They continued to snuggle, sharing kisses that were quick and loving, nuzzling and breathing, loving and living.

“Kaidan?” Shepard said at last as his body began to relax.

“Mmm?” Kaidan hummed tiredly.

Shepard paused for a moment, feeling the strange detachment as his mind and body was at rest even as his heart beat began to quicken. He reached back his arm, searching under the pillow that Kaidan was resting his head on and finally snagging, the last item that he had prepared for this night together. Shepard drew it out, hovering it in Kaidan’s view before opening the small, box-like item.

“Kaidan Alenko,” Shepard said, voice dry and scratchy as nerves took hold of him once again. “Will you marry me?”

Kaidan’s eyes widened as Shepard unveiled the ring in its setting. A simple band of plain metal, it held none of the trappings of grandeur that one would commonly associate with a marriage ring. The matte surface gleamed beautifully in the dim, flickering light about them, making it seem to seethe with inner fire and Kaidan tried to open his mouth, tried to speak but for the emotions clogging his throat, tried to absorb the sight of Shepard’s worried face holding up the ring in that way, but for the tears that threatened to overwhelm his sight. In end, words, as always, were never going to be enough.

Kaidan reached out a hand that shook, feeling time slow to a crawl as the edge of his finger rubbed up against the edge of the ring, finally going through and slipping on, barely meeting any resistance. Kaidan lifted up his hand and stared at the new fixture there, a simple band of metal that looked to mean so little but in actual fact, meant more than anything and everything that had come.

“Yes,” Kaidan croaked out when he had finally found his voice. It was harsh with his joy. “Yes, John Shepard. I will. I, do.”

They lay replete and complete, holding each other fiercely.

No matter what came, what differences they had been created with and the hardships of their pasts, they both now knew that they were stepping forward to create something new. It had never been about the Alphas and the Omegas, the systems and hierarchies that society would forever modify and dictate. Those were arbitrary concepts that would only impact them so long as they let it. They were the different and the new, they were them. They were an Alpha and an Omega and nothing anybody would say would change that. But as they held each other so tightly, so closely that they could feel and breathe within their worlds, they realized that right now, complete as they were, they honestly didn’t care.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,   
> And sorry I could not travel both   
> And be one traveler, long I stood   
> And looked down one as far as I could   
> To where it bent in the undergrowth;   
> ...  
> Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—   
> I took the one less traveled by,   
> And that has made all the difference. 
> 
> \- Robert Frost, The Road Not Taken.


	20. Epilogue

He winced slightly as he shifted in his seat, staring at nothing as the tiles of the floor fled into the vast expanse of the horizon.

Marcus moved his bandaged arm, slung in a cast from around his shoulder, trying to find a comfortable spot for it. Failing that, he shifted it back again and winced as the pain shot through him like a red hot needle.

Damn that woman. Damn that bitch.

She had been relentless, ruthless, in extracting her vengeance from his flesh. First the fingers, then his arm. He still shivered in fear at the thought of being under her ministrations for even a day more. She was a twisted freak, sadistic woman. How could anyone in their right mind even enjoy such suffering from anyone? He’d get her back for that, he would he promised himself, if only he wasn’t so damned sure that he didn’t want to get within a kilometre of that psychotic bitch.

“Come this way,” a voice chirped suddenly from in front of him.

Marcus started, looking up and suddenly narrowing his eyes.

The person before him was one that he had never seen before, and he had been through this long walk before often enough that he knew who should have been here, waiting for him.

She was tall and statuesque, with a face that looked oddly symmetrical. Her forehead seemed to slope upwards before terminating sharply at the edge of her fringe, the edge darkly sharp against her fair skin. Her hair was short and the curved down around the sides of her face, framing lovely features that were set in a severe expression. Marcus recoiled from the sight.

Those eyes. She had the same eyes as that whore who had broken his fingers and his arm.

The stranger stood before him for a moment longer, only turning suddenly as he began to open his mouth, walking off without looking back at him or waiting for him to catch up. Marcus growled deep within his throat.

The woman pursued a punishing pace and despite his fitness and larger size, Marcus could barely keep up as his accumulated wounds began to throb mercilessly as his pulse rose.

He had only just been released from his incarceration, another unknown pulling him out of his cell with the ease of entering and leaving a restaurant. Marcus sneered to himself. His employer always did have a flair for the dramatics and he had made his tastes obvious in his use of random strangers. It was something that he had done himself. Damn that woman, damn that other Alpha and most of all, damn Kaidan for making him have to go to the lengths that he did in order to get what he was tasked with.

He stumbled as his arm caught the side of the corridor’s turn and he could feel his weakened abused knees give way. Before he had even reached halfway down toward the floor, the woman was there, holding him up with surprising strength.

“You are in pain,” the stranger stated in a frighteningly bland and indifferent voice. “I was instructed to assist you should you suffer.”

“Get me to some proper medical care and I’ll be as right as rain,” Marcus seethed through bared teeth.

“I am unable to do that,” the woman intoned. “However, I was told that should you be unable to physically move, I am permitted to provide you with stabilizers and anaesthetics until your debriefing is complete. It will also provide you with a modicum of lucidity.”

Marcus bit back a curse, not wanting to show weakness and or let his emotions show in front of this stranger that he didn’t know, but the pain hammered way at him, travelling up and down his spine like glass shards.

“Do it,” Marcus hissed.

The stranger struck his arm with a hypodermic needle, injecting him with a quick solution that seemed to cool his muscles. The salve spread its way within him and he could feel himself getting stronger and stronger, the pain dulling itself until it was almost non-existent. The fuzzy edges of his mind receded and once more, he was himself again, calm and cool. In control. He almost burst out laughing as the laugh of his fatigue and pain vanished. He pushed the stranger away from him roughly, ripping out the needle in his arm and tossing it to the ground like trash.

“Thanks for the pick me up,” Marcus snapped. “Now, let’s go.”

The woman stared at him with an unreadable expression from where she lay for just a moment more before she stood up slowly and continued walking, leading him onward. That was the way. That should always be the way.

At last, they reached the termination of the hall.

The stranger approached a door that Marcus had seen before, once in his life, but he remembered the feeling of power that came from the room beyond. They continued, undeterred, as the mechanical doors slid open and the stranger walked with martial briskness toward the side of the opening, standing as still as a statue as Marcus’s gaze swept the area.

The room hadn’t changed much, he noted blandly. The floors were covered in slick looking white tiles, sometimes shifting towards black. He knew, having looked down before and seeing that they were actually darkly translucent, that they hid an array of machinery that he didn’t know the purpose of. To say the room was spartan would have been a compliment. It held nothing so much as walls that curved inward, almost like a gigantic sphere, and a simple yet astounding embankment of transparent, holographic screens. Right now, they were emblazoned with numbers and figures, charts and devices, portraits and streams of information that he couldn’t even comprehend. And almost as an afterthought, his eyes fell upon the smallest and apparently least significant item in the room, and also its most important feature.

“Report,” a voice drawled out of the semi-darkness.

Marcus stared hard at the man sitting in his chair so casually. It was a simple, curved affair. Hauntingly sleek. The man itself seemed ordinary, sitting there with one leg crossed over the other and the glowing embers of a cigarette gleaming against his skin. A stream of smoke shot out impatiently as the man in the chair continued to stare him down and Marcus felt an itch form at the back of his neck, an almost unremembered feeling of wanting to submit, to step down.

His employer and mentor. The man that no one knew, but everyone called, The Illusive Man. Owner of the largest pharmaceutical corporation in the world, Cerberus Industries.

“I told you,” Marcus snapped out angrily, preferring to choose that emotion over skittering fear. “I told you dammit that it wouldn’t work.”

“Your dictates are immaterial and irrelevant,” the Illusive Man said in neutral tones. “I asked for a report.”

“And I don’t see why you would need it,” Marcus snarled, fighting the urge to pace like a trapped animal. “You’re the Illusive Man. You know everything that happened anyway.”

“I do,” the Illusive Man admitted. “I’d much rather hear what you have to say about the situation. About your failure.”

“I did _not_ fail,” Marcus shouted. “I was _made_ to fail! You send me that crap team, those children Alphas who couldn’t even handle routine assignments let alone something that you wanted so badly. A single, wretched Omega managed to stall them all! All of them! And that’s not even considering the team that Shepard put together, whatever the fuck he is.”

Marcus noticed the slight twitch from the Illusive Man’s fingers as the man tapped gently against the side of his cigarette. The Illusive Man paused for a moment, the man’s strange eyes gleaming up at him from the dark recesses of the chair before turning to look down, brushing off his cigarette against the edge of his armrest. The metallic device rotated away, clearing the offending nub and ash and putting up a brand new, metal surface for the Illusive Man to stub his next cigarette, which he was already lighting.

“Your report is wholly inadequate and inaccurate,” the Illusive Man called out to him as a hand moved to rub lightly against his temple. “I’m actually giving you this opportunity to correct your mistake. To prove that you can be forgiven.”

“I don’t need your forgiveness,” Marcus hissed. “I didn’t do anything wrong! I got to him, like you asked. I twisted him, broke him. But he refused to stay that way! He is strong, but I know, if I just have my chance again, I’ll bring him.”

Marcus’s breathing came out harshly, heating his lungs as the last of his words petered out. He caught a hold of himself from striking out, from lashing out and he tried to breathe the fire and steam out of his lungs, tried to calm himself down, but his heart was racing, pounding away in his chest.

The Illusive Man sighed disdainfully as he paused to flicked ash onto the floor.

“I see,” he said at last. “So, despite everything, you can’t really confess that you’re completely blameless for all of this. Thank you. That was all I wanted to know.”

“I’m glad you have what you want,” Marcus sneered. “Now, I did this for you because of what you promised me. Where is she? Where is Anora?”

“She’s safe,” the Illusive Man agreed. “Just like we agreed. But the payment isn’t complete yet.”

Marcus opened his mouth to rebut the statement but a sudden, searing pain shot up through his recently broken arm. The pain stole his words away and he almost crouched into himself from the feeling. It fled as quickly as it came and Marcus paused to stare down at his arm.

“We are preparing for the future here, Marcus,” the Illusive Man spoke up in his sudden silence. “And there is no place for failure in the future. Humanity must persevere, at any cost.”

Marcus screamed as the pain came back tenfold, unable to hold back the sounds that erupted from his throat. His limb felt like it was on fire, like his skin was being peeled off and his nerves were soaked in metallic acids. His feet finally gave way from under him as he fought to pull the wretched thing off, fought to rips his arm off from its socket so that the pain would just stop. All he could do was howl his agony into the floor.

“One path to the future,” the Illusive Man called out over his shouts. He could barely hear the man’s words. “Nanites. I believe that there could be many potential applications for such wonders. You are experiencing one of them.”

Marcus’s head was spinning and he felt sweat trick over his face and into his eyes. He cursed as the stinging liquid blurred his vision and he swiped away at the offending moisture, only to see his hand come away brightly crimson. This time, his screams were laced with fear.

“Unfortunately,” the Illusive Man seemed to say to himself. “Their range of control is limited. That’s something we should be able to work on.”

Marcus stared at his fingertips watching the blood there. Suddenly, in startling clarity, he could see. The tips of his fingers, the small pads of flesh, were writhing and twisting. Suddenly, the flesh split and dissolved like sand being blown away by the wind and blood surged out as his flesh melted from within. Marcus howled and thrashed. Pain was his entire world now, his nerves encased in molten lead and his spine a lightning rod of agony. Marcus flailed around as his mind began to shut down, as his body began to die, cell by cell. Nanites. When…

That bitch. That god awful bitch. She’d been told to help him, instructed to assist him. And that was exactly what she had done.

The thought was gone before he could complete it as the nanites surged within his bloodstream and began to deconstruct him from the inside out. Electrical surges shot through him and his veins and vessels burst open. His muscles were of little use now, just piles of slurry within his rapidly breaking skin. His bones were being turned into brittle mush, but he was still aware, still in utter and complete agony, as his brain sloshed around in its casing for just a moment more.

“Good bye, Marcus,” the Illusive Man said pleasantly. “You were a wonderful asset to Cerberus. Unfortunately, you were also a redundant one. Humanity will remember you as we progress into our future.”

Marcus’s tongue was dead in his mouth; his teeth were breaking into shards. He wanted to throw a final curse, spit out a final insult, but even that was taken away from him. Slowly, like ink staining tissue, he could feel his vital processes being shut down, one at a time, as the pain flared and then left him, mercifully taking away sensation. His last thought in his head as life fled and regret intruded was an apology to his sister Anora, that he could never see her again to tell her how beautiful she would grow up to be. And another final apology to Kaidan, for the life he had damned in order to save another.

*

The Illusive Man stared at the pile of flesh slurry that had once been one of his most recalcitrant and best agents and sighed, flicking his half-finished cigarette away.

It was a shame as well. He showed such promise.

And it was a shame about the nanites. They should have reduced the blood to molecules and the flesh to nothing but atoms, but somewhere along the way, they lost power and stopped their processes. At least Marcus was lucky. In some of the earlier testing they had done, the subjects had had their deconstruction stopped much, much earlier.

“Shall I have someone sent to clean this up?” a feminine voice intruded.

The Illusive Man peered up at the woman waiting in the side of the room’s shadow, studying her with his eyes for a moment.

“No, that won’t be necessary,” the Illusive Man stated. “Send me the data we received from St. Normandy. And get me Kai Leng.”

“Of course,” the woman stated as she stepped out.

“Oh and Dr. Core?” the Illusive Man stated just as the doors irised open.

“Yes sir?” the woman asked without turning back.

“Write up the data on the nanites,” the Illusive Man said as he turned to study the streaming information on his screens. “This has been our most successful trial yet. It wouldn’t do to waste such an opportunity.”

“Of course sir,” Dr. Core said as she stepped out, the clicking of her heels receding into the distant hallway.

Left alone with his thoughts and the silence, the Illusive Man waited impatiently for the data to reach him and continued to study the vast expanse before him. He couldn’t interpret all of the data of course, he was only human, and he prided himself on that. Of course, there were certain pieces of information that were vital and he focused his mind on those parts as he weighed the odds and counted the differences and values. They were so close now, poised on the brink. And hopefully, if things turned out the way he had planned, he would have everything that he would need to ensure the Cerberus would dictate the path of human necessity and evolution. He might even be around to see that happening, and who knew what he would be like a hundred, two hundred years from now. He had already had his lungs replaced twice, his heart once and that was only the beginning. Progressive regeneration, just theories then, and now, with enough time and effort, he could effectively be considered immortal. It was a heady feeling.

One of the screens flared up and he felt his finger twitch in excitement. So many variables and unknowns, so many players tugging their strings from behind the shadows. It was exciting, the reason for living.

“Bring it up,” the Illusive Man called to his program.

The screens swiped away, replaced with a larger portfolio do simple data and brief histories. The Illusive Man mused as he reached into his jacket pocket and lit another cigarette for himself.

Simple, homely and yet so strangely important to everything. He himself would never have figured it out if it wasn’t for a trailing hack software that had sent the analysed data over to his division. It had taken him years to figure out its importance, and years more to act upon it, but now, at long last, everything was coming into place and he was ready to take that next step forward, humanity at his heels. He would be their saviour and their conqueror. Their idol and their god. And they would be the better for it.

A curl of smoke rose up from his mouth, briefly tickling his nostrils as he inhaled the harsh aroma. The white haze filtered up past his eyes, obscuring his vision for a moment and the information he was staring at. As it dissipated, he could feel his mind turning, planning and plotting as he spied the name he had become obsessed with since that miraculous discovery.

Kaidan Alenko.

 

The End?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alrighty my lovelies! Here it is, the end of my Omegaverse work, Splitting the Distance, hooray! Throws party poppers and popcorn everywhere. How have you darlings been? Had a great week? No? Then go back a chapter and stare at the Kaidan and M!Shep porn I posted up. Yes I drew that. Yes, it's friggin awful. God, what was I thinking... Grumble...
> 
> It was really hard and time consuming, sitting down to write these combined chapters of more than 15,000 words, omg!
> 
> Yes, you just read 15k words in a single sitting, congratulations!
> 
> So, this will be it for now, but don't worry!
> 
> I will be uploading my new work once I've tallied all the feedback from the polls for everything and it should (at most) take two weeks. It will be open until all the comments about it have dried up and I've posted my latest work. So, there will be NO work posted up next week as I shall be taking a break to either prepare my next piece of lengthy fanfiction or plan my collaboration with the lovely Chasind.
> 
> In the mean time, some of you may feel lonely without my constant updates and lengthy replies to your comments and just my general, bubbly, annoying self.... So...
> 
> I shall leave you all a present to contact me by!
> 
> My creative email is moonhunterlanfear@gmail.com. Have questions about life? Need someone to talk to? Want to me to a quick sketch or ficlet for you? Want feedback of some kind? Want to have a go a few rounds in ME3 Multiplayer? I am all YOURS.
> 
> You can also add me on my origin account, moonhunters (I think... I'm not sure how to add people on origin so write me a comment if you need more comprehensive information, that's my ingame name anyway), and we can voice chat and you can hear my annoying voice with its strange accent (like a cat being tortured I think :S) and we can have a crack at going through the multiplayer, together. Or any other Origin games! Remember, so long as I am here, you are never alone. We shall laugh together, play together and read M!Shenko fanfictions together till we cry, 'cause we'll never get sick of it. :D.
> 
> Look forward to hearing from you all. Have an absolutely fantastic and wonderful weekend and may you have very many happiness and cuddles. Wrote too much previously, so English is flying out the window, wheee! Also, it's very late. :S.
> 
> Now, if you'll excuse me, there's a wave of Reaper forces advancing on Gold with my name on it and I have a Cerberus Harrier with THEIR names on it. >:D. Die you Reaper scum and give me my credits!


End file.
